RWBY: A TALE OF TWO SCYTHES
Written by Christopher Rangel
CHAPTER 1: THE SHARPNESS OF THE SHAFT
George R. R. Martin was hard at work writing the new Song of Ice and Fire Book, The Winds of Winter. Outside, there was the sound of a car parking, a door opening. For a moment, there was the sound of the song "When it Falls" by Jeff and Casey Lee Williams, then the door closed.
"Yes", said George R. R. Martin, "I'm almost there. Just one page to go, and then the book is done!"
It was at that moment that his door was kicked open.
"Wait, what the fuck?" said George R. R. Martin.
"It's over, George R. R. Martin!" yelled Ruby Rose, drawing her big-ass scythe.
"Who the fuck are you?" Asked George R. R. Martin.
"We're team RWBY", said Yang, getting ready her gun, "And we're here to fucking kill you!"
"NO!" said George R. R. Martin, "You can't kill me now! I'm just one page away from finishing the sixth book of my seven book masterpiece!"
"You should have thought about that before you killed Robb Stark!" said Weiss.
"He had to die!" Said George R. R. Martin. "His death was necessary for the story!"
"Well your death will be necessary for the world!" said Blake.
"C'mon, team!" said Ruby. "Let's get him!" And so they got him, using all of their weapons to cut and blast him into a million pieces.
"We did it!" said Ruby. "We finally defeated the GRRM!"
"Well done, girls", said Ozpin, clapping and leaning against the doorframe. "However, I'm afraid another, even greater threat, has emerged."
"You can't be serious!" said Yang.
"Already?" said Weiss.
"Unfortunately", said Ozpin. "Here, look at these photos."
"Ew, gross", said Ruby after having looked at it for only a second.
"What, what is it?" asked Yang. She snatched the photo and looked at it. "Oh, what the fuck Ozpin?"
"You recognize what is missing from these photos, I presume", said Ozpin.
"Yeah, their nipples are missing!" said Ruby.
"Wait, what?" said Blake. She grabbed one of the photos, then licked her lips and discretely rubbed her minge a little.
"Cut clean off", said Ozpin. "With a blade."
"A BLADE?" Everyone said in surprise.
"Yes, exactly", said Ozpin.
"How many people have had their nipples cut off?" Ruby asked.
"Too many to count", said Ozpin. "Which is why I need you girls to help."
"You can count on us!" said Ruby.
"Now, let's go home", said Ozpin. And so they went home, to Bacon Adademy.
"What kind of person would do something like this?" Weiss wondered aloud as she and Ruby were lying in their beds.
"I don't know, Weiss", said Ruby. "I don't know."
"Well, good night", said Weiss.
"Good night", said Ruby. Ruby tried to fall asleep, but she couldn't stop thinking about the Niplord. And then, in the middle of the night, she heard Weiss start to moan in… pain?
"Weiss? Weiss?" Ruby asked.
"Ah, what is it, Ruby?"
"Is… everything alright?"
"Y… Yeah, everything's alright", said Weiss.
"I don't believe you", said Ruby. "I'm coming over."
"N… No, don't!" said Weiss.
"I'm doing it! I'm coming over!" said Ruby, coming over. She approached Weiss's bed, through off the sheets, and was confused by what she saw. "Weiss?"
"Yeah?"
"What is that… in your…"
"In my cooter? It's a dildo."
"A dil… dack?"
"A dildo! I put it in my cooter to pleasure myself."
"Oh…" Ruby thought. "So… that feels good?"
"I wouldn't be putting it in me if it didn't!"
"Can… Can I try it out?"
"EW! No, get your own, pervert!" said Weiss.
"Fine!" said Ruby. She sat back down on her bed and drew her scythe, Crescent Rose. "I'll use this!"
"Pfft, fine, whatever", said Weiss, who had continued to masturbate with her sheet thrown off. Ruby pulled off her panties, then pointed her scythe towards her cooter, staff first.
