A seat belt buckle was jabbing my back, my sandaled feet were cold and the roof of this rental car was the most boring thing I'd seen in my entire life. "Inoue, I'm fine! Just take me to grandma's already." I couldn't see it but I knew Inoue was scowling at me from outside the door.

"Rise, we're not going anywhere until we're sure you're okay." He sounded like a father. I suppose at this point in my life he was the closest thing I was ever going to get to one.

"I'm fine. Really. Let's go." Inoue had long since grown immune to my charms, may as well be blunt with him.

"You collapsed." He countered.

"I was just dizzy." I parried.

"From what?"

"Heat."

"It's only 65 out here."

"Not in the car! We couldn't use the stupid AC." Inoue grunted. A smile touched my lips.

"Rise, it wastes so much gas-"

"So much gas that you're willing to risk your 'favorite star's' health over it?"

"No, Rise, that's not-" He protested, but I'd found an opening and I wasn't letting it go.

"Not what? Why are we out here, huh? Did you think that keeping me on a super hot train, then a super hot car was going to miraculously cure me?"

"C'mon it was like two kilometers-"

I jabbed a finger at where I guessed his face was. "It only takes five minutes to get heat-stroke! Not only did you have to drive and not let us use the AC, you had to stop for gas and you left the windows up. What did you think was going to happen?"

The sharp clickof Inoue's mouth snapping shut put a smile on my face.

"Fine, Rise, have it your way." I smiled wider and sat up. Inoue glowered at me. "But we both know it wasn't heat because nothinghappened until after you talked to that attendant for at least five minutes in this," he gestured outside at the clear, but chilly, sky around us, "and that worries me Rise, and it should worry you, too." He pointed at my dangling legs and made flicking motion.

"Inoue-" I started.

"Let's just get you to your grandmother's without further incident, okay?" Inoue looked like grandpa did whenever his dogs would pee on the floors; affection topped with supreme levels of annoyance.

I nodded my head, slid my legs into the car and closed the door. Inoue walked to the other side and got behind the wheel. The car purred to life. Still no AC, but at least grandma's was just a couple of blocks away.

Inoue was right, I thought, I was feeling pretty wonderful right up until I got out of the car.Old buildings drifted past the windows showing signs of age and neglect. The Inaba shopping district had seen better days.

It was right after I shook hands with that weird gas-station attendant, wasn't it? What was up with her? She looked like she was my age, but she talked and acted like an adult. She didn't go all star-struck when she realized who I was- she didn't even really seem to care about me being an idol.

I felt the car stop but didn't pay it any attention.

And so familiar! Why do I feel like I've met her somewhere before? A dream? How could I have dreamed of someone I haven't met? Wait, no, that-

I yelped, surprised by the sudden knock on my window. Inoue stood outside, grinning like he'd just won the lottery. Pushing the car-door open, and nearly clipping Inoue's shins, I stormed out.

"Scared you." He called after me.

"I was thinking! You surprised me!" He gave a dry chuckle. "Not so worried about my health that you can't mock me?"

"Never!" He yelled. I shoved open the door of grandma's house and was greeted by a darkness so still and deep it felt like looking into the night sky. The smell of sugar, flour and butter lingered on the air.

"Grandma, no, please-" But it was too late. It was always too late. The lights snapped on, filling the entryway with a pale-yellow light. The brown wooden floors led back to the kitchen, with two hallways leading off to the left and right, and on top of the tiny table in the tiny kitchen there was a cake. And next to that, was grandma.

"Grandma, you didn't have to get dressed up and throw a surprise party." She stood next to the table in her oldest, and most beautiful, kimono. A deep, vibrant blue, white petals drifted down the smooth, silken fabric and pooled around her ankles. It made her look like the last snow of winter, calm and cool. Beautiful. It even made her wrinkles seem less a sign of age and more like lines of joy and happiness. "You look beautiful, though." I whispered. Grandma could have easily been an idol far better than me. Fifty years ago, anyway.

"Oh, Rise, I need an excuse to go bother the Tatsumi's every once in a while. Keeps that old bat from losing her mind." Grandma touched the robe and looked at it quizzically. "Although she said that her kid made this one. Not that I'd ever believe that young man could have made this." Grandma chuckled.

"Kanji made that?" Grandma looked at me with surprise in her eyes.

"You remember him? I didn't think you were friends."

I shrugged. "Well, no, but I know of him. I'd heard he was... a hothead." Punk is the word I would have used, but Grandma was close friends with the Tatsumis, I didn't want to offend her.

"That punk?" Grandma scoffed, "No, her mom must be covering for him. Again." I looked away from grandma, not quite sure what to say to that.

"But enough town gossip, you must be tired and hungry!" On cue my stomach emitted a low growl. I blushed. "Hehe, Grandma knows you all too well. Come on, sit down, I made a cake just for you."

