A/N: Hey guys! It's been awhile! I've had some major computer problems and a lot of personal crap but I'm here, and you can expect some more activity from me! Seriously though, I feel horrible for being so gone for so long but my laptop crashed along with all my files and I was so discouraged. My muse is back though! So enjoy! Reviews are really appreciated since I don't own glee.
Santana woke up with a knot in her stomach, her heart aching as she finished packing her things for college. She was excited, in a way, her mind telling her that it was time for a change. Time for her to get away from Lima and thrive. But another part of her was dreading going to Louisville, dreading the uncertainty and the new surroundings. The worst thing about leaving though, was the pain of leaving Brittany behind.
Part of her blamed herself. If only she had been less wrapped up in her coming out, less concerned about having her fame, she could have helped Brittany. She could have tutored her, just like she had the previous years and Brittany would have passed. But no. Santana was selfish. Selfish and horrible and now she would have to suffer without the only person in this miserable world that she actually needed.
The day before she left, Santana spent with Brittany. They did silly, childish comfort things like eating a tub of ice cream and watching Disney movies. One of them, Santana thinks it was Brittany, decided it would be a good idea to go through old pictures of them throughout the years. Santana had to hold back tears as she was reminded of just how perfect their relationship was.
Of course it isn't all perfect. Not to the outside world, but since when did it ever matter what others thought of them. A younger, less mature, and scared version of Santana would have said 'Always. Reputation comes first.' But that Santana was long gone. A braver, kinder (to Brittany at least), and stronger Santana took that place.
After picking a few pictures, or maybe all of them, to take with her, Santana lay down on her bed with Brittany.
"I wish I could have helped you more." Santana whispered dejectedly.
Brittany shook her head quickly. "No...San, you had your own stuff to deal with."
"Still. You helped me through the worst part of my life. And...I just let you down. "
Brittany sighed and sat up on the bed, pulling Santana with her. "Santana Lopez. You stop blaming yourself right now. I..I made my own decisions. I messed up San. I had too much on my platter and I didn't know how to manage my schoolwork with everything else. That's not your fault."
Santana dared to look up at Brittany and found her girlfriend's eyes pleading with hers. She took a deep breath before nodding her head. "Okay. Okay. I'll just have to wait a year til you're in Louisville with me."
"That's my girl." Brittany beamed. "It shouldn't be too hard. I mean, I have Tina and Sugar. Artie said he would tutor me."
"Artie's tutoring you?" Santana asked with a small frown.
Brittany immediately sensed Santana's discomfort and took her hands into her own. "Baby...you have nothing to worry about. That's history. Ancient history. Like...dinosaur history. Except not as cool." She smiled goofily, trying to get Santana to laugh.
"He just...rubs me the wrong way."
Brittany laughed. "Yeah? Me too. That's why we broke up." She said, waggling her eyebrows.
Santana huffed. "Seriously? Not helping."
Brittany sighed and rubbed Santana's hand gently. "San..babe come on. That was a joke. I feel like...that's so done and over with, whatever I had with him, that I can joke about it."
"Easy for you to joke. You weren't the one who got their heart broken." Santana muttered.
"That's not fair Santana. You can't even bring that into this." Brittany said with a slight frown.
Santana got up from bed and shook her head, glaring down at Brittany. "I don't like the thought of you two hanging out while I'm how far away. And I definitely can bring that into this. Cause it's the truth!"
Brittany flinched slightly at Santana's words and she dejectedly stood from the bed. "You don't trust me." She whispered simply.
"No! I don't trust him."
"Well...I do. And I know that hurts you San but it's true. Artie and I...we're friends. Nothing more. That's done with forever. My heart is with yours, Santana. I love you. I'm in love with you. And that didn't change when I was dating Artie. You know that. I know that. Hell even Artie knows that!" Brittany said firmly. "You and I...we're soulmates, San. We're supposed to be together forever. I'm going to marry you some day Santana."
Santana blinked rapidly before surging forward and hugging Brittany tightly. She nuzzled her way into the crook of her girlfriend's neck and whispered apologies in a mixture of broken English and Spanish.
"Lo siento. Lo siento mucho baby. I'm so sorry. I love you. I love you. Te amo, Brit." Santana repeated through thick tears
"Shhh Santana...baby relax. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere baby." Brittany cooed into Santana's ear.
"Yeah but I am! I'm leaving a-and you're gonna be here with Artie and god knows how many other people who will try to get with you." Santana sniffled, her hold on Brittany tight.
"And I'll tell anyone who tries that I have an amazing, beautiful, smart, college student girlfriend who could kick their asses before they could say Lima Heights Adjacent."
Santana chuckled softly and gave Brittany a tender kiss on the lips. "I just...don't want to be away from you again. I tried that last year. It didn't work well for me."
Brittany nodded slowly. "Well...I'll come visit sometimes. And I'll make a Skype just for you. We can talk on there and have some super sexy cam sex." She teased with a wink. "I'll call every day. Any time you want. You won't be alone. I'll be here for you. No matter what."
Santana sighed thankfully as she felt Brittany's words wash her worries away. She slowly led Brittany to her bed and shut off the lights before climbing in it.
"I'm going to miss you. " Santana whispered, curling into Brittany's arms.
"I know. I'll miss you too. So much. I'm gonna work super hard this year so I get good grades and graduate." Brittany swore as she stroked Santana's hair.
"We're sharing a dorm room. Once you get there. I don't care what anyone says. You're my roommate next year." Santana said softly.
Brittany chuckled. "Duh, babe. You're stuck with me."
Santana was content to lay in silence with Brittany, her eyes beginning to droop after awhile. Yawning softly, Santana nuzzled as deep as possible against Brittany, tangling their legs together. A bittersweet feeling washed over her, her heart aching as she realized this would be the last time she'd share a bed with Brittany for awhile. The last time she'd be held and sung to sleep. But she couldn't be too upset. In a way, this was just another obstacle. Another test to pass that would validate their commitment to each other.
"Britt?" Santana asked groggily.
"Mm?"
"Are you...were you serious before?"
Brittany hummed once more. "About what?"
"Marrying me." Santana whispered almost inaudibly.
A long pause filled the room and Santana swore she could feel her heart breaking. She was drawn out of her thoughts as Brittany linked their pinkies together.
"I pinky promise."
Santana smiled and brought their joined pinkies to her lips before kissing Brittany chastely.
"Te amo."
Brittany yawned. "Te amo tambien, San."
That night, despite all the uncertainty and all of their worries, Santana and Brittany slept more peacefully than ever before. The promise of a life together and a home within each other was enough to keep their fears at bay.