"Alright", said Ruby. "Here we…"
WEISS: FUCK!
RUBY: …go.
Pain shot through Ruby's pelvic region as the pointed end of her Scythe's shaft. This probably isn't supposed to go there, Ruby thought to herself, but when she looked at the fun time Weiss seemed to be having, she decided to push it further.
"Oh! Oh!" Said Ruby. "Okay, I guess. Hmm…" It was starting to feel good, but as she was putting something sharp into her hoo-ha, it was also pretty painful. Nonetheless, she jilled off to completion, and when she removed her scythe, Ruby squirted a Bloody Stream (Like a bloody stone) all over Weiss's exposed body.
"Ew, what the FUCK, Ruby?!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" said Ruby. "I think… I might need to get a new scythe if I want to keep doing this. One… with a smoother shaft…" She looked sadly at Crescent Rose, which she almost felt was looking back at her.
"Good night, Weiss", said Ruby.
"Fuck off", said Weiss, heading to the shower to wash off Ruby's bloody squirt-juice.
THE NEXT DAY
Team RWBY was awoken by the sound of an alarm. They gathered, along with the rest of the student boby of Bacon Adademy, on the Common, where Professors Port and Oobleck stood on a stage to address them.
"Students of Bacon Adademy", said Professor Port. "We are sorry to inform you that last night, your Hedmaster Ozpin was murdered.
"What?" said everyone.
"This… can't be happening", said Blake.
"Yeah, we were just with him yesterday!" said Weiss.
"THAT CAN'T BE TRUE!" yelled one random loudo from the audience.
"Oh, but it is!" said Professor Oobleck. "Unfortunately. He was found this morning, ded in his bed. Both nipples cut off…" He savored the suspense his unfinished statement left in the air. "By a blade."
Everybody gasped. "The Niplord…" Blake said to the rest of Team RWBY.
"The Niplord?" said Ruby. "Really, that's what we're calling this guy?"
"What else are we going to call him?" asked Yang.
"I don't know…" said Ruby. "Nipolean Boneparte?"
"Fuck the fuck off!" said Weiss, shoving her friend Ruby in a malevolent manner. "We are not fucking calling this fuck fucking Nipolean Boneparte!"
"Ye, what she said", said Blake.
"Sorry, Ruby", said Yang, putting a "sisterly" hand on her shoulder.
"Alright, guys", said Professor Port. "That's legit the only thing we had to tell you. Go back to your classes as usual."
"But out headmaster just fucking died!" complained Flint Flossy.
"No, cunt, he died last night", said Professor Port. "Which is why u need to keep studying to be able to fight this new threat that is emerging. And, not to mention, anyone who does not show up to my class in fifteen minutes who is supposed to will be executed."
"Same for my class", said Professor Oobleck. "I'll hang you by the balls and ejaculate on your corpses."
"We'd better get going", said Blake. "I don't want anyone to ejaculate on my corpse."
"Honestly, if it's Professor Oobleck, I wouldn't mind", said Ruby, "But yeah, we should go." so they went to their next class.
"In a hurry?" Cinder asked as Team RWBY went by.
"Yeah, we don't want to be late for class!" said Ruby.
"Oh, of course." Cinder eyed Ruby a little suspiciously, then smiled. "Take care that Professor Oobleck doesn't ejaculate all over your pretty little corpse!"
"Thanks, you too!" said Ruby, and they continued on to class.
"What the fuck was that about?" asked Yang.
"I don't know", said Ruby.
"She seemed awfully suspicious of something", said Weiss.
"Ha!" they heard Neptune's voice say from down the hall. "I'll bet you wish Ruby would cut your nipples off, Jaune!"
"I never said that!" said Jaune.
"But is it true?" asked Sun.
"Well, yes, I do wish Ruby would cut my nipples off", said Jaune.
"OOOOHHHHHHHH SSSSHHHHIIIITTTTTT BBBBOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" Both Neptune and Sun said in unison.
