Even though I use the word "goddamn" to the point of being redundant, I'm convinced I'm not doing too badly in the ol' brain department as I don't think any other muggle has pieced together as much about the whole Potter business as I have (except perhaps some of the ol' Europeans and Asians because in this goddamn western world we only hear about them if they make a scientific discovery or start killing off all their goddamn citizens).
There's also a possibility that ol' Rainbow Rowell has an inkling of something fishy going on because I'm reading ol' Fangirl at the moment and even though I haven't noticed any homosexuality in the wizarding world, the ol' "Simon Snow" idea seems to pretty accurately represent Potter, Granger and Weasley, a word after which it's suitable to through in another 's' because of the goddamn marriage nonsense, which to my knowledge has already taken place because of the clues I've been noticing around the place that point to some Album Severus Potters on the goddamn loose. And if that wasn't sickening enough, then the whole marriage business should be. I can tell from a goddamn distance that ol' Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger are about as compatible as a dementor and a patronus.
I'm pretty clever if you can't already tell. I'm something like ol' Sherlock Holmes' sidekick in the new season (the BBC one, not the goddamn American nonsense) the one on all the drugs but who still has a goddamn brain in his head, which is hard to find these days; of course, it's not especially uncommon and I'm usually a pretty good judge, though I actually recently came across a character who I would have said was a goddamn idiot from a distance. [this character] Being in a movie, I picked up the trail pretty goddamn quickly, but had I met him in a real life context, I would have thought he was a goddamn fool – I'm talking about ol' Gerry Boyle from 2011's The Guard, which wasn't especially amusing if you ask me.
Anyway, I live in ol' Little Whinging and I'm sure that if ol' Holden Caulfield had seen it, he would have drawn attention to the phoniness of the place. In fairness though, what phoniness hasn't been drawn attention to by ol' Holden, the bastard. In fact the only person who isn't phony in the whole goddamn neighborhood (including ol' Harry Potter) has always seemed to be ol' Arabella Figg, my meeting with whom basically launches the story, a thing which is ongoing mind you. Present tense in other words.
