DISCLAIMER: This is a (non-profit) fan based parody. DragonBall, Dragon Ball Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release, but not GT. Let that thing die in peace. Oh, and Dragon Ball Evolution. Lost a few brain cells watching the trailer for that one.


Over the course of his rule over most of the known galaxy, the Arcosian Frieza enslaved a number of races. Though they were the most well known, the Saiyans certainly weren't the only example of those races that in general derived a good deal of excitement from the "work" assigned them. Thus, what most people remember of those under Frieza's service was that they enjoyed being so vicious and cruel. This...was not true.

What you must consider, friends, is the sheer numbers involved in Frieza's organization. Numbers determined everything in the PTO. It was numbers that decided a species' fate; an algorithm determined the best possible match for a client, a calculated, precise randomization that coldly sealed the fates of millions.

In some cases, certain offerings would appease Frieza and he would place some planet or another under his protection, as it were. These offerings varied. Whether it was resources, manpower, or just for laughs, there were myriad "protectorate" planets. Not all stayed there. Again, though it was the most well known example (at least after Frieza's death) , the homeworld of the Saiyans was not the only planet destroyed that had been under the fickle Arcosian's "protection."

Some were worse than others... In some cases, Frieza demanded the services of a particular individual on a planet in exchange for the "protectorate." Why? Sometimes it was because of their power level. Some reveled in it. Others did not. Some he chose precisely because they wouldn't like it and he knew it would hurt them horribly to be a part of his organization.

How do I know this, friend?

Because I was one such person.

From the preface of "Tu'fure ek Fihg Garhuu: Nuk i Taakad Detooyu tega ek Ahk'Kai," written by a former member of the PTO who was revived by the wish on the Dragon Balls post Namek.


When I was a child, as with all Feurins, I was educated in our religion. According to our beliefs, when we died, our souls were judged by our four legendary saints. They sat at one end of a massive table, which represented the entirety of your life, and your soul sat at the other. They would discuss your life and then conjure obstacles on the table that fit how you lived your life. If you lived your life free of sin, your table would be clear and you could easily join all of the other good souls in heaven. If you were bad, though, the table would fill with horrible tests and traps, each one representing a sin you had committed. What sin equaled what level of difficulty was not made clear, but one thing that was made clear was that if you had no repentance in you, your journey would become all but impossible. The worst of the worst would spend eternity trying to get across but never would. This doctrine was ingrained in each and every Feurin. It was the unquestionable truth; having come from our holy texts, there was no denying it. These texts had been written by a man who was said to have come back from the dead for the sole purpose of delivering this information. There were direct paintings of him rising from the dead and hundreds of accounts of the event in the texts, so no challenge to it ever gained serious merit. It was the TRUTH.

Which made what I was seeing all the more unbelievable.

I knew I was dead. From the moment I saw that white-gloved palm raise towards my face and release the ball of ki it held, I knew it was the end. It hurt less than you might think. A bright flash, a slight burning sensation, and then I was dead. I died knowing I had done the right thing, though. The Saiyan Vegeta, ruthless and implacable, was my killer. Not the Saiyan Vegeta who now resides on Earth; though he and my killer are physically the same person, the prince was a different man then. He was broken by the horrors he saw, as was I. In his case, his warrior's instincts grabbed hold of his shattered mind and wove it into a monster. Now? He is a changed person; I wish him every happiness the universe has to offer. But I digress.

I was shocked to see no table in front of me. Not even a chair or any such thing. I saw a long, twisting line of what appeared to be ghosts, stretching on and on into the distance. I turned around and saw the same behind me. I looked down and saw myself. My armor was in perfect condition, my wounds gone...I truly was dead, but how was this happening?

I do not know how long passed before I was aware again, but it was apparently a while, because there was no longer a line of spirits stretching into the distance. I was near what seemed to be a palace of sorts. Here, there was a definite path, made of smooth, flawless grey stone. The whole path was connected to the palace, which seemed to float on a sea of yellow clouds. And from the palace, I could hear a deep voice booming something that sounded like, "Next!" over and over again. I shuddered. With my once-unshakeable beliefs now lying in ruins, I was scared. I didn't know what was going to happen to me.

Soon, it was my turn. The source of the booming voice was revealed to be a gigantic red-skinned person with horns and a black hat. He sat at a desk carved of wood that was stained a beautifully rich shade of ruddy brown. His black hair cascaded behind him like a dark waterfall. He bent over me. Then he laughed.

"Well well well...What do we have here?" he boomed. "You've got an Otherworld body... I haven't seen one of those in ages. That means you're either destined for the higher heavens..." Here he paused and gave a creepy grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. "...Or you're destined to eternal damnation." He laughed again. "Well, don't you want to see which? Let's get started."

This, friends, is the story of how I lived and died – and lived again.


