Idea that came to me some ages ago. It's supposed to be the first part of a series of one-shot that I'll upload whenever the fancy strikes me. In other words, this might be the first and the last you ever see of this, but I kinda doubt it since I have just too many ideas running around in my head.

I tried my hardest to keep everyone in character, I hope I succeeded.

Anyways, here we go, hope you enjoy this.


Nick Fury had just finished his talk with Tony Stark and was on his way to prep a backup team for if – and when – everything turned into a giant clusterfuck of previously unknown proportions. He had all the faith of the world in the Advengers – no, really, he did – but he was also a realist and he was painfully aware of all the mayhem Ultron could cause. Fury was just eternally grateful the AI had not as of yet decided to launch every nuke on the planet.

Just then, as if on cue, his phone rang.

"What now?", he asked impatiently when he saw it was one of his contacts that was supposed to help with his backup plan.

"Sir! Lab Delta just registered high levels of radiation on the system and nobody is picking up on their end!"

Fury straightened himself, Lab Delta had been one of the many labs designed for research of the Tesseract, though only Selvig's lab had had the honor of having the actual thing. Lab Delta was supposed to have shut down when SHIELD was exposed as being mostly HYDRA, but unfortunately some of the stuff that had been going on there couldn't be shut down that easily so Fury had assembled a small team of scientists to look after the place till it was completely shut down. He'd known some the things lying around there could potentially be dangerous that needed a team of experts each, but he'd had no other option at the time.

"Change course to Lab Delta!", he shouted at the helicopter pilot and then spoke into his phone, "What else can you tell me?"

"Ultron – Sir, Ultron hacked into all the labs, but since most of them are shut down nothing mayor happened, except for Lab Delta. From what I can gather everything must have gone haywire at the same time!"

Fury cursed, "I'm on my way Ferguson, meet you there ETA thirty to thirty-five minutes."

"Y-yes, sir", said Ferguson and hung up.

Exactly thirty-two minutes later Fury was walking towards the front doors of Lab Delta where a whole team of soldiers were waiting for instructions from Ferguson, who was among them.

"Sir", Ferguson saluted, "Nobody has come out nor has anybody entered, levels of radiation have gone through the roof, but our experts say it's harmless to humans."

Fury nodded and got out his hand gun, "Then let's get this show on the road. Ferguson, take the lead. I'll have your back. The rest follow behind."

There was a quick shuffling as they all got in position. Ferguson gave the sign and the doors were kicked open. They hurried inside, saw nobody or anything threatening and decided to move onwards. Ferguson led the way to the main lab where the radiation signals were coming from and once again they got into position to kick open the door. Fury clicked off the safety of his gun – there could be anything in there. From another Loki to an innocent puppy. Anything.

The door got kicked open and they stormed inside.

Fury froze when he saw what was going on.

On the floor lay all the scientists of the lab, whether they were dead or just unconscious had yet to be determined. The equipment of the lab was sending sparks everywhere and those machines who hadn't been overloaded by whatever Ultron had done to them and exploded were on the verge of doing just that.

But all that was just in the background for Fury, for the most eye-catching thing in the whole room was the giant portal that had opened a few meters above the floor and looked like it was threatening to encompass the whole room as it was making ominous noises.

"Sir! The scientists are still alive!", yelled one of the soldiers as he was checking for pulses form the prostrated forms.

Fury took that second to decide what was to be done, "Get those people out of here! Sweep the place and make sure we have everybody", he checked his watch, "We're gonna blow this place to kingdom come in the next ten minutes, start setting the explosives!"

Immediately the men began doing their assigned tasks. Within five minutes the last scientist had been carried out and the last five explosives were being placed in strategic places around Lab Delta.

Fury allowed himself to feel a little relieved at that – this portal was gonna end here.

Just then, as if on cue, the portal began shuddering and whirling in new colors.

He had to resist the urge to shout out curses, why did his day keep getting worse?

As he was starting to usher the men to all group up in the same spot near the lab door – in case they needed a quick exit – Fury began to realize the portal looked quite different from the time Loki had stepped through it.

The portal pulsed and the men all pointed their weapons at it, ready to fire whatever came through.

The portal gave one last bright flash of light and they saw something – or rather, someone – fall out of it and land painfully on the floor headfirst.

A low, obviously painful moan came from the person that was still sprawled out on the floor.

Fury held up his hand to stop the men from shooting and moved cautiously towards the moaning person.

Upon closer inspection it was revealed to be a man – or teenager – as his hoodie and loose jeans suggested. A very much human teenager.

