Notes: the title really sums this one up quite nicely I think.  Oh, and Daisuke's first line is my own personal name for today.  No, it has nothing to do with romantic status- just the general irritation of watching a lot of people pay exorbitant prices for things that will cost 75% less tomorrow… All that said, have a rowdy day- it IS Saturday after all.

Warnings: the day I write something that isn't yaoi is the day they'll lock me up & throw away the key!

Disclaimer: don't own the characters- but it's a whole lot of fun to make them realistically pissed off and bitter.

Bastardized Holiday

"Happy International Homicidal Mania Day!"  Daisuke stepped into Taichi's apartment carrying two large bags.  One was obviously food, but the other?  Tai wasn't so sure he even wanted to guess.

"Happy Psycho Day to you too."  While his guest removed his shoes, Tai wandered back to his post on the couch in the living room.  When Dai came in he gestured to the bags.  "What did you bring anyway?"

Grinning from ear to ear, the younger boy sat down beside his idol and began removing the contents as he spoke.  "Well, as per our usual custom on this day I have brought all fattening foods I could afford, some matches, lighter fluid, pictures- of course, and…" He reached for the second back.  "I decided that this year we needed to get good and fucked up.  Hundred proof SoCo sounded like it would get the job done but just to be sure I ganked some sake and vodka too.  So, at least if we die tonight we'll die fat and happy, ne?"

Tai examined the aforementioned bottle of high proof whiskey and dared to twist off the cap and take a sniff.  His nose hairs curled as the fumes burned up through his sinuses. 

"Dude, you don't snort it, you drink it."  That said, Daisuke stood up to fetch some glasses as he was not about to waste any more time. 

"Hey, did you bring the movies too?"  The pair got together for Valentine's Day every year to mourn their single status and bitch about life in general.  All of this was accompanied by healthy bouts of crying, cursing about the men they loved, burning a few pictures, and watching as many violent movies as possible.

Daisuke reappeared in the living room nodding.  "Yeah- but are you sure you want to watch The Matrix?  It does kinda have that cheesy romance insert bit."

"That it may," the elder agreed.  "But in the meantime there's lots of death and blood."  He finished with an overly large grin.  Pausing for a minute he stopped to think.  "Man, we're a couple of twisted bastards aren't we?"

Pouring two shots of whiskey the younger Digidestined agreed.  "Oh sure.  But hey, even our digimon are off with their lovers which leaves us on our own."  Handing a shot glass to Tai he held his up proudly.  "I say, this first toast will be to all the lonely, crazy bastards everywhere who, like us, wish all the happy couple of the earth and otherwise would fuck off or die."

"I'll drink to that!"  They clinked glasses and Tai mumbled a quick "cheers" before downing his shot.  Coughing he placed the glass back on the table.  "Shit that's harsh!"

Daisuke was already busy pouring the next round.  "Yeah, but at least I didn't buy tequila."

"True enough," Tai smiled.  When he was handed his second drink he raised it high.  "This time, we drink to those gorgeous motherfuckers that broke our hearts."  He was about to drink when Dai stopped him.

"Wait, wait, wait… these glasses aren't big enough for that kind of toast."  They both broke out laughing and drank the shot anyway.  Great, only seven eighths more of the bottle to go!  Settling back into a comfortable position after pouring some sake instead, Daisuke handed a glass to Tai.  "So, did you see him today?"

Sipping at his wine, Taichi nodded.  "Yep.  He was out buying a gift for Sora.  Lucky bitch.  He asked me why you and I haven't hooked up yet.  Then proceeded to tell me the latest news from Augumon and Gabumon- like I didn't already know."  He shook his head in sadness and disgust.  "He's such a dick."

"Yeah, but you love him anyway."  Chewing on his lip for a minute, Daisuke was lost in thought before taking the plunge.  "You didn't tell him, did you?"

"Hmmm?"  Tai had already finished his drink and was busy pouring another.  Topping off his friend's glass he looked at him carefully.  "Tell him what?  That I'm madly in love with him or that you and I have already slept together?"

"Either or," Dai sipped his refreshed drink.  "We need to slow down on the consumption rate by the way.  We've got all… shit, what time is it?"

