Yes, I know there's that editing job for that other story of mine y'all are waiting on, and comps reading, but the bunnies attacked when I read the prompt that inspired this story and it turned out to be pure, cracky fun to write. And it's helping me learn to write characters I normally don't do. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

As usual, Marvel, Disney, and Joss own everything.


Bruce looked like hell. This wasn't anything new, Tony thought as he walked into the lab, but the red emergency lights weren't doing the little guy any favors.

"Is our data toast? And what the hell happened, anyway?" Tony tapped at the monitor, which evidently was as sluggish as he was. Being woken up in the middle of the night by everything in his room cracking, sizzling, and popping was Tony's second least favorite way of waking up.

"I think it's just slightly warm bread. And, ah, a random electrical surge, evidently." Bruce rubbed at the back of his neck.

Tony narrowed his eyes, pacing around his fellow scientist. "Random? You aren't the least bit curious what caused it?"

"That's not my job."

Tony looked Bruce up and down. His shirt was untucked, rumpled, and Tony swore there were a few buttons missing, some carbon scoring on his cuffs. "Is this the rare and, oh, non-existent case of you not wanting to know something, or do you just not want us to know something." Tony frowned. That made a lot more sense in his head. "Do you solemnly swear you've been up to no good?"

Bruce grabbed at his glasses, wiping them with his disheveled shirt. "We didn't think we were going to blow out the power on the ship. And here I was, worried the other guy would punch a hole through it."

"Who's we? Maybe the better question is what the hell were you and unnamed person doing?" The lights came flooding back on, and without the sallow red-orange light, Tony realized Bruce didn't look like hell.

Oh no. He looked like he'd had the best night of his life. Mussed hair, flush skin, sweat still clinging to his temple, the smell of musk and something earthier, more primal.

The pieces clicked into place like a suit of armor. "You – you had sex with Thor!"

"You might want to say that again. I don't think they heard you back in New York." Bruce rolled his eyes but didn't seem especially shocked, or upset.

"I –this is…new. Yay for you getting back on the horse and all but – Thor?"

Bruce slid his glasses back on, looking every bit the angry librarian. "You're seriously asking why I went after the blond Norse god." Bruce smirked as he went back to pulling up recovery files on his monitor. "Why, are you jealous it wasn't you?"

"Maybe. Am I not your type?" Tony leaned against the counter, arms crossed against his chest.

"Not really. You're a little on the fragile side for me."

"Oh c'mon-"

"I'm serious, Tony." Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, but didn't seem in any danger of turning the lab and Tony into so many pieces. "I can't hurt him. I can't break him. I was feeling a little…"

"Horny?"

"Lonely," Bruce said a little louder than he should. "It's been a while, and sometimes I pretend I'm still a man. With manly needs."

"You are a man. Just a big green one every now and then," Tony said, leaning into Banner's space. "See, I can be surprisingly sympathetic for a billionaire playboy." Tony cracked a grin and slapped Bruce across the shoulder. "So. Was it good?"

"I don't kiss and tell."

"I don't want to hear about the kissing."

"I'm just going to say it was….electric."

"That is the worst pun in the history of – wait, you mean really electric? Do you mean almost frying the ship was Thor's big finish?"

Bruce flushed a big more and rubbed self-consciously at his lips. "Part of it."

"Hot damn." Tony licked at his lips and looked at his watch. No way he was going back to sleep anyway. "Just curious – you and Thor aren't, like, exclusive or anything?"

"No. Why would you ask-" Bruce raised an eyebrow. "You're not going to do what I think you're going to do."

"I always do what people don't think I'm going to do." Tony gave Bruce's shoulder one last squeeze. "But you look like you just got laid by the entire Swimsuit edition and then some. If Thor is that good, I want to falsify your data."

"You're going to sleep with Thor." Bruce licked at his lips. "For science."

"Don't worry. You'll totally be a co-author on the paper."


"So. Usually there's a little more before this. Dinner, movie, drinking, back seats of cars and sofas and things like that. But we've known each other a while so I'm just going to ask." Tony smiled, both eyebrows raised, trying to look cute. No, not cute. Eminently fuckable. "Sex. You, me. What do you say?"

"I am flattered, Man of Iron, but I am confused. I did not ever think you wanted such a thing." Thor didn't look gung-ho for the idea, but then again, neither was he shooting it down. Tony pressed on ahead.

"Me, not want sex? You clearly have not been paying attention." Tony ran a hand across his head. "Listen, you have Bruce glowing like Rockafeller Plaza at Christmas. You can't blame a guy for wanting some of that."

"I would imagine not." Thor smiled, that cute little goofy look, then frowned. "He is not actually glowing, is he?"

"That would be a hell of an awkward STD. No, he's glow free." Tony tapped his foot against the ground. He'd been thinking of nothing but getting Thor out of his armor the entire walk, and it was stubbornly showing no signs of coming off.

"But would he not be upset? You humans are interesting in your attachments."

"He practically gave me his blessing." And by blessing Tony meant embarrassed, non-committal sort of mumble from behind his hand. "And sex can be a useful part of diplomacy. True story."

"My father had not mentioned such a thing." Thor ran a finger between his armor and his cape, and Tony stifled his hands into his pockets. "But Midgard has changed since he was here last."

"Totally changed. There's a saying we have now - sex is just politics by other means." If Clausewitz was written by a horde of bonobo chimpanzees with typewriters, maybe, but Thor didn't have to know that. "Much better means if you ask me."

