Disclaimer: I do not own Megamind.

Betaed by: Zim'smostloyalservant & Trackula


Megamind:

"Heroine"

Chapter 1:

THE GOOD OLD DAYS!

"Oh come now, running and hiding? I know you're a rookie, but this is just plain sad!" Megamind's voice blared on his robosuit's loudspeakers. Roxanne glanced around her cover, a very graffiti-ridden Metro Man endorsement billboard. Megamind was two blocks away, picking up a semi as if looking for a bug under a rock.

She wasn't certain if that was a deliberate insult or the supervillain really though she might be under there. Ducking back after the suit began to rise from its crouch, she took a better look at her hiding place. Even with all his teeth blacked out save for one, Metro Man was clearly shown endorsing a vanishing cream.

The ad was about acne, which she knew for a fact the late Super had never had to deal with. But right now, she wished the powers coursing though her included convenient cloaking.

She was nervous, and ashamed of being nervous. Despite everything that had happened, this felt all wrong. Tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, she stopped to stare at the red glove covering her hand.

Clenching the hand into a fist, she closed her eyes.

X X X

"Yes, that is me, Roxanne Richie, a heroine who is likely earning the ire of one out of five feminists, or something, by not doing as good a job as my manly predecessor. Megamind said something to that effect earlier. Yes, the bigheaded loudmouth with the giant robot for a car.

"He is also blue, I suppose, but you really stop noticing after a while I guess.

"And I have, let's say, worked with that villain for years, despite being so green I may as well be chasing Dorothy for how new I am to the heroics stuff.

"At this point, you probably feel you are missing something. That you have changed the channel and come on something interesting but the movie is already ninety minutes in and these are the days before rewinding the TV was a thing.

"Well, as I await my possible doom and/or humiliation, there's no reason I can't bring you up to speed on this tale and my role in it."

X X X

Well, the story of Roxanne Richie is nothing grand. Middle of three children – older sister, younger brother – full time engineer father, and a mother who went homemaker until her son was in sixth grade and then went part time in sales. A good family, and childhood.

Dull though, and I was well aware I was the dullest one, lacking the quirks of my siblings, my mother's socializing, or my father's sometimes-comical absentmindedness on anything social.

So in an admitted bid for attention, I went into drama at an early age, with some kind of hope to be an actress. That died around the time most childhood dreams do. But, still wanting some degree of recognition and exposure, I turned my attention to the news media.

I did good, but not great, and in the fullness of time managed to get an internship with the local news.

It would be around here that the Roxanne story improbably became entangled with a larger, if cliché-ridden epic. By which I mean Metro Man, defender of Metro City.

Most heroes come out of nowhere, but we all saw Metro Man coming a long way off. The son of the super rich Mann family, Michael "Mike" Mann had been a recurring feature of local interest stories with his fantastic super powers. Good looks, charisma, apparently great grades, and indisputably great hair and teeth; it was a public secret he was going to be the next Super of the city.

Somewhat less anticipated was Megamind, the blue man who was chasing me earlier. From what I gather, he and Metro Man have been butting heads since elementary school, but the news rarely covered him, and when it did, only in reference to Mike Mann. They didn't even name him in those, just describing him as a Super juvenile delinquent.

Never did find a record of his real name or what he was sent to jail for in the first place. Considering all that has happened, I should have dug deeper the moment I got caught up in it.

By the time I entered the scene, both young men had adopted their aliases and were in the midst of a zeppelin-based battle for the fate of the city. Yes, zeppelin, with spikes on it. I know he has a horde of robots to help him build, but where do you even buy the stuff to build a zeppelin?

So, a crack team of reporters was sent to cover the story, and I was sent to serve them coffee. Ah, the glamour of the business.

Long story short, when their battle came closer to the ground, the well-paid employees dropped everything and ran. And ambitious young scrapper that I was, I realized I could get a direct shot of the airship top from a nearby building's roof and had both the camera and mike.

I nearly broke my neck rushing that gear up the stairs, since a certain hero-turned-projectile had shorted the area power grid. But I made it up there and restarted the feed, acting as my own camerawoman.

I managed to introduce myself before the stupid airship, predictably, exploded. The thing about explosions is the force of impact, even if the fiery blast does not reach you, it turns out. So I took up skydiving without a parachute, but managed to hold onto the camera, perhaps hoping to record my demise for posterity.

Obviously, I did not die. Metro Man swooped in and caught me. Yes, every girl's dream. I laughed, mostly because I had gone from brave to terrified to safe in about 20 seconds. The camera from that angle just got his feet and the slowly approaching ground, but what sold me on Metro Man as a hero was the concern on his face.

I think he asked me my name, hoping to calm me down if I was in shock or something. I wasn't, but it did help, and he admonished me for endangering myself, though I was clearly a very brave reporter. Being mistaken for the profession I was aiming for got a blush from me as he let me down.

Feet on the ground again, he gave a two-fingered salute and that classic Metro Man smile to me and the crew recording the whole thing nearby. He bid me a good day by name and excused himself to pursue Megamind. And in a rush of wind, he was gone.

