Over 100 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen
1. Go up to him in the hall at
school. Think loudly, 'Edward Cullen. This is your conscience. Leave
Bella and go out with me.'
2. Bake him a birthday cake...with 107
candles. Make frequent jokes about his being "over the hill"
3.
Give him a puppy named Sprinkles.
4. When asked what to do with
Sprinkles, hand him a straw and exclaim "Go for it, Tiger!"
5.
Make him watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Mouth the word
"Cedward!" in his general direction.
6. Ask questions
like "How about them Chudley Cannons?", or "So...who's
this Cho I keep hearing about?" When he "refuses" to
answer, say you'll be rooting for Harry.
7. During his piano
serenades, yell "Play some Skynyrd!!" in a racous voice.
8.
Have phone conversations with other fictional vampires. When asked,
tell him "Lestat says hi!", "Oh Mick, gotta go. HE'S
here." or "Sup Krava-Krave? How things kickin with
Selene?"
9. Have "We Appreciate Mythology" days
with the pack and the Cullens. Fervently discuss how we need to "be
on better terms with Nessie".
10. Spray Bella with 'Jacob eau
de cologne'
11. Sit next to him and bring up all these images in
your head of different way to torture Bella
12.putting him in a
thorpey suit
13. chucking him in a fountain of chocolate sauce
14.
making bella into a snow woman
15. using bella as a pinata
16.
put bella in the all in one jammies so he can't get to her
17. Ask
him where he buys his contact lenses. Daily. For about, ooh, a
year.
18. Send a large and anonymous donation to the school, on
the condition that Bella's geography class is sent to see the
delights of the Tuscan countryside. Suggest Volterra as a prefered
location.
19. Eye him suspicously every time he walks past,
gripping a crusifix and throwing strings of garlic around your
neck.
20. Repeatedly pester him to ask Alice for the winning
lottery numbers.
21. Ring him in the middle of the night. "Sorry,
Edward. Did I wake you?"
22. Sing 'I know a song that'll get
on your nerves' in your head continually, over and over again, he'll
go insane in less then three hours garrenteed
23. hmm first i'd
get me and a bunch of friends to buy red contacts and makeup that
makes us look really pale, then we'd move to the cullens lunch table
and start the werewolf lovers club.
24. give out free plastic
fangs to everyone in the school
25. make an animal rights poster
to save the mountain lions
26.Follow him around with a mirror,
gasping with shock every time you see a reflection.
27. Enrole
Bella at the Quileute school. Or, even better, on another continent.
In permenant sunlight.
28. Play It and make sure you run in the
sunlight, where he cant follow you.
29. smash his volvo
30.
tell him bella married jacob
31. show him this topic in this forum
- also fanfic, the 'What if Edward was gay?' topic, and all the
Twilight Movie Cast threads where we
bash Rob.
32. Letting the fangirls loose on him
33. go into his
house and kidnap alice
34. Scratching up his Aston, (not that I'd
do that, coz it would be a waste.)
35. Ask him if he knows
Dracula. When he doesn't respond, wonder out loud how he got fangs.
Then turn to Edward excitedly and ask if he can introduce the two of
you.
36. Get a big group together to discuss what you want to be
when you grow up. When it's your turn, say unnecessarily loudly, "I
want to be a monster. But somebody" -throw a pointed glance in
Edward's direction - "won't let me."
37. Sit him and
Jacob down to 'talk it out', a la Jerry Springer. Frequently ask the
two how they feel about that.
38. Say -"OMG. Is that
Victoria?" Every five minutes!
39. Make a t-shirt, and wear
it frequently, saying 'I'm with the Vampire.' Make Edward a matching
one saying 'I'm with the Human.' Force him to wear it.
40. While
he's in it, drive really close to his Volvo. I mean really, really
close. Now, using your rearview mirror, make a nice, long, noisy
scratch on his door.
"Um, oops?"
Then run for the
hills.
41. Go up to him look into his eyes and say what am I
thinking? Over and over! For I don't know...oh lets go w/...a
month!
