Is it a Man? Is it a Woman?
A deafening high-pitched squeal awoke Vince with a start. He rolled over to find an excited Howard giddily jumping up and down on the far side of the room.
"What the hell, Howard? You sound like a bloody chimpanzee giving birth!"
"I think I'm in love." Howard announced, dreamily. With a sarcastic roll of the eyes, Vince sat Howard down and sighed.
"Howard I've told you before, you're not my type."
"Not with you," Howard spat, "with… Jamie." Howard pulled out his solar-powered mobile phone from his back pocket, "Here, look! I got her picture."
Vince jumped up, "Whoa! You're telling me that, that environmentally-friendly dinosaur brick has a camera?"
"Just look at her!"
Vince groaned, "Alright, keep your knickers on!" then he strained his neck to gain a better view.
"I've stuck gold, Vince!" Howard announced, proudly shoving his phone in Vince's face. "She's like a newly polished saxophone!"
"HOWARD! You're in love with my Nan?"
Howard glanced at his phone, "Sorry Vince, wrong picture."
"What the hell is a picture of my Nan doing on your phone?" Vince demanded. Howard's face was suddenly flushed with embarrassment. Vince slowly backed away, "I think it's best that you don't tell me that story."
An awkward silence filled the air but was soon replaced with the sound of an old-fashioned Jazz song. Vince bolted across the room, cringing and covering his ears.
"Sorry Vince, that's my, err… text-tone." Howard explained.
"Turn it off, it's torture!"
"Ok, it's off... So, do you want to see Jamie then?" Howard asked, quickly changing the subject.
"If it'll shut you up," Vince muttered. He took Howard's phone and studied the picture.
"Howard mate, I know you're visually impaired and all that but… that isn't a woman."
"It is; her name is Jamie!"
"His name is Jamie." Vince pointed at the picture, "He's got a moustache and everything!"
Howard looked puzzled, "Moustache?"
"Yeah, up there on his forehead."
Howard chuckled, "Vince, my simple friend, that isn't a moustache."
Vince looked hurt. "How DARE you insult the positioning of Jamie's moustache. Just because yours was so perfectly placed upon your face does not mean you can be so rude towards those less fortunate then you."
"Vince, what are you talking about? That's a monobrow!"
"WHAT? Now you refuse to even call it a moustache? I'm ashamed of you, Howard." Vince dramatically turned his back on Howard and strutted across the room.
...
"It looks a bit like a fuzzy caterpillar though, doesn't it?"