"I agree, heartily. Politics are tedious and dull. Sex should not be so." Thor tilted his head, as if sizing Tony up. "I will do my best not to harm you."

"I'm okay with a little harm. Just a little careful around here, okay?" Tony tapped at the reactor before he pulled his black-t-shirt over his head. Thor unfastened his cuirass and dear God (or was it gods?), that chest should just be illegal in 49 states, the things it made Tony want to do. Or to have done to him.

For science, of course.


The Helicarrier needed a Star Trek transporter already. Tony wasn't exactly hobbling back to his quarters, but he wasn't exactly walking straight either.

Forget electric. Sex with Thor was quantum mechanical. When Tony was 19 he'd tried to convince his girlfriend of the week to have sex in a Tesla coil, but she changed her mind as soon as he flicked the switch. Tony was fairly sure he could scratch that off his unfulfilled sexual fantasy list, because once you got fucked into delirium by the God of Thunder, a few tens of thousands of volts wasn't going to get the job done. Even without the light show, the ball of pure sex that was Thor beneath those chisled abs and blond hair would have made Tony see stars.

Which is what Tony did as he slammed into something solid yet mobile. Landing square on an already sore backside, Tony groaned and scrunched his eyes shut.

"Tony, are you all right?" Of course it was the Captain he ran into. Literally. Tony smiled wryly and put his hand up, not expecting to practically be blown back by the shock when their hands touched.

"A little sparky evidently." Tony awkwardly got to his feet, looking suspiciously at his finger. 'Didn't mean to shock you there."

"Fury thinks these power surges might be some kind of attack. I asked Dr. Banner if he had any theories, but he just got all quiet." Steve paused. "Quieter than usual, anyway."

"It's nothing to worry about. Well, hopefully not. I can probably make the electrical system a little hardier." Tony ran a hand across his mouth. "It's gonna need to be a little more robust."

"I thought you said it wasn't anything to worry about." Steve looked so confused, and so very innocent. It was moments like these Tony lived for.

"Attack-wise, no. Our resident God of Thunder resetting all our alarm clocks? That might happen a little more."

Steve frowned. "Are you saying Thor did this? Twice." Steve shook his head, ever in captain mode. "I'm going to have words with him, right now."

"You should totally have words. Filthy words, though I'm sure for you is heck and damnation. And hey, he's blond. You have a thing for hot blonds, don't you."

"That's none of your business. And why are we talking about Thor and dirty talk and his hair?"

"Because Bruce and I made an amazing discovery which happens to be a team-building exercise." Tony winced. "Okay, maybe not the team all at the same time. I could definitely do without seeing Clint naked, and Nat would just kill us all."

"Stark, what the hell are you talking about?!"

"Sex with Thor is like rainbows and unicorns and Michael Bay explosions, all in one, and you need to learn this for yourself." Tony waved Steve towards the direction of Thor's quarters, winking at a gaggle of very wide-eyed crew in earshot. "Go. Be enlightened, fearless leader."

"But-"

"You can thank me later." Steve simply stood there, unblinking, before he shook his head and walked in the wrong direction, muttering things he only thought Tony couldn't hear.

"My parents were married, you know," Tony shouted after him. "And this just means more Thor for us!"


Clint fidgeted in his chair, hands gripping the seat beneath him. It would easier if she had him tied up, wired to something, hanging upside down. But no. She just sat there and looked at him.

"So. You and Thor." Natasha pursed her lips, leaned forward, her hands gripping each other tightly. "I hope it was worth your while."

Clint prayed to every deity he didn't believe in that he'd escape this room alive. "Tasha, I'm so sorry. Tony practically threw me at him and it was Thor and those eyes of his and I swear it was just the one time. It'll only be the one time, though that may be because you're going to kill me." He smiled, a guilty, mirthless little gesture. "Or cut off certain parts essential to a next time."

"Why would I do that? That solution doesn't exactly work out for me." Natasha raised her brows ever so slightly and pushed herself out of her chair. "And if you don't want a next time with Thor you weren't doing something right." She folded her arms across that lovely chest of hers. "I think we got three times. Maybe four. I lost count."

"Four? Have I ever told you you're amazing?"

"Not often enough." Natasha draped herself over him, her thighs straddling his. "So I take it that we're even? Books all balanced out?"

"I take it we are. Unless you can't go back to us mere mortals now." Nataska smirked, tracing her hands along his arms.

"Mere mortal isn't usually the phrase that comes to mind when I think of you." Her nails made little pink spirals in his skin. "And Thor's…Thor. Besides, I had to fight through a crowd of engineers to get to his door. I think he's going to be busy for a while. You're you. And I like you." She frowned, which somehow on her looked both deadly and utterly beautiful. "For some unexplainable reason."

He leaned forward and kissed her, catching that lower lip between his teeth. "So I don't need to start growing my hair out."

'Don't even think about it." Tasha trailed a finger along his chin. "You could always drop the voice a bit."

Clint tried, he really tried, to drop his voice down into his chest at least an octave. "Like this?"

He felt the muscles of her thighs tighten in reply. "Lower. With the accent."

His voice shot back into his normal range. "You know it's not even a Scandanavian accent at all-"

"Just shut up and do the accent," she said, her fingers circling not so lightly around his throat.

"We make a deal first." Tasha wasn't in uniform, but her bracelets were still on her wrists. He gripped her hand, pressed a lingering kiss to the inside of her wrist.

"What are you proposing, Agent Barton?" He heard the hitch in her breath and he grinned.

"You keep those on this time." Clint looked up into her wide, amused, and very much aroused eyes. "And up the voltage."