42. Come to school wearing dark robes, red/black contacts,
and white makeup. Go up to Edward. Claim to be from the Volturi, and
ask him where Bella is.
43. Think disturbing thoughts
45.
Go up to Edward and ask him if he can read your mind. Think very
steamy thoughts about you both. Watch a vampire blush as he covers
the front of his pants and runs
46.Have sweaty werewolves make a
dogpile on Bella. Push the reeking Bella into Edwards's arms
47.
Tell him the Vulturi took Bella
48. Shred Alice's credit cards and
blame it on him
49. Get Emm and Jazz to "think" about
Bella
50. Tell him one of the new werewolves imprinted on
Bella
51. Paint his shiny silver Volvo and piano neon pink
52.
Have Jacob move to live with Charlie and Bella
53. write a book
called my life as a vampire give it to him tell him it's about him
when he asks how you know tell him long have been spying and
researching
54. Tell him Darth Vader is his father
55. ...and
that he's a werewolf
56. Have him over at your house and pretend
you don't know he's a vampire. Insist that he have something to eat.
Act offended when he refuses.
57. Hang out with the wolves and
give them all big hugs and then follow him around.
58. Offer him a
PETA t-shirt.
59. Buy him self-tanning lotion.
60. Pay Jake to hang out at forks
high school and think dirty thoughts about Bella all day until Edward
snaps-and then get out of there as fast as his wolf legs will go.
61.
have Jacob buy a shiny silver Volvo and be waiting in the car in the
forks has parking lot so when Bella comes out of school she gets in
Jacob's Volvo whose thinking this and makes eddy see it! (I would
never do any of this too Edward Anthony mason Cullen! I love him far
too much)
62. Make Bella president of the La Push Cliff Diving
Society
63. ... And give the President the job of toweling down
all those half-naked, dripping wet La Push boys as they come out of
the water.
64. ... or Give them the job of toweling HER down!
65.
Run around the school shouting, 'EDWARD CULLEN IS A VIRGIN'
66.
Tell him Bella's been accepted to take part in a motorcycle
rally.
67. Tell him Bella's been accepted to take part in a
motorcycle rally, in La Push, over the treaty line, with a whole
bunch of raucous, half-naked werewolves.
68. Go up to Edward and
tell him Bella has a serious case of OECD (obsessive EDWARD CULLEN
disorder)! Loll
69. give him a coffin for christmas and tell him
his old one was getting shabby
70. Every time you see him yell,
"Hey, whats up Dracula! \
71. Think over and over about his
good looks...and when he stops blushing undress him with your
eyes...
72. Say what's up vanilla face? Every time he walks by
you
73."Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts"
when you walk by him.
74. Have Rosalie challenge him to a race...
In high heels
75. Um... make moves on him and pretend to get upset
when he resists.
76. Ask him what Hogwarts was like. And why he
didn't just go all vampire-super-strength-super-speed on voldemorts
ass.
77. Be on the other side of a crowded room and think scream
ahh James is attacking me really loudly
78. Ask him how he came
back to life...twice!
79. Pay Jacob to train as a stripper then
for belle's birthday put him in one of those cakes that people can
come out off.
80. Ask him if you can have Harry's phone
number.
81. Tell him Bella found out about Cho
82. Ask him if
it was really Voldemort that turned him into a vampire.
83. Tell
him Alice kicked him out of his room again
84. Tell him all the
females from Denali are coming for him
85. Make frequent comments
about his virginity for a few days. Then, one day, walk up to him.
Tell him you watched The Forty Year Old Virgin, and tell him you
'need to talk'.
Have this discussion. Watch as he tries to kill
himself with severe embarrassment.
86. Picture Bella feeding Jacob
grapes like he was some king.
