Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. 'Cause y'know, there would totally be a bull-fighting mini-game if I did.
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Like you weren't thinking about it =P
"I AM NOT A DUMBASS!"
Axel's face contorted into a look of pure disbelief, as he heard Demyx screech. Well, it twisted as much as his sexy face could twist, which wasn't much. "Seriously? Have you looked in a mirror recently Dem-ass?"
Demyx's eyes welled up with tears, before scowling and swinging his sitar at Axel's head. The pyro's quick thinking was the only thing that saved him from being decapitated. Again.
After the Wonderland incident, he promised himself that he would never lose his head ever again. It was hard enough to reattach it, and the taste of blood stayed in his mouth for days afterwords.
"I'm not! If anyone's a dumbass, it's gotta be you! I'm useful, you just keep moaning about that fact that Roxas isn't your 'bed-time buddy'!" Demyx said petulantly, still swinging Crystal (his sitar) around.
Axel's eyes narrowed, and soon enough his Chakrams (Butch and Spike) were being thrown across the room towards the water-enabled Nobody. He was pissed and out for blood.
"Really, you're useful? Who's the one that's afraid of their own element?" Demyx almost dropped his sitar in shock. How dare he bring that up? That was too low, even for Axel.
Well, nothing was really too low for Axel; that guy was like the king of sleaze. Still, Demyx thought that even he would have the decency to keep some secrets.
Obviously, he was wrong.
"You're such a... a... meany-face! That's probably why Roxas started dating Kairi; he didn't want to be around your sour demeanor!" The Melodious Nocturne was almost in tears now, whether they were tears of frustration, embarrassment, or what, was anyone's guess.
"Dammit Demyx, don't cry! If you cry, then you know what will happen to me. Suck it up I'll do anything, just don't-" Axel yelled frantically. He was rushing towards the other Nobody, but he was too late.
"KAIRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Demyx wailed, almost breaking Axel's eardrums. Damn... he was in for it now, and there was no way he could get out of this one.
Ever since Kairi had started living at The Castle That Never Was, she had latched onto Demyx (or more accurately, Demyx latched onto her) like a child attached themselves to a puppy. Only unlike a child, Kairi had the ability to make his life a living hell.
Actually, so did small children now that Axel thought about it. But, Kairi had established herself as the overlord of the Organization.
She had defeated Mansex (who was now living in a cozy house in Halloween Town) to become the new Superior, and rearranged all the numbers of the Organization members. Axel was now number VI, Roxas remained XIII (because he liked his number dammit!), and Demyx remained number IX.
Kairi may have found it funny that he and Demyx were 69, but he sure as hell didn't. According to their new head honcho, Demyx and him were married too.
Yeah. Gay marriage wasn't even legal in any of the worlds, except Destiny Islands. Which makes sense, since that devil woman grew up there. Of course, she would make the Organization adopt their beliefs.
And the worst part of the whole Kairi thing? Roxas wouldn't do a thing to stop her. He was too goo-goo eyes over that girl to realize how much she was hurting the Organization, hurting him! Didn't their friendship mean anything to him? Hell, he even took Demyx's side half the time when they fought!
Maybe the molestation made Roxas change. Well, Axel had yelled surprise before he did anything, and therefore it wasn't rape so...
Hey, Roxas should feel lucky that he was touched by the great Flurry of the Dancing Flames. Not many people got that honor.
Axel flinched when he heard the tell-tale signs of footstep approaching the dining hall. It seemed that Kairi decided to bring the traitor with her, and Axel knew that was just going to make things worse for him.
Why were the worlds against him anyway, he was a good Nobody! Sure, he sinned every now and again, but he had given his life to save Sora.
Sora. The most ADD kid that ever existed. He had saved that kid from sure death, and in return he got a sadistic ginger, an awesome, but flighty best friend, and Demyx.
His wife.
God, it felt wrong to even think that. He hadn't touched the kid (no matter what anyone said, Demyx was a kid compared to him) since their "marriage", and it didn't seem like he would start anytime soon.
It would be like having relations with Goofy. Awkward, and weird as hell.
The door to the room opened with a crack, and soon the two Nobodies stilled. Demyx was still sniffling, and as soon as the figure in the doorway say that, it moved to cradle the large man-boy.
"Awww Demy, what did the big, bad Axel do?" Kairi cooed, glaring at Axel above Demyx's head. In response, Axel stuck his tongue out at her. Hearing a chuckle, Axel smiled. Roxas was on his side today.
"THAT STUPID HEAD CALLED ME A DUMBASS!" Demyx yelled, expecting to hear shouts of disapproval. What he was met with instead, was total silence.