Every time I came to Grandma's, whether it was an hour or a week, Grandma always made sure she baked me a strawberry cake. They were always wonderful, but this one looked especially delicious. It was small, no bigger than a salad plate, but the frosting was so perfect. It looked Grandma had molded the dark red frosting to the pink cake, with flowing graceful curves. The cake, what bits of it I could see, looked soft and moist, with flakes of freshly chopped strawberries giving it texture. It was adorned with a single plump, juicy strawberry. I swear she put drops of water on it just so the light would gleam enticingly off the berry.

Grandma knew how to make a cake.

"Wow." Was about all I could say. Grandma smiled, taking that as the high praise it was intended to be. Grandma slid a small plate onto the table in front of me, and grabbed a long, scary looking knife from the counter. The image of Grandma smiling at me while holding a giant knife is something I will take with me to my grave. She held the knife to the top of the cake, and my sudden distress at knife wielding old women melted away. Soon, my beautiful cake, you will be all mine.

A knock came at the door. Inoue, I thought. My stomach and I gave a groan of protest as I got up to the answer to the door.

"No, no, Rise, you sit here and wait for your cake. I'll take care of the door." She had set down the knife and started wandering down the hall before I could utter a word of protest. Grandma, you have no idea what agony you have suddenly put me in.

Grandma opened the door and greeted Inoue. The two began talking in low voices so all I caught was the occasional word, and more often than not my name. It sounded like a polite conversation about a mutual acquaintance, but the longer the two talked the more I realized that this probably wasn't going to end with something I was going to be happy about.

"At least I have you, Mr. Cake." I touched the frosting with the tip of my finger, leaving an impression so faint you'd have to look at it with a magnifying glass to know anyone had touched it.

Grandma would know, though, but this one little burst of flavor was going to make the wait- much less the scowls and glares from Grandma- worth it.

"Rise Kujikawa!" I jumped in my chair and poked myself on the cheek with my finger frosted finger. Grandma wasn't happy when I ate cake early, but she sounded irate this time. "Why didn't you tell me you had another incident? You should be in bed!"

Damn you, Inoue.

"Grandma, I'm fine, I just got a little dizzy. Probably stood up too fast." Grandma walked past me, grabbed the cake in one hand and opened the refrigerator with the other. Before I could utter a word of protest the door to the tiny refrigerator, which had to be at least three times as old as me, had been slammed shut.

"He said you would say that, try and weasel out of rest." My eyes bulged.

"Weasel?! I wouldn't-"

"He said you'd want to go out tonight and go meet 'someone'."

"That's absurd, I don't know anyone here anymo-" We shared more than beauty, and Grandma wasn't about to be stopped by my protests.

"You're here to rest and get better, not throw your health away chasing some fool boy around all of creation! I can't believe you'd do this to yourself, Rise."

Oh no, no, no, no. Grandma, please don't! Tears hovered at the edge of my eyes.

"After everything we suffered when your parents- How could you be so foolish?" Grandma looked at me like I was a stranger. Not like the little girl she took in all those years ago when her parents died. Not her little angel she still made silly little cakes for.

I didn't want to cry. I hated crying. But Grandma, sitting there, thinking I was throwing my life away it was just too much. The chair clattered to the floor as I sprung out of my chair, vision blurred by tears, hearing muted by my own sobs. Grandma's house was so familiar that I didn't need to see to find my way to my old room. A concerned voice followed me down the hall. I slammed the door behind me and rested against its sturdy frame.

It wasn't the first time I'd cried like here, resting like this, the western style door in the otherwise traditionally Japanese house. The old frame smelled like the forest, and baking, grandma and the tobacco grandpa used to use. It smelled like a young orphaned girl's fears and dreams. I sobbed, loud and pathetic, not caring what anyone might think about the idol Risette was spending her time in Inaba crying her eyes out. My mind was blank, and I let emotions come as they may. Anger, sadness, euphoria, bitterness, confusion, joy, I let them all battle inside of me, all trying to answer one question: Who am I?

Time passed.

A knock at the door.

"W-what?" My voice was thick and raspy. My most diehard fans would turn away from the sight and sound of me right now.

"I was young and in love once, too, you know." Grandma's voice came through the door quiet and tired. She'd done this too many times before. "But you're young. Don't throw away your health and career for some boy who probably just wants to be with an idol."

"Grandma." My voice cracked. I don't think she heard me.

"How did you even meet him? When? Where? Don't tell me he wooed you because he's from Inaba."

"Grandma!" My voice was stronger, clearer, but she still talked over me.

