Summary: He loved and cared for me. I threw it all away and begged for his forgiveness, for one last time.
Featured Song: Ariana Grande – One Last Time
WARNING: CHEATING INVOLVED!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, any of the Twilight characters, any paraphrasing of One Last Time, The Great Gatsby, or Gone Girl. Whew that's a long list. I merely enjoy manipulating everything to see fit in my freaking brain. Enjoy!
The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.
-Nick Carraway
One Last Time
As his name was called out, we all clapped and hollered for him. I, however, was just clapping and trying not to ball my eyes out. The tears threatening to escape my eyes were formed for the wrong reason though. They weren't there for his accomplishment, but because what I did to him, to us, months ago.
"What the fuck?" he yelled, finding Jake and me in my bed together, both of us without our shirts on and a mess of tangled limbs. I hadn't thought he'd be around and didn't bother to lock the door since my parents were gone.
Everything stopped, I saw his lips moving, but I couldn't hear anything. All I could do was stare at him. My heart skipped a beat and I it was all a nightmare. He pounded on my door frame in anger, probably leaving a sizable dent, but that's what brought me out of my trance. His face was twisted in rage, reddening by the second. Having nothing left to say to me, he turned on his heel to leave me to finish what I'd started.
I threw Jake off of me and chased after him, yelling for him to stop. He wasn't listening and continued on. My cries and pleads rang through the house to empty ears. He was in his car by the time I caught up to him, ignoring everything I was throwing at him. I kept pounding on his window until he finally rolled it down just enough so he could hear me.
"Edward, it's not what it looks like!" I cried out. I felt like I was suffocating, my vision blurring from the impending tears and rush of everything. He wasn't listening to me.
"Then what is it, Bella? Whatever it is, it looks like you were fucking enjoying it!" The fact that I didn't think of putting a shirt on before chasing after him didn't help my case. My throat was constricting.
"Please, don't leave," I pleaded, tears streaming down my cheeks. I failed as a girlfriend, but I had to try to keep him. If he weren't in his car, I would have been on my knees for him to stay with him.
"You made that decision when you decided to fuck him. We're done," he snarled, rolling his window up and putting his car in reverse.
I watched his car pull out of the driveway, and the look on his face was forever embedded in my brain. My legs were weak, and I fell to my knees, silently crying for him. I messed up the greatest thing that ever happened to me for a fling with a boy while my man was away at college.
I leaned forward and laid my elbows on the ground my below me. I didn't deserve him. I started to pound the hard ground, wanting to go back to winter break when everything was perfect. He eventually came out of the house and ran his hand up and down my back in an attempt to comfort me. It was all wrong though. I didn't want those hands comforting me.
I wanted Edward's hands, but I wasn't sure I was ever going to feel them comforting me again. I should've been more careful.
I was a liar.
I should've fought it.
Edward's parents looked on with pure joy in their eyes as their son walked across the stage. Alice was cheering loudly and jumping up and down. I shouldn't have gone to his graduation. I was there to support Alice for some reason, but ever since his family found out what I'd done, all our relationships had been strained. I not only ruined my relationship with Edward, but I strained my relationship with one of my best friends.
Alice was hesitant on allowing me to join her family for his graduation, but I practically begged her to bring me along. I knew I wasn't going to talk to him, but I wanted to see him again even if it was from afar. The last time I'd seen him was when he was pulling out of my driveway and life.
Since then, Alice had told me he recently began to see a woman who was graduating with him. I had no idea which woman it was, but whoever it was, I knew my heart was going to break. Not only would she be older, she'd be more beautiful and follow Edward in his steps into the real world instead of being stuck at the beginning of her college journey. Edward and I didn't make sense when our respective lives were examined together, but we complimented each other.
The rest of the commencement went smoothly, and when it was all over, we all went down to congratulate him. It was all a blur of students hugging each other, friends, family, and calling out for joy that they made it. When we reached him, he was with who I presumed was his new girlfriend, and she was gorgeous.
