I guess this is a Disclaimer. Neither I, nor my twin sis who originally "discovered" these files own Naruto or the Akatsuki. Tho we really wish we did. (Mmm, Hidan)

Anyway, as stated in the disclaimer, this was originally written and mostly thought up by my 4-minute-younger twin sister of mine, Carly, and it was originally posted on Quizilla under her username StunningEyesBlind.


=5:58am=

Itachi gingerly tip-toes through the halls of Akatsuki HQ, his bare feet making no sound as he sneaks through, intent on being undiscovered, something that's hard in an organization compiled of murderers, fiends, puppets, money-grubbers, fish-people, immature imbeciles, self-sacrificing foul-mouths, transvestites, and one girl. Sometimes Itachi wonders why he ever joined, but then he remembers. Great pay, killer insurence, good hours, and never ending amusement. Name another evil organization bent on world domination that can top that! You can't!

Itachi peeks around a corner, his back pressed against the wall, the towel and shower supplies (aka, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush) in a black bag with an uchiwa fan on it. Seeing it clear, Itachi rushes down the hall and to the next wall corner, the last before the bathroom. His whole mission this morning before the crack of dawn is to be the first into the shower. Everyone in Akatsuki desires this dream, for the first one gets neverending hot water. The poor, pathetic person who is last gets only water with shards of ice. Thankfully, Itachi has never been that unlucky bastard before. He's smart about it, he gets up earlier than anyone else. Sure he's only been first to the shower a few times, but those times he's used as much hot water as possible, especially if Deidara or Konan were next. Those two take longer than anyone else!

Taking a deep breath, Itachi peeks out and lets out a foul curse that Hidan would blush at as he sees the bathroom door already closed and the shower going. Grumbling, no longer slinking about, he sulks as he drags a chair over. If he can't be first, he'll settle for second. Itachi crosses his legs, sitting back in his seat, listening to the shower. How long have they been in there, whoever it is? He hears a faint sound and looks at the door curiously before leaning forward some, his ear perked. Is that... singing? Someone's singing in the shower. And whoever they are, their good! It's apparently one of the guys, since Konan doesn't sound that good singing. Itachi knows, he'd been unfortunate enough to get a shower after the bitch. She sang like a dying seagull with lung cancer. If the girl doesn't secretly smoke, Itachi would be surprised.

"Damn, third again, un." Itachi turns as Deidara comes walking down the hall from his room, towel thrown over naked shoulder, his hair in shambles. Yawning, Deidara pauses a few paces from Itachi and jabs a thumb at the bathroom door. "Who?"

Itachi shrugs, sitting back. "I dunno, they were in there when I got here."

"When?"

"About 5 minutes ago."

"Ok, un." Deidara pulls a chair over and sits beside his worst enemy. "So... wanna make a guess at who it could be?"

"Whoever it is has been in there for sometime."

"Yeah, and there's a good nine other people-"

"Six," Itachi corrects.

"Oh, yeah, un. Kakuzu doesn't bathe unless we force him and Sasori wont because he claims he will "warp". He just uses Pledge, making him lemony fresh, un." Deidara shoves a hand through his tangled hair, a small bag of shower supplies in his other hand.

Itachi hears the singing again and leans in once more. "Do you hear that?"

"What?" Deidara leans in to listen, too, and blinks. "Is that... singing, un?"

"Yeah, and their good, whoever it is."

"Sonofabitch!" Hidan yawns as he comes down the stairs across the hall Itachi and Deidara had come. He stops as he spots Itachi and Deidara, but curses when he sees the bathroom door shut and hears the shower going. "Sonofafarginbitch! Who the hells in there? And, damn it, when are they getting out?"

Itachi looks at the clock on the wall and sighs. "They were in there when I got here, and that was about 15 minutes ago."

"Yeah, un," Deidara sweeps back his long blond hair and notices that Hidan is covered in blood... again! "You, uh, have a good prayertime?"

Hidan smiles devilishly, lifting a blood soaked hand. "The best!"

"That's nice, un." Deidara quickly looks away and at the bathroom door. "Their times almost up, un, and if they don't get their sneaky ass out-"

"Then we get to drag them out! Naked or not!" Itachi nods, crossing his arms over his towel and things. "Just wish they'd hurry it up already. There are some of us who need showers." They hear footsteps and turn as Konan comes staggering in, make-up and wrinkle cream smeared everywhere after she'd fallen asleep wearing it. "Eeh!" Itachi flinches back. "Like her!"

"Amen!" Hidan agrees, moving as far from the only female as possible. "She looks..."

"Like an ex-stripper zombie-bitch, un!" Deidara supplies as Konan drags a chair over and drops into it. "You ok, un?"

She lifts her head, her blue hair a mess, and promptly flips him the birdy. "Fuck you, tranny!"

"Sorry, un, but Leader says you've got STDs."

"Oooh, burn!" Hidan snickers, giving Deidara a thumbs-up.

"Need ice for that?" Itachi smirks, loving the cold hatred radiating from the blue-haired bitch. And it's directed at Deidara this time! Life is good!