"Hey, you", he called as he approached.

The kid gave a deep groan and managed to sit and blink around stupidly, "Uuuuuuuugh, never drinking again", he moaned.

"State your name and planet from origin", barked Fury, even if the kid looked human it didn't mean that he was one.

The kid turned to look at him. He looked fairly normal, Fury would walk past him in the streets and not think anything of him with his dark curly mop of hair, light green eyes and perfectly human looking clothes.

The kid stared at him with a stupid expression on his face for a moment and then his eyes found the gun pointed at his head and widened comically. His hands shot up as high as was physically possible and he began shouting, "It wasn't me I swear! It was all Barry!"

Fury raised an eyebrow at him.

"If not him then it was Kelly! Or Curtis or Alysha! I didn't do anything I swear!", he continued to shout and Fury had to find it suspicious that he was so adamant on blaming other people for whatever he thought he was being accused of. Pity he didn't have the time to see where his rant would end.

"I was only drinking responsibly, blame the others for whatever clusterfuck happened this time – I didn't steal anything this time!", continued the kid.

"State your name and planet of origin!", barked Fury before the kid could incriminate himself further – didn't steal anything this time? Who was stupid enough to say things like that?

The kid blinked quickly a couple of times, "Planet of origin? What's this? Doctor Who?", he narrowed his eyes at Fury, "Is that even a real gun? It's a water gun isn't it! I know my water guns you can't fool me into believing that's a real one!", he pointing his finger at Fury like a child would point accusingly at a culprit of some petty crime.

Knowing his time was running out before the explosives went off Fury gave one quick shot at one of the dead computers nearby to show just how fake his gun was, "Name and planet of origin!"

The kid screamed and held the hand he had used to point at Fury back in the air, "Earth! I'm from Wertham, London – I was born in Ireland!"

"Name!"

"Nathan Young!", the kid shouted and looked at him angrily, "Look, I don't know what you sick fucks think I am or did, but-"

"Grab him!", Fury ordered the men as he knew time was running out and now that he knew the kid was human he could take him outside with them before the place blew up.

"What?!", shrieked the kid, "No wait-", he got manhandled into a standing position by the men and began screaming like a pig being slaughtered as he thrashed around in the soldiers' grasp, "I'M BEING ASSAULTED! A BUNCH OF GORRILA-SLUTS ARE ASSAULTING ME!"

Fury made sure to hurry up so he wouldn't have to listen to the stupidity of the kid.

No such luck.

"RAPE, RAPE!", he could still hear the kid scream, "POLICE! SOMEBODY CALL THE POLICE!"

Just as they were running outside through the front doors the kid gave another ear-scratching scream, "BARRY SAVE ME! DON'T LET THE GORRILA-SLUTS MAKE ME THEIR SEX SLAVE!"

The soldiers dutifully ignored the kid's nonsense and got to shelter just in time before the place went sky-high.

The kid gaped at the place when the explosion calmed down and looked amazed when the soldiers let go of him mostly, then he turned to Fury, "The hell was that?! Do you motherfuckers enjoy blowing up shit?! Am I with the IRA now? The fuck?!"

Fury gave one longsuffering sigh, he was already getting tired of this kid, but he had questions that needed answers, "Go take him to the Helicarrier, I'll lead the interrogation from there", he ordered Ferguson.

"Interrogation?", squaked the kid, "What does that mean?", the soldiers once again grabbed him and began dragging him away, "I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!", he went back to screaming, "I'M INNOCENT YOUR HONOR! KELLY! COME HELP SAVE ME FROM THE GORRILA-SLUTS!"

Internally wondering how somebody could be more annoying than Stark, Fury began making his way back to his own – thankfully – private helicopter.

"CURTIS COME DO SOMETHING YOU TWAT! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU WANKERS?!", those were the last discernible words he heard the boy scream as he was then tossed into another helicopter that had arrived, he could still hear the kid screaming what was probably obscenities inside the helicopter at the soldiers, but fortunately Fury couldn't make them out anymore.

Once on the Helicarrier and only after setting course for Sokovia did Fury excuse himself from the bridge and went to the interrogation room where they were housing the kid.

"Report", he said once he spotted Ferguson at the room's door.