"Guys? Guys! I'm not a dumbass! I'm not!" Demyx pitifully protested. "If I was a dumbass, would I have been able to steal that stone from the Underworld?"
Roxas scratched his head, a small smirk forming on his lips. "If I heard this correctly, didn't you leave the stone behind after getting beat up by Sora?" Both Kairi and Axel chuckled a little at Demyx's face, which had turned red in embarrassment.
"Yeah dumbass, I at least managed to accomplish all my missions." Axel said sprawling out. He ignored the snort that left Kairi's lips, and smirked at the blond on the floor.
Kairi helped Demyx onto a chair, before turning to Axel with her hands on her hips. "Axel, Demyx did accomplish that mission that day, didn't he? He was supposed to "use aggression to liberate" Sora's "true disposition". Didn't he do that? Hmmmmm?"
"Oh, and what mission were you talking about accomplishing? Was it the one where I sent you out to buy me some tampons, 'cause if it was then you failed that. I don't get the-"
"LALALALALALALALA IGNORING YOU!" Roxas yelled, plugging his ears with his fingers. He really didn't want to hear about his girlfriend's 'time of the month' needs. Turning away, he ventured to the kitchen in order to find some snacks, dragging Demyx along with him.
Axel's cheeks reddened minutely, before he turned and glared his most venomous glare at the other red-head. Hell no, she wasn't going there.
"No, the mission given to me by Mansex to kill Vexen, and monitor the goings on of Castle Oblivion. But hey, wouldn't expect you to know about that—LET GO OF MY NECK, LET GO OF MY NECK!" Axel yelled, struggling to get away from Kairi's iron clad grip.
Who knew that so much power was packed into such a small frame. Oh yeah, God did when he decided to screw Axel over.
"Now Axel, I know you weren't saying something demeaning about me, right? You remember how I told you about that point in your neck that can kill you, right? Now, what were you saying?" Kairi smirked, pushing down lightly on the pyro's neck.
"Man, you are so hot right now babe." Roxas said, coming back into the room with a bucket full of popcorn. Demyx was tailing behind him, armed with four different milkshakes. Passing one to Kairi, he plopped down next to Roxas and decided to try and enjoy the show.
He always did love watching Axel getting tortured. And when Kairi did it, it got just that much better.
"Dammit let me go!" Axel winced when he was unceremoniously thrown onto the floor. Damn... why couldn't he ever remember not to piss Kairi off?
Because he was Axel, Kairi's official bitch. Everything he did just served to piss her off. Above him, Kairi was grinning, a mischievous look in her eye.
"You know, I think I have the perfect idea for proving just who is the dumbass of the Organization." Kairi turned to her boyfriend, and whispered into his ear.
Whatever she said must have been good, because Roxas's face lit up like a kid's face at Christmas. He was nodding ecstatically at Kairi, and looking between Demyx and Axel with a laughing look in his eyes.
Traitor. Whatever was going on, Axel wanted no part of this. He wasn't a dumbass, he was Axel; the most awesome member of Organization XIII. Picking himself off the floor, he moved for the door, only to be thrown, yet again, back on to the cool marble.
Damn woman. Did all the women that he knew have to make his life a living hell, or did they all just want to?
"Now Axel, it wouldn't be right for you to leave before hearing what we have planned, would it?" Roxas asked innocently. "We propose a competition, something to prove who is, The King."
"OOOOOOOH~! WHAT KIND OF COMPETITION, ROXY?"
Damn Demyx. All Axel wanted to do now, was to get to Port Royal, drink his ass off, and forget about everything. Was that too much to ask for?
"A competition where both of you have to perform tasks and such for us, like stealing things or defeating stuff. The one who completes the most wins, and is not the dumbass!"
Apparently, it was. But, now that he thought about, the hunt or whatever didn't seem too bad. It sounded like a pain, but he could get some pretty cool stuff out of this. Like rum.
"Um, we won't y'know... get hurt in this competition, will we?" Demyx asked, scratching his head and blushing. The kid was so innocent, for a Nobody at least.
"What's a competition without a little blood, sweat and tears? I'm in, I guess. Got it memorized?" Axel lazily said, ruffling Roxas's hair. As they say, old habits die hard.
"Oi, Axel. Pay up, dude." Kairi said, holding out her hand. After Kairi became the Superior, she had instated a policy that every time Axel said his catchphrase, he had to give her fifty munny.
Now, he wouldn't have enough to buy rum anyway, so he might as well play their game. Maybe Kairi wouldn't make him do anything embarrassing either.
Well, he could dream.
A/N: This was basically based on a dream I had. And my friends. Well, if you like it (or just want to talk about how OOC everyone is) leave a review. Flames will be used to improve the story, and fuel Demyx's lazer cannon.
