~I Never Told You~

Disclaimer: I don't own Primeval, it belongs to someone else. Also I do not own the idea for this story. I adopted a bunny from and this is what came from their idea not mine, I merely developed and wrote it.

Relationships in this are strictly friendships…at this hard time, people are allowed to be closer than they normally would, well…you will see what I mean when you read it.


Jenny's POV:

He lay there in front of me, a bullet wound in the dead centre of his chest and I had been able to do was cry. I cried because of the things that I never told Nick, the feelings that stirred deep in my heart as I had gotten to know him.

The day after he had died Lester gave me a call and told me to take the day off. At first I had opposed and said that I was fine. I told him that I was coming into work and that no-one could stop me. We had argued on the phone for a while until he threatened to fire me so that I could not come into work.

At that I finally gave in and said I would take the day off. He told me to grieve, and that the others were not going to be at work that day either. The backup team would be filling in. He told me I could take as much time off work as I wanted, at least until after the funeral.

Telling me that he had to call the others we ended our conversation and he hung up the phone. I walked into the kitchen needing to wipe my teary eyes, yet again and found that I had none, they had all be used last night. I had walked into the bathroom to grab something to wipe my face in and I saw my appearance in the mirror.

My long brown hair had been strung up into a pony tail. Now there was hair missing and it looked like I had not even brushed it when I put it up. My cheeks had vertical tear stains running from the corners of my eyes right down to my jaw bone and my eyes were red an puffy. I was wearing clothes that left a lot to be desired, not really caring about my appearance because the one person who I wanted to care was gone.

Two days after Nick had died things were not any better; I had not eaten much, just ordered a pizza and only left the house to buy tissues. At the time it seemed to me like it was all that I could manage. I had taken Lester's advice and not gone to work that day so Connor and Abby had come around to my place to check on me.

Shocked by what they saw they quickly set about helping me clean up my depressed house. I could see it in their eyes; too the similarity between mine and theirs was the red puffiness. They had both been crying too, not that Abby would ever admit that to anyone. They had both known Cutter the longest, with Lester and both looked up to him like a father.

When Connor left the room for a brief moment Abby had sat me down on the couch. 'Jenny, how are you feeling?' She had asked my, and all I had been able to do was cry. At that stage my emotions were so raw that I could not yet express them into words. She wrapped her arms around me and embraced me in a huge hug, letting me feel the warmth and sympathy of her heart. 'Jenny, we are all here for you, everyone. If you need to talk, no matter when it is then you just call me.' Abby said just after she released me.

I tried to smile, but it was ruined by more tears as Connor re-entered the room. They both stood up, and I waved at them as they walked out the door. I knew how they felt; someone that we had all loved had been taken away from us. It had left a hole in our hearts that could not easily be filled.

On the third day after Helen Cutter cut out half my heart is was Becker that came to see me. I knew that he too would be finding this hard and two people who lived alone like us needed some comfort.

'Becker, it wasn't your fault.' I had said to him, as he looked into my eyes. He was a strong man, he had not been crying, but his skin had paled and his eyes grew dark, like the sun had been taken away from the earth.

He nodded. 'Every time I look around, I feel reminded of how I failed him. I should have been there to protect him; I should have been there for him. Instead I was outside the burning ARC.' Becker said. As one of the newest members on the team, Captain Becker had known Cutter for the least amount of time, he had been right, it was his responsibility to take care of us all, and I just needed to remind him of that.

'Becker,' I had said, 'it's not your fault, no one blames you. This is all Helen's fault you must try and understand that. You had Connor, Abby, Sarah, Lester and all of the other staff to think of as well, Cutter knew what he was doing.'

'So what about you?' He had asked me. I couldn't talk about it much. I was having a hard time not crying in front of Becker while talking about this man as it was.

'It's hard, I feel like where ever I turn there is something to remind me of him.' I felt like that was all he could give, and Becker respected that. We continued to speak for what felt like hours. It was what we both needed, he needed my help as much as I needed his, I helped him with his feelings of failure and he helped me feel brave.

Four days after Cutter left me I decided I needed to go back to work. I had gotten dressed and made myself look presentable as I could in my current state and I had done everything I needed to do that morning so I got what I needed and I drove myself to where they ARC was now temporarily based. Lester had told me the new address for when I wanted to return because; the old ARC was being quickly repaired.

I pulled into the car park, parked my car and even got out. I had believed that maybe if I distracted myself by doing some work then I would be able to have some relief for a short time. I was about to open the door, when my hand had frozen, I stood motionless looking at the door, unable to move. He was there; he was looking me in the face. The temporary ARC, where I was now standing would hold many different ways of reminding me of Nick Cutter.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned around. It was Becker. He was in his black uniform again. 'I'm not going to lie, it's not easy, but it made me feel better.' He had told me. I nodded.

'If I am to continue working here then I need to do it.' I said as boldly as I could manage.

He had slipped his hand into mine and opened the door. 'You ready?' he asked, in a quiet voice. It took a while but after a moment I heard a Scottish accented voice in my head.

It whispered three little words to me before it disappeared. 'You are ready.' It had said; I knew it was Cutter, and it made it harder but easier for me at the same time. I gave Becker a nod and we both walked through the door frame.

I felt overwhelmed but I continued on. The first thing I would have to do is go and see Lester.

It took me a while to find him, after I said my goodbyes to Becker, but I finally found him, in a little office. I knocked on his door before entering. He had looked at my, with half a smile, something I had never seen before, but I had always known he was capable of.

I sat down on the other side if his desk and waited for him to speak. 'Miss Lewis, as you are already aware the ARC is undergoing some structural checks, before we are allowed to use it again. However things are going to be left as they are, for us to deal with when we are allowed to return. So until then we are going to keep our fingers crossed that no anomalies occur, none have currently so we are thanking our lucky stars. But for the time being, I am appointing you team leader.' Lester had spoken in a hushed tone to me, while I stared at him with a blank face.

When the words he had said finally sunk in, it all started to seem more real. 'How long until we are allowed to re-enter the ARC?' I asked, I had known it would be harder to go back to.

'In about a week.' He said, and I looked at him. I had roughly seven days to prepare myself.

I nodded and stood up. As I walked out the door I heard the words 'You can do it.' I had turned to see if it was Lester who spoke, but his head was already buried in paper work.

...

On the fifth day I woke up and looked at the roof. The past four days had been hard, draining and pretty dismal. I had not slept well and I had not enjoyed the lonely feeling which I felt constantly but I was not prepared for today, by a long shot.

For today was Nickolas Cutter's funeral, a service I hoped I would ever have to attend.


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