But with poor sound quality, my blush and his brief break in character along with an admittedly impressive visual of the rescue, it was far from over.

By the next morning's paper, I had already become "Metro Man's Girl". It was the sensation of love at first rescue and other such clichés. And finding myself on the receiving end of an interview outside my apartment did not let my denials go heeded. Everyone assumed I was sworn to secrecy or something.

But any complaining was stopped when I went to work to find a reporter job wrapped up in a bow for me. The bosses knew people would tune in to see Metro Man covered by his girlfriend. My immediate new boss calmly told me the truth did not matter and I was getting to leap years ahead in my career.

The hype probably would not last, but getting my name out and some experience would get my foot in the door. So, if I could stand being the go-to girl for all things Metro Man for a few months, my sought after career would practically fall in my lap, I concluded.

It might have worked out like that if not for one thing. A blue, bigheaded thing.

Tuesday after the next, I was on my way to catch the bus when I blacked out. Woke up with a potato sack on my head, which was removed to introduce me to the first of many, many chairs I would be tied to.

Now, in the past, Megamind had kidnapped teachers, tutors, Metro Man's mother, and other somewhat "evil plot-related" civilians. He was quite excited Metro Man finally got a girlfriend; it let him finally make with the classics.

The whole abduction-battle-rescue thing was quite odd and even exciting the first time. But they tend to leave out the fourth step, repeat. The fourth rescue, I asked Metro Man if we could talk for a bit.

He didn't seem surprised, just gave a nod and asked if a certain roof was good.

I wanted out. Good ham, bad ham, it was too much ham in my life for comfort and the only places Megamind seemed unwilling to abduct me from was my apartment and the ladies' room.

I wanted him to publicly break up with me from our fake implied romance. I didn't put it that smoothly – the word "thing" was tossed liberally about that roof by one unhappy reporter

Sitting down on the roof edge, he explained the history of abduction, and that his mother – who was not as young as she used to be – was the recurring target. Frankly, he did not want her getting hurt by some miscalculation of Megamind's. And most hostages were clearly rattled by the experience. More than once, he had to awkwardly remove kissing lips from his boots.

But I had held up as well as his mother, even adding a bit of smart talk.

He figured if not me, then someone else. The media would find a way to tie someone to him, even if they gave up on women and declared him in the closet for some guy he rescued. But anyone else might end up breaking down under the pressure I was weathering.

So he asked me to keep this up for those other potential victims and so he would not have to worry about some girl he smiled at being declared his girlfriend after eating breakfast in a diner.

He made the mistake of offering me an under the table salary. And I made a bigger mistake, learning that if you are going to hit a man of steel, use a weapon, not your slapping hand.

I did let him pay for the doctor's bill.

And so it began, the cycle of my life.

X X X

I report news; mostly Metro Man. Megamind escapes prison. 39% chance of my being kidnapped. If not kidnapped, cover the inevitable clash. If Megamind escapes, await next clash. If he goes to jail, cover that. Cover crimes by other Metro Man enemies, but never kidnapped – apparently, Megamind had dibs on my kidnapping rights. And the cycle started anew.

It went on for years. My social life became nonexistent; after all, getting close meant getting potentially caught up in that cycle I mentioned. I was a fixture in the news and the most recognized reporter in the city. Dream achieved there.

The abductions, in fairly short order, lost their luster and I became the snark spread between two thick slices of ham. It was less outrage, I think, and more just boredom once it became clear it was just front row seats to a show.

Sometimes things got broken up. Like Megamind running with my offhand suggestion of freaky kidnapping cards for his victims. I got all fourteen items in the catalogue, including the max kidnapping "Megamind Everything-Proof Tote Bag".

It was just part of my routine, my other other monthly visitor come to annoy me regardless of any plans I may have made. Still, it wasn't so bad, it was just how my life had turned out, and it looked like this little offstage show was my life for the foreseeable future.

Until I, and everyone, was reminded this show was real. That guarantees are often thin veneers, and your well-ordered world is just one bad day from falling to pieces.

The day the villain won.

X X X

The dedication and opening day of the Metro Man Museum, dedicated to Metro Man and all his Metro Man Achievements. To be fair, it also had a number of Megamind-centered exhibits, and the lesser villains of both the city and aliens Metro Man had ongoing grudges with. Surreally enough, there was even an exhibit to yours truly.

I am just going to take a moment and say for the record that cardboard standees of yourself are a creepy, creepy thing to find.

The event was a holiday, complete with street carnival and Metro Man to sign autographs for the people visiting the museum that day. And a banquet in the place that night, which never happened.

I knew Megamind would show up. He was pretty much due for an escape and assorted bedlam. And really, what respectable villain could pass up a chance to crash a party celebrating his archenemy?

I wasn't worried; if he grabbed me, it would the same old song and dance all over again. My worry, was a guy named Hal.

Hal was young, my new cameraman, and sadly a fanboy. They happen, even with my celebrity by association status. Fans can be weird, and unlike Metro Man I only have Carlos to keep creeps off my door. Do not get me started on some of the feminist hate mail I have gotten for the damsel in distress stuff.