"Sir", the man saluted, "We found an ID on him from England, but when ran it through the system we came up empty handed. We then proceeded to take his fingerprints – uh, he almost made Trevor swallow the ink, sir – after we were able to run his fingerprints on the system we again wound up empty handed. We've run his face through the facial-recognition program and we again didn't find him. But-", Ferguson shuffled through a bunch of papers he was holding and handed Fury a folder, "When we asked him his parents' names we were able to find them, only, as you can see, his mother figures as having died when she was an infant and his father died as a teenager."

Fury eyed the folder critically, "What are the possibilities that these are fake?"

"I contacted a friend at the MI6 and he looked into it. There is no possibility that they're both fake."

The documentation of both their deaths looked genuine enough and both families came from normal backgrounds and there hadn't happened anything eventful with them since the death of their relative. It looked genuine.

"I still want this looked into more thoroughly", he said and Ferguson nodded.

"Absolutely, sir."

"I'm going in there now, anything I should be aware of?"

Ferguson looked uncertainly at the door of the room, "He has quite the colorful language sir, he's also convinced we are about to do very perverted things to him. He – ah – he called Miss Hill a porn star", Ferguson blushed and looked down at his feet.

Fury grimaced, he'd had the misfortune of encountering Hill right after the kid had said that. She wasn't pleased. She was grumbling on how even Tony Stark had more tact than the kid and that was saying a lot.

Fury could only thank the stars the kid didn't appear to have powers.

He opened the door to a completely barren room save for a table and two chairs at opposite ends. The kid was cuffed to his chair with his right hand and gave Fury the stink eye as soon as he saw him.

"You finally going to tell me what's up with all the BDSM shit?", he rattled his cuffs noisily, "I wouldn't have pegged you for one into kinky stuff – you're more like one of those heartless psychos that enjoys killing people."

Fury sat down on the free chair, completely ignoring the brat.

It seemed to peeve the brat if he wasn't getting all the attention, "You get off from that don't'ya?", he rattled his cuffs again, "I bet you also get off from their corpses, you creepy bastard!"

Resisting – but only barely – to roll his eye at the brat Fury opened the folder he'd taken from Ferguson, "We found your parents", he stated.

The brat looked a little relieved for a moment then went back to having an expression of couldn't-care-less, "Well, finally, when are they getting here?"

"Never", said Fury and kept his eye close on how the brat looked completely betrayed for a moment before changed to angry-looking.

"So what's their excuse this time? Did you tell them my life was in danger? Did you call my Dad or Mom? Cause Dad's about as useless as they come in this type of situations. So is Mom, but hey! At least she's the one with the better excuses!"

Fury could detect a whole family drama unfolding in front of his eye, so before the kid could go back to blaming his parents for his life's errors he handed him over the folder he'd been holding.

The kid looked at it blankly for a moment, "What's that?"

"It's a folder you're supposed to read. I expect you to be able to do that."

The brat pulled a face and opened the folder clumsily with his left hand and began reading.

He hadn't lasted a paragraph, probably not even a full sentence when he looked up, "Can't you just tell me what it says? It looks boring", he whined.

He gave the brat the Stare with his one good eye.

The kid huffed and went back to reading.

Fury was confident he was actually reading it and not faking to read it when he saw the brat's eyebrows furrow in confusion and then him turn a page hastily.

The kid was halfway through the folder when he looked up again, "What's this?!", he cried, "They didn't die! They're alive! I just saw Dad a couple of months ago when Jaime-", he abruptly stopped, "He was there and alive and old and wrinkly and grey and shit-", he took a deep breath, "He was alive dammit! He didn't die when he was a teenager from some shit!"

"We couldn't find you on any of our systems. We've contacted all the government agencies and you still didn't show up, we ran your fingerprints – same result, we ran your face with also the same result. You don't exist."

The kid looked at him in shock, "But what about the Community Centre?! Look it up, Wertham Community Centre! I worked there for my community service!"

Fury jotted down the name on a notebook he always had on hand, "Anything else?"

"Yes! Kelly Bailey, she was with me in the community service! Barry – um – um", he clicked his fingers, "Simon Belle? I think? Bella – Bella-something – Bellamy! Simon Bellamy, Curtis Donovan, Alisha Daniels – some of them even had ASBOs!"

Fury nodded, "Why were you in community service?"

"For stealing pick n' mix."

Giving him another Stare with his one good eye the brat squirmed, "What? Did you expect murder?", he huffed. Fury had to be surprised when he noticed that the brat wasn't lying.

Moving on Fury decided to ask his next question, "Do you know where you landed and how you got there?"