Although she looked a bit childish, she pulled it off. Her blonde hair was reflecting off the light, showing how shiny and silky it was. She stood at about the same stature as me, but she was wearing heels. Her pale blue eyes were to die for and her skin was completely flawless. Compared to me, she looked like she truly belonged next to Edward's side. She was all woman while I was all girl. I was put to shame.
Introductions and greetings were quickly taken care of, but when it came to me it was a bit awkward. Edward took the lead, but how he described me killed me on the inside.
"This is Bella, a friend of Alice's." It sounded so simple, but he only saw me as his little sister's friend, not even acknowledging our past relationship.
We all made small talk and got some pictures in. The whole time I couldn't stop from staring at how she clung to his side. She eventually excused herself to find her own family and talk to some of her friends. That's when I saw my chance. I planned on not talking to him, but I was making a change of plans.
Tugging on his robe, he looked down at me with hardened eyes. "Please," I silently begged. His eyes soften the slightly fraction.
I silently guided him to an empty hallway, away from everyone else. Alice gave me a look of 'don't do anything stupid' before we were out of sight. I didn't have a plan, and I had no idea what to say to him.
"Well, Isabella? What was so important you had to drag me away from my own graduation?" Ouch. He played the Isabella card.
"Edward," I whined, "it was all a mistake. Can't you forgive me?" I felt tears incoming and I didn't want them to show how weak I was. The past few months without him felt like a millennium.
"You cheated on me," he hissed. "You think I can forgive you for fucking those boys behind my back? No, I can't. I never expected you to stoop to that level." His voice was filled with disappointment, and I despised myself for making him feel that way about me. The tears were coming in fast.
"I know I cheated on you, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life. It's my fault, and I know I should've fought it. Please, Edward." I took his hand in mine and gave his a squeeze, willing him to forgive me. I felt like I had nothing without him.
His nose twitched, and I believed he was going to say something I wanted to hear. He failed to remove his hand from mine, and that gave me hope. We stared in each other's eyes, and I wanted to get lost in his emerald eyes. I'd always loved how they reflected his emotions and his love for me.
Now though, they were filled with anger and despondency. He wasn't going to forgive me. I was a liar and should've done him better. I failed.
"No," he whispered, his voice cracking, "you can't say things like that, Isabella. You chose this fucking path when you first laid hands on him. Leave me alone. This matter is closed."
He ripped his hand away from mine and turned on his heel to return to everyone. My eyes closed as he once again left me alone and the tears began to fall freely. I leaned against the wall for support and wiped furiously at my tears.
I screwed everything up.
Now he had another woman on his arm.
*One Last Time*
Three Weeks Later…
My own graduation came and went. Edward was in attendance for Alice, but he refused to speak to me alone. The fact that Jake kept hugging me every minute didn't help matters, and Mike Newton, an annoying classmate, was trying to get me to out to a party afterward with him. I craved Edward's attention though, and before everything went downhill, I imagined Edward all over me at my graduation. Unfortunately, it was the complete opposite.
Now I was at the Cullen's house for Alice's graduation party. Alice and I still had a cloud of awkwardness around each other, but it was getting better. We just never mentioned Edward.
I was in their elaborate kitchen with many kids I didn't recognize when I saw Edward pass by and head upstairs. Without thinking, I placed my drink on the counter and quietly ascended the stairs to his room. I had no idea how well Alice and I would keep in touch so I was taking a risk that I was sure was going to end in rejection. I had to try even if I didn't deserve his attention.
Walking up to his door, I peer inside to see him lying on his bed with a book. I stepped inside and lightly knocked on his door. He looked up away from his book and locked eyes with me. There wasn't any yelling or instinctual, aggravated noises so I stepped in closer.
"Hi," I whispered. I was treading the waters.
"Bella." He nodded. Oh thank God he wasn't calling me Isabella.
"I fucked everything up." I knew I did before, but it was becoming much more prominent for me. "I know I don't deserve anything from you, but I…" I had no idea what I wanted to ask from him. I certainly had no right to ask for him back.