A lone Feurin floated in the upper reaches of Feur's atmosphere, his clothing in disarray, blood sheeting from a wound on his leg. He panted heavily – though Feurins did not necessarily need to breathe to live (just like Frieza's race), it helped with recovering strength. And he needed it. His eyes shone flinty hard, and he cradled a swelling ball of ki in his right hand. Above him, the diminutive form of Frieza floated. A sarcastic, caustic chuckle drifted to the Feurin's ears. "Come now, my dear Tevison, you honestly don't want to doom your race, now do you? You know you don't stand a chance against me."

Tevison growled harshly, the guttural sound crossing the space between them almost instantaneously. "You monster...How dare you even think that you own us. I will see you dead one day, you mark my words." This time the laughter that Frieza gave was genuinely amused. "How precious! You actually think an insect like you can have a hope of defeating me! This is rich!" Abruptly, his tone changed to a harsh, threatening tenor. "You fool...I am a god! I decide who lives and who dies! I decide what happens in this universe! Not some pathetic piece of garbage like you." His tone changed yet again. "Hmm, how careless of me. I let my temper get the best of me. My apologies. But back to business. I say, it is a small price to pay for the survival of your race, isn't it, Tevison? Serving me to save your kind? Isn't that a fair trade-off?" Again he chuckled. "So what will it be?"

Tevison's shoulders sagged, the stance of a defeated man. "You bastard...You'll pay one day, I swear it. But if this is all I can do...I'd be a fool not to. You've won, you evil bastard." Frieza laughed darkly. "Good, good. I can see this being the beginning of a beautiful relationship. But first, a test." The diminutive monster tapped his scouter. "All troops back to the ship. Pilot, lower us in the atmosphere. Vegeta, be a dear and come out to play, will you?" A stream of obscenities erupted from the scouter and Frieza held it away from his ears until the tirade stopped. "My my, little monkey. It would seem you have need of some...lessons." Immediately, the scouter quieted save for one last line that Tevison could not hear.

"Tevison, if you will, please follow me." With mock-politeness, Frieza put his hands behind his back and nodded in the direction the rounded ship was going. "My pet needs to breathe in order to fight. Sad, really." The Feurin set his teeth and followed.

Once he caught up with the ship, he could see that there was a man on the top of it even shorter than Frieza. No, not a man. Almost a child. At his sides were two hulking figures, one massively built bald man and another with a substantial amount of hair. All three had tails wrapped around their waists. Tevison swallowed thickly as apprehension trickled into his midsection. The three men were Saiyans. Their power was known throughout the galaxy, as well as their ruthlessness. The knot of apprehension twisted into fear.

"Now, let's see just how good you are," Frieza chuckled. "If you survive, say...two of these three fighters, I'll spare your planet and your life. How's that sound?" The Arcosian laughed with glee at the thought. At a signal from the overlord to the Saiyans, the smallest one whacked the skinnier muscle-bound warrior on the back, who immediately took off after stumbling from the hit. He flew up to Tevison's height, arms crossed over his chest. Now that the Feurin had a good view of the Saiyan's face, he noticed the prominent widow's peak as well as two red bands, one on an arm and the other around his leg. Not to mention the self-assured smirk on his face. The casualness with which the Saiyan treated him irked Tevison to no end. Before he could say anything, though, Frieza barked, "Begin!"

The Saiyan leaped into action, crossing the distance between the two in a split second. His fist crashed into a hastily thrown up block. Moving with the momentum of the punch, Tevison flew backwards into a loop, then shot back towards the Saiyan with redoubled speed. His fist, too, met the unyielding flesh of a forearm. The Saiyan's eyes glinted. "You're good," he remarked. "Let's see how good." And the Saiyan unleashed a flurry of punches.

Once he got over the initial shock of seeing the Saiyans, Tevison began to pay more attention to the fight. As it wore on, he began to realize that the Saiyan was fighting at the upper limits of his abilities. With a start, it hit him that this was the weakest of the group of Saiyans. And Tevison hadn't really had to expend much effort on this one. Hope surged in his chest. Eager to end the fight, he ignited his full power and hammered on the Saiyan's defenses. Three blows later, he broke his opponent's right arm. Hissing, the Saiyan disengaged and was about to charge a massive ki blast when the overlord appeared behind him. "I declare Tevison the winner of this little match, my dear monkey. Perhaps you should have trained harder."

Growling at Tevison, the Saiyan retreated back to the ship, to be met by a vicious backhand from the shorter one that barely reached his lower ribs. Tevison was astonished to see the struck Saiyan collapse, grasping his side with his good arm. From the looks of things, that hit had broken some ribs. Sneering, the tiny Saiyan turned to the other warrior. Levitating to reach his ear, the diminutive fighter whispered something that made the hulking Saiyan pale in apparent fear. Nodding hurriedly, he took off into the air. "Ah, the chief of the Saiyan army. Pity there isn't one anymore, isn't it?" Frieza laughed yet again. "Now...Begin!"

