A/N: A little bit late for a New Year fic, but here we go anyway.
This is really just a chance for me to indulge one of my biggest fantasies for A/B, and to extend a little bit upon the very lovely Anna dance scene in the Christmas Special.
The scenario and title is inspired by the song of the same name, from Sunset Boulevard.
Also, I couldn't resist slipping in a reference to a certain interview that aired while I was writing, and which pretty much turned me into an even bigger fangirling pile of mush.
Disclaimer: I don't own Downton Abbey, Anna Bates or John Bates. That honour goes to Julian Fellowes/Carnival.
Happy 2013 A/B fans - I have a feeling it will be a good one *fingers crossed*. Roll on, September...
"I'm awfully sorry, m'lady."
Anna winced as she held the curling iron in fingertips that were almost burning, more out of guilt than due to the appliance itself, shamefully regarding the skin at Lady Mary's temple that was reddening by the second.
"It's quite alright, Anna," Lady Mary returned, leaning a little in her seat towards the mirror and raising her hand to her head to tentatively inspect the damage. "It won't take much to cover it over."
"I don't know why it should be," she surely couldn't have got out of practise in the matter of a couple of days, she thought to herself as she walked to the other side, regarding the style with careful eyes from a different angle. "But it just doesn't look right."
"Don't worry yourself," Lady Mary said with a quiet but distinct huff, and Anna felt herself shrink in the vast room, until Lady Mary's shoulders swivelled and she turned to face her with a reassuring half-smile. "It doesn't matter too much if it's not perfect, at least not tonight. It's in a few days when it all counts, or supposedly." She gave a little smirk before stretching back around to view herself in the glass, fingertips instinctively reaching up to the glowing spot once more. "I can always say that I insisted on trying it out for myself, but suffered the consequences."
"Oh no, m'lady, you mustn't…what would everyone think, a lady's maid unable to do her job properly, and after so many years of practise." Anna heard herself give out a nervous laugh into the echoing silence of the room.
"Nobody would think such a thing," Lady Mary assured. "Besides, they all know what I'm like; once I get an idea into my head, it can't be put away until I've done something about it, even if on the rare occasion it doesn't go quite according to plan."
Now, Anna's laughter pealed with less restraint and with no trace of anxiety as she watched Lady Mary's attempts to salvage the situation. Hastily, she took the pins and began to fix strands in place over the burnt patch of skin, before Lady Mary could make things look much worse.
"Well, thank you, m'lady, for covering my shortcomings."
"It's not as if I ever have cause to do so."
Anna smiled back at Lady Mary in the mirror. She continued to work in silence for a few moments, before Lady Mary spoke again.
"I haven't had the chance to ask you, Anna, how you enjoyed Christmas?"
Anna's gaze dropped down to the floor momentarily and she felt her cheeks redden slightly.
"I enjoyed it very much, m'lady. We both did. It was a very lovely day indeed."
"Oh, of course," Lady Mary exclaimed, as if the thought had only just occurred to her, "it was yours and Bates' first Christmas in your cottage. Well, it must have been incredibly special."
Anna attempted to keep the smile on her face from growing ridiculously large, but found she could hardly contain herself, reasoning that she had no need to hide her happiness from anyone, upstairs or downstairs.
"It was. Of course, we came here in the afternoon to have dinner and celebrate with everyone else, which was lovely, but it was very nice to have the morning to ourselves."
"I'm sure it was."
She noticed Lady Mary's eyebrows lift suggestively to her in the mirror, and even though both being married women they could share in a certain amount of knowledge, Anna still found herself being a little shocked at the implication of what was being said. Lady Mary simply let out a short laugh, and Anna could not help but follow pursuit. Making the final adjustments, her hands left Lady Mary's head and she stepped back to survey her work.
"There you go, m'lady. It's the best I can do, lest I be here for another hour."
Lady Mary poked and prodded a little, turning her head from side to side before, seeming satisfied, stared straight ahead at herself in the glass.
"It looks fine, Anna. We'll have another go this evening, and then we have a few more trial runs."
She smiled a little, turning herself to head out of the door. "Is there anything else you need?"
"No, that's all for now. Thank you, Anna."
"Thank you, m'lady."
She caught glance of Lady Mary giving a small, appreciative smile in the mirror before she closed the door behind her quietly. When she was outside the room, Anna let out a hushed but lengthy sigh. It felt as though she had been inside there for hours, grappling with the hair styling appliance without a great deal of success. She still wasn't entirely pleased with the results, and suspected Lady Mary was humouring her somewhat as well, but she put it out of her head as she turned and began to stride down the long corridor.
She had got some way along until she was stopped by a noise coming from the far end, the unmistakeable sound of a baby's cry. While it wasn't always the most pleasant of sounds, she could think of far worse and Anna's heart and stomach leapt up upon hearing the little mewls. She had just turned on her heels, about to head back in the direction she had came from, when she beheld the figure of Mr Branson emerging, rushing hurriedly into the intended room. Anna smiled with relief and a little sadness to hear the cries cease seconds afterwards, and she lingered on the spot for a few moments, wondering about the scene inside. Nobody had any doubt that Mr Branson would love his daughter unconditionally, but silently, there had been more than a few worries expressed about how he would come to terms with it all; it was a tough enough business being a first time father, but to have to cope with the many unexpected aspects that arrived with the joy of new life alongside the incomprehensible sorrow of losing the infant's mother and love of your life was surely a burden that even the most capable person would have found far too much. To the surprise of some but the delight of all, Mr Branson had managed more than admirably and was bringing up little Sybbie quite wonderfully indeed, insisting that he spend more time with her than was really required with the services of the nanny available at almost every hour of the day. He doted on his little daughter, already so much like her mother in image and temperament, the light and joy of Downton Abbey. Indeed, it would have been hard for anyone to question the claim that becoming a father, even in such tragic circumstances, had been the making of Tom Branson, from a rather brash and hot-headed boy to a confident, sure-minded and really very reasonable man. The smile tugged at the corners of Anna's lips to hear Mr Branson's cheery shouts, set at a slightly higher pitch than usual, travelling down the corridor, accompanied shortly after by Sybbie's contented gurgling. She let her thoughts drift a little, conjuring up a not dissimilar image which she hoped would not be too far off in the future, set in their cottage with both of them taking it in turns to bounce a little bundle in their arms, cooing and making faces to muster up a happy giggle from the tot. The vision whirled happily in her head, continuing somewhat fancifully as she caught sight of the face of the grandfather clock standing by her side, and her feet hastened along before the rest of her caught up.
If she hadn't spent the best part of the early afternoon painstakingly preparing Lady Mary's hair, it would have been doubtful whether she would have took notice of the date. 31st December 1920; New Year's Eve. Another little sigh escaped her lips, this one of a considerably different tone, one that consisted of wonderment and a pleasant kind of disbelief that the day should have arrived and should be finding her in such a happy state. Here she was; bruised and battered, granted, by the year that had passed, but emerging unscathed, still standing, being able to look back at the time as even now it was beginning to recede into the distance, taking its darkness far away and leaving her with the light of things to come held firmly in her hands and a smile settled certainly on her face.
As they had been holed up there, Anna stretching up and working her fingers in concentration, Lady Mary sitting placidly and patiently, the talk had turned inevitably to the significance of the day. A time that was set aside specifically to take stock, to consider all that had happened in the space of twelve months. Anna had thought that she had spent much of the past eight years doing little else but considering, not just what had gone but everything that was, or perhaps wasn't, to come. She only seemed to realise at that very minute that for this year at least, it had been quite a different story. It was as if she hadn't been able to let herself step back and acknowledge, neither physically nor mentally, until she could affirm with an allotted certainty that really, it was quite safe to do so, that no hidden trap was lying in wait to foil her.
