"Thank you, sir. Come again," a rather bored looking AMC movie usher said robotically as Tim passed by, dropping his empty soda cup into the trash. Behind him audience members buzzed about The Dark Knight. Tim had loved the film, but as he left he couldn't help but feel a little lonely. His love life had hit a drought and he was craving a woman in the worst possible way. He had come to the Sunday matinee of the movie to feel he actually had some semblance of a life and to keep his mind off his lack of girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was met with a mass of couples snuggling and cuddling and flirting with each other. It was enough to drive any single man insane.
Tim exited the movie theater and entered the Potomac Mills Outlet Mall, hands shoved in his pockets. He just wanted to get back to his apartment and do something to keep his mind off his social life – or lack thereof – until work tomorrow. Heck, he may even squeeze out another chapter of his next book. Wouldn't Crawshaw be pleased!
"Excuse me, sir! Would you like to try our new fragrance for men?" A very petite, very cute young girl was standing outside the Fragrance Outlet holding a small bottle of cologne. "It's guaranteed to attract the objection of your affection."
Tim smiled gamely. "Guaranteed? So I get my money back if it doesn't work?"
The young girl returned the smile. "I just sell them, sir. You'd have to ask customer service about that."
Tim shrugged. He needed some new cologne anyway. "Sure. Spray me down."
The girl grabbed a perfume stick and dabbed a bit of the liquid on to it before handing it over to Tim. "Do you like it?" she asked as he sniffed at it. It did have a nice aroma. "Here's our tester."
Tim looked at the black bottle of cologne. "Passion," he read aloud. The two 's's were facing inward to each other, forming a heart. On the outside the bottle looked feminine, but the scent was markedly masculine. "I'll take a bottle," he told the girl with a wink.
She rang him up at the counter, handing him a logo paper bag with his purchase inside. "Don't forget: just a dab. A little goes a long way," she instructed with an impish grin. "We cannot be held responsible for any unwanted attraction you get with our product."
Tim laughed. He doubted he would have any problem with that.
Tim sprinted off the elevator. He wasn't late yet, but he didn't want something to happen in the twenty feet from the elevator to his desk and make him officially late. With his luck that day, it was a definite possibility. He had woken up on time and pulled himself out of bed to a lukewarm shower. He was a little ahead of his usual morning schedule, completely dressed, brushed, scrubbed, and cleaned, when he spotted his new cologne. No time like the present, he thought, grabbing it from its place on the sink counter and pulling at the top. And nothing. He looked at it in puzzlement and pulled again. Still nothing. Getting a bit angry at the bottle, he shook it violently before giving the top one more giant yank, only to have it fly off and slip from his hands. The bottle tipped forward, splashing him with cologne from his neck down.
"Oh, sh–" He grunted. This was not good. This was not at all good. Quickly, Tim stripped off his shirt and pants, discarding them into his hamper. He didn't have time to take another shower, but a quick sniff test concluded that one wasn't necessary. The scent was stronger than he would have liked, but it wasn't unbearable. He could deal with a few jabs from Tony about it. Better that than face the wrath of Gibbs for tardiness. He set a new record in getting dressed and managed to be out the door only five minutes later than usual.
Now he was jogging to his desk, letting out a sigh of relief when he saw that Gibbs wasn't there. "Thank you," he whispered, dropping his bag on the floor.
"Good morning, McGee." Tim looked up and saw Ziva sitting at her desk.
"Hey, Ziva," he replied. "Where are Gibbs and Tony?"
"Gibbs wanted to get an early start on talking to Petty Officer Wilson's family so he and Tony went off as soon as they got here. They won't be back until later. Much later," she added. Tim noticed that she was staring at him intently, her tongue running slightly across her top lip. "We will have the entire place to ourselves, Timothy."
Tim furrowed his eyebrows, confused by both Ziva's words and her actions. "Um…except for the other people working here," he stated, nodding to the agents walking around the building.
Ziva, unfazed by Tim's comment, stood and strode slowly to his desk. He couldn't help but notice as she undid the top three buttons of her top. The neckline dipped down lower than it normally did, giving him a glance of cleavage. It was further exacerbated as she leaned her torso against the top of his desk, her arms folded below her chest. "Then perhaps we will need to find an area that is more…secluded?" she asked, unsure if that was the correct word. "I do believe that is the word, secluded. Alone. Isolated. Yes?" Her hair was falling from the clip holding it back and a large chunk fell over her right eye, giving her the look of a sultry sex kitten. "It would be best to be in a place where we will not be disturbed. So we can better do our work, of course," she added with a smirk when she saw Tim's perturbed stare. Her tone told him that work was the last thing on her mind.