87. .Every time I spoke to him OR
thought of him I would say Eddie Boy instead of Edward. When he asked
WHY I do that I would simply say, "This is the 21 century, whose
name is Edward?" and smile
88. I would wait for him to walk
up to me and say hi. I would say hello back, he would try to start a
convo with me and I would halt him saying, "Sorry, but I prefer
Jasper"
89. Introduce him to your new best friend, Buffy.
90. Walk up to him cut my finger and
lick the blood of then walk away while thinking
mauhahahahahahahahahahahaha you can't have any!
91. Keep telling
him how much his driving "sucks"
92. Picture Bella
washing Jacobs's car
93. Tell him Bella moved and give him a
phony address, so at night he crawls in bed with an old lady!
94.
Sing "sexy back" every time u sees him, and when u
doesn't
95. Get up early in the morning and ring iss bell, and
when he answers say "Mil-blood man! Here's ur blood sir!"
And
hand him bottles of blood, from a mountain lion.
96. have en
Edward Cullen parade, and scream "Edward Cullen is a vampire!"
over and over again
97. When u see him say, "Jacob, Jacob is
that you? Oh, sorry Edward! I thought you were smelly!" then
laugh historically
98. Tell him Bella pictures him as Jacob in her
head
99. tell him ur taking him to a party and blindfold him, then
it turns out he's in...a gay bar!
100. post pictures of your self
all over his room
101. make him read "Driving for
Dummies"
102. Everytime you see him say (or think)
"Heh,
some tracker... how many miles are there between texas and brazil??
Sheesh!!"
103. While he's out hunting go into his bedroom.
Take out the CD from each case and switch it a different CD in
another case, 3 shelves away from where it should be. Do this with
EVERY SINGLE CD and then make sure all the cases are put back where
they should be!! bigsmile smile wink
104. Poke him repeatedly in
the arm during class, then every time he turns and asks you what you
want shrug and say "Nothing"
105. Tell him Blade is
looking for him
106. Tell Charlie that Edward sneeks into Bellas
room at night through her window... then hand him a 50 off cupon for
pad locks...
107. If you are ever driving him home from anywhere
just drive really really slow while singing along with a bunch of
different country songs. During the ride you might turn your head to
look at him and find that he is no longer in your car.
108. Blast
70's music.
109. Ask him what type of every car u see is
110.
Talk to bella only about jacob
1. put pictures of different girls
ALL OVER his room
112. ask him how jacob is doing all the
time
113. take all his cd's and give them to Mike or Jake
114.
paint his volvo neon orange- if some one did that to me, i'd probably
cry
115. Post pictures of jacob all over his room
116. every
time u see him yell, "Meow!" or "Roar!"
21651654654.
Randomly run up with a stake yelling "Die, fiend!"
118.
Go around Forks High School shouting "EDWARD CULLEN IS A
V-WORD!" and when he asks what the v-word is say "virgin!"
119.
Sing 60's and 70's music in your head...he hates it!
120. Ask him if he was the
inspiration for The 40 Year Old Virgin
121. Start a food fight in
the cafeteria, and throw nothing but garlic bread at him. When he
acts annoyed, say "Oh, I'm sorry, would you prefer mountain
lion?" - to which I have to add, throw mountain lion bread,
mountain lion blood, or mountain lion, in which case, good luck
carrying those around.
122. Constantly tell him he "sucks."
123.
Repeatedly think in your head "Wouldn't you rather have a
girlfriend with a clear mind?"
124. tell him in your mind i
hate bella swan when he glares at you ask what?
125. Say "I
like my guys hot. Jacob!"
126. tell him there is very sad
news about bella he asks what it is you say bella got a new purse
then he will be like oh i got worried over nothing
127. Tell him
that Bellas been kidnapped by Jacob, then when he bursts into Jake
house jump out at him and yell APRIL FOOL!
128. tell him vampires
are nasty and werewolfs are cool
129. haha,
make a "au
jacob" perfume out of his smell and then randomly run up to him
one day and spray it all over him/make a stink bomb out of it and
throw it in his car window/house so that when he walks in it's like a
burst of jacob
130. When you pass him in the halls, or anywhere
really, think that you 'saw' Bella doing adult things with the La
Push boys, not against her will, and that he should dump her and hook
up with yourself.
