Why does he have to be so goddamn charming?

I hate him, I really do. Everyone does, seeing Wendy beat his stupid fat face in should bring me joy. I mean, it does, a little. But when he starts crying that everyone hates him I can't bear to speak up.

Why can't I just hate him? Kyle does it just fine, Craig and Token practically want him dead.

"Every time I think of that fatass I wanna puke," Craig says in his monotone voice.

"How can those assholes even sit with him?" Token gestures towards Stan, Kyle and Kenny.

"Because they're dumbasses! I bet it was his stupid fucking idea to take my money and land us in motherfucking Peru."

"You really need to get over that."

Craig flashed his middle finger, shooting one last glare toward the aforementioned boys.

They do this daily, bitch about everybody they hate. I just stay quiet and eat my pudding cup while Tweek sips his coffee.

"Jesus Christ have you ever-- ngh! Gone on an adventure with them?!" Tweek managed to force out through his ticks, "It's pretty--gah! Hard to g-get over!"

We all exchange looks, knowing Tweek still has night terrors about their run-in with the underpants gnomes.

Then just like that all attention is on me. Fuck, I haven't bitched about them yet! Okay let's see... Kenny called me a fag the other day. But he does that all the time, fuck there's gotta be something to complain about!

"Clyde are you gonna eat that or just spoon-rape it," Craig shoots at me, not so much as a question but as an excuse to steal my food.

"Oh God, Clyde! You are--ngh! Aren't anorexic now, are you?! Shit here t-take my coffee!" Tweek starts panicking and shoves his coffee at me, spilling bits of it in my lap in the process.

"Tweek! Back off these jeans are new! And isn't coffee a hunger suppressant??!" That set him off, he's like a lawn sprinkler now the way he's jittering. Fucking great.

"So he speaks!" Token announces, "What's up your ass? And why'd you have to take it out on Spaz?"

"Nothing, fuck!" I try to wipe the coffee off my pants with a flimsy napkin, no luck.

"Clyde, looks like you've got a bad case of explosive diarrhea! Probably from all that anal, fag!"

I look up, and of course Eric fucking Cartman is standing by our table while I clean coffee out of my crotch. I can feel my face turn bright-ass red.

"You would know." I reply lamely.

He chuckles and walks back to his table, wait wasn't he just there? Oh, I see, he got up and got seconds.

What a fatass.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even after the spectacle in the cafeteria, I can't help but admire Eric Cartman. He really is brilliant, most of the time. I don't know how he does it but his grades are always As and Bs. It makes me feel like a total dumbass. I'd love to have him tutor me, but I'd never be able to live it down. I'll take all the Cs and Ds in the world to keep my sad excuse for a reputation.

"Okay class, time for the mid-term project. Everyone grab a partner." The teacher says loudly.

And the class falls into anarchy.

Craig runs toward me as if to claim me, then gets paired up with Tweek.

Token starts my way but gets stolen by Bebe.

Stan and Wendy, Butters and Kenny, suddenly all who's left his me and Eric.

Cartman, that is.

This is my chance to be his partner! "Well I guess we're the only ones--"

"Well Kaaahl, looks like it's just you and me! I was thinking about doing a little piece on World War II"

"This is Chemistry, retard."

And just like that my chance is gone.

My dream stomped on.

By that stupid little ginger in the green hat.

And now I'm stuck with Pip.

That jew is going down.

A/N: My first attempt at a multi-chaptered story. No idea where I'm going with this.