1920 had been quite the year, Lady Mary had remarked; momentous in a number of ways, some quite strikingly different from others. In any respect, it was certainly one which would not be forgotten in a hurry. Anna could not argue with that. If part of her was surprised at the suddenness at which this date had occurred, signalling the end of another year so soon, another felt it hadn't come quickly enough; that quite unlike anyone else she had lived several years in the space of just one, so much had many of its days dragged by in darkness regardless of the season, hope dwindling as each was crossed from the calendar. Of course, she had lived in the very midst of the ordeal for much longer beforehand, but it was at the dawning of the new decade, as new starts and promises had burst all around, that she had been plunged headlong into a yawning abyss, barely keeping grasp on the slightest thread that would spare his life and, by that account, her own. She could still recall now, mere hours to the very same moment but a year previous, how the clocks had chimed with a sharp, sickening sound, bringing in midnight, ringing in her ears and sending deep fear shooting into her stomach. Another day closer to judgement. She had opened her eyes in the hallway where she'd had to go to escape the celebrations which she'd had no right to put a stop to, still able to clearly define the movement of the plodding hands across the clock even in the near black. Each stroke and second marked seemed to reach out, aiming to stab her squarely in the chest. Briefly as she stood in the brightness of Lady Mary's bedroom, miles away and safer than she could have ever reckoned then, a wave of half-remembered nausea washed over her.
It certainly was not the way she had hoped to be seeing in the year, and she had remembered wishing to possess the impossible ability, to send time spiralling backwards, or at the very least prevent it from marching onwards and bringing what could have only been something unthinkable and unbearable, whatever vantage point it was viewed from. She had known, in her heart of hearts, that the outcome was not going to be welcome and the days, the minutes, the seconds ahead of her would prove to be the most challenging she would ever have to face. Where she would find the courage to see it through, she did not truly know. Yet she had survived the year that was now on the very verge of concluding, and it had proved to be the one that had defined her. There was no questioning that it had been a long and truly testing struggle, and there had been points over its first nine months – more than she had cared to mention or had really reckoned – where she had come incredibly close to the wire, to curling up and collapsing and letting herself be conquered. But throughout it all she had persevered, keeping herself sure and strong, determined that before it was out the day would come: the day she kept fighting, living and breathing for. The day when finally, he would be free, for the rest of time. She resolved that another year would not be ushered in before it arrived, not caring that it was some months too late for New Year's resolutions to be made. The final three months had flown by so very fast, disappearing in a blissful haze from the seconds he had emerged from behind those gates and returned once more into her arms, her heart catching wonderfully in her throat as he pressed against her. It felt almost to her like they had only lived in their cottage, their safe haven full and furnished with their love, mere days rather than many weeks. Perhaps it had been the arduous wait that had made time appear distorted, somehow unreal.
For as much as she had wanted to throughout the past months, and which nobody in their right mind would have denied the opportunity to her, Anna contemplated that she would not change the departing year for anything, would not relive it any differently if the chance was offered. She knew if she voiced it aloud, even to Lady Mary who had been more understanding than many others would have had the capacity to be in the same situation, it surely would have seemed very strange indeed, and really quite incomprehensible. But now, perhaps only in this very minute that she was experiencing, it all made complete sense. Even though it was what she imagined hell on earth to be like, she had had to journey through it to emerge stronger and only now did she have the true feeling that she was unbreakable in very self and spirit. Even though she had never been in doubt of it, not as the sun rose in the east each morning, she was now aware that their love was quite unique, incredibly special, the very power that sustained her through the very worst to the very best of times. And, oh, how these last three months had been the very best she had ever known in her entire life. Every day she woke in his arms, his skin against hers, safe in the knowledge that they were entirely free to love, to belong to each other forever. Every night he brought her so close to him, away from the rest of the world, laying his hands upon every inch of her in turn, revealing so openly all of what was in his heart and letting her bear herself too, and she closed her eyes, revelling completely in the love that they shared, that had already lasted several lifetimes. To have what they had now made everything else that lay behind worthwhile, and also made her trust fervently once more in the belief that she had never dismissed, even if she had sought to questioning the depth of its truth some times over the past year. No, her fundamental way of thinking had not altered, even if her perspectives on life had, somewhat inevitably. Everything happens for a reason. She had been blinded to it for a while, but once again it was clear as being bathed in new daylight to her. Indeed, everything did happen for a reason, and brought forth the source of many more happy ones to occur in the future. She couldn't help but smile when she thought of all that had been spoken not too long ago between herself and Lady Mary, reflecting back and looking forth to the year that was tantalisingly around the corner. Rather offhand, Lady Mary had asked her what she believed the New Year would bring.
"Oh, I'm not sure I could say, m'lady." She knew of things that she hoped would happen, but even now, as she possessed so much new good fortune, she was a little reluctant to say them out loud. "I think I'll just let it surprise me. Whatever happens, it couldn't be much worse than the things that have gone during this year."
Lady Mary looked at her intently, before letting her gaze fall. "Quite," she uttered simply and quietly.
There was a little contemplative silence between the two women, until Lady Mary spoke once more, raising her voice confidently again.
"Good things. That's what 1921 shall give us. Many of them, better than we have ever known."
Anna beamed down at Lady Mary through the mirror. She had to feel that she was definitely speaking the truth, in both of their cases.
"Yes, m'lady. I do believe you're right."
As she got further along the corridor, coming to approach the stairs, Anna found her thoughts and the silence quite infiltrated. A jaunty melody filled the air, not the singular and familiar sound of the piano coming from the servants' hall but something far closer, from just below the staircase in the hall that also served as the house's ballroom. It included a symphony of instruments, as if a whole orchestra had arrived impromptu and set to playing just for her. The temporary confusion lifted; she comprehended exactly why the music should have been playing and she grinned widely, being enlivened in every sense by having the tune set steadily against her ears. She did love to hear music almost more than anything else, and hearing it unexpectedly made her quite cheerful indeed, as well as a little sad that such a grand space should be filled with it so infrequently; if it was up to her, music would be playing there at near enough every hour of the day, and not just on special occasions. Anna giggled inwardly to think of the horror such an opinion would ignite in Mr Carson, who just about tolerated it because of the season. Before she had ascended upstairs, she had noticed Ivy, Alfred and Jimmy lingering around the gramophone, staring in fascination for a while before Jimmy, apparently a little less bothered by the others at the sight of the device, ventured forth, picking up one of the records and placing the needle down upon it. A loud blast sounded out, and Alfred jumped forward, clambering to fiddle with the controls to lower the music.
"Eh, we don't want Mr Carson to 'ear," Alfred whispered to no avail against the beat of the record and Ivy's rapturous laughter as Jimmy swung her round by the waist. All concern for covering their actions left Alfred in a flash as he looked up to see the pair dancing, his face set like thunder seeing Jimmy steal his chance, yet somehow he still looked peculiarly like a puppy in need of rescuing from a puddle.