The brat rolled his eyes, "Dunno and dunno. Last thing I remember was getting drunk at a bar with Barry and Kelly and maybe Alisha? I think Curtis was there too? Anyway, there was this hot girl at the back of the bar and I was going to go to the alley with her, if you catch me", he waggled his eyebrows at Fury, "That's when I remember falling and next thing I know – BAM!", he motions at Fury with his free hand, "Pirates!"

Suppressing a sigh Fury continued, "You were found in the state of Ohio at an almost closed down laboratory where a freak accident had happened and a portal was opened. We are currently on our way to Sokovia."

The brat blinked at couple of times at him, "You're not joking", he said faintly and then made a face of confusion, "The fuck is Sokovia?"

"I'm afraid I'm not and it's a country", he said and noted with interest the fact that the kid didn't know the most famous country of the moment. Its struggles were international news everywhere.

Blinking a little further the kid seemed to sink into his chair, "The fuck?"

Fury set down his pen and closed his notebook, "I'll be frank with you. I believe you come from some sort of parallel dimension."

"That's fuck-ass crazy", said the brat.

"Does the name of the Avengers ring any bells to you?", asked Fury.

"Huh?"

"Exactly, if you were from this world you would know who I'm talking about", Fury paused to look at the bewildered expression on the kid's face, "I don't think you exist in this world", he said seriously.

The kid pulled a face, "Fuck off."

"I'll send Ferguson in to have you look at some stuff", he said and stood, "We'll speak again later, don't worry if you feel the ride becoming a little bumpy", he said and while ignoring the loud protests from the brat he went back to the bridge, but not before sharing his theory to Ferguson and have him show some stuff to the brat.

They'd just arrived at the floating city and he was organizing the rescue effort when Hill called him to check on one of the observation areas quickly. He hurriedly gave orders for the cameras of that section of the ship to check out what was happening.

What he saw surprised him slightly. It was Ferguson showing the brat the battle happening below them. Ferguson appeared to be trying to explain something while the brat was gesturing around animatedly while pressing his face against the window, like a child looking at candy.

Fury dialed Ferguson's phone quickly, watching on the screen how he picked up his phone to answer Fury, "Ferguson, what are you doing with the brat?"

"Oh! Sir, you were right! Mr. Young doesn't know many of the things that are common knowledge for us. I've just been explaining to him about Ultron and his plan to destroy the earth, he doesn't even know who Iron Man is!"

"Run some basic history through him and some science as well, just to make sure", said Fury, "I'll be leaving him under your care for now", he hung up after that, he had people to save after all.

Hours later, when Banner had been declared missing, Quicksilver's body had been retrieved from the debris and the Vision confirmed he'd finished off the last of Ultron, Fury went to have another talk with Ferguson and some of the experts that had been called in when Lab Delta went haywire.

By the next day some of the scientists that had worked there were able to answer some the questions of what had happened.

By the end of the week they had very solid proof that Nathan Young came from another dimension. The Comminuty Centre he'd mentioned had been closed decades ago after a fire. Kelly Bailey didn't exist, Simon Bellamy had died when he was a little child, Curtis Donovan was alive, but with a prospering and shining career as an Olympic runner and no crimes to his name and lastly Alisha Daniels was a six year old little girl that obviously had no crime to her name. All this information hadn't sat well with the brat who had for once stopped talking and sulked for about a day before he was around pestering people again.

It was some time later, when Steve Rogers and the rest of the Avengers had all moved in into the New Avengers Facility that Fury decided to was a good time to bring up the brat to the Captain.

"What?!", yelled Tony Stark, because of course Fury couldn't get an easy day and Rogers had decided to bring in Stark to talk with Fury.

"But are you sure of this?", asked Rogers, having that responsibly concerned expression on his face.

Fury sighed.

Nathan had been in the black SUV for over an hour on some trip who knows where and he was all out of things to keep his boredom at bay.

"Hey, Bald-man, stop by the next garage and buy me some chips!", he said imperiously.

Not five minutes later Nathan saw a garage and watched as they drove by. He would have shouted in indignation, but he'd been giving Bald-Man orders since the beginning of the trip and he still had to listen to him, the twat.

"Uuuggghhh", he moaned, "I'm dying back here", he proclaimed dramatically and flopped himself over the back seat for good measure.

His life had changed considerably in the last couple of weeks and it wasn't all good. At first it had been all awesomeness and amazement and shit like that with the Heli-not-copter whatever the hell it was called and that Awesome Battle of Awesomeness with the Avengers, but it soon turned into boring sessions being prodded and poked by scientists that 'just wanted to make sure he was human'. Pfft, sure, poking and proding for the security of the planet – his ass.