Hal was just a creepy geek. Not dangerous – delusional and obsessive, yes, but I couldn't see him getting worse then he was at the moment. And it was kind of nice to have someone flirting with me.

Between guys being terrified of getting strapped to a rocket by Megamind, or being seen by the most powerful Super in the world as stealing a march on him… well, let's just say gentlemen callers were about as common as polar bears in Nevada.

So I humored him, taking his creepiness in stride while trying to not encourage him. Hopefully he would soon switch obsessions and move on, and we could just be work kind-of-friends.

I was rescued from that awkwardness by Minion.

Oh, did I forget to mention the talking alien fish who lives in a robot gorilla suit and who is named after his function? Funny the things you overlook. Anyway, long story short, he is perhaps the only other sane person in this operation, I had realized. He is here as Megamind's friend, and if he has fun, it's like my snark, where you just try and make the situation work for you.

When I woke up with my head bagged, I immediately realized who it was, having been carried over that shoulder so many times.

It is a sad thing when abduction by aliens is preferable to awkward conversation with a coworker. I listened for a while, playing asleep.

All these years being hit with that stuff has let me build up an immunity to it effects, waking up much quicker, and after the initial shock of getting sprayed, it just takes a jolt or such to wake me up.

Probably should have asked the doctor about that?

Anyway, in the spirit of the day, I decided to give no play along to Megamind's antics, if only to see if he might actually break out something new. I'm fairly sure the spider wasn't planned, though tricking Minion into punching his boss was a victory I took no small pride in.

Well, dialed up snark aside, banter was fairly standard, message sent overly dramatically, probably with clouds of doom. Oh, look at me on the Jumbotron, hi Mom! I hope you're proud.

I was able to once again drop a clue to Metro Man, old abandoned observatory. I liked to be helpful, even if it was just speeding things along.

The problem with routine is you get sloppy. I forgot that Megamind, cliché-loving scatterbrain he is, is also a genius.

"You didn't think you were in the real observatory, did you?"

He planned for my action. His plan absolutely required it. Being played actually did shut me up for a bit, a reminder that for all my wit, this was a man who could probably build most consumer goods from the contents of a scrap yard and some wire spools, given a few hours.

Still, his doomsday weapon needed to warm up, and no one was impressed. Even Minion seemed to be feeling the rut then.

Everything was going as it should, and then everything went wrong. Apparently that much copper plating was needed to activate Metro Man's weakness; perhaps the amount was needed? Or was it the time he wasted bantering with Megamind and being unimpressed that cost him a usual window he would have used to escape the weakness being revealed?

It went wrong so quick. The revelation, Minion frantically pointing out the device was actually ready, and Megamind flabbergasted a common metal was the long sought after key to his desired win.

Then things exploded. It reminded me of the airship exploding, a bookend. Minion was quick to point out they might have actually gotten him, but Megamind – showing more common sense than usual – was not ready to celebrate, then the moment of the familiar white speck…

Bones. Metro Man, drained of his power, disintegrated down to his indestructible cape and bare bones. What was seen for a moment as just another daring escape, was really a final flight courtesy of explosive trajectory.

The word was silent, and only a fish had the words:

"You did it, sir."

"I did it?"

I don't think anyone was more surprised than the murderer himself. Or would it be manslaughter? Despite his intentions, he clearly did not expect it to actually work.

Cutting the feed after a little victory dance, he had Minion gas me again, "take her home," he had ordered. After all, no one was coming to rescue me, so letting me go was really the only option.

I woke up in the invisible car. I didn't pretend to be asleep. Minion panicked and tried to spray me, turns out the can was empty. Rather symbolic, I suppose, new territory entered where old habits were already losing their power. I requested he pull over and let me out.

The fish complied and awkwardly bid me a good day before I closed the door, concealing him from sight.

I walked around the city for some time aimlessly, among the other masses who rather than their homes had taken to shambling feet. I looked a mess, but it hardly seemed to matter now.

The game had turned deadly; it was over. A new reality was coming upon us. It was almost a relief when word came through the pipe that Megamind was marching down Grand Avenue to City Hall with Minion and an army of his brainbots.

I ran there, not knowing what I would do. Perhaps it was because with Metro Man gone the villain was the remaining piece dangling in my life? Or the withered journalist ideal of getting there to cover the story?

Maybe I just needed something, anything, to point me in a direction?

One chapter was over, and I think it was there, arriving just in time to watch the blue man literally dance his way to the halls of power, the new chapter began.


Author's Note:

Well apart from the beginning section this is still fairly canon.

I take a lot of assumptions with the history of the trio and Roxanne's own thoughts. I do not claim this to be her 'true feelings' or something. I feel it is fairly probable and makes for a good story, to quote Megamind: "Lets just have fun with this!"

Now, next chapter we get to the point of divergence proper. Most of that is already done but writing up the factory trying to be faithful to the original is surprisingly hard.

Well hope it does not take too much longer.

Long days and pleasant nights to you all.