Anna had laughed to herself as she turned her back from them, thinking how she would have been the most amazed of all to behold such a mechanism if it had appeared in the house when she was their age. She knew for certain she would have been the first to try it out and to whirl herself around without care on the floor, though preferably alone or with the other junior maids, not near the footmen who had been around then, all of whom had rather 'anxious' hands. No doubt Mrs Patmore had heard the commotion without coming that far out from the kitchen and issued an command at decibels much louder than the music for them all to stop gallivanting around and get back to work at once, and in their hurry to not be on the receiving end of a further tongue lashing, they'd departed the room leaving the gramophone still going. Her insides sank a little, hating to be the one who would have to shut it off – she did love so much to listen, and was rather enjoying herself as she skipped along to the beat unseen, but knew there would be little choice in the matter. Even if there was nobody else around, it was better that than risk the roof exploding clean off with Mr Carson's fury if he were to come across a magically-playing gramophone, and though it might have been their just desserts, she couldn't do that to the poor unsuspecting trio. Still, it would be a shame not to leave it on just a little longer.
Coming down from the top of the staircase, her feet bouncing in time with each step, Anna stopped on one stair suddenly, a little surprised but quite overjoyed to behold a pair of long trousered legs standing at the foot, just a little way away from where the gramophone was positioned, accompanied by their reliable companion of a cane to his right-hand side, her left in view. A hand flew up to settle on her chest as her breathing was thrown out of its regular pattern, and a rush of love and sheer gratefulness hit her right in the centre of her chest at the acknowledgement of his very being there, almost right in front of her if she just managed to go a little further on. This time last year, he was so far away. I thought I'd never see him again, that he might not even be on this earth much longer…She had to refrain from pinching herself hard on the arm. Her eyes were deceiving her no longer; he really was there. The smile bursting upon her lips grew wider as she moved into action once more, placing one foot carefully in front of the other. She couldn't recall the last time they had come across each other in this part of the house; usually they'd always end up meeting at the table in the servants' hall, or perhaps pass in the corridor as they made their way to or from Lady Mary and Lord Grantham's dressing rooms. Anna felt a little light-headed all of a sudden, imagining herself descending the staircase in a beautiful flowing gown instead of her uniform, having him waiting patiently, overwhelmed by the sight of her as she appeared, taking her arm gently in his and leaving a soft kiss on her hand, before they swept away together.
Taking all of him in as she stepped down from the final stair, she felt her cheeks flush a rosy pink when he gave her a warm smile, his eyes lighting up entirely on regarding her before him from head to toe.
"We should have one of these ourselves," he issued softly, gesturing towards the gleaming gramophone.
Anna giggled, walking over to where both stood. "The size of it, it would take up the whole sitting room! Or near enough, anyway."
John replied with a chortle of his own, touching her hand to the small of her back, and she welcomed the contact ever so much, arching herself perceptibly into his palm.
"Well, when they get smaller then." He bent himself down, nestling his mouth close to her ear, letting his warm breath dance upon her. "Or, when we get a bigger house."
"We've only just moved in, and you're already thinking of us getting a bigger house? You are very impatient," she chimed in a tone that near enough sang to the still playing music.
"We can't all be blessed with your endless patience, my love."
She glanced up to see him grinning at her, with a very mischievous glint in his eye, and she just about melted.
"But I have learnt a lot from you," his fingers moved against her own delicately yet deftly. "And there is no other place on this earth I would wish to call home. I am incredibly content to be there."
"As am I."
They stood, hands laced tight together, her relishing every minute stroke of his fingertips against her skin, that still and would always light a thousand little fires across her entire expanse. She sighed in contentment, staring a little dreamily at the spinning record, becoming gradually aware of her original intention. Her free hand raised up to lift the needle, when his came out to carefully lower it once more.
"Let's leave it playing awhile."
Anna turned her head slightly towards him, full of joy at his suggestion but a little momentarily stunned too. She looked at him with searching eyes, and he replied with an answer before she could even get the question out.
"If Mr Carson should find us and say anything, then I shall shoulder the blame," he assured her, and her face lit up with a bright smile. "I'll just say it was my enchanting little faery of a wife leading me astray, as usual, and that I am completely powerless to resist."
She began to laugh, knowing that it was quite improbable that he could ever be the one being led, but rather fervently hoping that she did prove irresistible to him in every manner. In the last three months, she had had plenty of evidence to be already quite sure that it was the case.
Anna started to sway a little where she stood, getting carried along by the music that was surrounding them. He always seemed to read her thoughts completely at any given moment, and it was something that always made her smile, but this mutual decision especially so. She did wish they could have some way of playing music in the cottage, not that it really needed to be improved in any way. And a melody was not completely absent from residing in the four walls at the times of day when they were there; more often than not, when she was tidying about or preparing breakfast or simply in a peaceful moment as she appreciated the wonder of the place, she would find herself humming or singing several tunes quite happily. She had blushed profusely the first time that John had happened upon her in full flow, and her belting lessened to a squeak. She did not profess to have the best singing voice in the world and certainly never made a show of performing for anyone but herself, yet he had showered praise upon her, wrapping his arms about her waist as she stood before the kitchen sink and nuzzling against her neck, bidding her to continue. Happy to acquiesce her husband, she picked up her tune again, and ever since he had good-naturedly teased her and even particularly requested a few special performances from time to time. Her face erupted into a grin as she recalled the couple of times recently that she had come out of their bedroom first thing, not best pleased at having to have been roused from sleep, and perceived a rich, deep singing emerging from the bathroom. Carefully, she crept, peeking through the crack in the door, and had had to throw her hand over her mouth to stop her giggles at seeing John shaving and hearing him crooning one of the songs she sung most frequently. While she was a little shocked and most certainly amused, her heart had burst with love on her secret observation. She hadn't thought it possible to adore him any more but it seemed he could still take her by surprise. She smiled to herself again thinking of letting slip her discovery, and picturing his cheeks flushing, rendered sheepish and so endearingly embarrassed. Such a sweet sight would have to warrant a swift kiss upon the cheek, or perhaps a far slower, teasing one on his lips.
Unfortunately, they couldn't keep it reserved for themselves; the melody began to dance out, flooding the room with its symphony, taking up even the smallest spaces. In only a few days, it would be doing the very same thing once again, except then the floor would be filled with several more pairs of feet. The annual Servants' Ball had crept around once again, and amidst the awaited chimes of the New Year the house was abuzz with preparation and electrified excitement amongst the younger members of the household who had not yet encountered one, as well as many of the more seasoned servants. This year, there was more expectation than usual; as it was the first since Lady Mary and Mr Matthew had married, it had been decided that the ball would be used to properly showcase them as a couple, indeed the future Earl and Countess of Grantham, and they would lead the proceedings. Anna had observed that Mr Matthew was not incredibly thrilled by the prospect of being shown off in such a manner, amongst those who he believed he already knew quite well enough, but he was more than happy to put a brave face on things and portray enthusiasm on behalf of his wife, who was positively giddy by it all. She had dreamt so long of being viewed as the figurehead of her beloved home, and to get the chance to step into the future for just one night, as well as to spend it dancing away, made Lady Mary more animated than Anna was quite sure she had ever seen her.