"Forgive me temporarily. After that, we'll leave each other alone," I suggested. Once out of my mouth I realized how desperate that sounded and how low I'd stooped. He did too.
He sat up on his bed with an irritated look on his face. "You want me to stoop to your level? Fuck no!"
"Edward," I pleaded. I didn't know what to say, but I wanted to say something in an attempt to get him to forget what I'd done to him.
"No, Bella!" he roared, standing up. "You don't deserve another chance or an alternate ending. You think you deserve a decent ending with me despite your betrayal? You don't."
Tears should've been falling from my eyes, but I was all cried out. Disappointed and sadness washed over me instead. I was defeated.
"I'm sorry for everything, Edward. I don't know what I was thinking. You deserve better," I admitted. Although I believed my last comment, I also wanted to butter him up a bit.
"You wouldn't have done what you did if you truly loved me." I felt tears pricking at my eyes, but I willed them away. He was clearly done with me. I wanted to tell him that I did love him, but I thought better.
I sighed, it was no use. Hoping he'd grant me one last wish at least, I walked closer to him. "Hug for the road?"
I opened my arms up to him, hoping he'd accept it. He hesitated for a moment, but then stepped closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, my head falling immediately to his chest. In that moment, everything was perfect. His cologne overtook my nostrils, but I welcomed it. My eyes closed to their own accord to the feeling of comfort and familiarity of his arms. He placed his chin atop my head and rocked us back and forth slightly, humming softly.
We were both lost in the moment neither one on us wanting to let go. I felt him kiss the top of my head lightly then pull away. I had nothing more to say to him and was just grateful he permitted that moment. With a nod of my head and a slight grimace, I exited his room.
At the bottom of the stairs, I let out a breath. I had to get out of there. I quickly found Alice and we congratulated each other quickly, making promises to hang out soon. Safely seated in my car, tears started leaking again.
I thought I was all cried out, but I was wrong. I had to get over him because it was my entire fault. At least I was being honest with myself and wasn't trying to pretend it was nothing anymore. I shook my head at the past six months and hit my horn by mistake.
Deciding to leave before I made myself look like even more of a fool, I put my truck in drive. At home, my parents were asleep, but on the table was a carefully wrapped gift with a card. Figuring it was a gift that someone dropped off, I tore into it. I gasped at what was inside.
Inside the box was four items. The first two items were books: The Great Gatsby and Gone Girl. I'd misplaced my copy of Gatsby a while's back and had meant to replace it. I snorted at Gone Girl because that was a 'fuck you' thrown in my face except the tables were turned. He'd read it, but I never got the chance with the whirlwind second half of senior year. I practically knew what happened in it already, but I still wanted to read it someday.
They were strategically placed on top of one of his hoodies. More specifically, the one he knew I loved to steal and wear despite it being nearly dress length on me. I couldn't believe it was in there. At the bottom of the box was the thing that nearly broke my heart again.
It was a framed hand-drawn picture of my face. It was intricately drawn with my head titled and my hand at the top of my head, mid-pushing my hair out of my face. My mouth was wide open as if I was laughing at something or someone. I never posed for this so I assumed he took a picture of me or did it off of memory. He loved drawing me.
At the bottom left corner of the drawing, was his signature and a date that coincided with winter break. Of course. Although all this was wonderful, I couldn't tell if it was all to throw a final 'fuck you' in my face.
I caught sight of his card in the corner of my eye and opened it faster than a dog when he smelt meat.
Bella,
I don't know what to say, and I can't explain why I'm giving you all this. I guess it's a farewell that's not full of rage and anger. When I was packing away this stuff, I realized that perhaps you'd analyze this gesture. I want to tell you that there are no bitter feelings here. This is supposed to be a good ending note. Good luck at college.
-Edward
I had no clue when Edward dropped this off, but it explained why he didn't tell me to get the hell out of his room. He may have been furious with what I'd done, but pushing it aside, he still had a soft spot for me.
