All her life . . . it was amazing what that one little thing could do to you.

It broke her heart every day . . .what was there to do besides laugh and move on?

Except it was hard. And she couldn't. There wasn't even the smallest chance yet . . . . maybe someday.

She could remember everything. The way he smiled, but not at her, the way he laughed, but not with her.

And then when they stood face to face. And then she understood. She was nothing to him, not even thought about. She was a minor annoyance, a dog.

And that was when the crying began. At night, muffled into her pillow. The crying did stop after a while, but the insomnia never did.

The suffering was intense, but it hardened, and after a while, it went a away. Or at least that was what she thought. Really, it went into a chrysalis.

Caterpillars, when they come out of a chrysalis, are butterflies. The most beautiful things. The suffering didn't change like that. Instead it hardened, and she was left with anger.

So she took it out on them. Or, more specifically, her. She'd seen the way they walked and talked, the way he respected her, and how he listened.

It was a just a hint of the great man he could be.

Could be.

Nothing helped her. Forget and move on, that's the advice her friends told her. But she had given another name, and besides, her friends really didn't care. They were together as a matter of convenience. As practice for later.

Later. She hated that word. It was what her life amounted to. Maybe later, he will notice. Hah! Later, we will be respected. But that was before.

This is now. This is present day. This is her staring at her life, at her old scars, at the old memories.

And this is her staring at her husband, the strange man who was never really hers. And at the child she can't forgive herself for conceiving.

Right now, she envies them and their happy faces. They came off on the good side, where everybody laughed and where there were no serious cares.

The butterflies had a chrysalis. Right now she wished she had one too.

She would do anything to change. She would change her life, her future, her past . . .

Out of everything, she envies the butterflies.

AN: So, this is my first fanfic. I'm not sure if I should keep going, or just leave it. But, if you want to find out who it is, you're going to have to wait. Or review. PLEASE REVIEW!! -puppy dog face- Thanks for reading!!

flamesfire

you fight fire with fire

a warning