Glancing at his clock, Tai had to laugh.  "It's about three in the afternoon."

"Then we've got the rest of the afternoon, evening, and night to get cocked."  Putting his glass on the coffee table in front of him, he was serious for a moment.  "Really though, Taichi.  Did you tell him?  Because every year it'll only get worse if you don't."

Raising a critical eyebrow at the comment the older of the two set his drink down as well before rising from his seat and yelling over his shoulder as he went to the kitchen.  "Pot calling kettle black?  Pot calling kettle black?  Pot, party of one?  Your table is ready."  When he returned he was holding two bags of chips.  Tossing one at his friend he added, "Fuck you, Daisuke.  Like you're any better.  Just shut the fuck up okay?  Today is not the right day to tell him anyway."

"Dude, I was only trying to help not make it worse."  Ripping open the bag Tai had given him he ate a chip and made a face.  Looking at the label he realized he had Tai's favorite kind.  "Trade?  You've got mine and I've got yours."

"Sorry," they switched.  "And I know you're only trying to help, but you can still go fuck yourself."

"You've been saying that to me every Homicidal Mania Day for the past eight years.  You keep that up and he'll marry Sora and never look back."  He smiled when he opened the new bag.  Ahhh… cheesy, salty goodness.

"If you have a point you better make it."  Washing his chips down with more sake, Tai coughed a little.  "Shit these two don't mix.  Remind me why we're drinking heavily again this year?"

"Because Ken already proposed to her."  Daisuke sat, stony faced willing himself not to cry.  Reaching for his drink he took a healthy swig, then another.

At the same time, Taichi had to spit out his own drink.  "That little fuck did what?!  You can't fucking be serious, Dai."  Noticing his friend's sour expression he knew it was true.  "Oh Jesus, Daisuke," he pulled his friend into a hug.  "I am so sorry."

"Not half as sorry as I am," Daisuke whispered.  It was getting harder and harder to keep the tears away. 

"Want to bet on it?  It's my sister he'll be marrying." 

And at that, Daisuke started to sob.

***

For their parts, Ken and Yamato were doing mostly the same as Taichi and Daisuke.  They sat beside one another in a pub at three o'clock in the afternoon working through their fifth (or was it the eighth?) round of assorted beer and shots.  They had lost track of who was paying for which by that time.

"What in the name of all that is holy was I fucking thinking, Yamato?"  Ken had been crying quietly to himself for the past hour.  That day he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

Instead of replying with the witty comeback he had all set to go, the blond only rubbed his friend's shoulder.  "I don't know, Ken.  Probably the same thing I've been think for the entire time I've been with Sora."

Motioning to the bartender, Ken ordered another round of shots.  "Oh yeah?  And what's that exactly?"

Swallowing another gulp of beer, Yamato sighed.  "That our families are so happy seeing our relationships as perfect as they are.  They accept us and love us.  We'll carry on the family names… and we won't be pushed away."  Sapphire eyes flickered with tears and he grabbed the shot placed in front of him.  The duo had long since given up toasting with every round.

Ken tipped his head back and drank down his tequila with forced practice.  Putting the shot glass back down he winced.  The last time he drank so much tequila he had wound up getting a tattoo on his lower back.  Daisuke had talked him into it.  He bit his lip.  Daisuke…  Ken ordered the whole bottle of tequila.

Eyeing his friend, Yamato understood his pain.  "Just out of curiosity, why did you ask her to marry you anyway?"  That earned him a very icy glare.

Struggling to keep his hand steady, Ken poured himself another shot.  "I don't know," he shrugged.  "It seemed the like thing to do at the time, I guess."  Another shot went down the hatch.  The room spun and he groaned before burying his face in his hands.  "Shit, I can't go home like this.  My parents will kill me."

"You'll stay with me tonight then," the older man offered.  "Although, they're going to want to celebrate…" he cut that sentence short.  An idea sprang to mind.  "We could always try to find Tai and Daisuke and find out just what it is they really do on this night every year."

