Disclaimer: I don't own these fantastic characters, Joss and co. does.

Feedback: I want to know what you think. Comments are greatly appreciated.

A/N: Set after "Dirty Girls".

Revised: 5/6/14


Buffy walked aimlessly in the town where the Hell Mouth was located. She was filled with so much pain and unshed tears. Her mind was still replaying the events that had just occurred a few hours ago. Those images haunted her heart and mind as she walked slowly unaware of her surroundings.

It's all my fault, she thought guiltily. It was her fault that tonight some potentials were killed. It was her stupid plan that caused the tragedies tonight. She had never felt so miserable in her entire life. Never had so much pain filled her. She should have listened to everyone else. One of her best friends was in the hospital, and now one of his eyes was gone forever. So much grief gripped her as she thought about when Caleb took her friend's eye.

She was exhausted with this war. And yet the final battle still was to come. She didn't know if she could take it anymore. It was getting to be too much. She knew the days were going to get even tougher. She had to be strong though, but it felt like she couldn't go on anymore.

Buffy sighed and tried to keep from crying. Tears were threatening to spill. She blinked them back and noticed she was almost near her house. She didn't want to go there. She hadn't meant to head in that direction. It had been unintentional. Yet she continued to walk to her house. She arrived at the back porch and only stood there.

She wasn't ready yet to face the remaining potentials and everybody else. It was too hard for her to face them now. She knew she would have to soon, but she decided to put off that moment. She turned to go and continue her walk.

"Buffy," she heard a familiar voice whisper. She didn't want to turn around. She stood silent and didn't budge. She felt eyes on her back. She knew it was him. She didn't feel like talking to him. She just couldn't. She knew she would break down at any moment if she talked...

"Buffy, where have you been?" Spike asked her.

She stood silent for a minute.

"Around," she replied solemnly. She heard his footsteps as he walked towards her and she inhaled deeply, preparing herself.

Spike faced her. His undead heart ached as he noticed the the raw pain in her eyes. His soul throbbed and screamed wishing she could be cheered up. He wished he could make the fight against the First disappear with the snap of a finger.

"Buffy, what happened wasn't your fault," Spike told her.

Buffy didn't trust herself to speak. She felt that if she uttered a single word, she would lose her composure. Spike searched her face.

"It is my fault," she whispered, after a minute.

"It's not... you didn't," Spike began.

"I should have waited, I... It was my plan," she told him, cutting him off. She looked down. She did not want to look into those brilliant blue eyes. They were filled with pain and concern for her. She didn't deserve it.

"Buffy, there was no way you could have stopped this from happening. or known this was going to happen," he told her softly.

"Buffy, talk to me. You need to let it out," he encouraged. He knew she was not letting her emotions show. She always kept them hidden. She never told anyone about how she felt. He knew it wasn't good for her. Those feelings would be her destruction if not something else.

"What good is talking? It's not going to save the world is it?" Buffy spat angrily.

All of a sudden the dam broke lose. All the emotions she was trying to hide emerged to the suface. Tears ran down her face. She was trembling as sobs overtook her. She sanked to the ground. The tears kept coming. She couldn't stop them any longer.

Spike almost felt his undead heart break. His Slayer was on her knees crying. She was shaking and sobbing. Spike put his hands on her shoulders to try to pull her up. She pushed him away.

"My fault," she sobbed. He bent down to be at her level. "No, it's not," he told her in a soothing tone. He tried calming her down, but she pushed him away. He managed to pull her close to him, preventing her from moving. He held her and whispered to her soothing things. She tried pushing away from him but couldn't.

"Shh, everything is going to be okay, Buffy," he told her.

"That's a lie, you don't know that," Buffy sobbed.

"We will find a way Buffy. We may have lost some potentials, but now we have another Slayer to help us," Spike reminded her.

"Oh yeah. Faith. You and her have been getting along quite well, huh," Buffy suddenly snapped.

"What are you talking?" Spike stared at her green pain filled eyes.

Buffy glared at him. "You know what I'm talking about," She retorted, taking a deep breath.

She felt like a mess on the outside now. Her eyes had to be really red and watery. She could feel the wetness of her cheeks. Feeling the need to flee, she pushed Spike hard and left the scene quickly.

"Where are you going?" Spike demanded.

She didn't look back or reply to him.