Author's note:
Folks, this fic is the story of what might happen to Caroline and Gillian after the end of S4 in LTIH. Sally Wainwright and RED left the characters in a pretty sorry state at the end, presumably giving themselves lots of room for drama in any potential S5. Looking at the last few episodes though, it seemed to me that SW was setting us up for a relationship between Caroline and Gillian. If they were male and female, I reckon they'd have already gone there. If you look at the last few minutes of S04E02, you will see Gillian fascinated by Caroline being kissed by Olga. Seriously. It looks like she's watching a car crash - can't take her eyes of it. Then they have a close up single shot of Gillian just plain gawping at Caroline. Sooooo, after all the compulsive touching of Caroline by Gillian going back to S02E06, and an ending like that, I'm taking this 'ship for a sail.
I loved the Caroline and Kate saga, and hated how that ended. But I'm choosing to move on and see where Caroline might go with this. Caroline is damaged and different, struggling at the moment with all the change, massive amounts of responsibility and still grieving the loss of her wife. With that in mind, this fic has a bit of a drama in it. To do Caroline justice, I felt I had to deal with that, so it is a bit tough for her at the start. Do bear with me though. It does lighten up, I promise. I have tried to stick as closely as I can to canon, and to be as respectful as I can of all the characters, including Kate. I hope you like it.
P.S. This version is the PG version. There is an M version on FanFictiondotnet, which contains the full s*x scenes and text without the asterisks.
P.P.S. If you want to skip most of the angst, jump to chapter 8.
The door to her new office closed behind her, shutting out the noise of the first day of spring term and the facade slid from her face. Dropping her bag on the floor, Caroline McKenzie-Dawson placed both hands carefully on the desk, closed her eyes a let out a sigh. Head Teacher at Crow Wood Park Academy, the local high school in Halifax. The weight of responsibility of 1500 students and more than 100 staff settled on her shoulders and it was all new; new house, new job and no girlfriend for support.
Mind you, the last item on that list was self-inflicted. She knew that. That's what happens when you decide to be ethical and cauterise the wound that was your dalliance with Olga she told herself, the friendly and gorgeous wine merchant she'd been shagging on the quiet for the last six months. It was lovely while it lasted, but it had been time to stop using Olga's joie de vivre to ward off the grief of losing Kate and the loneliness that followed.
The sound of the bell snapped her out of her reverie. She mentally took stock of herself and her day. She was strong, resilient and capable, had a PhD in Chemistry and a Master of Education degree. She'd been Head Teacher of a successful public school for a decade and had more or less successfully parented two children to adulthood. Well, Lawrence was still dubious but William was well on his way to being a decent adult. Flora was yet to reach two so didn't really count in this list of parenting achievements. Somehow reiterating her successes didn't stop the rising panic in her belly, as she was terrified that they were going to eat her alive here. Straightening her back and with a deep breath, Caroline told herself to be positive, anchored a smile to her face and got on with it.
The day flew, filled with new people and protocols, a new laptop and IT systems. There were plenty of little things to learn but with this Caroline was in her comfort zone. A keen intellect and a prodigious memory were obvious to all within a few minutes after taking in the striking blonde hair and the iridescent blue eyes. There were even a few who dared to challenge her authority; it didn't take long for word to spread amongst the staff and students that the new Head Teacher had a sharp tongue when needed and relished any verbal jousting. Little did they know that Caroline had been trained since birth by her mum, the acidic Celia, so they were playing a master of the cutting remark. While not one of her preferred characteristics, it nonetheless had its uses.
The highlight of her day was the tentative knowledge that she might have a supporter with her personal assistant Sheryl. A good P.A. could make her new job so much easier and Sheryl seemed to know what she was doing. It was clear even by lunchtime that Sheryl was the school gossip as well as the Office Manager, which was as handy as it was terrifying. Despite being surreptitiously peppered with personal questions, Caroline had managed to keep Sheryl and the administrative team focused on school business with either a glare designed to cut through concrete, or by ignoring the questions altogether.
By 5.30pm the students had bled from the premises with the staff not far behind, leaving Caroline in solitude in her office in the quiet residue of the day. Pulling on her wrap to counter the closing cold once the heating had shut down, she wandered the corridors of her new school, the sound of her boots loud on the polished linoleum floors. It was her favourite part of the day, allowing for reflection as her mind spun with a thousand possibilities. It was the ability to calculate all the potential scenarios in advance that enabled her to plot a course through treacherous educational waters - this talent had got her here, in a large school full of hormonal 11 to 18 year olds with a reputation for violence and low academic achievement. She knew from experience that there were probably four or five key things she could change that would shift the way the school functioned quite quickly. She just had to find what they were.
Caroline stopped and let the silence settle. With only the sound of her breath for company, she placed her hand on the cool wall and absorbed the energy of the building. If only walls could talk; if only they'd spill their secrets, she'd know what to do. Instead she was going to have to do it the hard way. Caroline closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. After a hundred and one tiny little irritations had eaten away at her self-esteem over the last two years, she wasn't entirely sure she was up for the challenge.
