With Sighs Too Deep For Words
Stand Alone. MerDer, Jolex.
Voiceover as we see vignettes of various Grey's characters beginning their day [Meredith]: Sighs. They convey so much without any words. A big breath…sometimes audible, sometimes not. Perhaps with a tear or even a look of exasperation. We sigh as we gaze at exquisite scenery or into the eyes of our one true love. We sigh at the wonder of new life and as we encounter the mundane. We sigh when we feel helpless… scared… desperate… even angry. A picture is worth 1000 words? Perhaps, but a sigh? A sigh, more often than not, is worth even more.
It was 7:00am on a Wednesday. Derek had offered to watch the kids all morning so Meredith could pick up another surgery and have some non-Mommy time. Meredith, shocked by his offer, decided to jump in the shower and get out of the house as quickly as she could. There was no way she was going to give Derek a chance to change his mind. Bailey and Zola were attacking their Daddy as they all played and roughhoused on the bed. The three of them squealed and laughed with such spirit that Meredith could hear them clearly as she showered. It was music to her ears.
The laughter and playing continued as Meredith dried off and went through her morning routine. Meredith yelled toward the bedroom, "Are you sure, Derek? I'm not sure you fully appreciate what it takes to get the kids ready and out the door, let alone clean the house with the kids running around."
Derek sighed happily as Zola attacked him from behind with a monster noise and as he tickled Bailey's tummy. "Meredith, we'll be fine," he said, loudly enough for her to hear. Then Derek looked at Bailey and in baby talk asked, "Right? We'll be just fine." Bailey smiled back in response. When Derek looked up, Meredith was at the side of the bed, fully dressed and ready to go. He gave her a confident grin and met her eyes with his, "Really, go. Grab some coffee on the way in. Treat yourself. This is just the first Mommy's Morning Off. We can make it a regular event. We'll be fine, and we have plenty of time to get ready. My first surgery isn't until 2pm."
Meredith looked at her family reluctantly as she surveyed the messy bed. "Ok," she said as she kissed each of them goodbye. She saved Derek for last and put a hand through his hair as they kissed. "You really are too good to be true. I don't tell you often because you'll let it go to your head, but you are," she said as she began to leave.
Derek threw a pillow at her butt as she walked out of the bedroom, proclaiming with pride, "I know. You're right. That's why I married you – because you are brilliant enough to recognize how amazing I am."
Meredith rolled her eyes as she headed out the door and responded, "Mmmmm….hmmmm. Well, good luck. I'll see you at the hospital around 12:30."
Derek hugged their precious daughter and whispered in her ear, "This is going to be a piece of cake." He then smugly offered Meredith some words for the road, "No luck involved, Mer. It's all skill."
Zola, who had been enjoying the playful back and forth banter looked at her daddy with excitement and exclaimed, "Cake?! I want cake!"
Meanwhile, the sun was shining through another window and on another bed. Alex sighed in bliss as he rolled off of a beaming Jo and put an arm under her neck. Jo snuggled into Alex's chest and sighed with serenity. Begging with girlish charm, Jo pled, "C'mon. You know you want me to assist in your surgery today, you wonderful, incredible man."
Alex chuckled at her timing, "No fair pushing your agenda right after sex. My defenses are low."
Jo leaned in and kissed Alex as she clasped his cheek in her hand.
With a sideways glance and a sly tone, Alex shared, "So does this work? Maybe you should go snuggle up to the other attendings and see if you can get in on their surgeries."
Jo giggled and climbed on top of Alex, "I'm not telling."
With a grin, Alex teased, "I mean, c'mon. Can't you just imagine snuggling up to Webber?"
Jo stopped dead in her tracks and looked down, "You're not funny."
Alex's grin grew as he added, "Or…umm…Dr. Grey. That could be kinda cool. I'd watch that."
Jo put herself on her elbows and looked Alex in the eye, stating dryly and sarcastically, "You…are...hilarious."
Confidently Alex responded, "Yeah, I know."
Jo slid off of Alex and snuggled up to his chest again. They lay there in silence for a few minutes, and Jo's eyes began to soften into a faraway look, "But seriously, new attending assignments are coming out, and I just wish I could stay on your service. Dr. Webber said this time the rotation is going to be more lengthy."
Alex, with complete nonchalance, reassured her as he kissed her forehead, "You'll do great wherever you're assigned."
Jo's faraway gaze continued as her face displayed a hint of tension. Slowly she said, "I think the only service that would really terrify me would be Shepherd's.
Alex was surprised and puzzled and exclaimed, "Really?"
Jo went up on one elbow and looked at Alex, "I mean, c'mon, it's brain surgery. Brains. And he's…he's just so…"
Alex interrupted with a small hint of contempt, "Gorgeous? Yeah, he's a pretty boy."
Jo shook her head, "No… I was going to say brilliant, like brilliant beyond brilliant. I mean, the President calls him. How intimidating. And I hear that he is phenomenally particular about how his OR runs and is set up and everything. His level of structure would stress me out completely."
Alex weighed in by responding with a matter-of-fact tone, "Well, if you're operating on people's brains, it's probably wise to have a plan, don't you think?"
"But you operate on teeny, tiny babies and your OR doesn't feel intense and stressful to me. You have a routine and your preferences, but I know them and they make sense to me. When I've watched Shepherd from the gallery, I've found myself thinking, Oh my God, I could never survive that level of precision and intensity."
Alex became pensive, kissed Jo on the forehead again and smirked, "Well, you just like my OR because it's easy to fantasize about me when I'm standing right there. I mean, I'm before your eyes providing all the scenery you need.
Rolling her eyes, Jo said, "That must be it."
Back at the Shepherd's, Derek, Zola and Bailey were gathered around the kitchen island eating. In a happy Daddy voice, Derek made spoons into airplanes for the baby. The baby and Derek made funny faces at each other between bites. Derek turned to Zola and shared, "You know, Zola…your mommy makes me laugh. She likes to tell me how hard it is in the morning to rush around getting everyone ready after I leave. But this is fun, isn't it?"
Zola smiled as she watched Derek shoot a toy toward the toy box and make the basket. "More, Daddy! I want to throw toys too!" she exclaimed as she clapped.