Given her relatively recent promotion, Anna had the suspicion that she would be made something of a fuss of too on the night – it was the Servants' Ball, after all, and with her position as Lady Mary's lady's maid she would likely be given the same status as Lady Mary if just for the evening. The very thought made her cringe quite a lot; she never liked or wished to be the centre of attention. Yet at the same time she felt a flash of anticipation and more than just a little thrill at the idea of letting herself be relinquished, to be not simply allowed but encouraged to be radiant and free. Last year, though she had done her utmost to hide herself away in the shadows and on the sidelines, still coming to terms with the incredibly fragile and almost imperceptible sliver of hope that had been given to her but hours before, it still felt as if every single eye in the room was trained upon her as they whirled around, watching carefully, waiting for the tears to cascade from her eyes and for her to crumble completely. If only they all would have known how it had taken every fibre in her body for her not to do so, to stand still like a spectre seeing them dance and laugh full of joy when it was as though every bit of it she'd ever known had been wrung from her. As she watched with a heavy sigh, all she dreamed of was for her husband to be there, at her side, his hand perhaps slipped into her own as everybody else was preoccupied, allowing themselves to share in a moment made special and even more wonderful than all of the stolen ones they'd contented themselves with before. But then, a stolen, snatched fragment would have suited her just fine. Anything, so long as it meant that he would have been with her. Anna sighed with relief and thanks that the sad, faded memory was far behind her, even if it was not yet a year ago. She wouldn't care if everyone stared at her, with amazement or otherwise envy; the whole room would be invisible to her, save for one person who would be there, looking at her with so much love, desire and affection, who meant the whole world and much more. She simply could not wait for him to see her, for their eyes to meet in meaning across the floor.
Once again, he was aware of precisely the very matter she was thinking of.
"I imagine Lady Mary is looking forward to the ball."
"Oh, it's all she's talked of for the last few weeks, she's quite beside herself. About everything, but especially the dancing." Lady Mary was the most fantastic dancer, Anna thought to herself. She wished she possessed as much of her ability, but even if she wasn't the most proficient, at least she always enjoyed herself, and that was the main thing. "It's little wonder, really. I'm sure that she knows that everyone is hoping that this will be the last time she has the chance to dance for a while."
"Indeed. Well, I'm quite sure that she shall be marvellous." He paused for a moment, before looking deep into her eyes with an intensity that made her feel a little shy but also as if she were the only woman who walked the earth. "As will you."
Anna felt her cheeks burn at his simple, deeply sincere compliment, giggling bashfully.
"Oh, don't be silly," she shrugged, and he simply shook his head at her modesty as she reached to put the needle on the record once more. Anna saw him shift uncomfortably upon his feet from the corner of his eye, and could tell he had gone from being quite frivolous to contemplating what seemed like a rather unhappy thought.
"What's the matter?"
His head jerked upwards, eyebrows raised slightly in surprise that she should suspect that something was afoot, lowering as soon as they saw the knowing smirk upon her face. There really was no way that he could possibly fool her, not now.
"I suspect I know who your dancing partner will be."
The smirk grew larger upon her face at seeing his eyes lift to the ceiling, and she laughed inside. As Lady Mary and Mr Matthew would be heading the ball this year, it would be customary for their lady's maid and valet to dance together alongside them, at least for the leading dance.
"Yes, I shall be dancing with Mr Molesley," she replied, and heard him huff heavily on the confirmation of his worst fear. Seeing him sulk so visibly, she had to giggle aloud and could simply not pass up the opportunity for a spot of teasing. She stepped closer towards him, slipping her hands inside his jacket and smoothing the palms down across his waistcoat.
"Now now, there's no need to be jealous," she breathed in a purposely sultry tone, "Not now that we're married."
Just uttering that word still sent all manner of shivers careening over her; in some respects, it all felt very new to her, being a wife in every true sense of the word. She flickered her eyelashes up towards him and saw that his chin was pointed down, almost resting upon his chest, and he was pouting like a little boy who'd been sent to bed early without any dinner or toys. She wasn't overly fond of the trait, but Anna couldn't deny that she found it exceptionally flattering and really quite arousing when it came to her, this jealousy that any other man would have such designs on her. Of course, Mr Molesley would not do as much as say boo to a goose, especially not now she wore the golden band so shining and proud upon her finger, but at times she rather liked to play the attentions up, knowing full well how John would go far and beyond later on, demonstrating extra enthusiastically and attentively just why she would never have reason for the rest of her life to seek the touch or taste of anyone else.
She brought her hand to his face, stroking his cheek tenderly and raising his chin with her thumb so she could look at him properly.
"Besides, it's only one dance. Surely you can grant the poor man that?"
"Will it be one dance, though?" he asked, gazing down at her. "I can just see him angling for more. Though," he brought one hand sweeping down her side, circling the curve of her hip before it reached the base of her spine, "I certainly wouldn't blame him for trying."
Anna beamed, letting her eyes flutter shut for a second against the sensation of his nimble fingertips working ever so delicately against the silky fabric of her dress. She didn't even have to try to conjure up the image in her head now, and she knew for certain that it would be there playing vividly as she was being spun around by Mr Molesley in a few nights time. No matter who her dancing partner was, it would only ever be him she would be thinking of, picturing herself twirling as his arms were placed firm about her, circled in his embrace as they swept across the floor. Even if it never happened in actuality, it did so in every corner of her mind every single time she ever danced, and made her feet move about adroitly, in sheer delight.
"I just hope he's a better dancer than he is a cricket player, for your sake."
A spluttering laugh escaped her upon the memory of this year's cricket match. "Bless him, he does try. You can't argue with his enthusiasm."
John let out another loud huff. "Well, he had better not get too enthusiastic." His eyes flickered with a fiery spark, and Anna had to catch her breath, feeling quite girlish and very overcome. "I shall be watching his every move. Very closely."
Anna chuckled once more. "I'm sure he won't put a foot, or anything else, wrong. I won't let him." She lifted her brows in a cheeky retort, and won a smile from him, now quite confidently assured that she would carry through on any promise. "Now, speaking for myself, I'm not as certain I can say the same thing. I'm incredibly rusty when it comes to dancing."
"Oh, you've got nothing to worry about whatsoever," he was quick to protest. "Your footwork puts most of us to shame."
She smiled sweetly, loving how he would always jump to her defence, no matter what the matter of discussion.
"That's very kind of you to say, Mr Bates." She trilled his name, elongating the vowels with her Yorkshire accent even more exaggeratedly than she usually did. "But I am very much out of practise."
He scuffled his feet ever so slightly against the polished wooden floor without giving much thought, the sound of his soles ricocheting, and an idea occurred to Anna. The corners of her mouth curled deliciously as she let it balance on the brink. Moving away from him with tiny steps but keeping big, sparkling blue eyes fixed upon his own darker ones, she pursed her lips, darting her tongue out to moisten them slightly.
"Would you dance with me?" she chanced, in a tone that was sweeter than honey, and purposely beseeching.
He said nothing at first, taken aback by her request. Then, he gripped his cane tighter and pushed it defensively in front of his right foot, as if to point out precisely why it was such a preposterous notion.
"Anna, you know that's not very wise."
His voice was low and, she sensed, a little shamed, and his gaze had dropped to the floor.
"I'm not asking you to do the foxtrot," she said lightly, carefully lifting the needle from the frantic tune which she knew probably hadn't put him at ease as it had continued to play at a pace in the background. "I just need to warm up a little. I certainly don't want to let Lady Mary or anyone down."
"You'd never do that," he answered softly, with a bit of a shake remaining there as the words came out. Anna smiled brightly down at the gramophone as she changed the record that was upon it. The delicate, romantic strains of a slow waltz began to play, and she turned around to behold him, eyes twinkling.
"Nobody's here to watch," she assured, holding her hands out as she moved closer back towards where he was standing, his eyes not leaving her for a second. He closed them the very moment she arrived in front of him, sighing at the palm she placed just below his shoulder. Anna sucked in a breath at the sight of him, so composed but so vulnerable all at once, and her heart beat wildly just as if it had wings, knowing that he was hers completely.
"For me," she said in a near whisper against the soft music, and in an instant his eyes flew open, letting all the love he had for her flow out. She was sure she could feel tears well up in her own at the way he was looking at her, into her very soul, demonstrating such pure and undying adoration with but one glance.