"You assholes!" Konan hisses, trying for a regal hair-flip but failing since she's, in a nutshell, butt-ugly right now. "Who's in there? And for how long?"

"Coming up on 23 minutes now." Itachi sighs, looking over as his partner, Kisame, walks into the room. "You slept in?"

"Yeah, an extra hour." Kisame grins, heading for the kitchen. "Whose in the shower?"

"Dunno, but they were up before us and keep singing."

"Huh, can't think of anyone here that sings." Kisame goes into the kitchen to read off the chores list. "Whose on cleaning duty today?" After a moment he curses. "Damn, I am."

Itachi leans his chair back on two legs and watches Kisame dawn an apron and start cleaning. "You know who'd be up this early?"

"Not a clue," Kisame says without looking the Uchiha's way. "Kakuzu was counting his money earlier, probably still is."

"Yeah," Itachi nods, confirming this. "I heard him when I was coming to get my shower." After a moments pause, he states, "You know, we need to drag him out and get him washed? He's starting to stink."

"Like a corpse," Kisame agrees. "Suggest it to Leader when he gets up-"

"Suggest what to Leader and it had better wait until after I get my coffee." Pein grumbles, coming down the same stairs Hidan had and heading for the kitchen. "What's with the congregation? Hidan holding mass?"

"No, damn it, but I'd be more than happy to!" Hidan grins, looking excitedly at the other Akatsuki members.

"No!" They all say in unison.

"Fine, fuck you, see if I fuckin' care if all your souls go to the hell for child molesters and people who talk in theaters." Hidan crosses his arms and turns away to glower.

Deidara rolls his eyes a moment before the singing starts again from in the shower. "Hey, listen! You hear it, un?"

Itachi nods as Konan says, "Yeah... he sounds sexy."

"If he'd spend more time getting the hell outta there instead of singing, we'd be all in and out and done with our own showers." Hidan scowls.

"Whose singing what and should I be selling tickets?" Kakuzu asks, coming in.

"Listen, un!" Deidara motions to the bathroom door where everyone is circling. "You hear it, un?"

Kakuzu listens and, sure enough, hears singing. "Ooh, I should get a recorder. We could sell this!"

"Either way, if he doesn't get out soon," Itachi glances at the clock, "we'll be dragging his musical ass out here whether Konan watches or not."

"Oh, don't mind me, honest." Konan bats her eyes, the sight dreadfully terrifying since her make-up looks like something you'd see in Las Vegas and on a retired porn star-turned call-girl.

"Ick!" Pein grimaces, looking at Konan. "Damn, you look like shit. What the hell happened to your face? It looks like the Wicked Witch's did after Dorothy tossed water on her. All melted and saggy."

"Oh, thanks, you bastard!" Konan cries, dropping her face into her towel to cry. Only Leader could get that kind of responce from the Ice Bitch.

Itachi stands as he takes one last glance at the clock just as Sasori and Zetsu walk in, talking about something with the mating process of a orchid. At the sound of Konan's tears, however, they look at her curiosly as Itachi asks, "You two wanna help us drag someones ass outta the shower? His time is up!"

"Yippie, un!" Deidara jumps up, ready to free-up the shower.

"Sure," Sasori smiles with his perpetual melancholy expression.

"Ok," Zetsu agrees and his darker side puts in, "Hell freakin' yeah!"

They all get ready and, as they hear the shower shut off, Deidara starts looking around to see who all is there. As he counts and makes not, the only one he can't find is-

"Tobi!?" Everyone gasps as the doors opened and steam pours out.

His naked body only covered by a towel around his waist, his mask hooked on the towels knot, a smaller towel over his hung head as he dries his hair, his face completely hidden by the towel, the most unlikely -unofficial- member of Akatsuki stands there in all his muscular sexy hottness! And, for the first time, all of Akatsuki sees just how un-childlike Tobi is. His lean, muscled waist, his toned arms, his rock-hard abs, his muscular chest that screams SEXY, and roped broad shoulders. Mmm, makes any girl faint, and Konan does, making Pein have to revive her with a slap to the face.

At the sudden exclamation of his name, Tobi lifts his head quickly with a gasp. "Ah! Tobi is sorry, didn't mean to take so long. Sorry, sorry." He bows and runs off, one hand on his mask and the other on the towel over his head.

"Hey, Tobi-" Deidara tries to stop the fleeing member, but Tobi's already down the hall and in his room, slamming the door behind him. "Damn, un, didn't see that one coming."

Itachi heads into the bathroom and everyone watches for a moment as he searches around. After a little, Pein finally asks, "What are you doing?"

"Looking for a stereo, that couldn't have been him singing. It sounded too... too..."

"Bow chika wow wow," Konan wags her brows, leaning against Pein for support. "I think I might stay and babysit Tobi every once in a while."

=In Tobi's Room=

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" Tobi beats a fist on his dresser. "I left my luffa in the bathroom! Itachi's gonna steal it! Damn it, damn it, damn it!"