"What we need to do, Zozo, is have Daddy figure out how to make this easier for mommy. We just need a plan," Derek offered as he turned to wipe Bailey's face. "Daddy will figure out some tricks Mommy can use and then he teach her how easy this can be. We are also going to prove that we don't need kid shows on to get ready and get out the door." Derek couldn't help but beam in semi-arrogant joy and pride as he thought about how much he could help Meredith avoid the "morning chaos" he'd yet to experience.
Meanwhile, Alex and Jo arrived at the hospital and waited for the elevator in the main lobby. Alex had his arm around Jo's shoulders while they stood watching the floor numbers light up. Alex leaned toward Jo's ear and suggested, "Why don't you go on up and check pre and post ops. I'm gonna…I gotta go check on something."
Jo wasn't sure what Alex had to check on, but she wasn't worried about it. She moved her mouth close to Alex's ear and responded in a soft voice, "Ok. My last day on your service. You can pretty much get me to do anything." Her flirty smile and relaxed sigh communicated her thoughts.
The smile on Alex's face transformed into a devilish grin, "Seriously? And that's different how?" Jo's eyes sparkled as she smiled at Alex and entered the elevator.
Alex turned around and saw Webber and Bailey at the main desk by the stairway. Nervously, he approached them. Bailey, not even looking at him said in her characteristic style, "What now, Karev? You and Dr. Badass need something?"
Webber put his pen down and looked at Alex, "Don't tell me you want Dr. Wilson assigned to your service again."
Bailey added, "I never would've assigned her to you in the first place. You're too nice, Dr. Webber. Me? I just don't do favors."
Alex tried to smirk in a charming way but instead ended up looking a bit awkward as he responded, "No. No. not at all," he paused to look around and noticed all the people coming and going, "but, Dr. Webber, I do need to speak with you for about 3 minutes about the next round of assignments."
Dr. Webber explained, "Oh. Dr. Bailey is handling this round of assignments. You'll need to speak with her Karev."
Alex turned to Bailey with begging eyes, "Three minutes? It is time-sensitive."
Bailey took in a deep breath and declared, "Your problems are time sensitive? Well, guess what, Junior Dr. of Tiny Humans…my time is valuable too and I am busy. Busy charting, busy assigning attendings and residents, busy chasing down reviews from attendings…which reminds me, where is yours on Dr. Wilson?"
Much to Bailey's shock, Alex gently clasped her arm and motioned his head toward the nearby conference room. He led her there as he looked intently in her eyes and handed her the evaluation, "Miranda…."
Bailey was clearly uncomfortable with this interaction. Alex had never…never…called her by her first name. She responded by wiggling away from his casual grip, "Ok…ok. Just let go of me. Geez. What's going on?!"
Alex took in a deep, audible breath, pulled out a chair and motioned to it. "Please. Please trust me on this. I just need three minutes. Three. You can time me if you want. Have a seat. Please?"
Bailey sat down reluctantly, trying to read Alex's face, "Well…speak. Clock's tickin'. What's so important?"
Alex felt awkward as he shut the door. He wrung his hands, looked down and then looked up and paused. "What I'm about to say, I'm saying as an attending, as a teacher."
Bailey responded, "Well, good, 'cause I have no time to hear about your personal life, Karev. Spit it out."
Even after all these years, Bailey could make him nervous deep down inside. He sighed and begged, "Please hear me out. This will be easier to say if I can say it all at once." Alex motioned his hands like a traffic officer telling people to stop. Bailey looked at Karev more softly, noticing he was really tied in knots. She looked Alex in the eyes and nodded as he continued to speak. "Jo…Dr. Wilson…is a gifted and talented future surgeon. I have no doubt she will go on to practice medicine successfully. She's been seriously considering peds," he said supportively before adding a hint of snark and stating, "or plastics. She has shared that information with her boyfriend, not her attending. Her specialty interests aren't noted in my eval. Anyway, I've tried hard to set the boyfriend role aside during her rotation with me. I've observed her and been impressed."
Alex continued, "I've also noticed that she's on the edge of taking a huge step forward in her training and experience. I couldn't put my finger on it until last night. Then it all fell in place, I think she needs to be on Shepherd's service. I think it's really important."
Bailey was confused and asked, "You do recall that Shepherd is a brain surgeon? Not a Baby surgeon or a Make My Body Look like I'm a Hot Model surgeon."
Alex really wished Bailey didn't find him so dense sometimes, although at least her quip was entertaining this time. He replied flatly, "Yes, I'm aware."
Bailey needed him to clarify and instructed, "Ok, then fill me in."
Alex wrung his hands again and looked toward the corner of the room as he worked up the courage to tell Bailey what Jo needed but certainly didn't want. "Shepherd intimidates the hell out of her. And it's not just his looks."
Bailey smirked and added, "Mmmm….he does have that great hair all the girls love."
Her words only caused Alex to roll his eyes before he continued, "He is structured, organized, and serious when it comes to surgery. His style is highly methodical and intense. Dr. Wilson has a more relaxed, casual, chatty approach and that fits who she is. Shepherd's style would hold her to task more intensely and would hopefully help her mature as a surgeon."
Bailey beamed as she looked at Alex in an almost motherly way, "I never thought I'd see the day…Alex Karev talking about maturity." She held her thin, small smile and promised, "I think I can make the Shepherd-Wilson match happen." Now that she knew Alex's topic, she was willing to chat awhile longer. She looked at her watch and said, "Because I'm feeling indulgent, it ends up I've got 5 more minutes for you. I've got some questions."
Alex let out a subtle sigh of relief, stating, "Go for it."
Bailey clarified, "Just to make sure I get it: Are you saying Dr. Wilson doesn't take surgery seriously enough? Or is it that she's more like…I dunno…more like O'Malley than Yang in the intensity department?"
Alex guffawed at the comparisons, "Well, she's not O'Malley, I mean…c'mon. But she's no Yang either. I think her surgical style is more like Robbins. She definitely takes surgery seriously, she just doesn't get all quiet, tense, uptight, and flat. She chats, she thinks out loud, she likes to joke around as she looks the surgery in the face."
That made sense to Bailey. She had seen the same traits in Jo. She paused and looked away in thought, holding up one finger so Alex would not interrupt her thinking. Gently, she asked what needed to be asked, "Is she strong enough to make it through Shepherd's level of precision? His interns can't be lackadaisical, and he demands…I mean demands…perfection. He'll expect her to have every nuance of every procedure fully memorized along with expecting her to describe exactly what she's watching and why he's doing it. Then, if he thinks the time is right, he'll shock the hell out of her by handing her a drill or asking her in front of a patient to name the possible medications along with every single side effect."