He sighed just audibly, gently taking up the hand that was resting on his body and lifting it in his own while he clamped his other securely to her waist, relenting to her without any further attempts at persuasion. Anna stepped closer into the circle their bodies were now keeping, planting her free hand upon the strong arch of his back. The smile on her face lit up the whole room as they began to sway just a little in rhythm to the music, his feet lumbering and shuffling awkwardly by her lighter, daintier steps.
"I was never that much of a dancer years ago, but compared to now…"
His voice trailed off, fading against the melody of the tune that was flowing around the hall. As if offering an apology for his lack of dexterity, his fingertips began to stroke her waist rhythmically, and Anna's eyes shot down towards them, getting her own steps a little lost. She gasped as she looked back up towards him and saw him smiling at her, only appearing just a touch nervous. It was enough to make her insides melt. As she kept staring up at him, swaying softly, she ran her own hand soothingly down his back, splaying her fingers against his spine, issuing comfort and reassurance with her caresses.
Surprisingly, this was the very first time that they'd attempted a dance together – even in the balls of years gone by, when she had been sorely tempted to take him by the hand and sneak him outside to the courtyard while the revelry went on, she'd never quite got the courage to do so, perhaps being a little too wary then that she would wound his damaged pride by asking such a thing. That's not to say she hadn't fantasised about them doing so a thousand times or more. Before she had become acquainted with him in the most intimate way possible, the very thought of them dancing was the most romantic – and raciest – thing she could imagine doing. Their bodies pressing together, getting closer with every step; so close that she could feel every part of him, was becoming one with him. She had no idea where she ended and he begun, and she wouldn't want to know anything else.
Anna couldn't help smiling wide as the dream she had had for so long was coming to life before her very eyes, another one she could happily revel in now amongst of all her other delights. Certainly, it was not what most people would expect from a waltz, but to her it was absolutely perfect. She felt so unbelievably wonderful in his arms, as she always did, but especially now as they were dancing together, as husband and wife.
She heard his breathing become a little heavier and narrowed her eyes in concern, but he simply smiled at her, even if it was with a hint of sorrow.
"I always feel rather like a fool at the Ball, like a spare part sitting there." He looked away to the side of where they were doing just slightly more than standing, before being drawn back in by her gaze, which immediately softened all the features of his face. "I just didn't know that so much would be expected of me here, things that I can't even make a go at."
Anna's expression saddened, her fingers clinging on tighter to the fabric of his jacket.
"Nothing is expected of you, other than you doing your job. And you do so brilliantly at that, that nobody has any reason to complain about anything else."
The light came back into her eyes as she watched his lips quirk into a smile at her words, as he swirled her in slow-motion.
"And you will never, ever be a spare part. Not to anyone, but especially not to me."
Then, his smile transformed into a grin, crinkling the corners of his eyes. Anna's heart leapt that he should only ever smile in such a way for her alone, and she remembered a New Year's resolution she had vowed to herself: to make sure that he smiled like that many, many more times over the course of the next year, more perhaps than he had done so collectively in his life up to this point. She thought he still had a little trouble fathoming just how essential he was to her complete happiness.
He kept his eyes on her, his wide smile only breaking as he moved to speak once more.
"Although, I have to confess it was the only thing I wanted last year, to be here in this very hall that evening. I would have sat stuck to my chair for hours, so long as I could have been there to see you dancing, even it was with everyone else in the room but me."
She felt his chest heave with the fragments of anguish he still kept locked tight there, a constant reminder of all the torture that had preceded the perfect pleasure they cherished so much now.
"I had almost gone to them, begging, even though I knew it would be of no use." His voice cracked just a little, and Anna shut her eyes. "To just let me go for the one night; to let me have it as my last wish."
If they hadn't been screwed tight, the tears would have cascaded from her eyes then and there. Even now, it made her shudder and shake to her very core to think how very close it had come to being true.
"Though I'm sure it would have been more than I could have taken. Having you there, looking so wonderful, the memory there when I closed my eyes."
He kept talking about her so glowingly as they turned around the little square of floor their feet were planted upon, that she was deeply glad that he hadn't been there to see her then, to be confronted with the reality rather than his idealised, persisting dream of her. It would have been shattered at once, perhaps beyond all repair and would have rendered them both more shamed than they had ever previously been to be the cause of such pain, as well as such prevailing peace, for the other.
Instead, she took herself back further than the previous year, to the balls in which they had shared their time together. The annual Servants' Ball had been the highlight of the year for many of those below stairs, Anna included. In fact, she would have gone so far to say that she was by far the most excitable of their number in prospect of it approaching, eagerly looking forward to tiring out her feet doing something far more fun than walking the length of the house, sweeping and cleaning. It was wonderful to have the chance to let herself go, forget about her day-to-day drudgery, as well as to see everyone else having fun all about her; it being especially enjoyable to witness the unusual and sometimes rather awkward encounters between the family and the staff, though all were taken in good humour. More than anything else, she loved having the chance to dance, whether it be something fast and frantic, or a routine more relaxed and graceful. Even if her partners were frequently neither very desirable nor particularly adept at dancing, she still relished the opportunity to do so with aplomb.
That was, until the first Servants' Ball that Mr Bates had attended. She had known that he wouldn't be able to dance, not in the conventional sense or the way everyone else was used to, but she hadn't expected him to spend the entirety of the time standing at the edge of the hall, or sitting amongst the tables. She hadn't really known what it was she was expecting, but she found herself not being lured to the dancefloor as usual but instead simply wanting to sit by his side, talking as they had often managed to do during many other evenings. She wished fervently for the spaces between dances to hurry along and last longer, so she could spend more of her time with him. She didn't like to think of him there, on his own for the most part, although whenever she glanced up to seek him out, she noticed that he never appeared to be downcast. Quite the opposite in fact; as he watched everyone dancing and moving around the floor he seemed to be relaxed, smiling brighter than he ever had done before. Particularly so when his eyes found hers in a moment that seemed to hold time frozen. She had tried to convince herself for a long while that she was simply fooling herself, that it was just a sheer coincidence. But when she knew otherwise, it filled her with more joy than a thousand dances from so many years could bring.
"Well, you'll be here this year. And for every other year afterwards. And that's all that matters to me."
As she spoke the words, she realised she had never meant any other sentiment with such deep conviction, except for every time she told him that she loved him, in the purest terms possible. There was a silence between them as the music played on, not that it was really occurring to Anna to listen to it. There was no need for the melody, or even for any other words. Looking up into his eyes, she saw all that there was to say, now and for the rest of time.
He had started to move his feet just a little faster, his faltering steps falling into a harmony with hers as his fingers glided from the bone of her hip to gently play at her back. As her eyes focused on the breath that was shuddering in his chest, he lowered his head to hers, his lips tantalisingly edging nearer towards her earlobe.
"I do wish I could dance with you properly. For all the years past and all those to come."
Lying his palm flat against her curve of her spine, he pulled her yet closer to him slowly, with not the least bit of resistance from her body, aching from the need for the increased contact.
"I wish I could dance with you, the way you deserve to dance."
As she clung against him, she felt her heart swell and simultaneously break at what he was saying. The hand she still held in his as their frames mirrored each other squeezed his fingers, while the one clasping his back drifted ever back and forth, spurred on by the rush of emotion she was experiencing. The sadness held within his eyes faded as he beamed down at her.
"Though you don't need me at your side to take the place by storm. You can do that perfectly well all by yourself."
