AN: TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTAL ILLNESS. Also, please suspend your disbelief at the existence of any sort of psychological knowledge in medieval times. I've always assumed Gaius was wise beyond his time :P. Plus, they have magic… maybe? Yeah, probably not. Therefore, this comes with many OOC and not-realistic-for-time-period warnings. If you're a stickler for that sort of thing, you'd probably be better off staying away. Also, I'm no psychologist or doctor, so any psychological/medical information is definately not 100% valid. My final disclaimer is that anything you recognize, I don't own.


It is a Tuesday, and Merlin bustles into Arthur's rooms early in the morning, tray of breakfast in hand as he always does. Arthur has been alternatively tetchy and quiet lately, and he hopes desperately that the prince's mood has improved somewhat, because as much as he might (pretend) to hate the prince's insults, this strange, shadow of a boy is much worse. Merlin pushes down the taunting voice in the back of his head that tells him he misses the banter – because he most definitely does not – that surly, supercilious, condescending… He puts the tray down, and cuts off his own mental stream of words with a cheerful.

"Rise and shine, sire!" The prince makes no response, so Merlin tries again. "Sire! Rise and shine!" Still no response, so Merlin walks up to the prince's bed and puts a hand on his master's shoulder, shaking it gently. "Arthur! It's a gorgeous morning, so get your lazy arse out of bed! Arthur! Sire! Your highness! My lord! My liege! Sir Prat-more -" his voice is just starting to sound a little bit desperate when he is cut off.

"Please… go away, Merlin." The words are familiar, but the utterly desperate, morose tone is not, and the words are clear, not even slightly muffled by remnants of sleep. Merlin, shocked, does as he's told. Once he has shut the door to Arthur's chambers behind him, he leans heavily against the wall, unsure how to proceed. It is probably the hastiest retreat he has ever made, and there wasn't even any flying crockery to speak of. Finally, he concedes defeat and returns to Gaius, who, equally shocked at Merlin's early return, asks him what had happened. He tells the story, eyes still slightly wide with shock, and Gaius listens intently, his gaze growing sombre. When Merlin has finished speaking, Gaius nods once, and then quickly sets to preparing a tonic – Arthur has done this several times before, as it turns out. His father does not speak of it, and other than the king only Gaius and Morgana and and some of the servants have seen it before, and they have all been sworn to secrecy. "It would not do to have the people of Camelot question Arthur's mental state," Gaius tells him. He goes on to say that Arthur is as level headed as they come, most of the time, but sometimes he simply cannot find it in him to get out of bed. "He's led a lonely life," the physician says softly, "and his is not a unique ailment – sometimes a person's sadness can almost seem to be a physical sickness. It will confine them to their bed, and make them drawn and pale and steal away their appetite entirely." Gaius goes silent then, stoppering the bottle in his hands and putting it down with a soft thud. He looks up at Merlin. "When is his next patrol?"

Merlin frowns for a moment before answering, the look in Gaius's eye worrying him. "In three days." Gaius shakes his head.

"He should not go."

"But what if he recovers?" Gaius shakes his head again, resting his hands on the tabletop.

"It's an affliction of the mind, Merlin. Even if he is physically able… even if his father forces him to… he will be in no fit state to go out on such an outing. This… illness… tends to drain him of his sense of self preservation. He will fight as hard as ever… as he always does… but it will be for Camelot. He will fight for Camelot and forget to fight for himself." Gaius sighs heavily. "The last time he had an… episode… there were reports of bandits to attend to and Uther physically dragged him out of bed and gave him a very long, very… stern… speech about how Arthur's duty was to protect his people, and that his own laziness was no reason to let the kingdom fall. Arthur did not return to Camelot of his own volition: a week after they left Sir Leon carried him back, completely unconscious and covered in his own blood with a long, deep cut up his side. I stitched him up, but it was a very close thing, Merlin. You can still see the scar. Merlin looks up at Gaius in alarm at that, a terrifying thought having come unbidden to the forefront of his mind.

"Will he… do you think he'd… on purpose? Do you think he'd hurt...Do you think he'd take his own… his…?" Gaius looks up at him through his brows before looking back down again and shaking his head.

"No. No, I don't think he would. He's been told time and again since he was a very small child that the future of this kingdom depends on him…that he has a duty to his people, that he must fight for them. So, no… I believe that even if he loses the will to fight for himself, he will be unable to let go of that sense of duty. I believe he will fight as long and as hard as he can… but not for himself."

"He's brash and reckless at the best of times," Merlin murmurs.

"Exactly. He cares very little for his own well-being. I fear it may be his downfall." Merlin looks up at his mentor then, worry shining in his eyes.

"What are we to do, Gaius?"

"I don't know, my boy. I don't know."