Alex was glad Bailey asked the question. He took in a deep breath and said, "Well, this is her boyfriend talking…I think her bravado lately is just a false front. Inside she's scared as hell. The stupid thing is, she has nothing to be afraid of beyond the normal scope – she is highly capable but doesn't trust herself yet."
Bailey nodded affirmatively and confirmed, "Then Shepherd's her man. You wanna tell her?"
Alex shook his head and backed his chair away from the table, waving his hands in front of his chest. "Ummmm….no. I'd prefer this conversation never existed as far as she knows. Really. That would put me in a bind."
Bailey understood Alex's situation and couldn't miss an opportunity to assert her opinion, "Mmmm…. hmmmm.. That's why attendings and interns aren't supposed to hook up, Karev." She hit him softly on the back of the head, knocking some sense into him and Alex half-smiled as she did so. "Well," Bailey added, "can I share your insights with Shepherd? I think he could help her all the more if he knew the reasons why I was placing her with him."
That would be helpful, Alex thought, but he wanted to ensure that nobody but Miranda knew about the conversation currently taking place. He asked, "Can all my brilliant thoughts be framed as your thoughts?"
Bailey sat up straight in her chair as she retorted, "Yeah, I'll take credit for your brilliant thoughts, but your ridiculous thoughts…you're on your own there." She stood up and left the room. Alex sighed deeply and leaned back in the conference room chair.
As Derek continued his Daddy Morning with the kids, everything was moving along smoothly. He began to wonder if Meredith was exaggerating the morning challenges. Zola, all of 4 years old, was helping Derek put laundry into the washer by handing him items one at a time. She also helped empty the dishwasher by handing him dishes to put away and then 'helped' him change sheets as she climbed under and over them while he tickled her and tried to make the bed. Somehow they'd lost track of time, so Derek offered, "Hey, Zo…now I need you to help me do one more thing before we get ready to go, ok? Let's pretend we're at the hospital. Daddy is going to fix the house like he fixes people and Daddy needs you to be his intern. You get to help Daddy do his job, and I can be your teacher.
Zola beamed up at her daddy, "I'm Intern Zola!"
Derek began emptying the junk drawer onto the counter. "So let's see…it's like setting up a surgery tray. We have to put all the instruments in place." Zola grabbed various items and handed them to Derek as he organized the drawer that often drove him to the brink. "Thank you, Dr. Zola. You are a great intern." The morning had indeed been idyllic. Everything had fallen so easily into place. Derek scanned his success: a clean bedroom, a washer with another load in progress, the baby was peacefully napping, an organized junk drawer.
Meanwhile, Zola was attempting to peek inside the drawer and pulled it just a little further and a little more until it tumbled to the ground with its contents spilling all over the kitchen. Derek sighed as Zola offered, "Uh-oh. Sorry, Daddy." Derek, walking toward his bedroom with Zola in his arms, responded, "Well, maybe a little TV is ok after all." To Zola's delight, Derek set her on his bed and turned on the TV, inviting Dora the Explorer to blare from the speakers.
Meanwhile, in the resident locker room, Shane Ross was eager to find someone to cover his shift. He'd begged and pleaded with nearly everyone, but they all turned him down. Luckily, Jo was in the locker room as Shane entered. He sighed deeply and shared his reason for exasperation, assuring her that Shepherd's service was incredibly light that day.
Jo, knowing her day would be slow, offered, "Shane, I can cover for you."
Beaming, Shane responded, "Thank you. Thank you, so much. I really owe you one, Wilson. Thank you."
Jo answered, "It's really no big deal, Ross. Karev's schedule is light today too, so I'm not busy. You are absolutely positive that Shepherd has a light day, right? I don't want to get in over my head."
Shane reassured her, "I already checked all of Dr. Shepherd's pre- and post-ops and charted the details so you're all good. He has a 2pm surgery but he told me yesterday not to scrub in or worry about it since today is our last day of the rotation."
Wilson was eager to confirm what she'd heard, "Ok. So there's nothing I need to know? Or do? No details I need to know?"
Shane smiled, "No, not at all. You'll do fine. He'll page you if he needs you, and he probably won't even page you anyway." Shane, thrilled that he could now leave, walked out the door and into a day of freedom.
With Dora the Explorer entertaining Zola, Derek mumbled to himself. He recited the list of tasks before him, "Ok…let's see…shower, get Bailey up and dressed, pack kids' bags, and call Ross from the car so he can do the prep I thought I'd have time to do." He looked at his watch, disappointed that he had lost track of time. "Hey, Zola! Watch your show while Daddy takes a quick shower. Don't forget the rule about playing on Mommy and Daddy's bed. Can you tell me the rule?"
Zola, not removing her gaze from the TV, said factually, "No jumping."
Derek approached his daughter, tickled her and kissed her cheek, "That's right. No more monkeys jumping on the bed!" Derek entrusted Dora and her TV show to hypnotize Zola as he showered.
Moments later, Derek's cell phone rang. Zola grabbed it and answered it; she seldom missed a chance to play with her parents' cell phones or to talk on the phone. "Hi," she answered.
The voice on the other line was familiar, "Zozo…it's Mommy. Where's Daddy?"
Zola celebrated, "Hi Mommy."
Meredith responded, "Hi honey. Can you take the phone to Daddy?"
Zola was attempting to both watch the TV and stay engaged in the phone conversation, "Ummmm…no. I'm being Daddy's intern. He's busy."
Meredith sighed and encouraged, "Zola, Mommy needs a consult from Dr. Daddy and only has a minute. Could you please give Daddy his phone?"
Zola, now disengaged from the intrigue of a phone conversation set the phone on the floor by the bed and started jumping on the bed. As she bounced and flew up and down, the blankets and comforter became a giant mess. The newly made bed was now unmade, and the toys from the morning's roughhousing fell to the ground and scattered all over the bedroom.
Derek, oblivious to the phone call and to Zola's hijinks, continued to soap himself up and stand under the warm water as he mentally ran through his checklist that would successfully get the trio out the door. As Derek soaked in the water and enjoyed a moment of respite, Zola fell off the bed and began screaming. Derek, radically shifting out of the moment, rushed out of the shower soaking wet and naked.
