Title: Spatchcock

Author: AppleL0V3R and ZOMGiwantspieNAAOOWW

Beta-reader: ZOMGiwantspieNAAOOWW

Fandom: Digimon Season 4: Frontier

Pairing: Kimura, Kouichi and Minamoto, Kouji

Rating: T

Type: One-shot – Complete

Summary: "Take it out!" "Kouji, stop whining." "I'm not whining. It hurts." "Well you should have though of that before you made that step."

Theme: Set 408 – Spatchcock

Word Count: 1,083

Disclaimer: If you've heard of it before, then it's obviously not mine.

Notes: Firstly, yes this one was truly co-written. I did the dialogue and Katt did the choreography. Katt: Anyone who gets the joke here has a dirty mind…including the authors.

..:Xx0o0xX:..

Spatchcock (spach-kok)

To insert or interweave, esp. in a forced or incongruous manner.

Or

Insert something awkwardly

..:Xx0o0xX:..

"Ow! Nii-san, that hurts!"

"It wouldn't hurt so much if you stayed still." Kouichi rationalized.

Kouji glared at his brother for his calm-as-you-please demeanor. "You say that like done this before."

"I have. Which is why you should listen to your experienced older brother, Kouji." He even shook a finger in the younger one's face for emphasis.

In no mood for his brother's games, Kouji tried to bite him. To no avail. He cursed inwardly, "Just keep your hands where they're supposed to be."

"Supposed to be? You make it sound like they have to stay in one place." But never the less, they did return to their original spot.

"They do. Just take the damn thing out."

"Now, now Kouji, it's not nice to damn things. Especially not things that are stuck in your–"

"Just hurry up. How hard can it be anyway?"

"It would be easier if someone would stop squirming." Kouichi jerked once more, which earned a string of curses from his younger sibling. He had such a foul vocabulary sometimes. And at times like this, it was more amusing then anything. He was cute when he got overly reactive.

"Well, I would if it weren't so painful!"

He nodded sagely "The first time usually is. And the second and the third. Though it does get easier."

The Minamoto snapped back immediately "Oh really, I had no idea." He paused for a moment, "And stop talking like I intend to do this again. This wasn't my idea."

Kouichi smirked darkly, amused by his brother's insistent defiance, even when left completely at another's mercy. "Your fault," he stated, in a highly as-a-matter-of-fact tone of voice.

"Take it out," Kouji demanded.

"Kouji, stop whining."

"I'm not whining. It hurts."

"Well you should have though of that before you made that step," proclaimed the elder, and resumed his previous actions, once again eliciting pained expressions from his 'victim'.

"Ow, ow, ow. Can't you be gentler?" Kouji complained, wincing heavily.

"Do you want gentle, or do you want it out?" came the deceptively sweet retort.

"I want it out."

"Well, then there might be a problem with that," Kouichi warned softly, glancing tersely at the area currently in question.

"Problem?" Kouji echoed faintly. "What kind of 'problem'." His eyes grew wide, sparkling with worry.

Without glancing up, Kouichi, after a bit of careful maneuvering and light movement, came to a verdict. "It won't come out."

"What does that mean...?"

"It means that it's stuck."

"What?" The boy currently sprawled on the ground exclaimed, his voice cracking to a pitch that would have been the envy of any soprano.

"Wow, didn't know your voice could go that high."

"Not funny." Kouji glared, concern still cowering behind the wall of annoyance.

"I wonder how loud it can go," snickered Kouichi. He jerked again, hard enough to cause Kouji to kick out (albeit with little success).

"Ow! You sadist, you're enjoying this."

"If I'm a sadist, then you're a masochist."

"Wh-what?"

"It makes sense, since were opposites. I guess that's why we get along so well."

"Oh yeah, we're the best of pals, practically joint at the hip. Cause there's absolutely nothing wrong with my twin brother getting off on–" Kouichi made sure to repeat his previous motion precisely, receiving the desired effect. "Ow!" He yelped again, and, gritting his teeth, finished his thought. "Torture."

"Sorry. It slipped," Kouichi said, his voice full of innocence (in utter contrast with his expression).

"Oh yeah, that's believable."

"Speaking of, I think we have to widen right about..."

"Widen what?" Kouji said, confused. Kouichi tipped an eyebrow, and casually gestured. "No. That area's been abused enough as it is," Kouji said adamantly.

"But Kouji. That seems like the best idea." He said, trying to be logical. Honestly, this was getting ridiculous. Blown out of proportion.

"And I repeat. Sadist."

"Masochist."

"I am not!"

"Are too. We're like this because of you," Kouichi pointed out.

"Yeah, how about we trade positions."

"Sorry. Not happening, I like my anatomy to remain the way it is."

The younger twin gave a pained sigh, exasperated. "We should have at least gone inside. It'd be more comfortable."

"Well, that would require me carrying you," Kouichi said, trying to return his attention to more pressing matters.

"No it wouldn't." Kouichi rolled his eyes. Sometimes, Kouji was just so stubborn.

"Your right, you're totally in the condition to be walking right now."

"I can."

"Not straight. I bet you'll be limping for at least two days," the elder calculated after a quick inspection.

"I would not."

"Tell me if your answer is the same in the morning."

"If I am it's because you were rough!" Kouji snarled.

"Oh that isn't rough–"

"Yes it – Ow!"

"–this is rough." Kouichi gripped his brother's leg strongly, determined to keep him from kicking out again, and used all the strength he could muster. Kouji's voice escalated to an elongated squeal.

"There. All done."

"Finally," Kouji moaned, falling back miserably on the grass. His expression, Kouichi decided, was cute… But, well after all, the day wasn't over.

"You can't lay there forever."

"Why not?" Kouji flicked a glaring eye open.

"You're going to need a tetanus shot," Kouichi said, standing.

"What?" He jackknifed into a sitting position, and immediately regretted it.

"Well that's what happens when you step on a nail, Kouji," said Kouichi, in his I-know-all-so-shut-up-and-listen voice. He held up the pliers he'd been using to free the worn, bent, orange-brown object which had been deeply embedded in his brother's foot. It was a rough-edged old thing, seemingly built just to cause pain to the first person to tread on it. "And a rusty one at that." Kouji groaned.