Before Tevison could react, the giant Saiyan had already landed a blow to his gut. Hacking, the Feurin retreated from the brute's attacks. Despite his great size, the Saiyan was very agile. This made it difficult for Tevison to evade his attacks. Switching mindsets, Tevison changed his style. More evasion, more offense. Twisting around a thick arm, Tevison grasped the limb and yanked. Accordingly, the Saiyan twirled around, a surprised look on his face. As the warrior tried to recover, Tevison landed three devastating blows to the Saiyan's back. Howling, the burly fighter spun around at a speed far faster than Tevison was prepared to deal with. His fist glowing with energy, the Saiyan swung at the Feurin's midsection, only missing due to Tevison flinching in shock. This only enraged the Saiyan more. Roaring in anger, he pressed his attack, launching wild blasts of ki at Tevison. Two hit his shoulder and one hit his leg. He cried out in pain and the Saiyan took the opportunity to land a haymaker on the small of the Feurin's back. The blow left Tevison stunned. Laughing now, the Saiyan grabbed Tevison by a leg and hung him upside down. "You pathetic creature. You never had a chance against a Saiyan elite. I'll give you points for effort though. Not that it counts for anything," he chuckled. "Well, I guess this is goodbye – " The Saiyan loosed a bloodcurdling howl of pain as Tevison landed a dirty hit to his groin. He dropped the Feurin like a sack of bricks and doubled over in midair, cursing violently. "I'm going to get you for that, you little bastard! AAARGH!" And while the Saiyan was promising vengeance, the Feurin kneed the base of his tail with all the strength he could muster. Barely floating at this point, the Saiyan was clearly pissed. Veins stood out so far on his skin that Tevison half wondered if they would bust. "You'll pay for that, punk," he growled. Straightening up, the Saiyan began shouting as he powered up. Lightning began to snap around him, white lines of ki swirling around his form. Then the Saiyan leaned back and fired a massive beam of ki from his mouth. Tevison barely dodged it, and nearly missed seeing another heading his way. And the Saiyan just kept firing beams. Barely able to dodge, the Feurin wondered how long the barrage would keep up. He got his answer seconds later when the white beams ceased. Panting, the Saiyan glared at him. Then he rushed the Feurin yet again. Tevison blocked an uppercut, then retaliated with a variation on a spinning kick. The Saiyan tanked the blow and responded with a simple straight punch. Tevison moved to block, but the fist moved faster than he could respond and switched targets, from his face to his gut. Coughing, Tevison dropped under the Saiyan and blasted him with a ki beam that accidentally hit the Saiyan's groin again. Howling, Tevison's opponent dropped like a stone, landing with a thud on the top of the ship.

"My my, Tevison. Well done. I do declare you the winner of this bout as well." Frieza clapped slowly and mockingly. "Your planet is hereby safe. Care to test yourself against my final challenger, the Saiyan prince Vegeta?" He gestured in the direction of the only Saiyan left standing on the ship, who was currently berating his underling for his failure by further injuring him. After breaking his arms, at least four of his ribs, and his jaw, he let him go limp into the ship. Tevison looked upon the scene with revulsion. "Ah ah ah...are you going to answer me or not?" Frieza looked at Tevison with amusement. Tevison spat off to his side and slowly nodded, knowing that if he refused, the alien was likely to blow his planet up anyway.

The over lord smiled malevolently. "Vegeta, come on now! Let's see how well you do." With barely concealed rage, the Saiyan took off from the top of the ship and came to hover in front of Tevison. The young warrior had far more hate in his eyes than one so young ever should. The Saiyan dropped into a casual fighting stance and then was still as he waited for the fight to begin. Frieza laughed. "And...Begin!"

Tevison knew that the child was powerful, and so had expected to be struck as soon as Frieza said to begin. Surprisingly, he was disappointed. Vegeta floated across from him, still as a stone. Then the Saiyan spoke. "I wonder...How ever did a species as weak as yours produce a fighter as evidently capable as yourself? I am surprised. Raditz I expected to go down; he's always dead weight on major missions without his Oozaru transformation. But Nappa has always been a very capable warrior, almost on par with myself. But there is a small matter that must be addressed here. You inflicted injury on two of my subjects." The child's lips pulled back to reveal feral looking fangs. "I am the only one allowed to do that, other than my lord Frieza. I am their prince, and they are my subjects! And I will ensure that you know that by the time I am through with you. I will make you endure such pain as you have never known; I will break you, bone by bone, until you beg for death. Then, and only then, might I consider allowing you to die." The Saiyan gave a laugh that was almost as insane as Frieza's own. "If I feel like being merciful."


Well, I think this one's going to draw some "customers." I hope you enjoy this! Please review and give me your ideas, observations, or anything like that! C'mon,it's just a minute of your time. What does it hurt? Also, I've got a challenge! Can you figure out the name pun on the OC? Hope you have fun trying to figure it out!