Hugging Zola yet getting her all wet, he reassured her as he tried to subtly assess her post-fall state. He looked at her head and asked her to follow his finger as he automatically performed a cursory neuro test. Zola followed his finger with her eyes as she continued sniffling and crying, then held up her arm, which was bleeding but not seriously hurt. Derek compassionately said, "Oh no, monkey. No monkeys jumping on the bed, remember? Oh sweetie…let's go clean that up." He set her on the bathroom counter and pulled out his doctor charm. "Even interns get hurt sometimes, huh? Well, Dr. Zola, you don't need stitches or surgery…just this," he reassured as he put a Hello Kitty band aid on the small cut after he had over-examined it like a neurosurgeon.
At the hospital, the residents were anxiously swarming around Bailey, who was standing on one of the benches in the locker room. She bellowed, "Now remember, this next rotation is supposed to be more intense, more detailed, more lengthy. Expect that. The easy days of initial internship and second year are over, people."
Jo, surprised by the words, whispered to Stephanie, "There were easy days?"
Observation being one of Bailey's strong suits meant that the quip had not escaped Miranda's attention, "Dr. Wilson, you have something to add?"
Jo, embarrassed at being overheard and uncomfortable with the attention, widened her eyes and said, "Oh no, Dr. Bailey. Not at all."
Bailey sighed in frustration and declared, "Alrighty then." She held up a piece of paper and folded it, before ripping the bottom off of the sheet. "I'll just hold on to your assignment that is conveniently listed at the bottom under W." Miranda stepped off of the bench and went toward the bulletin board by the door. Inviting the other interns to discover their new fate, she summoned, "The rest of you…here are your assignments. Report to your new attending tomorrow morning. Find them today and ask them for your report time. If I hear anything other than celebration, I'll give you two attendings and two rotations to handle simultaneously." Bailey turned back around to face Jo and asked with intimidation, "So Wilson, where is Ross?"
Jo, sitting on the bench feeling like she'd been put in a very public time out, answered, "I'm not exactly sure, Dr. Bailey. He said something about how empty Shepherd's service was today, asked me to cover for him, and left. I….I was going…going to tell you as soon as this meeting was over."
As the last of the interns filtered out of the room, Bailey confidently declared, "Well isn't that the cat's meow? You don't even have to anxiously wait to start your new assignment then. You're on Shepherd's service starting now and will be until I say so."
Jo, her eyes uncontrollably filling with tears, took a deep breath hoping her voice didn't crack as she asked, "Did I do something wrong, Dr. Bailey?"
Bailey tried to walk the balance between drill sergeant and reassuring chaplain, responding, "Wrong?! Wrong? Dr. Wilson, I see potential in you. Being assigned to Dr. Shepherd is an honor. Now go…scoot…go find him and celebrate!"
Jo slowly began to depart and then Bailey's expression changed from false encouragement to concern. Bailey puts her hand on her heart and sighed as she whispered to herself, "Please, Jesus, tell me she's up to this challenge."
Zola had run out of the room joyfully as Derek grabbed a towel and put it around his waist. Loudly, hoping to alert her Daddy with an update, Zola yelled, "Daddy! Bailey is sleeping."
Derek, his hair and body still dripping wet, ran over to Bailey's room. As he entered the room, he lovingly sushed Zola and whispered, "Yes, he's sleeping. Shhhhhh…come help Daddy get ready and we'll let Bailey sleep." On their way back to his room, Derek grabbed a sippy cup and a cheese stick for Zola to eat while he tried to get them ready and out the door.
Zola, thrilled to have some one-on-one Daddy time, followed him as she jumped up and down, announcing, "Look, Daddy! I'm Tigger!" Derek smiled and set Zola back in front of the TV while he walked back to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
Sighing heavily, Derek worked on his half-dry, messy hair. He thought to himself, I perform complex brain surgery. I can do this. Pack diaper bag, pack snacks, find briefcase… come to think of it, where in the hell is my briefcase? The house phone rang, jerking Derek out of his mumbling. "Intern Zola, can you answer the phone for Dr. Daddy? Dr. Daddy is doing surgery and needs a helper."
Bounding toward the phone, Zola answered, "Hi!"
The voice on the other line had a hint of tension, "Zozo, it's Mommy. Remember, Mommy? You hung up on me."
Zola smiled with charm, unaware that her mother could not witness her cuteness, "Hi Mommy."
Meredith, now late for surgery, sternly ordered, "Zola. Mommy is not happy. Hand the phone to Daddy, please!"
Yelling, Zola bellowed, "Daddy, phone!"
Meredith, in mounting frustration, commanded, "Yes! Give it to Daddy, please."
Derek peeked out of the bathroom, kindly asking, "Who is it, Zola?" while Meredith began to count, "Zola… One…Two…" Zola, knowing as all four years know, that her only hope was to cling to Daddy, ran to Derek with the phone and pulled on the towel loosely hanging from his waist. The towel fell to the ground, leaving Derek naked and exclaiming with frustration, "Oh great!" Zola fell onto the floor and began to wail.
Gently, Derek picked up the phone, trying to calm Zola, "Zola…honey…what's wrong?" She continued to ramp up into a tantrum, screaming at the top of her lungs. This fun but non-routine day was beginning to take its toll. Her words jumbled as she tried to speak between wails, "Mommy's mad. Daddy's mad."
Derek, remembering that someone was on the phone, desperately hoped it was Meredith. He put the phone to his ear and as calm and collected as ever, with Zola's wailing and Bailey starting an "I was woken up" cry in the background, said, "This is Dr. Shepherd." Meredith snapped, "Derek! What is going on there?! I tried you on your cell phone and Zola told me I couldn't talk to you. I call on the house phone and she throws a fit. I need to get into surgery and I need you to bring my black heels and brown slacks with you."
The crying and tantrums escalated in the background as Derek sighed deeply, "Just a minute, Mer. Let me go grab the baby." Derek set the phone down on the bed as Meredith looked at her watch and at the OR board.
Derek returned, still naked, holding Bailey. The baby was snuggled right into his Daddy's chest. Offering a gentle word hoping Meredith had softened, "Sorry." Both waited for the other one to speak, then
Meredith broke the silence, "Are you there?"