I sat down at my kitchen table, staring at what Edward had given me as a sendoff. My head felt heavy so I placed my head in my hands, taking in everything.
I was a liar.
I know I should've fought it.
At least I got my last time with him.
Or as close to it as I was going to get.
*One Last Time*
Five Years Later…
My mother had sent me to do her shopping for her, but I had no idea what the hell she wanted. I hadn't officially moved out of my parents home, but I was just there during breaks and the summer. I couldn't remember what brand of cereal or what type of milk she preferred. How the hell was I supposed to survive the real world when I couldn't do my mother's shopping?
I was staring at the different types of milks with an 'I am so helpless' look when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Looking to my left I was greeted with a man wearing a baseball cap backwards and a thick beard. He was bundled up in a coat and scarf, but had a bit of a smirk on his face.
"I believe your mother buys the two percent," he suggested, pointing at the right cartoon.
"Thank you," I wearily thanked, picking up the milk and placing it in my cart. I had no idea who this man was.
"My apologies." He smiled, taking off his hat. Fucking hell. I'd recognize that hair anywhere.
"Edward, it's nice to see you," I choked out.
Over the years, I hadn't seen Edward much. Alice and I were fine, but now we were just busy with our own respective lives so we didn't see each other as much as we'd like. Edward and I kept our talking to a minimum and just nodded and greeted each other if necessary. We never brought up what occurred at Alice's graduation party.
"Likewise, Bella. Alice said you were in town for your winter break and I was hoping I could talk to you. Could you meet me at my place later?" He flashed a grinned my way at the end.
Wow, that was probably the most he'd said to me in years. I wasn't sure what to gather from that, but what was the harm in it? I wasn't an eighteen year old girl anymore.
"Sure. I just need to finish my mother's shopping," I explained, looking at the list, seeing bread next. Oh boy.
"I'll be waiting." He smiled at me again before replacing his cap on his head and going in the opposite direction, leaving me to finish my mother's shopping.
After an additional, treacherous half an hour of shopping, I went back home unloading the groceries that I tried my best with. I tried calling my mother, but she didn't answer so she was going to have to deal with what I assumed was her regular groceries. Quickly putting all the groceries in their rightful spots, I ran up to my room to freshen up a bit.
I was being ridiculous. Why the fuck was I acting like I was getting ready for a date? I shook my head at myself, deciding to just change shirts and brush my hair. Looking at myself in my mirror, I declared myself acceptable.
The closer I got to Edward's place, the faster my heart rate sped up. I was telling myself this was nothing, but my body had a mind of its own, wishing that this was a completely different situation.
When I arrived at Edward's house on the outskirts of town I just wanted to turn around. However, Edward opened the door to his house and signaled for me to come in. There was no turning back.
Inside, I noticed how modern his house looked. I'd only been to his house once or twice before with Alice over the holidays or something. It was beautiful, and I felt that tug at my heart, thinking what could have been.
Get over yourself. It was five years ago!
He led us to the living room and sat us down on the couch. My eyes were wondering, noticing how organized and clean his place was. It made me wonder if Alice was hiding somewhere or maybe if there was a missus. Dammit. I didn't know anything about Edward, and I didn't know why he'd invite me back to his home.
"How have you been, Bella? College hasn't kicked you in the ass yet I see," he began.
"I've been good. Getting through it. How about you?" I nodded. Edward and I hadn't had a real conversation in years, and I wasn't entirely comfortable with him. I remembered when we used to have those late night phone calls, and I felt a crack in my heart that I wasn't in that position anymore.
"I'm getting around." He got up from his spot on the couch. "Would you like something to drink?" I shook my head, and he returned shortly with two bottles of waters. "Just in case."
"Thank you."
A pause grew between us. Chuckling soon filled the void as he reached up to his hair and ran his fingers through it. As the years passed by, Edward grew more handsome by the day. His silky strands of hair were now longer, gripping length, and it suited him impeccably. Add in the full beard and he was all man. Considering I didn't recognize him in the grocery store, he did a lot of growing up in his twenties.