His smile grew wider as he gazed at her, his hand travelling upwards to ghost across her shoulder blades. She shivered, taking in a shaking breath when she felt his fingertips trace her jawline, and his thumb come up softly to caress her flushed cheek.
"You shall be the star attraction out there. The belle of the ball," he breathed, pride bursting in his voice. "And to behold you…that will be more than enough for me. It'll be the best thing I could imagine."
Anna was blushing intensely, basking in the glow of his love and adoration. She could not wait to take to the floor, not for herself or anyone else, but for him. All of her dances, every spring and step she took, would only ever be performed for his eyes to see, to give him all of the worlds of happiness he so richly deserved. As far as she was concerned, the whole house would be empty that night, save for the two of them. The grandeur and splendour would fade away, much as it was fast spiralling at this very moment, leaving everything to belong to them alone. It was only what they had earned, after so much time spent unfairly prised apart, longing, waiting, wishing not to hide.
She looked deep at him, her eyes positively sparkling.
"You know, I don't need to be shown off. I don't need to be in a crowded ballroom." Taking her gaze from him for just a few seconds, she glanced about the space, smiling to see how everything around was deserted. "I'd much rather it just be the two of us. That's all my heart will ever desire."
Her heart began to thud relentlessly in her chest, her pulse quickening as it stayed pressed against his own in their hold, noticing how his eyes were growing darker by the second as he kept her so close to him.
"And you talk of what I deserve," she managed to say against the increasing spell she was falling into, "You are everything that I deserve. I could be dancing with lords, dukes, kings and I simply would not care. Because nobody could ever match up to you. This is exactly what I want. All I've ever wanted. This, and you…"
They came to a stop on the spot, the music still swirling about them. Anna's breath was ragged, watching carefully his intent gaze as it never left her own. She felt his fingers slowly entangle from hers in the hands that were raised by his head, so the tips could caress the length of hers, trailing over her palm in turn, lingering over the line that marked the path to her heart. A tiny gasp caught in her throat at the way his touch delightfully tickled against her skin. As his eyes continued to bear down, reaching into her very soul, he laced their hands together again for another moment, squeezing lightly, conveying a powerful rush of love, before his left her but temporarily, landing tenderly at the sensitive spot below her ribcage and then trailing languidly down to her waist. His other hand followed the path instinctively on the parallel side of her body, and a thousand tingles bolted up her spine with but the barest stroke of his fingertips against her. She was sure she had stopped breathing as he gripped her tighter, bending his height wonderfully over her. In the haze, she heard him whisper.
"Anna, I love you so much. I would do anything for you. Anything you desire."
Though all of her senses were failing fast, lost to him as they began to lift and sway once more, she was quite sure that right now all of her deepest desires were being utterly fulfilled with this one dance. Indeed, it was impossible to comprehend anything else that could exist, except the close circle of their bodies aligned and entwined, their hands placed upon each other, hearts racing metrically and in perfect time. It was incredible to believe only a year ago she had shut herself away, sitting alone, feeling nothing upon her skin but the cold draught of the winter wind seeping from the window, reminding her so painfully of the lack she seemed destined to always possess. Being almost certain that she would know his touch again only from her memory, fading as it already was into the blackness of night and into the past as the clock swung closer to midnight. From the trance the music and the sensation of his hands firm upon her frame had set her into, she raised her arms from her sides and encircled them about his neck, her fingers flaring out and sinking into the warmth of his skin. She heard him sigh as she stroked the tips against the fine hair sitting at the back of his neck, and sighed happily herself as he drew her still further to his embrace, his own fingertips burning fantastically against her.
They were moving around the little space at the centre of the room quite fluidly now, as effortlessly as they were able to, in no small part thanks to the fact they were utterly entranced by one another. Their bodies were closer than they had ever been in such a circumstance, not so much brushing but desperately attracted, seeking the other out, and Anna moulded herself against his broadness, fitting to him snugly and perfectly, her hands slipping just below his shoulders as they swayed in each other's arms. She settled her head upon his chest, soothed by their slow but sure rhythm, closing her eyes as she listened to the beat of his heart reassuringly thud against her ear. Everything felt so easy, so natural; it was as if they had been that way forever, from the very first day that had met.
Padding from one foot to the other, Anna felt herself drifting through time. Now, it almost didn't make sense; that it should have taken them so long to get to where they were now. All the struggles, the secrets, running in circles around her head. The years it had taken for him to open himself up to her, for the barriers to break down in the unstoppable force of their love, gaining the strength for him to say what they had both always known. After the arduous effort she had made to get him to realise that no matter what he believed to be true, that he really was worthy of her love, the next obstacle lay in wait, then the next, then the next. At times it felt as though she was trudging endlessly in a minefield, no path clear for them to travel down without certain danger ahead, as far as the eye could see. They had come so far indeed, overcoming it all finally, able to walk safely hand in hand; indeed, able to dance along into the distance. Somewhere deep down, they both still bore the scars, but Anna viewed them as testaments, battle marks earned and worth every single second spent fighting. They had the rest of their lives, so many years, to heal them together, and every time he laid his hands upon her she felt herself being restored, coming to life more magnificently than ever before. She would do it all over again, a million times or more in several lives, if it meant that she would have him in the end, that they would end up just like this, swirling upon the floor.
Still, as they glided so harmoniously, as she clasped onto him while he moved her gently in his arms, she felt the force of something else pulling at her. In that very second she realised that it was still within her, the weight of all of those years gone by held tight. She had tried throughout the day to shake it free, finally release herself. It was not a good sign, surely, to enter into a new year that promised to be the best one she had ever known still heavily burdened with the past. Perhaps she had held it for so long, that even when she wanted to, it could never leave her. Shuddering a little, her head pulled up and her eyes flew open, struck with a sudden shot of fear in the midst of this moment that had been sent from heaven.
In the instant that she lifted her gaze up to him, she was sure that seemed a little wild with her fit of frenzy, his own fixed upon her, and it was everything that she needed. Anna exhaled with a little shock but a predominant feeling of great relief as he stared down to her with so much love. After all the time she had spent being his source of reassurance, now the tables were firmly turned. His hands spread out against her waist, stroking her hips soothingly, and a great rush of warmth came over her as well as a lightness lifting from her head. It was only in this minute that, with the security and encouragement of him surrounding her, that she was able to let it fly away, the memory of the year that she had still up to now clutched firm within her grasp. Against the slow symphony building to a crescendo around them, the drift of his fingertips never relenting upon her and his eyes radiating with the glow of her smile, all of the ghosts left her, fading far out of reach, never to shake her again.
The music had long come to an end as they remained there, holding each other. The only movements they made a slow rocking from side to side in synchronisation upon their heels, the sweep of searching fingers across one another's bodies and, then, the gentle brush of his lips fluttering upon her warm cheek before they arrived upon her own, lavishing her in soft kisses. Anna smiled against his mouth as it covered hers, unable to contain her joy at everything that had taken place, quite unexpectedly.
There was no need for her to anticipate the upcoming ball, not when she had just had the dance she always dreamed of.
