She had made a mistake, but she, Maximum Ride, couldn't completely be sorry for it, no matter how horrible it was. It made her selfish didn't it?
She saw the pain in his eyes every night, she saw the tears. Part of her wished he would scream at her, blame her, and tell her to get lost, tell her to leave him alone. The other part was thankful that he didn't. He was the only thing holding her together.
He confused her. How could he be so selfless? How could he take her every night and say nothing, ask nothing in return?
It was different from what she had expected. Not that she had had any experience before, but … He was always so gentle, so tender. That part was killing her even more.
Whenever his lips met her bare skin, whenever his warm body pressed into hers, he made her feel like some sort of goddess, like she was the most important person in the world. How could he do that?
Her feet dangled over the edge of the tree branch carelessly as she watched the youngest members of the Flock play in the lake below. What was she going to do?
The leaves around her shuffled, whispering to each other and announcing the landing of another Avian American somewhere near her. For a moment her heartbeat raced and adrenaline pumped through her system.
"Max?" Iggy's voice was hesitant. None of the Flock had dared to speak to her alone in a while. However, this was important.
"Yes?"
Silence. She didn't really like to be cornered like this anymore, and he was draining her of the short supply of socializing ability she had gained during the last month and a half.
"What is it, Iggy?"
"You're hurting him, you know." It was a statement, not a question, and it got her attention. It felt like someone had punched the air out of her lungs.
"What?"
If it wasn't for their enhanced hearing, he wouldn't have heard her.
"Fang. You're hurting him." The blond boy repeated.
"You … You k-know?"
"I'm blind, Max, not deaf or stupid."
More silence, hers this time. She didn't know what to say to that. Was there something to say to that?
Before she answered her own question, the branch she was sitting on shook slightly, signaling Iggy's departure. She sighed.
She wanted to cry out, to punch something all of a sudden. How had life gotten so messed up? How could she stand going around, hurting the person she loved most?
A soft sob escaped her lips at the realization. The person she loved most … That thought echoed through her head the entire morning and into the afternoon. It scrolled across her eyelids whenever she closed her eyes, even for the slightest moments. It forced her to look at him out of the corner of her eyes while the flock ate lunch, and later dinner. And at the end of the day, the sunset found her sitting alone on the same tree branch.
She had come to the conclusion that if she didn't climb down again, she wouldn't hurt him anymore. So, she watched in silence as her flock put out the fire, somewhere in the distance, and how, after Fang's orders, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angle prepared for bed. The last thing she was able to make out was Iggy setting down for his watch.
She didn't hear the sound of a dark pair of wings circling above; she was concentrating on fighting sleep, fighting the growth of the hole in her chest. She didn't even notice the slight tremor in the branch that had made her pulse quicken earlier.
When a familiar pair of arms wrapped around her, she buried her face in the black fabric clad body attached to them and started sobbing softly. She didn't raise her head when the tears stopped, she didn't want to, but the feel of his lips against her hair just about broke her small amount of restraint.
"Please don't," she told him as she pulled back slightly. "I don't deserve it."
The contradiction in his eyes, though not made verbal, sent another pang of guilt and self-hatred through her heart. Even after all she had done, he still loved her, somehow. She could see that now.
"I'm a terrible person, Fang." Max continued softly. "People like me shouldn't be allowed near people like you…" The minuscule amount of confusion in the boy's eyes turned to understanding for a instant before it was gone altogether, and he allowed silence to fall.
"Why haven't you said no yet?" she asked suddenly. Pain filled Fang's face.
"Because I can't, Max. If you told me to go jump off a cliff, with my wings tucked in, I would. I'd much rather that you wouldn't ask in the first place, but I'd do it." A sad smile was tugging at the corner of his lips, and she felt like doing exactly what he had said. She tried to remember where the nearest cliff was.
"I don't deserve you." She whispered. She was surprised to feel silent laughter shake his body and, in turn, her.
"Maybe not," he confirmed, kissing the top of her head again. "But you have me anyway."
"I wish I could give you something in return." she said truthfully.
"The only thing I could ever want is you, Max." Fang whispered so softly that she wasn't quite sure if that was in fact what he said. It was her turn to laugh.
"You already have me."
"Do I?" He asked softly, looking past her and into the darkness. The black shy magnified the beauty of the stars that were just now becoming visible. How he envied the stars, he thought. They didn't have a care or heart ache in the world, and they looked so happy and free.
She leaned up and pressed her lips to the soft flesh of his neck, feeling the tremor that ran through him at the contact.
"I love you." She whispered, finally voicing her thoughts.
"I know." He said with a sigh, but Max knew he didn't, at least not completely.
"No, Fang. I'm in love with you." She continued. He didn't respond immediately, and when he did, it was unexpected.
"You don't have to say that, Max. I get it, I know it's hard for you." It seemed to her that he didn't finish what he was about to say, so she said it for him.
"But not as hard as it was for you … as it is for you." Tears restarted their journey down her still-flushed face as she whispered. "And I'm not just saying that, I mean it. I love you."
And for the first time, she pulled him down to her level and kissed him, trying to convey all the newly discovered and accepted feelings she held for him. When they pulled apart, they were both crying, one more obviously that the other.
"I love you too, Max … so much." Fang finally spoke.
And that night, the first of many, they both fell asleep with a smile of pure, unhindered happiness on their face.