"Alice told me not to do this," he chuckled, still playing with his hair and looking downwards at his coffee table. "I know I shouldn't want you here, but I have to be honest, Bella." His chuckling ceased, and he looked me straight in the eyes. "I miss you, Belly Marie." Desperation and sorrowfulness saturated his tone.
Surprise overtook me. I couldn't believe he remembered that stupid nickname that I despised so much, but allowed him to call me. It was his term of endearment for me.
"You…remembered," I spoke in disbelief.
"Of course I do," he answered like it was a simple math problem. "I remember a lot of things, Bella."
He rose from his seat and began pacing back and forth. I assumed he was going to continue so I sat quietly waiting for him to continue, dying on the inside for him to get on with it. A box was in the corner of the room, and Edward retrieved it, placing it gently on the coffee table in front of me.
Standing in front of me, he began. "You cheated." We both knew that. He didn't need to shove it in my face. "I was so pissed at you that I never wanted to be in the same room as you. Yet you had the guts to approach me several times, trying to beg me for forgiveness. All I could see was fucking Jake on top of you, touching my girlfriend."
His hands were clenched at his sides even after all these years. If I had been in his situation, I knew I would have had the same reaction if I found him in bed with another woman. It fucking killed me to just see another woman by his side at graduation.
"For a long time I was furious with you. Of all people, I never expected you to cheat on anybody – much less that recipient being me. I convinced myself that you were some dumb high school girl trying to get as many fucks in before college."
"Edward," I interrupted. I did cheat on Edward, but I never fucked Jake. We did other things, but fucking was where I drew the line. I doubted it was going to make a difference, but I was going to tell him at some point.
"No, please let me finish, Bella." He held up his hand to which I gave a slight nod. "It was maybe October or November of your first semester of college when I was finally cooling off about discovering you and Jake. I started to doubt myself, and asked myself 'was I not good enough for her?' since you went and looked for another boy on the side. I tried asking Alice if she knew anything, but she refused to talk about it, explaining that you and she agreed not to talk about what happened.
"I was with Jane, the woman with me at graduation, for a while, but then we broke up on good terms. I tried going out with several women, but you kept creeping into my mind. We were only together about seven months, but you made your mark. I kept reminding myself that you didn't want me, but I unconsciously compared the women I tried to date to you."
I wasn't expecting that to come out of his mouth. Now and then I'd encounter something that'd trigger of memory of Edward and I, but he never impacted my dating life afterwards. I'd had one serious boyfriend through undergrad, and a few stranglers. I just wanted to move on and leave high school Bella and all her mistakes in the past.
He chuckled to himself. "Bella Swan, what are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other? What will we do?" Why did that sound familiar? It sounded like a quote from somewhere, I just couldn't place it.
"I never fucked Jake. I cheated on you with him, but I am being completely honest, there was no fucking. I felt like shit for months because of what I did. I was confused. I failed as a girlfriend, and I thought you'd be much better off with Jane than me. I still wanted you though if you'd accept me.
"After we talked in your room at Alice's graduation party, I went home to find your farewell gifts. After I saw all of it, I thought you were throwing a final 'fuck you' in my face, but after I read your card, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I wanted to rewind six months and return to when everything was perfect with you."
"You and me both, Bella." Edward turned the box on the coffee table around. Written on the front of it in black sharpie was 'Bella Memories.' I gulped down. "I may have been pissed to the heavens with you, but I stilled love you deep down. I shoved all this stuff in a box because I didn't want to be reminded of you, how I didn't have you anymore. All that I could express was my anger towards you."
He opened up the box and removed everything from it, placing every item on the table, taking a seat on the couch afterwards. The items included: The Great Gatsby, a photo album, a t-shirt, a chap stick, a thermos, and a Chicago Cubs t-shirt.
"This," he pointed towards Gatsby, "I found wedged between the seats in my car. I figured since I bought you a new copy, you wouldn't need this one. I didn't have the heart to throw it away though."
