Too Close – Alex Clare
(YouTube) /watch?v=zP50Ewh31E4
I walked into her apartment; of course she never locks her door. She has always asked why she should bother. Everyone always ends up picking the lock. When I walk through the apartment I find her as she is laying in her bed in her thinking position. Her eyes are closed and she's singing along with the song on her ipod that's plugged into her alarm clock. The song seems to be on repeat. I've been standing there watching her for a good 10 minutes. When it she's starts singing it for the third time I start to pay attention to the words.
You know I'm not one to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all you're still my best friend
But there is something inside I need to release
I look over and see the tear streaks across her cheek. This song is having an extreme affect on her.
Which way is right, which way is wrong
How do I say I need to move on?
Shit, she can't mean me can she. She has told me repeatedly that I'm her best friend.
Feels like I'm too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
How can I not love her when she's willing to take herself out of her self induced 'Denial Land'.
Feels like I'm too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
Maybe she'll still be in my life, if only as friends.
You've given me more than I can return
Yet there's oh so much you deserve
Nothing to say, nothing to do
I've got nothing to give, I must live without you
She's the one that deserves so much; she always has for as long as I've known her.
You know we're headed separate ways
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
Not separate ways, I'll do anything give anything just to keep her in my life.
And it feels like I am too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am too close to loving you
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way, so I'll be on my way
I can feel the single tear that I can't control roll down my own cheek. She's now really crying as the song plays for another time. I've always hated to see her in any kind of pain. She's breaking my heart, she's always been the only one that's had the power to do that and here she is breaking it unknowingly.
I take her into my arms to try to soothe her. When I do she lets out a loud scream. "Geez, you shouldn't sneak up on a girl in her own apartment. What are you doing here?" She looks into my eyes and sees another tear and she wipes it away. "What's the matter? What's going on? Is someone hurt? Oh god don't let anyone be dead? Seriously tell me what's going on."
I can't help but chuckle at her, as usual she's thinking of everyone else except her own pain. "Really you're laughing at me? What has you upset?"
"I've been here a while and was listening to you sing. Then I paid attention to the words of the song." The song loops again.
"OH GOD, this is so embarrassing. No one should be listing to me sing. I'm so sorry that you've been subjected to that." She gives me a grin.
How can she be grinning about this, I just hold her closer unable to stand her words when she realize that I know this song is about us. After another loop of this fucking song I gather my strength and pull her from me. "It's ok; I understand what you're trying to tell me."
"What?" She gives me her Bambi look with those bright blue eyes of hers.
"The song" I answer her.
"You think this song is about you?" She just starts laughing.
"Really now you're the one laughing at me?" She's actually offended me.
"This song isn't about you, it's about him. Mary-Lou had me listen to it today then made me down load it and really listen to it. What you walked into was me realizing that I need to finally walk away from him."
"Really?" I am waiting with disbelief; can she really mean this that she is done with him?
"Yes, he will always be one of my best friends. But I can't love him." Oh thank any and all Gods that may or may not exist.
"Oh? Why's that?" I question her like it's the most important question of my life.
"Because, I love you." I can only answer her by kissing her. When the kiss ends I whisper to her "I love you too Babe."
A/N: I make nothing from these characters they all belong to Janet.
Thank you Margaret for helping guide me on how to use this song that has been a plaguing in my mind for months now!