They got back to the cottage late in the evening, staying at the house longer than usual, sharing in the celebrations that were ongoing amongst the others in the hall. Despite Daisy's best attempts to persuade them to stay, they had stuck firm to their agreed plans of wanting to be back before midnight – it was especially important to Anna that they should see in the New Year in their still new home, the first turning of the year that they would get to experience together under its roof. It seemed a very welcome way to do things, starting the year very much as they would mean to go on. Keeping a close eye on the clock in the corner of the hall, Anna shook her head and politely smiled at Alfred as he made to refill her glass with wine. One glass was quite enough, and she had no intention of having enough to let it go to her head, not tonight. She couldn't stifle a giggle at Alfred's confused expression as he stared at John's glass sitting next to hers, containing a liquid that was certainly not wine. Even after an explanation, the daze still stayed cast firm over the footman's face. Watching him wander off with the bottle in his hand, they shared a little laugh and a squeeze of each other's hands underneath the table, before her eyes drifted to take in the moving hands once more.
"Shall we make our excuses? I think we've done our duty for long enough."
Anna smiled at the low sound of his voice sounding at her side, and his fingers moving against hers.
"I thought you'd never ask."
Now, as she walked into their hallway, taking off her coat and hearing him lock the door behind them steps away, she picked up the little clock that sat upon the cabinet just in front of her.
"Have we made it with time to spare?" he enquired, leaning himself over her shoulder.
She turned around to face him, placing the clock back down where it had lay.
"Yes, it's half past eleven."
"Perfect," he uttered, smirking at her in a way that suggested he was referring to much more than her timekeeping. She simply shook her head, beginning to fumble with the pin that was keeping her hat in place upon her head, scrunching up her nose in frustration as it refused to comply.
"Oh, this thing," she muttered, "It just won't budge. My head is itching something terrible. I can't wait to get it off."
John chuckled, an expression of complete endearment upon his face, tempered with more than a touch of open desire.
"But I love your hats," he said in a low growl, and Anna felt herself flush from head to toe, rolling her eyes in mock exasperation as he edged closer to her. Reaching around, caressing the soft skin at the back of her neck for a few moments, his fingers fixed around the pin, which he skilfully unclipped and carefully removed from her hair. He smiled as he lifted the brim from her, glimpsing her bright eyes and glowing cheeks in marvellous view.
"However, I love seeing your face even more."
Anna swatted him softly on the arm and giggled, before she was silenced by his mouth landing upon hers, kissing her gently at first but then letting it deepen. She parted her lips without little persuasion, tingling as his tongue plundered her and relishing the taste of him completely. Her hands clasped around his neck, one reaching to tangle in his loosened hair, as he lifted her marginally from the ground.
"Well," she sighed as they broke apart breathlessly, "that was quite something. I should think myself lucky that I get my New Year's kiss early." She peeked her head around his encompassing embrace. "Twenty eight minutes to be precise."
"Oh, Mrs Bates," he kept his voice in that gravelly tone and raised his eyebrows, "that's merely the beginning."
A cheeky smile flashed on her face as she turned in the direction of the sitting room.
"Is that quite so? Then this year shall begin very happily indeed."
She found his hand without even having to glance behind her, lacing their fingers together, and led him along into the room, gazing coquettishly over her shoulder every few seconds and utterly loving the look he was returning to her.
With hands still joined, they both flopped down side by side onto the little settee, not even bothering to light the lamps that stood on the fireplace. Anna smiled as she sunk against the cushions, kicking off her shoes and rubbing her feet against his ankles. An arm slipped about her shoulder and began to massage her neck slowly, working out the kinks and aches of a long day. She let out a purring moan in response, fluttering her eyes shut.
"Tired?"
"Hmm. It'll be a feat if I make it to see midnight."
His even breathing reverberated against her side, comforting her along with the touch of his hand, now ghosting back and forth along the length of her arm.
"It's all that dancing that's worn you out," John laughed.
"More like having to curl hair for hours on end," Anna replied, yawning, shifting in the seat and settling her head upon his shoulder.
They remained huddled there, curled close together in comfortable silence. Anna was lulled into a peaceful state by the continuing caresses he was gently placing upon her and she had thought that she was on the edge of sleep, until she was roused by a chiming that could be heard coming far off in the distance, outside their window. She placed a hand firm upon his side, stretching up a little and opening her eyes to check the time for herself, smiling when she was sure.
"Happy New Year, my love," he whispered, leaning in to land a kiss upon her cheek.
"Happy New Year."
Anna couldn't hide the delight in her voice as she said the words, swivelling her head to reciprocate, leaving her lips lingering upon his for a good minute, closing her eyes against the tender touches that were enveloping all of her senses in sheer bliss. She opened them with a smile to see him similarly deeply contented before her, and revelled in the after effects dreamily before she jumped to her feet, clambering from the settee with a rejuvenated burst of energy.
"We should do something to see it in properly," she chirped, grasping onto his hand as she stood before him, pulling him from where he remained seated.
"I can think of one thing."
Anna shook her head lightly, but wasn't able to disguise the twinkle in her eye at his implication.
"Really, Mr Bates, you should behave yourself."
"I've done nothing but all day."
She smirked at his reply, gasping as he slid his hands about her waist. Regaining something of her composure despite the way in which he was increasing the insistent strokes of his fingers against the fabric of her dress, she gazed up to meet his eyes.
"When I was little, my father would always let us stay up late, despite my mother's protests, and then at midnight, he'd take me and my sister by the hand and we'd dance in the New Year around our sitting room."
John sighed, and she smiled at the less than enthusiastic response.
"I think there's been enough dancing for today. My leg will be paying for it until next New Year's Eve," he groaned, soon laughing when he caught the way in which Anna was looking at him with apparently sad eyes, though the smirk on her lips quite deceived her. "But that's not to say there won't be many others in the years to come. I shall get myself prepared."
Anna grinned, quite satisfied at the promise. Then another, less taxing idea occurred to her. Drawing him along with her, she made to lead them both back out into the hallway. Reaching the threshold of the door, she grasped decisively upon the handle.
"Let's let the old year go," she affirmed, "and bring the new one in to meet us." She tightened her hold on his hand, squeezing his fingers with hers tenderly as she stared up at him, blinking away tears that were beginning to form but which she promised would not fall. "I think we deserve to."
His hand swept over hers in turn, covering it completely.
"Most definitely," he answered, his own voice thick with emotion. "I shall be very glad to put it behind us."
She smiled broadly, sharing the sentiment with all of her heart. Anna took in a breath as his free hand came to meet hers that was still poised upon the door handle, and with a swift wrench they opened the door together, to face the unfolding of the New Year for themselves.
Despite the dropping temperature outside, the wind that whipped fiercely earlier in the evening had calmed considerably and Anna felt at one with the new atmosphere, a rush of warmth coming to greet her as she stood in the doorway. For minutes, she simply stared ahead of her, over the distant fields covered by the black of night, envisioning all the light that was waiting so close for them, just as soon as sunrise arrived. She sensed his fingertips keening against her, travelling up her spine, encouraging her to look up to the sky. A blanket of stars were studded above, a couple standing out in particular, shimmering with near-blinding force. She could make out a few constellations dancing in the ascent, knowing them from the nights that they had paused on the path on their way home and John had pointed them out, reciting their names to her. Anna was always a little astounded when she caught sight of the stars, amazed at their constant beauty appearing night after night, but now she was compelled by something else entirely, something that would hold her in wonder for the rest of her days. The comfort of her husband standing by her side, the sensation of his hand circled in hers. The stars could have shone brighter than ever before or faded from the universe completely and it wouldn't have mattered to her in the slightest, not for as long as his face was next to hers, there to behold and cherish whenever she desired.
As they silently agreed that enough time had passed to allow the old year to fly away into the night and the new one to settle itself firmly into the walls of the cottage, Anna pushed the door behind them once more and then looked up to find that his face was shining down upon her. She smiled curiously under the dark yearning gaze of his eyes, feeling herself flooding with heat and the familiar tingles begin to spring up on her skin.