Reassuringly, Derek confirmed, "Yeah….yes…yes, Mer, I'm here. Sorry. I'm trying to get out the door. Bailey needs to be changed and fed, Zola's throwing a fit and I'm standing here naked. What did you need?"
Totally surprised and confused, Meredith said, "Naked?"
Derek explained, "Zola tried to get my attention when you called and pulled my towel off."
With mounting confusion, Meredith asked, "Why were you wearing a towel? It's 12:30 in the afternoon."
Derek ran his hands through his hair and sighed, "Did you need something?" Meredith, attempting to remind Derek how to parent, said, "Well, in addition to putting Zola in time out or at least in her room for the fit she is throwing, I need you to bring my black heels and brown slacks with you to the hospital. And I'm late for surgery."
Derek simply ignored the parenting advice and responded distractedly, "Ok…sure…no problem. Brown shoes, black slacks. Will do…Gotta go, Mer, we're running late too." Thinking the conversation was over, Derek hung up the phone.
Meredith, unaware the call was concluded, clarified, "Wait! No! Brown slacks, black shoes!" Realizing Derek was no longer on the line, Meredith fumed and hustled to OR 2 to find a highly perturbed and whining anesthesiologist tapping his fingers on the surgical tray as she began to scrub. She thought to herself that she could have just as easily stayed home if she'd wanted to deal with fits. Glancing toward the OR from the sink, Meredith offered a fake smile and loudly said, "I'm so sorry, Dr. Thompson…I had a patient. Thanks for your understanding. We'll get started in just a moment."
At the house, Derek had managed to find and put on a pair of khakis and a white tank top, but was not having much luck locating a clean shirt. Rooting through the closet, Derek discovered a department store bag. Last week, Meredith had brought home some clothes for Derek and most of them were great choices. The shirt remaining in the bag, however, really needed to go back to the store. He'd tried to gently let Meredith know his impressions of the shirt without hurting her feelings; Meredith had just shrugged and said, "I'll put the receipt in the bag and you can find something else." This time, Derek's procrastination worked in his favor. He threw the shirt on without buttoning it and eagerly declared, "Ok, Zola, let's load up."
Zola came to the door with her backpack hanging upside down on her shoulders. She had two different shoes and a tutu on. Her pride at getting herself ready was obvious. Derek spotted one matching shoe nearby and threw it in the diaper bag. He picked up Bailey's car seat where Bailey remained in his fuzzy all-in-one baby jammies.
Looking down before going out the door, Derek spotted his briefcase. Last night, the briefcase was full of highly organized files and paperwork. Now, everything was dumped out and scattered. There was a piece of toast upside down on the hospital budget analysis and there was something sticky – Gogurt maybe? – on some surgery notes he'd brought home. Derek touched the paper and licked his finger, mumbling, "Yep…Gogurt." He stuffed the papers into the briefcase all askew. Some were torn or crumpled. The scene was complete chaos. I would've never even considered this an option before children, he laughed to himself as he surveyed the mess. Then he added, "Good mood, good mood, good mood. Today is a good day."
While Derek scrambled to the car, Alex was at the hospital in the men's room standing at a urinal. His pager buzzed…then buzzed again…and again. Alex bellowed at the pager, "Good God. I'm gonna answer in a sec. Let me pee."
He washed his hands and looked down at his pager. All the messages were from Jo and stated, in order, "I need to see you asap. Important," and "I'm in the supply room by NICU," and "Alex, I need to see you." With a mixture of disdain and concern, Alex declared, "This better be good."
Hiding out in the supply room, Jo was crying and nearly hyperventilating. Alex reached the door and knocked quietly, "Hey, it's Alex." Jo, sniffling, unlocked the door and opened it a crack. Alex walked in and shut the door, "What's up?" Jo let out a big sigh and started to sob harder.
Alex approached her and hugged her, "Jo…what's going on?"
Jo began babbling inaudibly into his chest, her voice going up and down as she tried to talk through her tears. Alex stood there holding her for a minute then whispered in her ear, "Jo, I have no idea what you're trying to say, but…ummm…I'm here. It's ok. Whatever it is."
Jo said, "New assignments," then sobbed harder.
Alex chuckled compassionately, "No assignment is forever. What did you get? Dermatology or something stupid like that?"
Jo shook her head and said, "I'm so scared and I don't do well with being scared."
Alex stopped hugging her and pulled her away just a bit so he could look right into her swollen, red, teary eyes, "Hey…hey. You're a good doctor. I know. I just wrote a kickass review of your time on my service. You'll be fine. Nothing needs to be this scary."
Jo became more teary but sniffled as she shared, "Brains. I got brains."
Alex reassured her, "Yeah, you do, you do have brains."
Jo shook her head, "No, Alex. Neuro. I'm on Shepherd's service starting today."
Alex sighed heavily and hugged her close, encouraging her by saying, "Deep breath. You'll be just fine."
Three minutes into the commute, Derek noticed he did not have his phone. As he made a U-turn, Zola exclaimed with delight, "Wheee! Go fast, Daddy. Fast!"
Derek chuckled as he sped up just a touch, "Ok, if you say so. You know, Zola, you are probably the only woman who can get me to do exactly what you request." Derek paused and then added, "Well, come to think of it, your mommy can usually come in a close second and then there's Grandma, well, who could refuse Grandma's requests?" Derek's face was taken over by confusion as he considered this revelation.
As he pulled into the driveway, Derek told the kids he would be right back. He ran into the house and saw the mess he'd left. The great room and kitchen were absolute and utter disaster areas. He looked for his cell phone and mumbled to himself, Why did Meredith call? I know she needed something... After throwing the comforter around a bit and checking under the bed, Derek spotted his cell phone. It was almost dead and on the floor near a nightstand. He grabbed it and took a quick step toward the front door before remembering Meredith's request. That's right, she wanted pants and shoes, he thought. He ran into Meredith's closet, grabbed a pair of jeans and a pair of sandals. He shook his head and headed back to the car to grab the ferry.
At the ferry terminal, Derek and kids are first in line at lane 10. Derek smiled and waved at the dock worker standing nearby. With increasing luck on his side, Derek looked back and saw that Bailey was peacefully playing with a toy and that Zola's eyes were getting heavy. Derek thought, Please…please fall asleep.