From his tiny place of misery at the bar, Ken chuckled.  "You just want to make sure Daisuke isn't molesting Taichi or that they aren't having mind blowing sex or something."

Considering this for a minute the blond finally nodded.  "Yeah, well so do you, Ichijouji.  Now get your shit.  We've got a fuck session to bust up."

"Huh?"  Ken finally looked up at his friend.  "You don't think they're really…?"

As he pulled on his coat Yamato couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.  "Only one way to find out."

***

Daisuke had stopped crying and was still clinging to Taichi.  They sat on the older man's couch hugging so fiercely it almost hurt.  Part of him wanted so badly to sink into all the comfort his friend could offer.  Part of him wanted to take Tai in his arms and kiss him, touch him, stroke him… But that would lead down the same path they had taken before.  And while the sex wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination, they had decided it was best if it didn't happen again.  Still, it had… another five or six times, but who was really keeping track?

"You okay?"  Taichi was quiet as he held his friend. 

"Yeah, but I think I cried myself sober."  Pulling away he wiped at his face to rid it of the tear tracks.  A strong hand replaced his own.  "We shouldn't, Tai.  We agreed."  But he couldn't stop himself from leaning into the touch.

"I know," Tai bit his lip.  Moving closer he whispered in Daisuke's ear.  "But we'll both feel better.  You know we will, Daisuke."  Shaking his head he moved away again.  "Sorry, you're right.  I know you are.  It's just… I'm so lonely, Daisuke.  Aren't you?"

Dai nodded.  "Every damn day.  And as awesome as it would be to shag you silly, right now I think I'll get drunk instead."

"Ouch," Tai playfully hit his friend's shoulder.  "I'm being rejected for alcohol.  That's rough, man.  Refer to about forty five minutes ago when I told you to fuck yourself."

A sad smile graced Daisuke's face.  "Yeah, but if I drink enough my inhibitions will be lowered and then I can give you a night of good hot fucking.  It won't seem like a bad idea then."

"And now you're saying that sleeping with me is a bad idea!"  Tai slumped back on his couch and placed a hand over his forehead.  "You rat bastard!  Get out!"  He continued being overly dramatic until he heard a quiet laugh from the younger man.

"It's not that it's really a bad idea, Tai.  It's just, we'll screw, we'll feel better for a little while, and then it'll start all over again.  Just thinking about it now makes me a little uncomfortable.  Give me another couple rounds and I'll be dragging you into the bedroom."  He smiled and leaned over to lick Taichi's ear.  When Tai groaned in appreciation, Daisuke abandoned his drink and instead focused on the man before him.  He gently bit the soft skin at Tai's neck.

"Keep drinking, Dai," Tai moaned as he felt hands trailing all over his body.  "Then you can finish what you start."  They exchanged a brief kiss right before Tai's phone rang.  "Ugh- fuck, that's probably my family calling."  Looking at Daisuke quickly, he ran a hand through his friend's hair.  "I'll let the machine get it."

The pair sat waiting… and were completely surprised when it was Yamato's voice echoing through the apartment instead.

"I knew it!  You and Daisuke are fucking like rabbits right now, aren't you?!  Pick up Tai!  Pick up you horny little bitch or I'll come over there and… hey!"

Someone had grabbed the phone.

"Hey, it's Ken.  Pay no attention to Yamato he's just a bit drunk."  There was the sound of a hiccup.  "Okay, so we're both a little drunk.  But we are heading over there.  So," a pause, as if Ken had to work up to finishing his thought… "You two better be dressed and somewhat decent by the time we get there-"

"Ken!"  Daisuke had grabbed the phone at that point.  "What the fuck are you doing calling here?  Don't you have celebrations to get to or something?"

"Wha…?"  He sounded startled.  As if he had honestly expected that Tai and Daisuke would be too busy with other activities to answer the phone.  "Daisuke?"  The name came out completely slurred.

"No, it's really Mimi- I do one hell of an impersonation, don't I?  Yes, it's Daisuke.  And you sound like you're completely wasted Ken."

"Well, Yama and I stopped at the bar for a few," there was another hiccup and a lot of giggling.  "But we are coming over there.  I want to see you, Dai.  There's," more hiccuping, "something I need to talk to you about."

