Little Red-Riding-Hood: A Cautionary Tale for Soon-to-be Pilgrims

Once upon a time, on a certain ship, there lived a young quarian, the most gentle creature the galaxy had yet seen. The girl's mother was fond of her to a fault and one day spent her life savings to commission a beautiful red cloak from an asari seamstress she met on pilgrimage. It fit the child so well that from the day she received it on, she was known as Little Red-Riding-Hood.

On the day she was to begin her pilgrimage, her mother came to her and said,

"Go, my dear, and see how my asari friend is doing. You must thank her, and perhaps she can help you find a suitable gift for your return."

Little Red-Riding-Hood left immediately for Thessia, where the seamstress lived.

Stopping at the Citadel along the way, she met a turian who had it in his mind to see what was under the quarians suit. However, he dared not attempt anything in the presence of a nearby C-Sec officer. He asked her instead where she was going. The innocent young girl, who had no knowledge of how dangerous it was to stay and talk with unknown aliens, said to him,

"I am going to see my mother's friend who made for me this cloak and hood. I must thank her and seek her help in finding a suitable pilgrimage gift."

"Does she live very far?" asked the turian.

"Oh yes," she answered, "her home is on great Thessia, beyond many a mass relay."

"Well," said the turian, "I will go see her too. We shall see who arrives first."

The turian ran as fast as he could, boarding a transport directly to Thessia, and the girl took a roundabout way, stopping to observe the Perseus veil, chase comets and scan asteroids of the most dense metal.

It was not long before the turian came to the home on Thessia. He rang at the intercom.

"Who is there?"

"The young quarian, Little Red-Riding-Hood." said the turian, attempting to mimic her voice, "I have come to thank you and seek help in finding a suitable pilgrimage gift."

The asari seamstress, who was in bed sick, called,

"Open the door, for I leave it unlocked."

The turian did so and as quickly as possible shoved the asari woman out a nearby window. He closed the door and got into bed. Little Red-Riding-Hood soon came to the house and rang at the intercom.

"Who is there?"

Hearing the turians voice she was first afraid, but having never seen or heard an asari, answered,

"The young quarian, Little Red-Riding-Hood. I have come to thank you and seek help in finding a suitable pilgrimage gift."

"Open the door, for I leave it unlocked."

She did so.

The turian hid himself under the bedsheets as well as possible and said,

"Put your things down and come sit by my bed, for I am ill."

Little Red put her things down and sat by the bed. She was amazed to see how little the seamstress looked like her mother's descriptions. She said,

"Miss, what long arms you have!"

"All the better to hug you with my dear."

"Miss, what hard skin you have!"

"All the better to fend off your defensive blows with my dear."

Not realizing the nature of the last response, she continued,

"Miss, what sharp talons you have!"

"All the better to tear your suit off with my dear."

And with those words the wicked turian fell upon Little Red-Riding-Hood and tore her suit all off.