Teardrops On My Guitar
Songfic gone Harmony
By amarthaine
I thought it was all just a silly myth. You know, the fact that you always wind up falling for your best friend. Little did I know I was heading for that personal train wreck soon. Man, I hit that wall hard as I discovered the truth. I was never quite prepared for what happened then. Of course, it's only natural that he would have someone else constantly there by his side. I mean, look at who he is. Who in their right mind wouldn't admit to liking him? Besides me of course – I no longer count towards the sane population. We've covered this a million times. But to willingly throw him aside when he tried…that was just stupid. I can't believe he still hangs around me day after day – only now I'm the one drooling after him. And having me deny him – he went and fell for that other girl. I only wish I had seen this before…
Drew looks at me, I
fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing
everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl
he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live
without
You know that one person in life you can't live without? I discovered who it was too late. They discovered their other soul mate already. So here I am, waiting in the dust for the ride to come back and take me along for all the twists and turns – the happiness, the sadness, living till we're 80 and sitting on our old front porch and talking about the past. All the bright memories we had. But now I'm doomed to sit on the front porch next door – always hearing about what they remember, but never having anything to my own name of the sort. A bit ironic, isn't it? That I could be pining after one boy for so long, he finally accepts me, only to realize I love my best friend. Talk about cruel punishment – must be for the murder I'm contemplating in my head.
Drew talks to me, I
laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when
he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I
wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
I can't help but let myself write away everything. The pain I hide deep inside. The thoughts running through my head as he talks about her. The pain I feel at night when I recall every promising thing he said about the two of them in the future. It slowly rips me up and tears me to pieces, scattering my heart on the winds of yesterday. Yet, I pretend to be happy. And apparently, he can't see past my façade – I suppose it really is that convincing. He's never not seen through me before…or maybe he just doesn't want to see it. Because he's afraid of what would happen if we were to admit what is between us now. So I'll let him dream about his girl. And I'll sit here alone in my room, ignoring the questions my mom asks about the tears, because…
He's the reason for
the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on
a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know
why I do
Day after day we're around each other. Man, this life has become so hard. I've become such a klutz anymore – not that anyone I care about has noticed. I need to do something dramatic. Something that will get him to see the truth. But I'd never be able to pull it off. I no longer have the ability to do anything that amazes him anymore. It's like I'm an old toy that can no longer amuse him – I'm just there to talk to. No matter what was there in the past, I'm thrown away. Perhaps, if he has a sentimental moment of remembrance, I'll be picked up and toyed with again. Only to be let down in the end so he can have her again. We can be best friends, but we'll never be anything more. Because I can't provide that spark, though I certainly feel a bonfire every time he comes by. I suppose I'm not even a spark anymore.
Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't
breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless
I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her
love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
Tonight I'll go home – pretend I don't know that they're going out. After all, it'll be better this way. I suppose I could go out – but then I would see them together. And I'd have to imagine that he was some other boy – any other boy, so that I wouldn't see myself in his arms. Wouldn't see him stroking my hair, running his fingers up my arms raising goose bumps as he did so. So here I am, ignoring everything as I whiz by in my car, the volume turned up so loud that nothing can penetrate. I can't think. I can't remember him. I can't recall what it felt like when we used to be so much closer. He has her now. There's no longer room for me. So I'll abandon what thoughts I had of us and sit in my room, avoiding everyone as the tears slide down my face. Ignore the questions about the tears, because…
He's the reason for the teardrops on my
guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's
the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
The time is late – I no longer bother to look at the clock. But all I can do is sit here and turn the pages of the scrapbook one by one as I look at the pictures of us. Of him. Of me. So carefree and free of any plague of troubling thoughts. He made it for me when he told me he wouldn't try for me anymore. Now, night by night, I flip through and remember each moment, wishing I had done just one thing different, so I'd be in his arms tonight instead of the arms of my cold bed – alone. But if I continue to do this, I'll never be able to function. So I hide the book and lay to bed – plagued by the images of him. Maybe eventually I'll function like a normal person again – but until then, I continue as a robot.
So I drive home
alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and
maybe
Get some sleep tonight
So I guess there is no point to dwell anymore. But I can't help it. I've become so engrossed in him, I could never give him up anymore. He's part of my life cycle. The only way I could get over him would to never be near him again. But I've already determined I can't live without him. It would be like living without oxygen and air. In order to function, I have to have him to talk to on a daily basis. Have I mentioned that I'm hooked? He's the cocaine and I'm the addict. Take him away, and I'll lie down on this cold bed and clutch the blankets to my face. In a fake attempt to staunch the tears that flow freely as each person examines me and checks for what ails me. Ignoring the questions about the tears, because…
He's the reason for
the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to
break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know
why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And
he's all that I need to fall into..
So tonight I'll dream of you. Your arms holding me tightly and nothing will ever tear us apart. For once, I'll be happy with you and imagine that you didn't fall in love with her. In my mind, we'll be the perfect couple. With you falling for me and always standing strong. My knight in shining armor to rescue me. You'll wipe the tears as they fall, a smile plastered goofily to your face. But when I have to open my eyes, I'll miss the you in my dreams. I'll miss having you constantly by my side, the way we were before you met her. I'll tell you I'm happy for you guys – but it's really tearing me apart inside. I promise to be the perfect friend, always there in your time of need. But never forget its all fake.
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.
Author's Note: I hope you guys enjoy this ) I went into an obsession with this song for a while, and juah….review please! And normally, I don't ship Harmony, it just fit the best for the song )