There was also Fury, who Nathan had taken to call Captain Pirate or Pirate Man or the Cunt Pirate, who would question him and bring those blasted folders for Nathan to read. First it was his Mom and Dad and then it was Kelly, then Barry and then there was Alisha and Curtis, the only two alive. Except Alisha was a little girl and Curtis was an Olympic runner with no ASBO. Even the Community Centre was gone.

Fucking twat for bringing him those folders.

Nathan was jolted out of his musings when he felt the car stop. He quickly sat up and saw that they were at some sort of military base. Nathan frowned, Fury had promised him he wouldn't imprison him after spouting some moral shit about humanity and freedom, had he changed his mind? Nathan had never really trusted Fury that much, it just didn't come to him when he heard what had happened to those two siblings with powers, working and being experimented on by some terrorist nut-job. He didn't like the way people on this earth treated people with powers, even if the weird siblings were the extreme case of bad luck he wasn't going to take his chances with these people – any of them.

If Fury seemed to be the good guy, Nathan still didn't like the way he seemed to be some sort of overseer of the Avengers. He'd also heard the rumor of how he'd distrusted the new Avenger-guy, Visionary or something.

In short, Nathan wasn't about to tell any of these people he was immortal.

Soon, he was hauled out of the SUV and into the building by Bald-man. They walked – or rather, Bald-man walked while Nathan was dragged – towards some office-like room where Captain Pirate was standing with some buff blond dude and a guy with a goatee.

"Finally decided to imprison me after all Cunt Pirate?", he asked and the guy with the goatee sniggered.

"No", Fury didn't even bat an eye at what Nathan had said, "This is Steve Rogers, aka Captain America", he motioned at the blond buff, "And this is Tony Stark, aka Iron Man", he motioned at goatee guy.

"Hey, you're the one that build the murderous robot!", he pointed at Tony and laughed, "That must've been awkward."

Tony nodded a bit and then turned to Fury, "Yeah, you were right. He's an asshole."

Steve stepped closer to Nathan and he suddenly had the urgent need to step backwards and barely managed to keep himself in place.

Steve extended his right hand, "Pleased to meet you Nathan", he said nicely.

Nathan stared at the hand for a bit and then shook it, "Yeah, whatever, can I go now?"

Steve let go of his as his face turned grim, "You see, that's why you're here. Your home is really far away and we don't know if we could send you back."

"Inter-dimensional physics is dangerous, you know? You shouldn't even be here, we had destroyed what little we had to perform that job, all Lab Delta housed was a stabilizer which hadn't been finished yet, it was only a prototype!", huffed Tony, "It shouldn't have worked!"

He might not be the brightest, but Nathan had already gathered as much over the last few weeks, "So what? You gonna lock me in a glass cage to ogle at me?"

"Of course not!", Steve looks scandalized he could even think of something like that and it reminds him a bit of Barry.

"You're going to stay here, for the meantime", says Tony, "While we figure out where to put accidental dimension-hoppers."

"And where", he motions around him, "Is here?"

"Here is the New Avengers Facility", informs Steve, like he is proud of it or something.

Nathan's eyebrows rise as he slowly comes to understand just what that mean exactly, "The fuck?!", he shrieks highly.

In the distance he can hear somebody shout 'language' followed by a bout of loud laughter. Steve is hiding his face in his hand by the time Nathan is bothering to look back at the people in the room. Tony looks like he is also holding his laughter.

Okay, maybe living here wouldn't be too bad. But still-

"Why the fuck do I have to stay here?", he asks indignantly, if only on principal.

"Where else would you be? The prison? Because I'm sure Eye-patch here can clear that real quick, just for you, special treatment", says Tony, like he's hoping Nathan will say yes.

Nathan instead scowls at him, "Fine, I'm staying. But what about my home world? When am I getting back?", he asks, because if his suspicions are true then he would like to know it.

The other two men in the room turn to look expectantly at Tony.

Tony looks uneasy for a moment, "Well see, thing is, you really shouldn't be here."

"So, what? I'm stuck here?", he asks to clarify, because even if he suspected it he still can't fucking believe what he just heard.

Tony looks at him with pity and Nathan absolutely hates him at that moment, "Sorry, but all data of where you might come from was erased when the lab blew up. Even if we were planning on opening portals – which are, as I just said, extremely dangerous – we would have no idea where to send you. In short, yes. You're stuck here."


Next one will hopefully be more funny than this one.

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