The lanes of cars boarded the ferry and the dockhand kept his hand up in front of Derek as lane 9 drove aboard. Eventually, the dockhand peeked toward the ferry, to take stock on how many additional cars would fit. Derek flashed a huge smile, lifted his wrist and tapped his watch, then put his hands in the prayer position. The dockhand chuckled, peeked around again, and jumped onto his walkie-talkie. The dockhand walked to over to Derek's car and Derek rolled down the window. The worker shared, "You're lucky, mister. We've got room for two more cars. Drive on ahead and have a great day."
Derek let out a huge sigh of relief as he said gratefully, "Thank you." He sighed again and repeated himself, "Thank you." Derek parked his car on the ferry and saw that Zola had fallen asleep. He reclined his seat, closed his eyes and put his head on the headrest. Bailey continued to play quietly as his family rested.
The on call room door had been locked and the room had been occupied for the better part of an hour. "Now that's a perk you won't get with your new attending," Alex said proudly and playfully as he rolled off of Jo and lay beside her.
Jo sighed sadly, "Yeah…well he's old enough to be my father."
Looking surprised, Alex asked, "Nahhh…really?"
"Well, if he was a teen dad maybe," Jo admitted as she closed her eyes.
Alex could sense her trepidation about her new assignment, "You're really worrying about nothing. Just ask him what he expects and then do it. No big deal."
"Easy for you to say. You're on the other side now," Jo sighed with resignation.
The gentle rocking of the ferry had lulled the three McDreamy's asleep as it crossed the sound. As his phone rang, Derek scrambled to answer it before the sound woke up the kids. He woke up quickly, rubbed his eyes and ran his hand though his hair, whispering, "Dr. Shepherd."
Meredith's voice came over the car's speakers through the Bluetooth as she whispered in response, "Hey. It's me. Why are we whispering?"
"Both kids are asleep… I was just dreaming about you," Derek admitted with a large smile.
"You were?" Meredith giggled, "I'm not sure how to respond…ask about the dream or ask why you were sleeping in the middle of the day."
Flirting with his wife, Derek suggested, "The answer to the first question would be much more intriguing."
"I'm sure it would," Meredith laughed. "I just called to make sure you remembered my clothes and shoes."
Derek said with assurance and pride, "Of course I did. Yep. Got that covered, Mer."
With a sigh of relief, Meredith commented, "Excellent. Thank you so much. I owe you one."
"Well, actually," Derek said as he looked at his watch, "We'll be pulling in to the hospital in about 30 minutes which means I'll only have about 15 minutes before my 2pm surgery."
Meredith kidded, "Unless you dreamt that I am a neurosurgeon, I'm not sure I can start your surgery for you. But I'd be happy to analyze your dream if you tell me about it."
"Ah…you can't perform brain surgery but you are a certified dream interpreter?" Derek asked.
Meredith admitted suggestively, "I know how your dreams are."
"Maybe we can turn the dream into reality tonight, hmmm?" Derek flirted.
"I think that could be arranged…So…McDreamy, you said you needed something?" Meredith asked.
Pulling himself out of his imagination and shaking his head, Derek requested, "Can you meet me at the car as soon as we arrive and then take the kids to daycare?"
Meredith sighed with regret, "I'm sorry, Derek, I don't think I can help. I'd love to see the kids but I've got a starting meeting in just a minute."
A bit petulantly, Derek whined, "My surgery is supposed to begin at 2."
"Yes, and whose fault is it that you are running late?" Meredith asked.
Zola woke up and heard her mommy's voice, exclaiming, "Hi Mommy!"
Meredith teased, "As if on cue…you have her covering for you, huh, Derek? Hi Zozo. Mommy loves you."
"Daddy let me jump on the bed this morning and watch Dora," Zola announced.
Derek rolled his eyes and mumbled aloud but to himself, "Dammit."
"What?! Derek?!" Meredith reacted.
In a sultry and flirty voice, Derek suggested, "Let's go back to the dream.
Zola was playing with a toy that wasn't working and shouted the word she'd just learned, "Dammit!"
Meredith, in shock, probed, "Derek! What was that? What did Zola say?"
"You're breaking up, Mer. I'll see you in the parking lot at 2. Love you," Derek acted as he hung up. He turned to Zola and firmly insisted, "Zola…Daddy said a bad word No saying dammit."
Zola's big brown eyes looked at her daddy as her bottom lip began to pout.
As the ferry boat docked, the cars began to disembark. Derek sighed deeply and pushed the Bluetooth preset button for the hospital.
The phone operator said, "Sloan, Grey Memorial Hospital. How may I direct your call?"
"Good afternoon," Derek said cheerily, "This is Dr. Shepherd. I need to speak with Dr. Ross."
"I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd," the operator explained, "Dr. Ross is not in today. Dr. Wilson is handling his responsibilities. Would you like to speak with her?"
Derek grumbled, "Dammit. Ummmm….sorry. Yes, please. Who is covering Dr. Wilson's responsibilities?"
"I believe she is covering both services, Dr. Shepherd," the operator explained.
Feeling anger brewing, Derek asked, "Should I hold or will you have her call me?"
The operator shared, "I just saw her down the hall, Dr. Let me try to catch her. I'm putting you on hold."
Derek sat on hold and became increasingly stressed. To add to the absence of his resident, Bailey woke up and began crying. His cries caused Zola to cover her ears and scream, "No, baby, no!"
Wilson picked up the parked call and answered, "This is Dr. Wilson."
Derek started speaking a bit faster than normal as Bailey's cries became louder, "Hi Wilson. This is Dr. Shepherd. I hear you are covering my service today?"
Trying to sound chipper, Wilson responded, "Yes. How can I help? And is everything ok? I hear crying and screaming."
"My son is crying, my daughter is screaming. It's a beautiful day, Wilson. And, ummmm, don't tell Dr. Grey you heard all this kid noise," Derek sighed.
Wilson pulled the phone tighter to her ear and plugged her other ear, "What? I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the screaming, Dr. Shepherd."
Just then, Meredith walked by and became worried when she overheard Wilson's words, "Is that my husband? Is he ok?"
Covering the mouthpiece, Wilson said softly, "He's fine, Dr. Grey. No worries."
"But you said you couldn't hear him over the screaming," Meredith clarified.
"Ah, I said beaming…I can hear you beaming. He sounds happy," Wilson said unconvincingly as she attempted to cover for Dr. Shepherd.
Meredith looked suspicious but decided to be on her way as she stated, "Ok. Thanks."