"That was a good thing for us to do," she breathed, shivering a little at the way his hands were dancing across her back.
"It was," he returned, a deep groan rumbling in the back of his throat. Anna's shoulders bunched up in delighted anticipation as his gaze bore deeper into her, and she knew she shared his thoughts precisely, to the very last letter. "But I think the time has come for us to do something else entirely." She took in a shuddering breath as his fingers seized upon her, sending definite shivers shooting down her spine on his increased hold. He parted his lips to utter the words that sent her knees completely weak, and she was glad he was close enough already for her to grasp onto.
"Come here, Mrs Bates."
Not that she ever needing telling.
Anna smiled as she nestled amongst the sheets, snuggling further against the warmth of his body, still thrilling all over at the sensation of bare skin pressing against bare skin. She was just about able to peek out her eyes from over the top of the covers from where she lay, head resting upon his chest and her arm draped across his lower torso. The sight of their clothes strewn across the floor, trailing in a messy line from the door to the bed, made her giggle and sent a flash of heat searing up in her stomach. They hadn't seen much of midnight at all, getting far too preoccupied with each other's lips, hands and heated embraces. Her plan to be sensible and get to sleep at a reasonable time after the clock had struck in the New Year had unravelled hopelessly from the very second he had laid eyes upon her at the foot of the stairs, and that's how they had ended up here, deliciously tangled and stretched out against one another, basking in the wonderful afterglow that persisted for hours after their lovemaking. She had to say she was incredibly glad that in this one instance she could let her mind be changed so easily.
She shifted her head a little so that she could gaze up at him from under her eyelashes, cloaking the lids still heavily weighted with the ecstasy that had rifled through the length of her body. She near enough melted on seeing the hazy, contented grin that met her eyes.
"Well, I can safely say that I have never started the year in such a marvellous way," she purred, pleasure dripping from her voice.
"I should hope not," he answered, fluttering the backs of his fingers over her cheek and chuckling. Anna loved feeling his laughter against her, even more than she adored hearing it playing on the air. "I'm very pleased that you seemed to enjoy yourself so much."
A wicked grin flared up on her face, and she felt particularly relieved tonight that their neighbours were rather hard of hearing.
"I did, very much. Though you know I always do."
She placed her hand over his heart, feeling it thud against her fingers, and craned herself up a little to meet his lips. His own hand buried in the hair tumbling over her shoulders as he brought her further to him, deepening the kiss with ardour.
"And I'm very glad we can start as we mean to go on," Anna said against his ear, leaving a kiss underneath the lobe before she made to lower herself back down upon him. The last thing she saw before she turned, resting against him once more, was the silent reply of a wide smile gracing his features, affirming that he was much in agreement.
She lay with her arms splayed against his chest, the steady rhythm of his breathing under her hands, her own breathing gradually evening as one of his hands trailed across the space between her shoulders, the other remaining planted in her hair, gently massaging her scalp. Anna was certain she had never felt such peace as she did at this very moment, wishing she could stay in it forever, though know she knew with certainty that many more just the same, and even more inexplicably wonderful, would fill up every month, week, day, hour that was to come. She had always had conviction, but it was quite different now that it complied completely with her, and she had no reason to believe that the tides of fate would change. It still seemed like a miracle to her that she should be here at all, welcoming the New Year with her husband in their own cottage. Almost a year ago to the minute, she had suddenly woken in her small room at Downton Abbey, her limbs shaking feverishly from a nightmare that she only prayed would not serve to become a reality in the coming days. Now she was lying safe and completely loved, as far at ease as it was possible to be, wrapped in his arms. The thought of being there once more was all that had sustained her in the long months that had gone by so slowly, when time was everything and nothing to her. As they had eventually untangled from one another when the music had long faded in the empty ballroom and before they had entered the hall again, he had slowed their steps, took her hand tenderly in his own and confessed to her that it had been precisely the same for him. She could have cried with joy and grief in the moment when he had whispered the words in her ear, reverberating and reaching to the chambers of her heart:
"I knew it before, but this year has proved it to me. I could not live without you, Anna. For as long as there is breath in my body, I could not go another day without you."
As he said it, her heart called out to him in response. Neither could she live one more minute without the certain promise of him always there, to hold her hand, to walk with her into a life that belonged to them both. For the first time since she had affirmed herself and her life to him so many years ago, they were finally able to face the year together, to look forward to all that lay ahead for them with heads held high and hearts unafraid. Another chance given to them as well as everyone else with the New Year, the start they had awaited for so long to truly begin the life that was always meant for them, written in the stars shining above their heads, and now that was never to end. There were so many hopes that were high in her mind, so many dreams that made her head spin. She smiled to know they were all within reach, for both of them to live and enjoy, starting from this very day that was already dawning upon them.
The touch of his hands roused her from reverie, travelling down her sides and back languidly, much in the same attentive way they had done when they had danced together but hours ago, yet all the better and more exhilarating now they were upon her naked skin, hitting all of the nerves that rose to life underneath. Anna grinned wide at all of the wonderful, most recent memories running through her mind as she raised her head once more to find his eyes bearing upon her, worshipping her so thoroughly with their reverent gaze. He let out a happy sigh while she drew little circles on his chest, her fingertips raking through the dark hair there.
"I think I'm quite overwhelmed," he exhaled, stroking a hand back up to caress the back of her neck lazily.
"Me too. This time was rather spectacular," she replied, with an impish glint in her eye. He laughed heartily, more than he had ever done before.
"Well, yes." He cupped her cheek in his palm, and for a second she fluttered her eyes shut, making a little mewl as she nestled herself happily and compliantly against his touch. "Though I was referring to the year to come. I'm not sure I've ever started one with so much promise in store."
Anna smiled at his statement, reaching one of her hands up to link with his.
"It's ours to enjoy and take advantage of, to the full," she stated resolutely, and he smiled as he leisurely combed his free hand through her tresses.
"It is, indeed."
They luxuriated in the thought, still quite a lot to cram into the little space, the cocoon of their bedroom. After a little while longer, he gave voice to a familiar question.
"What do you want it to bring?"
Anna's eyes lit up with a million different thoughts. She was much closer to answering lying here, naked and relaxed with her husband in their home than she had been standing rather rigid, curling iron gripped in clammy palm facing Lady Mary. There were so many things she wished to happen, from the littlest moments to ones that would prove to be significantly life changing. Indeed, most of all she hoped that perhaps this year would be the one that she would fall pregnant, that this time next year they would be blessed with a baby of their own, the perfect combination of them both. She pictured them sitting in the same bed, his arm secure around her as hers cradled their tiny child, with a shock of dark hair and blue-green eyes. Her stomach contracted from the inside, laying flush against his, and her heart burst with pure joy on the thought. Yet she let it rest there, knowing there was no need to tell it to him now, for he certainly would already know, wishing for the very same thing.
"Everything. Anything," she giggled, as her hands resumed roaming across his bare torso. She gazed up at him with still shining eyes, as they would always be whenever she looked at him with such love and sincerity.
"Whatever comes, I know one thing for certain." Anna paused to break into a wide smile before continuing her affirmation. "That it will be completely, absolutely perfect."
And her heart was certain that it would be; their perfect year.
A/N: I'm not sure that the dance scene turned out quite how I envisioned, or if it's even that great. (and I hope I've got the timeline of the Servants' Ball right, from what I recall..) But I hope you enjoyed, regardless. (I swear if there isn't some form of dancing scene between them before this show is out, I'll cry)