"But it's not a sexual thing!" said Jaune. "I just… I just think I'd look better without nipples, y'know. And Ruby's scythe… it's so sharp, you know?"
"Ha, honestly, I'm just surprised you don't want Pyrrha to cut your nipples off, dude!" said Neptune.
"Is that true, Jean?" asked Ruby.
"RUBY! Uh, hey!" said Jaune.
"I'll drop by tonight", said Ruby, and she kept walking.
Team RWBY made it to class right on time.
"Excellent!" said Professor Port. "Everyone here shall not be executed. Anyways, on to today's lesson: How to get rich quick!
You see, if you want to get rich quick, the first thing you need to do is…"
Pyrrha nudged Ruby with her elbow. "Any leads on the Nipple Thief?"
"He's called the Niplord… or Nipolean Boneparte, if you will. And no, we don't have any yet", said Ruby.
"And the next thing you want to do…" said Professor Port, "Is build a time machine to send you back millions of years into the past, where you'll gain immortality through the Fountain of Youth, and all through the age of the dinosaurs you'll search for a shit-ton of gold and…"
"Don't worry", said Pyrrha, "We'll get him."
"I know we will", said Ruby, "But at what cost? This guy, whoever he is, has already severed so many nipples. Last night, we were with Professor Ozpin, and he showed us a bunch of pictures of this guy's victims. And then Ozpin HIMSELF became a victim."
"Hey, don't worry about it", said Pyrrha. "As long as we work together, everything will be fine."
"You know… yeah, you're right, Pyrrha", said Ruby. Pyrrha smiled and turned her attention back to Professor Port.
"And then…" said Professor Port, "You will be back to present day and have a shit ton of money, and to everyone else it would have been like a few minutes, but not you, Mr. Man! You have seen the whole of history and come back to tell the tale! But tell no one… No one at all how you did it. And that, class, is how you get rich quick! Now, for the final part of class…" Professor Port pushed a button and a whole bunch of nooses dropped from the ceiling, "In case you thought I was kidding… bring in the ones who missed class!" All the students who missed class were then brought in at gunpoint and led to their nooses.
"No, not Sayori!" someone yelled after seeing that Sayori was one of the students up there.
"This is just wrong", said Pyrrha. "Someone's got to do something." Ruby just clenched her fist.
"Get in your nooses, now, kids!" said Professor Port. All the students did, and Professor Port had his hand over the button that would drop the floor beneath them.
Professor Oobleck has probably already ejaculated on all the corpses of his missing students, Ruby thought.
"You see now", said Professor Port. "The joke here is this: many of you thought you were late, but now… you're late!" And he pushed the button, and the moment he did, just as the floor collapsed beneath the sentenced students, Ruby drew Crescent Rose and threw it to the front of the class, and it arched so that it severed each of the nooses, causing each of the students to fall harmlessly to the ground a few feet beneath them.
Professor Port stared Ruby dead in the eyes, his eyes opened more than they usually were. "No good deed… shall go unpunished", said Professor Port, and he stormed out of the classroom. Ruby just looked at her trusty scythe sadly. It's time to part, old friend.
After classes were done, Ruby went onto her computer and went onto the flaming sea of trash that was EBay, looking for a new scythe.
"Ooh, this one looks good!" she said after seeing a scythe with a pink blade and green staff. "The staff is significantly less shart than Crescent Rose's… Oh, but I have to get it in person, from a guy called… Mar… Marloo… Marluxia. It does seem like I'll hae to go a little ways…" She thought for a moment. "Worth it!" She made her purchase and made her plans to get it the next day.
THAT NIGHT
Jaune Arc sat alone in his bedroom, his shirt already off, waiting for Ruby to knock on his door. And then, there was a knock on his door.
"There's a knock on my door!" said Jaune. He went to open his door and…
His screams could be heard throughout the entire building.
TO BE CONTINUED