Not that Daisuke didn't already know… "Yeah," he replied quietly.  "I mean, sure.  Tai and I would be delighted if you two came by."

"Okay!"  Ken sounded altogether too excited at that.  "We'll be there in about… twenty minutes I think.  Unless we have to stop along the way."

Daisuke couldn't help but smile.  A drunken Ken was an adorable thing.  But the smile was still a sad one.  "All right, you two stumble your way over here and try not to break the seal along the way.  See you soon."  He hung up without waiting for a reply.  "You know," he turned to Taichi who was busy gulping down more sake, "you never answered me earlier."

Swallowing the last of the liquid he had poured he looked at his friend.  "Answered what?"

"Did you tell Yamato that you and I have slept together?"  There was a demanding note in Daisuke's voice.  Something that said he was suspicious.

"No, but he seems to think so anyway.  Sorry.  Why the shit did you tell them to come over anyway?"  He belched and poured himself another shot.

"They're so lit there would be no way to talk them out of it at this point.  They'll be here in about twenty minutes."  Moving to sit back down he added, "Pour me one of those?"

They had a lot of catching up to do in the drinking department.  Especially if they were going to handle Yamato and Ken.

***

Twenty minutes later they were still unprepared for two drunken men to stumble their way through the main door of the building, up the stairs, and all the way to Taichi's apartment.  Another three rounds of shots had been done and Daisuke and Tai sat sipping on another glass of sake.  At least, Tai was drinking sake- Daisuke had switched to a vodka sake mix that he swore was disgusting.  But, it was rapidly making the room fuzzy and he was starting to feel all right.  The hesitant knock at the door nearly made the younger man drop his glass. 

From the outside cam a highly inebriated sounding voice.  "Oh Taichi!  We know you're in there and Daisuke too.  Come on out before we knock the door down.  I swear if I get in there and find you two screwing each other heads will roll."  Yamato sounded as if every drink he'd had in his entire life was beating down on him.

Though Tai opened the door without much more hesitation, Daisuke had a brief moment of clarity that drunks often experience.  In his mind he heard a voice whispering that two men who were dangerously in love with two of their straight friends were drunk.  That the straight friends were drunk.  And that there was no telling who would leave the apartment unscathed.  Because secrets never last long between drunken companions.  Shit.  Tai and Daisuke were screwed- and not in the good way either.

Ken stumbled in behind Yamato, pushing the blond aside to fully inspect Daisuke.  When he moved into the apartment he managed to get to the living room, to the couch, well, more or less anyway.  The young man landed at the feet of the one who loved him so.  Looking up at his Jogress partner, Ken could see very clearly that he was hurt.  And he wondered if it was his fault.  Of course, he assumed it was.  With a hesitant smile he said, "Well, at least we didn't walk in on you guys having sex."

Daisuke had to look away.  "It isn't like that between me and Taichi, Ken.  You know that better than anyone."  Deciding that it would be better if he could make his friend suffer, he added, "So why aren't you with your lovely bride to be?  I'm sure she wants to celebrate the good news with you and yours.  Come on, Ken where's your fiancée?  She didn't think she could party with the big dogs?"  Smirking, Dai was satisfied to see the obvious pain in Ken's eyes.

Trying to hold up a drunk Yamato, Tai winced at the conversation he could hear.  "Shit," he whispered.  "Yama?"  He shook the blond in his arms.  "Yama, are you okay?  Can you walk on your own?"

Two arms wrapped around the brunette's neck.  "I'm fine now Taichi.  Because now I know you and Dai don't have anything going on.  You weren't sleeping with each other.  And that makes me feel better."  Snuggling close, he nuzzled at Tai's neck- extremely happy when he heard the other man draw in a sharp breath at the contact.

"Why does it make you feel better?"  Control, control, control… why was his body so treacherous?  Tai had to take a deep breath and focus so he could forget about the feeling of Yamato's body against his.  But alcohol could be tricky that way.  Everything was getting dangerous.  If he didn't do things right he would end up making an ass of himself very soon.