131. make a plan with alice and bella to grab
edward put make up a dress and really high heels on him
132. Think
of Jasper naked. Only Ellanara would say that.
133. Think of Bella
naked and think how sexy she would look
134. Think of Edward naked
and then follow him around all day asking him, "Is something
wrong?" or "Are you okay? You look like something's
bothering you."
135. Tell him he has a twin and your married
to his twin
136. Think of Bella commiting suicide because she just
found out that Jake had run away never to return, and follow him
around all day saying "I know something you don't know, I know
something you don't know."
137. Forget the Bella part, just
run around saying "I know something you don't know!" in
your head over and over again
138. Invite 2 a movie party,set up a
table of every type of food with garlic u can think of and when he
comes say" u can have anything ud like to eat",when he
gives u the look tell him"or do u prefer mountain lion
blood?"and if he asks wat movie tell him we are watching 40 yr
old virgin,and ask him if he'll star in the 100 yr old virgin. Oh,
and play seventies music.
139. slap him around the face with a wet
fish - its soo simple but its right!
140. the whole thong joke -
basically get together with bella so u put a red lacey thong in his
jumper pocket and she finds it and just watch as he goes from very
confused to very angry!
141. Walk up to edward and say i like ur
fangs where'd u get them from?
142. Wear pale makeup, a
Dracula-esque cape and suit thing, and drink nothing but cranberry
juice. Say loudly, 'See! This is what real vampires do!'
143.
Picture Bella make mad hot sweaty love with Jacob Black
144. Grab
bellas clothes whilst shes showeering (shell run around naked)
145. Get edward to go to bellas room
and say to him:"bellas waitin in there for you"
until he
opens the door and sees a naked jacob laying in the bed, grinning at
him.
146. fling jacobs boxers at him.
147. slap bella
148.
ask him what colour underwear he wears
147. tell him you know what
he did last summer
147.5 ask Alice, then tell him you know what
he'll do next summer
148 Ask him if he's gonna wear a condom with
bella.
149. Tell him you know how to make him human, when he asks
how you say "Through the power of Friendship!" then hug
him.
149.5 or say "all you need is to have not have killed
any people or any cats (cause they're sacred)" then laugh
150.
Ask him if he could beat Chuck Norris
150.5 tell him he couldn't -
No one can beat Chuck Norris. No one.
151. Think over and over
again, "Can you hear me now? How bout now? good!" xD
152.
TELL HIM JACOB KILLED BELLA
153. show him some of the stuff on
154.hug him then tell him he is too cold
155.put on the song
teardrops on my guitar and tell him bella wrote it for him
156.
Arrange a vampire dress up day at school.
157. Wear a T-Shirt that
says, 'Edward Cullen is a vampire."
158. TELL HIM YOU KNOW
HIS SECRET AND YOU ARE ONE TOO AND WHEN HE ASKS WAT SECRET TELL HIM
HE IS A VIRGIN
159. give out "TEAM JACOB" shirts to
everyone at school
nvince Jacob to switch to Forks high
school
161. make alice go up to him and tell him that she saw him
& bella "gettin' down"
162. Chop up his piano for
firewood, and when he finds out, tell him that he wouldn't want his
favorite human to go frezzing to death, would he? ... then run... far
away. A liitle mean, but I thought it was funny. shrugs
163.
Tell him something using a large number of old fashioned complex
words. When he asks what you are saying, look exasperated and
exclaim, 'I thought you of all people would understand!'
167. Use
his CD collection and having the shiny side up pasted on the roof
forming the words: Edward Cullen lives here!, then all of the
fangirls go out and chase him. Then laugh at him while he is trying
to run away from crazed fangirls AKA US!!
167. hug him and tell
him he's too cold than go to to jacob hug him and say he's
perfect.
168. Run up to Bella when she's with Edward. Eagerly ask
her for the number of that really hot La push boy. When she says
'Jacob!?' say no. Walk away and smile. Your work is done.