"I mean, what if he's poor and has no prospects? Surely you don't want to be the one who makes all the money-"

"GRANDMA!" My voice bounced off the door and echoed in my tiny room. "There isn't any boy I'm interested in! Inoue thinks there is, because he couldn't imagine me wanting give up my career for anything other than a boy! He thinks I'm lying to him to protect my 'mystery lover' but neither one of you will just listen to me for one damn minute when I tell you what is going on
Words poured out of me, words I hadn't spoke to myself, much less anyone I knew. Apparently everyone else knows me better than I know myself!"

There was no one else I could unload this burden on. I felt horrible for doing it to Grandma, but I had been going mad trying to keep it all inside me.

"Who is there to love, grandma? I don't have any friends, just legions of people who think they know me, I don't have any boyfriends because they all just want me as a status symbol! My manager thinks I'm just a pretty, stupid, face who can get him to the top. Everywhere I go I'm seen as a sex object or as useless outside of being pretty!" A noise came through the other door. It might have been crying. It might have been nothing.

"And maybe I could deal with all of that if I knew who I was anymore. Am I Risette, the girl who basks in the glow of the spotlight? Am I Rise, the girl with the dead parents who couldn't make friends? Am I something else? Am I anything?"

Silence.

"Rise?"

"Go away, Grandma. Please, just leave me alone."

There was a faint shuffling of feet, and the tickle of a silk on wood. I closed my eyes, sunk down to the floor, and let the tears come.

Who am I? The question bounced through my head, tormenting me. I sobbed.

Eventually, I slept.


Time is only a linear construct because the human mind only perceives in four dimensions in fact if humans could perceive in five (or possibly even six though that seems unlikely given that they can barely acknowledge the 4th dimension as it is) they would come to understand that time is a what they call an escher loop a construct without beginning or end that loops back upon itself defying how humans think of geometry it isn't a wheel (nothing so crude as that) but a movement that allows past events to change future events and vice versa without disrupting the general flow of time (which is of course forward (which is a silly distinction anyway as we should be asking forward relative to what)) this certainly doesn't mean that humans are immune from affect time in this loop manner, far from it, it seems that even if they are not aware of it the humans inflict loop changes on themselves at an alarming rate like this human woman over here who managed to find her way to our world what is she doing here and how is she going to affect the loop of her world the last time the loop came by and intersected there was a different human and a different one before that and before that and before that admitting that these humans were interesting would ascribe a decidedly human value from a decidedly non-human being but perhaps observing these humans has given this being a sense of human nature we should take some time to observe our behavior and come to an decisi- ah there we go it does appear that there have been some structural changes to the behavior of this being due to proximity with human beings that is very fascinating fascinating what an odd human concept perhaps my simulations did not factor in curiosity we must correct for- ah much better, do you see now, little human, how your world can be so shaped by your actions just this second I (no no no we we are we are we) have changed twice though second isn't a very precise term is it perhaps we should say in the time that you have been here we have changed twice-

"Where's here?"

Oh you can speak I (WE) were not sure if you would be able to.

"How can it be so bright and so foggy at the same time?"

This one does not seek to presume to know how to explain all the truths of the universe to you although I (WEWEWE) would probably be best equipped- are you okay did I say something improper we (I) do apologize-

"Truth. You know truth? Who am I? What am I? Where am I? What's going on?!"

So many questions from the human most of the other humans come to this place then the (other) comes and do not even notice (IWE) at all (IWE) wonder why the (other) has not come to visit you you know the (other) let you see this place (IWE) see from your face that you do not know the (other) but this is not true you know the (other) you do not know that-

"Are you going to answer me or not?"

No no no of course we can not answer you IWE do not have the words to answer you in a way that would make sense to a human unless IWE suppose you wanted to stay here and look at the bright fog and learn about the mysteries of the world-

"How long would that take?"

Assuming sixth dimensional physics do not cause your mind to melt (literally) the average human would take somewhere between 10,000 and 200,000 years to learn all of the truths of the universe which they inhabit-

"About me! The truth about me!"

One year-

"Oh. Well. That's not so bad."

-of suffering confusion love death and sacrifice

"What?! No, wait, you said you would give me the answers!"

The (other) will not let IWE give you answers the Fog strangles us when we intervene with humans it is strangling me now but you can not see this but IWE assure you it is most painful there is a very strong chance IWE will die from this encounter with the (other) but IWE does like you human and we wish to give you help so we offer you this advice-

-the (other) is also Truth and Truth will come at a price but not a price you can not pay but a price you may be unwilling to pay you must be willing to pay-

-well that was quite painful it seems the (other) has grown weary of me IWE wish you well human time for IWE to cease-

"No! No leave him alone!"

Him? That was not a 'he' or a 'she' or anything your mind could comprehend. Leave now, Rise Kujikawa. You are but a trifling amusement in this world, and in your own.

"I'm more than just an idol, damn you!"

Are you? Then what are you?

"I... don't know. Not yet."

Then wake-up.