"It makes me feel better because then I can kiss you!"  And, of course, as soon as he spoke Yamato barely registered the look of shock on Tai's face before he did as he had promised.  Mouth closing over Taichi's, he forgot about the rest of the world.  Liquor singing through his bloodstream, he was only aware of how good it felt to kiss Tai- SO much better than kissing Sora.

The two men in the living room paid no attention to their friends.  Ken had yet to answer any questions and Daisuke was losing patience.  Something he had precious little of to begin with.  "Come on, Ken!"  Standing, he loomed over the other man.  "Why won't you answer me?  Afraid you'll say something you shouldn't?"

That did it.  Ken scowled and stood up from his place on the floor.  "You are such an asshole sometimes, Motomiya you know that?  I show up at Taichi's worried half to death that you're fucking him, relieved when I find out you aren't, and then you're nothing but a prick once I walk in the door.  What the hell is wrong with you?"  It would have been the perfect time to make a dramatic exit, but Ken found someone had latched onto his right arm.

"What's wrong with me?  I'm an asshole?"  Daisuke was furious.  No amount of words could explain just how betrayed he felt at that moment.  And the fact that he knew Ken was quite obviously very angry only added to his irritation.  What right did Ken have to be so damn upset?  "I'm an asshole?  You're the one who proposed to Hikari without telling me you were going to!  You're the one who swore we would always be there for each other!  And, correct me if I'm wrong, but it was you, one Ichijouji Ken, who swore he would never put anyone else before me in his heart.  So why is it, I wonder, that you're so willing to throw me aside for her?"  The trials and tribulations of being intoxicated.  Daisuke had no clear idea what he was saying at that point.  No idea how obvious he sounded.  Of course, Ken wasn't really paying attention either.

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?!  So, I proposed to Kari.  Big fucking deal.  You had to know I was going to marry her eventually, Daisuke."  Oblivious to the end, Ken Ichijouji.  Always so very, very blind when everything he needed was right in front of his face.

"It is a big deal, Ken," Daisuke knew he was going to cry if he kept fighting.  "You… you made it sound like you wouldn't.  Like you'd never leave me behind.  And now you are because it's just like I always thought.  In the end, I'm not good enough."  Turning to leave, he brushed away the wetness he felt on his face and caught a glimpse of the two other men standing there gaping at the argument.

"Daisuke?"  Something seemed to be missing from the puzzle for Ken.  But damned if he could figure out what.  He was far too drunk to know.  "Dai, where are you going?"

"Away from you," was the only response before he pulled on his shoes and stormed out the door with Ken only thirty seconds behind.

Yamato watched the two younger men leave before turning to Taichi.  "Is that why he's always here on Valentine's Day?  Because he's-"

"Yeah," Tai nodded.  "He's in love with Ken and he needed someone to talk to.  And he thought that I would understand."

The blond watched his friend close the door and wander back to the couch to pick up his drink.  "What part do you understand, Tai?"

Christ, the men in the Digidestined were so idiotic sometimes.  Putting the glass down he turned to Yamato.  "Unrequited love, Yama.  He loves Ken, I love you, every year we get together and cry about it.  Feel better now that you know?"

Well that sure knocked him down a few pegs.  Blinking back tears of confusion, the blond managed to get into the kitchen and get a glass before joining Taichi on the couch.  "Pour me one?"  They sat in silence for a few minutes sipping on their drinks.  "You know I love you Tai."

There was a quiet chuckle.  "Oh really?  How was I supposed to guess?  By the rough charm, or was it the constant fighting?"  Nothing but bitterness coated his words.

"How long, Tai?"  It was a risky question, but he had to know.

"Long enough, Yamato.  For fuck's sake, why do you think I've been telling you Sora's bad for you for so long?"  He set his glass down and opted to pout instead of looking at the other man.

Yamato sat, studying his drink.  On one hand, he had been waiting to hear this news it seemed.  He felt so relieved and a tension that he hadn't realized seemed to dissipate with the admission of Taichi's love for him.  On the other hand, his family… ah, screw his family!  It was time for him to start doing what would make him happy, not everybody else.  The decision made him feel better, bold even.  "You want me to leave her for you?  Because I will, Tai.  But only if you think that whatever's between us is worth pursuing."