Tim pushed his chair back until it hit the wall behind him. "I…I–uh–," he stuttered. "Ziva, I think we would be more productive here…in the open…where people are watching."
The Mossad officer leaned in closer, dropping her voice down to a hushed tone. "So you like to reproduce when people are watching, do you McGee?" The tip of her tongue stuck out between her teeth, teasing him.
"No, Ziva, producing and reproducing are two different things. Producing could refer to the creation of anything, tangible or otherwise, while reproducing is usually reserved to refer to…" he trailed off, not wanting to even mention the word "sex" or any synonym of it while Ziva was in this mood.
"Refer to what, McGee?" She walked to the other side of his desk, leaning down so that their faces were inches apart. He was trapped.
Tim jumped up. "Ziva, I have to go check some other things…some, uh, private things. You just…um…just stay here. And don't move." He sprinted from the bullpen without giving the woman another glance. His first thought was the men's bathroom, but he knew Ziva had no problem following him, or anyone else, in there. Instead, he ran into the opening elevator and jabbed the "Close Doors" button, frantically hoping that the horny assassin wouldn't manage to slip on. When the doors finally closed and the elevator – Ziva-less – began moving, Tim allowed himself to fall back against the wall and exhale a sigh of relief.
What was going one? Ziva had never shown him any sign of attraction before. If anything Tim was certain Ziva was interested in…
"Tony!" Tim was fuming. This had to be one of Tony's practical jokes. What other explanation could there be? His nostrils flared his breathing increasing as he thought about what he was going to do when he saw Tony.
The elevator dinged and the doors slid open and Tim rushed off without even looking up. His shoulder rammed into another body and he heard a soft "Oof!" as he and the other person fell to the floor.
"Sorry!" Tim and Jimmy said in unison. Tim stood and held his hand out to the ME assistant. Jimmy took it gratefully and pulled himself up, stumbling slightly and falling against Tim. He quickly righted himself, stepping back to give both Tim and himself some space. "Oops!" he muttered, his cheeks blazing.
"It's okay, Palmer. I wasn't really paying attention."
"No problem, McGee," Jimmy sputtered, his cheeks still red. Though this was hardly the first time Tim had seen Jimmy so abashed, he noticed there was something different. The way his eyes flittered back and forth between Tim and the floor was demure and almost feminine. "Are you here to see Dr. Mallard?"
Tim suddenly realized he had ridden the elevator down to autopsy without even thinking. "Actually, I was just trying to get out of the bullpen," he explained. He stepped back into the elevator and held his hand over the door for Jimmy to step on as well. His efforts were rewarded with a shy smile. "Where are you headed?" he asked, fingers poised near the buttons.
"Oh, I can get it, McGee." Jimmy leaned over and pushed a button. As he did, he allowed his body, specifically his hips, to brush up against Tim's side. "What's so scary upstairs that you felt the need to flee down here?"
Tim took a step back, feeling his personal space being invaded in an unwanted way. "Ziva is just acting strange. I think Tony got her to come on to me as some sort of sick prank."
Once again Jimmy's cheeks grew red. "She…she was flirting with you?"
Tim cocked his head. Was it just his imagination or did Jimmy sound a bit miffed by the thought of Ziva flirting with him? "It was less flirting and more, um…enticing. But I'm not interested in her in that way," he quickly added, hoping that Jimmy didn't think Tim was inviting the attention. "I mean she's attractive…but if you're interested in her you don't have to worry about me…"
"Interested in her?" Jimmy looked as though it were the most preposterous idea he'd ever heard. "I'm not interested in Ziva." As he said this Jimmy inched himself slightly closer to Tim. "I'm looking for someone a bit more…" he paused, placing his hand against the elevator wall on the other side of time, effectively trapping him, "a bit more intellectual."
"…Jimmy, what–"
"Do you like animal prints, McGee?" Tim was too stunned to comprehend the question, let alone actually answer it. "Because I'm just crazy for animal prints. You know, like some nice leopard print boxers."
Just as Jimmy's finger ran across the waist of Tim's pants the doors reopened. Tim ducked under Jimmy's arm and high-tailed it to the nearest stairwell. He shoved the door closed behind him, pressing his body against it to keep anyone from entering behind him.
What in the world was going on?
AN: This story was inspired by a conversation had with Smackalicious about how Tim could pretty much be paired with anyone. Probably will end up being about four chapters. Reviews are always appreciated!
