Number 25

A/N: Very much inspired by Melissa's new fiction. So, this is dedicated to her.

Disclaimer: Don't I wish!

Shinobi Saying #25: No matter what situation, a shinobi must keep emotions on the inside. You must make the mission your top priority and you must possess a heart that never shows tears.

I never figured out how some ninja live that way. Sacrifice without thinking. Kill without pausing. Watch your comrades die without flinching. It doesn't seem human. But nobody said shinobi had to be human.

I had a test at the academy. Well, actually, I had many tests, but this one is clear in my mind because it asked me a question. A question that would determine my future lifestyle. "What is Shinobi Saying #25?" it asked. I answered quickly because I knew the answer. I had memorized the Shinobi Sayings earlier in the year, this question wasn't a big deal.

At least, until Sasuke almost died at the hands of Haku.

It was only then I got a small glimpse of what I was getting into. I had to protect, not cry. I had to focus on the mission, not on the heartache. I couldn't. I leaned over his body and bawled and whimpered and asked, "Why?" Of course, Sasuke woke up. Most times, people don't.

Tsunade-sama once sent me on a mission. It was a mission to retrieve a scroll from a team of Grass nin. No biggie. It was only a B-class mission and I was a Chunin. I went, hoping to retrieve the scroll quickly and quietly. No such luck. I had to battle four of them and, in the process, a civilian died. It wasn't me that killed them, but I felt it was my fault. Thoughts of If only I had gotten the scroll while the Grass nin slept and If it wasn't me who had been sent on the mission, maybe they would've lived. I did not shed a tear over the body. I carried the corpse into the village and explained to a nearby official what had happened. He curtly thanked me.

As I lay in my bed that night after giving the scroll to Tsunade, I felt drained. And I reflected on my previous missions. How many people had died because of me?

When Naruto, Kakashi, and I brought Sasuke-kun back from Sound, I was happy. Maybe people had died because of me, but I had also saved people. Didn't that count towards something?

Again, I had a mission, a group of enemy nin, and an unnecessary casualty. I did not cry. I did not let my heart sink. I brought the body back to the village and handed it over. I went home, slept soundly, and went to training the next day. Kakashi had me spar with Sasuke.

When I was all set to attack Sasuke with some senbon needles, my mind doubled over. "What sort of monster have I become?" I voiced my thoughts aloud as I sat in the grass.

Sasuke looked at me, impatiently waiting for my attack. When none came, he joined me on the ground and asked me what I was talking about. "A villager died last night on my mission, and I didn't even wince. How can I have become that sort of robot to not care about a death?" was what I told him.

Sasuke looked at me and sighed. "You haven't stopped caring, Sakura. You will always care. You aren't a robot or a monster. You are a shinobi." With that, he got up, ready to spar again.

I just stared at him from my spot in the grass. How could he say that the way I was acting was okay? I kept waiting for him to take it back, or correct himself, or something. When he didn't, I got up. I was not living like this anymore. There was only one more life that I would take, intentionally or unintentionally.

My own.

A/N: Review and tell me what you thought. Also read "Repetition" by HPBabe91. It's incredible. Au revoir!

-SakuraDouble