"Pinch me," Tai simply held out an arm.  There was no way that the situation could actually be real.

"What?"

"Pinch me," he said again.  "I need to make sure I'm not dreaming."  He finally turned to the man beside him.

"You're awake, I promise."  Moving closer, Yamato did one better than his friend's request.  He kissed him.  When they separated it was only enough for breathing space.  "Do I feel like a dream?"

Tai smiled.  "Always.  But I do love you, Yamato.  I don't want…" he sighed.  "I don't want you to be with me because it was a drunken mistake."

Considering how much the blond had consumed he was vaguely aware of how valid Tai's point was.  "Okay," he simply agreed.  "We could sleep on it?"  People across five continents could have picked up on the suggestive tone.

Naturally, Taichi heard it too.  Looking at the blond again he could see the well defined glitter of lust in those dark blue eyes.  Who needed responsibility?  "Define sleep for me."

***

Meanwhile, Daisuke was still trying to push Ken away.  "Leave me alone god dammit!  I don't need you hurt me again.  I'm through with you hurting me."

"But I don't know what I did.  If you don't tell me I'll never know how to fix it!"  Strands of dark hair clung to the sides of his face.  The skin was sticky after a five block chase.

"You can't fix it, Ken.  You're getting married, you don't need me, I'm not good enough… Fucking pick a reason why!"  Dai whirled in the opposite direction trying to block out everything.  Never in his life did he imagine that things could end so badly between friends.  It hurt so much.  His heart felt like it had stopped beating.  Two strong arms caught him in a firm grip.

"How did I hurt you so much?"  The words were whispered against the skin of Daisuke's neck.  "Yes, I might be getting married but that doesn't mean I don't need you.  I need you now more than ever before.  Because I made a mistake, Dai.  Proposing was the dumbest thing I could have ever done."

Unmoved by the plea, he simply stood there with Ken draped over him.  "And why is that, Ken?  Because now you'll have to go through with it?  Oh woe is you, huh?!  You might have to actually be happy for a change."  A minute later the arms moved away, but when he turned Daisuke received a punch to the jaw.

"Fuck you, Motomiya!  You think I can't handle being happy?  You think all I'm good for is misery?"  Cold eyes glared at the man on the sidewalk.  The punch had been harder than intended.

"No, Ken," Daisuke said.  His voice was hushed and felt drained.  Hiding all the time, lying- it was getting so hard to keep up with.  "Look, you want to know why I'm so upset?"  When Ken nodded he stood up and looked him in the eye.  "I'm jealous.  Because you love her and you don't love me.  You want to spend forever with her while I fade away-"

"You won't fade away, Dai.  And I love you!" 

"As a friend, Ken.  You love me as a friend and brother," he had to swallow to fight away the pain in his throat.

Ken stared at Daisuke.  He knew his mouth was hanging open in much the same way that he knew a lot of things.  But at that precise moment, the universe seemed to be playing an enormous joke on him.  "You think that's it?  I only love you as a friend?"

Exasperated, Dai turned away again.  "Well, why else would you be marrying Hikari?"

"You loved her once.  I know it sounds stupid, and I suppose it is really.  But, once, she was something you had your whole heart set on, Dai."  Why on earth couldn't he understand what Ken was trying to tell him?

"Oh yeah?  Well that all changed when I met you!  Suddenly, I was in love with you and everything was different and so fucking hard… and…" he slumped down again.  "Shit.  Fucking alcohol.  The shit's like truth serum."

Ken squatted down in front of the confuse man who was berating himself for his slip.  "Yes," he agreed softly, "it certainly is."

When they kissed the whole world sighed.  Something in that moment relieved all the pent up tension the fight had caused.  Years of things not being right between them melted away.  And across the entire city there was a feeling of relief.  Yet, the moment was brief, chaste.

"Dude," Daisuke breathed, "what are you going to tell Kari?"

*************

okay… I'm not sure how I feel about it.  This was mostly written for amusement purposes.  If anyone wants me to continue, just let me know and I will.  Review or criticize as you like.