His name is Lawliet.

He's been my best friend for years at Wammy's House, and years later, he became my boyfriend. I still remember him calling me as his "sweetheart". The problem with him was, he never said he loved me. Even though I told him those three words before, and I've lost count already, he never said anything in return. He'll just reply with either "I believe you," or a simple nod.

Everyday, he gave me a panda stuff toy. I collected them, and it actually filled my room already. But after giving me those gifts, he'll run away and return to his own room or meet with his friends. I'll be left alone, standing there with the panda in my hand, just watching him leave and disappear.

When my sixteenth birthday came, I expected him to celebrate with me. I waited on the corridor of Wammy's House until midnight, but he didn't come. I returned to my room nearly 3 o'clock in the morning, my eyes bloodshot.

The next day, he visited my room to give me two pandas. After shoving the toy to my hand, I grabbed him from his arm and asked why he didn't come to my birthday. He said he was busy, and then shrugged me off. I insisted on asking him to tell me he loves me, but he looked at me as if questioning my sanity. He pulled away from my grip and slammed the door shut, running away with noisy steps. I was left again alone.

That afternoon, I went outside to breath some fresh air. Positioning myself on the veranda, I caught a glimpse of a small group of boys, namely Lawliet and his friends, hanging out with a few girls. They looked like they were having fun, and Lawliet was actually laughing. I felt my heart ached badly, like a rug being wringed to get rid of water.

A year passed, and it was already my birthday again. But I was angry at Lawliet, who made me suffer a terrible heartache after I caught him being with different girls before, throughout the year.

I asked Mr. Wammy for permission to let me visit the town alone, and he let me, handing me a few bills if ever I wanted to treat myself, greeting me a happy birthday. He also told me that Lawliet was looking for me, but I just shrugged and went out with my coat and scarf.

I opened the grand gate of the orphanage and quickly caught a glimpse of serenity and freedom with the breeze. It was refreshing, and a smile graced upon my lips. I had reached the street crossing when I heard someone running from behind, calling me with a raspy voice. When I turned around, it was Lawliet, chasing me with a bigger panda in hand. After a few more steps, he tried catching his breath while managing to look at me.

"What?" I asked, imitating his monotone voice.

"H-Here…" He said, lifting his arm and handing me the stuff toy. I was terribly angry and I felt like crying.

I took the large panda from him and threw it on the pedestrian lane, my eyes betraying me by letting my tears fall.

"I hate you! Do you really think I would accept that? After making me feel worthless? I hate you! I hate you!"

There were people looking at us, but who cares about them at this kind of situation?

Lawliet looked at me with slight fear and pain in his midnight orbs, he frowned slightly and he was taken aback from what I did. He muttered a small sorry, and then walked towards the stuff toy on the middle of the road, approaching to pick it up.

"What are you doing, you idiot?"

He didn't answer me, and was about to get it when in a split second, a van ran across and hit him, his limp body flew on the other side of the crossing and landing with a thud.

"Lawliet!" I yelled as I ran towards his body, ignoring the crowd who whispered behind us. I hugged him quickly, and I heard him groaned.

"…I'm sorry."

"What are you talking about? And why did you do that?"

"I love you."

He smiled, even though there was some blood dripping on the side of his lips. I want to slap him hard, to wipe that smile away because I know it's hurting him even more, but I didn't. I just hugged him closer as I cried, and he closed his eyes slowly, the smile still on his pallid lips.

The ambulance arrived, and he was taken to the hospital. I returned to Wammy's House and explained everything to Mr. Wammy. He nodded in understanding, and asked me to rest. I walked back to my room, the large panda still in my hands, stained with some of Lawliet's blood. Setting it aside, I took the very first panda he gave me.

I slumped on my bed as I hug the stuff toy closer to my chest, tears started blurring my vision. I hugged it tighter, and I was surprised when a faint voice came from the toy.

I sat up and pressed it's stomach, and there, I heard Lawliet's soft voice repeatedly chanting "I love you." Pressing it insanely, I listened to his voice recap the same message. Trying it on every toy, there says the same message. I was crying again as I face the largest panda he tried to give me earlier. There was still the blood, and with trembling fingers, I pressed it stomach lightly.

I listened carefully as his voice spoke his message.

"Hi, sweetheart. Happy seventeenth birthday. Uhmm, I'm sorry if I always ignore you or make you angry by not accompanying you, but I want to say I love you no matter what. And if you count the pandas I gave you, I believe there were 1095 pandas already? I wonder if you still have them. But anyway, I now realized this. I've been loving you for 1095 days. How long is that? Three years? That's already long, right? Uhh, well, this message is already long, so uhmm, yeah. I love you, and happy birthday. I wish you're safe wherever you are now. Bye."

-

That night I was awakened by some rustling on my mattress. I slowly opened my eyes and found the Lawliet smiling at me, a bandage beside his lips and the panda on his hand.

"Good evening, sweetheart."

I smiled as I sit up and softly, I planted a gentle kiss on his bruised lips.

"Happy birthday. And I love you."