Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. Also, putting this right up here, the mental disorder thing is because I wouldn't want to...trigger anyone or something like that, but I didn't have enough space to explain correctly.
Castiel liked a lot of things about Earth. He liked the beauty of humans.
(You like to listen to them scream)
He liked the bees and the water and the harmony of everything.
(You want to watch it fall apart)
And sometimes, he imagined it all dead. He imagined the blood.
(Such beautiful blood)
In his saner moments, he liked the stars. The stars were beautiful,
(Ugly)
Free,
(Caged)
And shining bright.
(Dull)
Everything he wanted to be
(They're just like you)
Everything he used to be before Lucifer fell.
(Used to be is the key word)
Before Lucifer fell Heaven was safe, free, and the angels rarely argued.
(Worthless, liar, freak)
Back then he was a foot soldier. One of the most basic class of the angels, and nothing more.
(An invisible soldier)
He wasn't treated terribly, but he wasn't treated well either.
(Filth, dark wing, not worthy)
His large and dark colored wings isolated him a lot, but he didn't care.
(Evil, going to fall, too powerful)
He was happy to just sit and watch the bees, or play around with his friends.
(And cry when no one was looking)
When Lucifer first declared war, no one heard his screams.
(That was me you know)
No one heard his muttered arguments with himself lasting long into the night.
(I wanted to go to war on Lucifer's side but noooo, little Cassie wasn't listening)
No one saw his tears as he clashed swords with friend and foe alike.
(Why were you crying? Deep down, you enjoyed it)
No one heard his desperate cries for his Father as Lucifer fell into the pit.
(But you weren't crying out for God, were you?)
Because when Lucifer fell, so did his Father, who had been more of a father then God had ever been.
(Because he payed attention to you)
Lucifer, who had taught him how to fly
(Threw you off a cloud)
How to fight
(Stabbed you in the arm)
How to sing
(Made you sing for days without stopping)
And how to live.
(Okay, you've got me there)
(Bit of a tense switch here when they start having the conversation, sorry)
In the years following Lucifer's fall he was very obedient.
(Burned the library down and blamed it on Elthiel)
He did what he was told to.
(Punched Zachariah in the face)
Followed orders expertly
(Killed Bechiel and got away with it)
He would go and kill that frog.
(His blood tasted nice)
Because God said so, and he listened to his Father.
(No, you listened to Michael)
If God said the frog had to be killed because it would spawn a dangerous species, then so be it.
(You stabbed that frog so much there was nothing left)
But maybe...the orders weren't coming from God?
(Poor frog, you even destroyed his soul)
He didn't see what was wrong with a simple frog.
(Oh who am I kidding, destroying souls is fun)
New species were fun to watch, why did this one have to die?
(Because it is fun to kill things)
How could he be thinking this? It would lead him down the path of doubt.
(Doubt is fun too, you should try it)
…...
"I can't defy my father."
(You already have)
"What are you talking about?"
(You denied Lucifer when he asked you to fight with him)
"I'm talking about God, not Lucifer."
(So you denied both of them)
"No I didn't!"
(Deniiiiaaalll)
"I told Lucifer that he was going to lose."
(Did you not see his tears?)
"I didn't fight against him."
(You fought his soldiers)
"But I didn't fight him."
(That is still fighting against him)
"Go away."
(I can't, I'm a part of you)
"It's usually easier to ignore you."
(I'm bored, so I'm actually talking to you)
"Go find something else to do."
(If I could I would.)
"Usually you just make sadistic comments."
(I told you, I'm bored)
"Fine. What do I have to do to quiet you again?"
(Hey, I take offense to that)
"Please?"
(Admit that you have daddy issues, and that you fought, denied, and failed both of them)
"I really, really hate you."
(I figured that out a long time ago.)
"Fine. I have daddy issues."
(And...?)
"I fought, denied, and failed both of them."
(Great, you finally admit it!)
"Now go away."
(I can't go away, but I'll stop talking)
"Thank you."
(...)
A/N: This was written in like, ten minutes. It's very weird and has barely any story plot, but I thought, why not? I have more, but it might be a bit until I put it up. R&R would be appreciated.