"These," referring to the t-shirt, chap stick and thermos, "I found scattered in my room over the months, and couldn't bear to give them back to you."
"Why did you give me your hoodie?" I interrupted. It was always a mystery to me.
He sighed. "I knew I'd never looked at it the same if I wore it myself, and I knew I could never let another woman 'borrow' it without it being tainted with the image of you. I figured you'd be happiest with it."
He was fucking pissed at me yet he still put me into consideration. I was beginning to feel like shit again.
"I still have it," I whispered. "I wear it from time to time." Mostly just inside though.
A smile rose on his lips. He picked up the photo album and placed it in my lap. I was afraid to open it, but inside, it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. It was all hand-drawn illustrations of me in the protective films. There had to be about twenty to thirty in there. Drawing was only a hobby for Edward, but he was damn good at it.
"Couldn't bear to burn the illustrations of the dumb high school girl who cheated on you?" I teased. They were in perfect condition with the added protection.
"Of course not," he answered firmly.
I closed the album up and put it back on the table. The only item remaining was the Chicago Cubs t-shirt. It wasn't mine, it was his.
"Why'd you put the Cubs shirt in the box?" I was afraid of the answer because I had a suspicion what the answer was. He was a huge Cubs fan and wouldn't wear it without a plausible reason.
"You gave it to me that Christmas. I didn't want to have to wear it and remember you were the one who gave it to me. It was easier to store it away with everything else. Erase you from every aspect of my life no matter how miniscule."
Silence overtook us again. Edward began to pack up everything in the box again and I silently watched. I wasn't exactly sure where all this was headed, but I decided to face it head on.
"Why did you invite me over, Edward?"
He angled is body more towards mine. His hand reached out, and took mine in his grasp, lightly running his thumb over the back of it. Despite the fact it'd been years since we'd had real contact, his simple gesture was comforting. I loved it when Edward had his hands on me, any part of me.
"I miss you." His eyes were melancholy. "I know it's been years since we've ever hung out or even had an actual conversation, but something in me yearns for you. I failed to erase you from my memory despite being desperate to wash away all traces of you. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that… I want to see if we can repair this. Try again now that we're older."
My eyes must've reflected my absolute astonishment because he chuckled. "I may be playing with fire here, but I need real closure one way or another. Maybe we both were just stupid kids back then, and if that's true, I don't want to waste an opportunity that I could have with an amazing, beautiful woman within in grasp."
My face flushed. Of all the things I imagined him inviting me over, this was the last thing. Everything was backwards. Wasn't I supposed to be the one who was asking for forgiveness and for him to take me back?
One look in his emerald eyes told me different. They told a story of long deliberation within himself. He was taking his own risk in all this. After the whole experience with Edward and Jake, I told myself I'd never cheat again. It was not worth it. I responded the way I knew I would have years ago if he had had one last time with me.
"I promise I'll make it worth it."
And I did.
We worked through our kinks and got to know each other once again. Edward was insecure in the beginning when any male glanced my way longer than was appropriate. I wasn't annoyed with it at all because it was my fault he was jittery. I reassured and comforted him that there was no chance in hell I'd ever strike him or anyone else like that again.
After two years of dating and relearning each other, he proposed with no qualms at all. We'd gotten over our hump and were smooth sailing again. I was forever thankful that he gave me that second chance.
I was no longer a liar.
I finally did the love of my life better.
We no longer needed one last time together.
*One Last Time*
Posted: June 23, 2017
Featured Song (once again): Ariana Grande – One Last Time
If Ross and Rachel can make it, Edward and Bella can make it! For now, this is done, but I may do a few outtakes someday, more specifically Edward's perspective and pains. Give me suggestions of what you'd like to see if I ever do get my ass on it. Please have mercy on me!
I dare someone to find all the song and the mentioned book references in here. Some of them are paraphrased so they're not perfect and some of them may be "hidden" in there for possible outtakes. I'll have to do it myself when I'm procrastinating on something.
Anyways, enjoy the rest of your day and I hope to see you guys at some point!