"Dr. Wilson…are you there?" Derek demanded in a staccato manner.
Wilson quickly replied, " Yes. Yes, Dr. Shepherd."
"We have a 2pm surgery. Are you familiar with the case and operation? Is my OR set up? Thompson will be fuming – he's the anesthesiologist. Did Ross leave specific instructions for you? Bohkee can set up the instruments, just ask her. I need you to lay out 17 towels to my right, along with one at the head of the table, hanging halfway down," Derek ordered.
Wilson, feeling overwhelmed and encountering a pen that didn't work, sighed with panic, "Umm…Dr. Shepherd. Ross mentioned you had a surgery today, but he said I wouldn't be needed for it. So, no, I don't have the instructions. I'm happy to do whatever you need…just tell me."
Now at the end of his rope, Derek hit the steering wheel and yelled, "Dammit!"
Zola echoed her father, "Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! No, no, no!"
Wilson tried her best to stifle a giggle as she heard Zola's words.
Derek grumbled, "Wilson, I don't have time to explain the details to you. There isn't time. Here's what you need to do. Find my wife. I think she's in a meeting. Beg her on my behalf, plead with her on my behalf, tell her how beautiful she looks, and ask her if she's lost weight recently. Then let her know I've asked if she can set up my OR and assist on the surgery, talk to Bohkee, and tell Dr. Thompson that I was delayed in traffic and offer my deepest, sincere apologies. And then meet me in the parking lot momentarily. Do you know where my parking spot is?"
Wilson double checked her knowledge, "Isn't it by Dr. Hunt's and Dr. Webber's?"
Derek responded, "Yes. As long as Dr. Grey didn't take my spot today. If she did, then I'm about 15 spaces further down the same row."
Reassuring her new boss, Wilson stated, "I'm on it, Dr. Shepherd."
"Thanks, Wilson," Derek said. Then he explained, "And, ummmm, this isn't normally what I ask of my interns. Really."
Wilson awkwardly answered, "Umm… ok."
Wilson immediately headed toward the Conference Room. She stood at the window and felt very uncomfortable as she tried to get Meredith's attention.
From inside the room, Callie offered, "I think Wilson is trying to get our attention."
Hunt, Robbins, Grey, and Webber all simultaneously looked up at Wilson as Hunt motioned her to come in. Sighing in frustration at the interruption, Hunt asked, "Can we help you with something, Wilson?"
Wilson explained, "Yes, sorry to interrupt. Dr. Shepherd asked if I could deliver a message to Dr. Grey right away."
Motioning for her to do so, Hunt said, "Ok…"
Not wanting to announce the message in front of the whole group, Wilson asked, "Could we step outside, Dr. Grey?"
Meredith sighed as she groaned, "I suppose."
Wilson and Grey moved into the hallway, and the others resumed the meeting. Wilson shared, "Dr. Shepherd asked me to deliver an important and long message to you. I am supposed to beg and plead on his behalf, tell you he thinks you're beautiful and either…" Jo paused because she was trying to remember the exact words, "Either comment on your recent weight loss or mention that he asked me to say that he's noticed your recent weight loss before asking you if you can set up his OR and assist on the 2pm surgery?
Meredith said with a hint of loathing, "Isn't that quaint? I'm sorry he's put you in this position, Wilson." Uncomfortably, Wilson offered a fake and unconvincing smile, saying, "It's…it's ok. No problem."
"Why aren't you preparing the OR, Wilson?" Meredith asked with authority.
Wilson explained with hopeful anticipation, "I don't know. Dr. Shepherd asked me to meet him at his car. I'm not sure why. Maybe so he can explain his specifics on the way to the OR since I've never worked with him?"
Dryly, Meredith clarified, "I think he asked you to meet him there so you can help him with our kids. He needs to get the kids to daycare before his surgery."
Far less enthused by this prospect and trying to fake joy, Wilson said, "Great. Ok then."
When Derek arrived, the kids were still screaming. He took a deep breath as he said aloud but to himself, "Oh, great, Meredith did take my spot this morning. Dammit."
Zola, his little parrot, echoed, "Dammit. Mer-dith."
Shaking his head, Derek said aloud to nobody in particular, "I'm dead."
Alex stepped out of a patient's room and began walking down the hall. Bailey beckoned him from further down the hallway, "Dr. Karev?"
Turning and looking at her, Alex said, "Yeah?"
"Can I speak with you?" she asked.
Alex looked at his watch and stated clearly, "Only if you're not mad at me. I'm on my way somewhere."
Bailey stood close to him and tilted her head to look him in the eyes, "Mad? Why would I be mad?"
Rolling his eyes and avoiding her question, Alex inquired, "What's up?"
Speaking softly, Bailey asked, "I'm just wondering how the new assignment went over. Have you seen her since you arrived this morning?"
Alex looked at Bailey and confirmed, "Oh, yeah…a couple times. She'll be ok. I don't want to keep doing this, ok? This "how's she doing now" thing. It's weird."
Still standing very close, Bailey stepped back and brought her hands in front of her chest like she's going to push something, "I was just trying to be nice. See why I don't do nice? Doesn't work."
Alex laughed softly as he began to walk, "I'm late for a meeting. Catch ya later. But, really, thanks. Thanks for hearing me out."
Bailey called down the hallway, "I just hope you'll keep being thankful. This whole thing should be quite a ride."
Letting out a big sigh, Alex motioned his arm up in the air.
Derek pulled into Meredith's spot and stepped out of the car quickly. He was completely disheveled and exhausted, but managed to force a big smile as he greeted Wilson. Intrigued by the dichotomy of Dr. Shepherd's haggard appearance and beaming smile intrigued Jo. His button down shirt was wrinkled and unbuttoned, Zola has one shoe on and was trying to escape from her car seat, and the baby was crying.
With a huge sigh of relief, Derek greeted Jo, "Wilson. Thank you." He put a hand on each of her shoulders as if he was going to hug her, but then caught himself and awkwardly backed away.
Wilson heard Bailey crying in the car and peered into the car as Derek began to take him out of his car seat. Derek handed Jo the keys to his car and she smirked uncomfortably. Then Derek explained, "I need you to take Zola and Bailey up to the daycare. Make sure to change Zola's shoes before you go upstairs. Her shoes need to match. Her face and hands need to be cleaned too. Bailey either needs a diaper change or food, I'm not sure which cry that is." As he brought Bailey up to his chest and shoulder, the baby spit up all over Derek's new shirt. Derek sighed with resignation and took the shirt off of one arm as he held the baby with his other arm. Once it was off, Derek threw the shirt into the back of the car.
