Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, yadda yadda yadda.

A/N: Ok, my ideas for this fic had stagnated, so I'm readjusting it. I've decided to have a poem in every chapter, to give an over view of what's going on, and to add a quote or two as well. For the poem in this chapter, I'm using one I already posted independently, but I'll write new ones for the other chapters. Anyway, enjoy this and lemme know whatcha think. C ya! Wolfy

Reshuffle

Why

I see how you look at me,

And I see how you look at him.

Never was I the one for you,

Only the friend on the sidelines.

Everything I had I gave,

My time, my support, my heart,

Yet it wasn't enough.

It was him you gazed at longingly,

Even when he ignored you,

Treated you like dirt,

Didn't give a damn about anything.

It was him you thought of,

His scarred face you saw in your dreams,

His Gunblade you saw protecting you,

His arms you wanted around you.

I stood by, helping you,

Wanting your happiness,

Trying to make him see,

When all I could think of

Was your voice, your hair, your lips.

Now I watch as the two of you hold hands,

As you dance together,

As you kiss.

And I wonder why. . .

Why I love someone who can't return it,

Why you couldn't think of me like that,

Why he receives your affections.

Why it's not me.

Why I'm 'just a friend'.

Why. . .

"I've tried everything that I can

To get my heart to forget you

But it just can't seem to."

Painted On My Heart

The Cult

"Inside my heart is breaking,

My makeup may be flaking, but my smile

Still stays on. . ."

The Show Must Go On

Queen

Zell sighed, a sad sound, a noise that told the world of his hurt. The cafeteria was empty save for him, and he took comfort in the solitude. In company, he was the joker, the hyperactive, cheerful guy in the gang, always the first to try humour to lighten the mood, or act stupid to get a laugh. In private, however, he could throw away the façade, let his true emotions out. And right now he was depressed.

It was ten o'clock on a Sunday night, and Zell had just finished a training session, taking out his aggression on a couple of Grats. Everything had been going fine, and he had been enjoying himself quite a bit. It had even given him a chance to try out his new limit attack, meteor strike, which had been rather successful. After the Grats were finished, Zell decided to check into the secret place for a few minutes, hoping to bump into Irvine. The sniper owed him fifteen gil he had borrowed that day for lunch, and Zell needed the money back to pay off a gambling debt. He vowed never to play Xu again; only a promise of money had saved his beloved Shiva card, his most cherished item. Ah well, such was life. He was in a pretty good mood overall anyway, so he wasn't too bothered.

He had walked along the narrow gangplank to the entrance, and that had been when his heart sunk. At the far end of the area, Squall and Rinoa were sitting on a bench snuggling, arms draped around each other's shoulders. Zell had looked at the display and wanted to cry. As they had their backs to him, he had left quietly and made his way to the cafeteria, where he had let himself in with the spare key. Being on the staff had some advantages.

It wasn't as if he didn't know they were an item; he just hated having to be reminded of it constantly. And he felt bad about is jealousy, because they were two of his closest friends. He should have been happy for them. Instead, all he felt was a burning in the pit of his stomach when he saw them together. He tried not to let it show, because he didn't want any of their friendships to suffer just because of his unreturned affection.

As soon as he had met Rinoa, during their first mission in Timber, he had been attracted to her. It was obvious from the outset that she only had eyes for Squall, but at first Zell hadn't minded. He had smirked at his leader's confusion from having a beautiful girl follow him. And that would have been that.

But as Zell spent more time with Rinoa, he had gotten to know her really well, and had started to think about her more and more. She wasn't just a cute girl, as he had first thought, she was a great person in her own right. Zell had been enchanted by her kindness, good nature, sense of humour and her strategic mind. As he caught himself laughing loudly at even her mildest jokes, thinking about her voice, her eyes, her walk, he had realized; he was falling in love with her.

Squall had shown no interest in her for a while and Zell had thought he might have been in with a chance. He had tried to be her best friend and do everything for her all at once. He had offered to make her a copy of Squall's ring, bought her lunch whenever they were out and had even cleaned her weapon for her between battles. He remembered during the battle against Galbadia Garden, Squall had thought he didn't have the time to save her from falling overboard. Zell had exploded at him, barely managing to stop himself from killing his leader. That had been one of the most frightening days of his life; thinking that his love would be killed due to the callousness of the man she loved.

Then she had gone into her coma, and Zell had realized he had totally misread the situation. Any time he came to the medlab to visit her, Squall was already there, holding her hand, his face ashen. He cared for Rinoa more than anything in the world, he had just been reluctant to let his feelings show. After Rinoa returned to Earth, conscious again, Zell had made the decision to take a step back. It was obvious how they felt about each other, so there was no point in trying to stop that. And after the adventure was over, they were indeed together. Zell had been slightly upset, but had shrugged it off, figuring he'd get over it soon. There was a cute girl at the library asking him out, so he wasn't without prospects. Everything would be fine.

How wrong he had been. Rinoa's face came to his mind more often than ever, now accompanied by a faint twinge of sadness every time. The girl from the library (Cecilia, her name was) had lost interest in him, as every time they talked, the conversation drifted back to Rinoa. The sight of Squall and her together had begun to make him feel like he was being stabbed in the heart, and he had become slightly distant from his best friend, not being able to see him without thinking "Why you? Why did she choose you?"

So here he was, three months down the line, eating a hotdog and ketchup in the middle of a darkened room, trying to drown his sorrows in calories. He couldn't go on like this. He spent every waking minute thinking of how he should have said something sooner, made his intentions clearer, not let Squall get there before him. It was a sad state of affairs.

He sighed again, trying to clear his head. Tomorrow was Monday, the start of a new week. Maybe something would come up to take his mind off of it. Getting slowly to his feet, he shuffled back to his dorm room and collapsed, only to dream about the one he loved.

"Rinoa," he whispered in his sleep.

A/N: Well, that's the first newly rewritten chapter. Please R + R. Wolfy