Disclaimer: Ummm...Lucius Malfoy, Draco Malfoy, and Voldemort are J.K. Rowling's. Andromeda is a figment of my twisted and complex imagination.
Everyone views me as what I am-a cold, cruel, heartless man. That's true. Halfway. I'll admit I have a temper that knows no bounds, and I do worship Voldemort. But that's where the truth ends and the unspeakable cover-up began. I remember Voldemort...he was forcing me to kill...I had to. It was him or me. I have a one-track mind, and yes, I'm a little-no, pretty damn selfish. I killed him. Any woman in my position would have followed Voldemort's orders. Either Lucius Malfoy would die or I would. What else could I have done? And the boy-Draco-he was why I got expelled from the Dark Forces. He was only an infant. He had just lost his father at the hands of, I'll readily admit, one of the cruelest and coldest women ever to walk the earth. How could I have not taken him in? How could I have killed him? He was so sweet, so innocent. Being the woman I really am, I adopted him. I've gotten pretty used to being referred to as 'Father'. He often asks me details about my 'wedding'. I usually shrug him off and tell him to go do something else. How can I tell him the truth? About his real and false father? About his real and false mother? He is fourteen, a responsible adult, but still the infant he was the fateful night when his father died. I never really think about Draco's mother. She was dead almost immediately after he was born. Her death is another sin engraved on my heart of stone. My 'wife', better known as my sister, Andromeda, is my only confidant. People think I can't live with myself. That's also true. Many more nights than not, I talk with my sister for hours. I ask her how long I can hide this secret from Draco. His parents are dead, she isn't his mother, and I am anything but his father. Should I...? Will he...? He would never forgive me. He would probably kill me. Alarmingly, every time I think that, I get a beastly urge to spill all the secrets. Since he had to cope with the big bad world of boarding school, he confides in me more than ever. Is this a coincidence? He'll kill me if I tell him, and for the last three years, I've been seriously contemplating suicide. Andromeda has become very distant since I told her. She never trusted herself with secrets when we were younger. She never wants to be with Draco for long periods of time, thinking she might let the secret slip. It saddens me. What to do? Draco will be shattered either way. I hate to admit it, but I'm becoming distant as well. Should I let him kill me? Or should I leave it up to me? My sister and I now wish our father, who we used to resent so much, were with us. He was a large, intimidating man, and very sour, seeing as he wanted boys from the start. Even so, he would always offer advice. I think about him all the time, usually at night. His memory alone is enough to make me cry. If I had to go to him with a predicament like this...oh, here I go again...if he was still alive, he would just be another option for me. Another option for death. My present is a carbon copy of my past. The two of us, especially Andromeda, being the less tomboyish one, often feared that our father would kill us. That was just juvenile girlish funk (silly fear), but this huge coverup I'm carrying out would undoubtedly drive him so far as to murder both his daughters without a second thought. I have always been an actress. I could never be the coward I occassionally am in front of my father. Hogwarts was worse. This brings me back to the 'marriage'. I fell in love with about seven fine young men at school, but of course my father would make my life a living hell if I admitted it. None of them were pureblooded. I was forced to pretend that I hated them. Do you know what that's like? Spitting insults at a boy while staring into his eyes and wishing he would kiss you? Fistfighting with girls when you wish you could be gossipping with them under the covers at night? Scorning and discriminating children, shrugging them off like so much trash, while in your heart you know you want to spend the rest of your life with them? And all because of a father, a man who is supposed to shield you, make you feel loved, make sure that you are happy? I made at least several attempts to kill myself before my graduation. Needless to say, at times I was afraid my father would do the killing for me. Though only in my forties, my life is already over. Every passing day is another struggle with myself. And every passing day, I come closer to losing. One day I am going to die. That's inevitable, but I get this morbid feeling it'll be by my own hands. Every once in a while, I look back on my life in every aspect. Romance...I fell in love, but was not allowed to love them. Family...I am 'married' to my sister and am raising a boy who is orphaned because of me. Self peace...I often consider myself dead.
My death is inevitable. I'll tell Draco everything, and he will undoubtedly kill me. I could ask Andromeda to kill me. Or I could commit the most selfish crime in existence. End my own suffering. Suicide. How I long for the sweet bliss of death. If only I could get it. If only.
A/N: Wasn't that sad? Wasn't that strange? Let me know in your reviews if you think it was weird or angsty. Please review! And don't start bombarding me with reviews that say "Lucius doesn't have a sister" "If that isn't Draco's dad, how come 'he' looks like him?" "How come 'he' killed Lucius when the real person is a follower of Voldemort himself?" I was hyper when I wrote this, 'kay? Just review! Forget the books! Forget truth! JUST SAY WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
