Captain Jack Sparrow swam into town one day. After coming ashore, he noticed his clothes were all wet and soggy, so he took them off in order to avoid catching cold. He was arrested for public nudity and thrown into jail. Although he pleaded the fifth, the town was run by Poohsticks-worshipping zealots, so they didn't have a system of due process in place.
Forty days and forty nights passed until Captain Jack Sparrow was released when enough hair grew all over his body to pass for a fur coat. Upon tasting the fresh air of freedom, Captain Jack Sparrow decided to go get something to eat. He stopped at a local café and ordered coffee, but the waiter brought him a pot of tea instead. This enraged Captain Jack Sparrow, and he lifted the pot up to throw at the waiter but stopped when the pot actually spoke.
"I am speaking," said the pot.
"The pot is speaking!" exclaimed Captain Jack Sparrow.
"I'm Mrs. Potts," said the pot. "I used to live in an enchanted castle, but when the global financial market collapsed, the Prince fell on hard times and had to auction me off on eBay."
"How much did you go for?"
"A ha'penny."
"Oh." Captain Jack Sparrow was unimpressed and continued the motion of throwing the pot at the idiot waiter.
Mrs. Potts screamed as she flew through the air and crashed into the waiter's head. She shattered upon impact, cracking the waiter's skull and spilling scorching hot tea all over him. Both Mrs. Potts and the waiter died.
A new waiter came and gave Captain Jack Sparrow the coffee he ordered. Captain Jack Sparrow enjoyed his coffee. Hours later, the new waiter brought the check. Captain Jack Sparrow paid the bill with a stick and left for the Korean styling salon down the road to get a full-body wax. The new waiter picked up the tab and took the stick to the zealots so that they could bless it and turn it into a Pooh stick. After performing the proper rituals and rites, they gave the newly ordained Pooh stick to Roo, who returned it to the Fellowship of the Pooh.
The end.