Derek continued his instructions, "If Zola cusses, tell her to use nice words. Then lock my car and bring my keys to OR 2. Thanks, Wilson." Without waiting for her response, Derek took off running toward the front door in his tank top as he called Meredith's cell. Taking in the chaos, Wilson shook her head.
Meredith answered her phone, seeing that Derek was calling. He began, "Hey. It's me. Did you get the message from Wilson? How pissed is Thompson? Can you scrub in? I could really use your help? Please, Mer, please. I'm in a bind."
Meredith smiled to herself and encouraged Derek to slow down, "Ok…ok. Deep breath, Derek. One question at a time. Oh – I thought today was Mommy's relaxing day off."
"I know," Derek affirmed. " I'll give you another morning off or two days or a whole week of mornings…I really need your help, Mer."
"Fine. I'm free until an appy at 4. I can help for a while. What are we doing? I haven't had a chance to check the board or read up on the specifics."
An endearing grin appeared on Derek's face as he said, "I'll guide you. It'll be just like old times. We're removing a small tumor, a craniopharyngioma." Derek's tone became suggestive as he promised, "I'll stand behind you and softly brush my cheek against your cheek as I take your hand and guide it, then…"
Meredith interrupted, "Derek. I said I'll do it. I'll go see what's left to be done and finish setting up. I'm guessing Bohkee has the instruments laid out. You'll owe her big time, Derek. What happened that caused this time mess? You had all morning off."
Sighing with exasperation, Derek explained, "Children, Meredith. Children happened. Tell Thompson I owe him a few lunches. Pour on all the charm you've got." Derek hung up and took a couple deep breaths as he entered the main doors of the hospital.
Meredith grumbled to herself, "I don't do charm." Then she turned to Thompson as she entered the OR and sweetly asked, "So, Gary…how's your golf game? Aren't you an avid golfer?"
At the main desk by the staircase, Derek approached Callie. As he came close, Callie wrinkled her brow and asked curiously, "Derek…why are you wearing a tank top? And what's with the khaki's with baby barf all over them?"
Derek looked down at his pants and yawned, stating, "Long story. I have an enormous favor to ask of you."
Callie grinned and inquired, "Really? Hmmmm…let's hear it."
"I will give you $1000 if you invite and then convince Meredith to go to your place for a playdate right after work tonight," Derek offered with all seriousness.
Laughing, Callie clarified, "You don't have to pay me to invite your wife over, but you do have to tell me the story about why you're so desperate. This has got to be good."
Derek ran his hand on his hair as he admitted, "I encouraged Meredith to pick up an additional surgery this morning and offered to get the kids ready and do some things around the house, and…well…"
Flatly and knowingly, Callie interrupted, "It was an absolute disaster and you don't want to be found out?"
With a charming smile, he responded, "Yes. And I need time to re-clean the house." Derek turned on his full charm as he looked at Callie with his best puppy dog eyes.
Callie checked pager and said without looking at Derek, "Okay. Your sister is already coming over anyway. It'll be a fun ladies night." She held up the pager and voiced, "I gotta go."
Derek grabbed both of Callie's shoulders, declaring with joy, "I love you." He let go, still looking in her eyes, "I mean, I'm forever grateful. Thank you. I owe you."
As she walked toward the elevator, Callie looked over her shoulder, asserting, "Go put a shirt on Dr. Shepherd. Your tank top is distracting the nurses."
Derek turned around to see a whole gaggle of staff looking at him. When he looked their way, they scrambled and all tried to look busy. Alex walked by just as the scrambling commenced. Catching a glance at Derek in his tank top, Karev took off his scrub top and threw it to Derek. Karev was shirtless as he continued walking and declared, "C'mon Shepherd, get some clothes on. You're making the rest of us look bad."
Derek refused to look as embarrassed as he was. Instead, he shrugged, put on Karev's shirt, and entered the elevator.
Derek stopped by the Attendings Lounge to grab clean scrubs. He changed into them before he headed to the OR scrub area. While scrubbing, Derek beamed. Meredith and Dr. Thompson looked a bit tense as they looked at him from the OR. A nurse was scrubbing in as well.
The nurse let out a huge sigh as she apologized, "Oh, Dr. Shepherd, I am really sorry for scrubbing in late. That's completely unacceptable."
Derek grinned at the nurse and reassured her, "Julie, I understand. Are you ok? Is everything alright?"
"It is now," Julie stated. "Just a little challenge getting out of the house this morning and I've been playing catch up all day."
Looking at Julie with compassion, Derek continued to scrub as he chuckled, "You know, I can run an OR and operate on the nervous system. I've helped patients regain their speech and helped others be able to walk again. Somehow, I can't seem to successfully get to a surgery on time when I'm simultaneously failing at getting two young children ready for the day. So I completely understand what you're saying." Derek looked back down to finish scrubbing.
Julie smiled through her mask, praising Derek, "Most men don't understand that, Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Grey is a lucky woman."
As he walked into the OR, Derek looked back at Julie as she followed him. With a relaxed and slow sigh, Derek clarified, "I'm pretty sure I'm the lucky one, Julie."
Derek headed toward the table with a huge smile pasted on, noticing Thompson was fuming. Just as Thompson was about to stand and speak, Derek proclaimed, "It's a great day to save lives, people. Let's have some fun."
[Words in brackets describe scenes that tie to the closing monologue.]
Sighs [Meredith looks at Derek as he motions for her to come closer at the surgery]. They convey so much without any words [Alex walking in hallway looking pensive]. A big breath [Owen pouring over a budget report], a slow breath [nurse Julie], a desperate one [flashback to Derek loading the kids in the car], or one accompanying tear-filled eyes [pan to a family member of a patient waiting for news of a loved one's surgery]. We spend our everyday lives sighing as we go about our ordinary routines [show Shepherd kids in daycare]. We sigh when we are humbled [Arizona responding to Dr. Herman], when we are terrified [Callie attempting to set a bloody limb], even as we attempt a new skill [Stephanie Edwards learning from Amelia]. Our sighs convey so much... If only we could be fluent in the language of sighing.
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