Hey everyone. This story was inspired by a song, ((which is featured, although slightly edited in here as the letter)) called Curiosity by Marc Kuchner. I don't own it, or Grey's Anatomy. It's AU. I'm not sure how many chapters it will have... I'm guessing somewhere between 6-8. I hope you like it!
Most people find writing to be soothing. So says my therapist. Me? I think talking is much easier. No grammar, no misunderstanding. Tone says everything when you speak. It's you. But talking is simply not an option in this case. So here I am, sitting at my mahogany wood desk in my little black dress. Trying and utterly failing to write a letter that has been written in my head for years. I don't even know how to begin to classify this letter. Announcement? Definitely. Thank you? Possibly. Well, that's taking for granted that this will be written in anything that's slightly comprehensible. I have never really been able to put together a complete sentence when it came to him. Which is what makes this so incredibly nerve wrecking. But he'd understand. He's always understood. To a fault, really. Damn it!
Hey Stranger!
No. Too casual. This isn't a casual letter. So why do I feel like I'm writing to a friend. We aren't- were never really- friends. We were everything and nothing at all at the same time. And that thought alone INFURIATES me. It makes no sense and perfect sense. Gr. I hate being hypocritical. But he's just.. him. I'm pouting! About a letter! A letter that i probably won't ever send! That's just pathetic. Gr. I ball up the first sheet of yellow paper and toss it a few inches to the trash bin on the side of my desk.
Take two.
Dear
Scratch that. Damn it. How does anyone ever write anything? This is impossible! Good thing I bought an entire pad of this paper. Might need every page the way this is going. Get it together. This isn't rocket science, because believe me, I would prefer rocket science. I could kick rocket science's ass.
After several more failed attempts, too many really, I glance over to the small trash bin to find that it is nearly half full with the paper. Sighing, I run my hands over my face, being careful not to mess up a speck of makeup, something I'd nearly perfected over the years. Almost. My eyes finally leave the trashcan back to the newly revealed blank sheet of paper before they wonder past the boundaries I'd given them onto my pastel blue walls. At this moment, even the walls remind me of him. Despite the fact that I feel mildly pathetic, it reminds me why this letter is important. I must say goodbye, once and for all. Because next Saturday, everything will be different. I will be different. My life will no longer be my own. I will be married. To a man that I truly love. And he loves me. He's everything my parents, as well as my friends, wanted me to marry, and I'm FINALLY okay with that. Because he will take care of me always. Not that I can't take care of myself, but it's nice to know that he would- if I needed him to. The chicken noodle soup with a a slice of bread in bed when my head is clouded and nose too stuffy to even think of trespassing out of the room, he would have it. Faster than I could manage to make it myself, probably. Yes, we will be happy. With a new wave of bravery and courage washing through my adrenaline filled veins I refocus my attention to the blank page with a determination I didn't possess when I first began this. It started as 'necessary' homework from Ruth, yes, my therapist. Given, I told her I wrote it months ago. That is completely irrelevant. I know now that he's not the one for me. No matter how much I told myself that .He was- is - everything my parents hated, and I think I loved that more than anything else. Maybe I was that for him too. The rich girl that gave it up. But I don't care. It was.. it was magical. Logic can't ruin that.
To my past...
With a smile on my face, I realize that I am content with the greeting. It fits. It's something I've used to describe him in my head over and over again. But writing it is a completely new feeling. It's now officially documented. There's something about that that's completely.. amazing.
It was a grey September day when you moved in next door
Your eyes were bright with a foreign light that I had to explore
I was sitting on my couch, aimlessly flipping through the channels while waiting for my best friend, Anne, to come over when I heard a rather soft knock on my door. If it wasn't for the fact that I had the TV muted, there's a good chance I wouldn't have heard him at all. But I did, and despite the inner 12 year old in me screaming to ignore it, I trudged myself off the couch to the door. Using some sense that someone, probably our cleaning lady, Kathy, had installed in me at some point in time, I glanced through the peek hole, and instead of seeing a face of any kind, I saw black waves of thick hair blocking any chance I had of seeing him. I waited for a moment until there was another knock before I realized that he had no intentions of exposing himself before I opened the door. Biting on my lower lip for a moment, I took a deep breath and squinted my eyes closed.
"Hello?" I asked, truly afraid that it was some robber or criminal of sorts. But then again, I'd never seen a criminal with that nice of hair. In fact, I don't remember ever meeting someone with hair quite like his before. Glancing into the peep hole once again, I watched as he finally lifted his head just enough for me to see his eyes. His eyes are the only reason I opened the door at all. They seemed so genuine and honest and .. helpless. Who doesn't want to be the one to save someone.
"Hello? I'm sorry to bother you.." He began, glancing back down until I got the courage to open the door, albeit slowly, to reveal the rest of the stranger. It took me a moment to take in the sight. I knew instantly that it was a good thing Anne hadn't arrived yet because as much as I love her, she would quickly shut the door on him. He wasn't filthy, but he could definitely take a shower. His jeans had dirt stains all down his legs, and his white t shirt had smudges that matches the ones on his arms. In fact, under normal circumstances, I probably would have to, but once again his eyes caught mine, leaving me standing in complete uncertainty before him. I probably looked equally odd to him in my dark denim jeans and red halter top to match my heels that I'd slipped on at some point after I hung up the phone, and my manicured nails that to most looked perfect, but were in desperate need of a filling. Or maybe I didn't at the moment, but possibly later when he realized I had no plans of leaving my apartment that night.
"Hi." He blushed slightly, making him even more irresistible than before as he glanced down at his own appearance. "I'm terribly sorry to bother you."
"No." I offer a genuine smile, something I don't give very often with the crowd I run in, as I shake my head to assure him "It's okay. I was just watching TV." I'd never felt embarrassed about my insistent need to always look my best until that moment when he eyed my heels before shrugging it off. "I'm waiting for a friend." I add, to somehow make myself better, knowing that Anne would be just as, if not more, dressed up than I was.
"I was just hoping I could use your phone." He frowned as he glanced down the hallway. "I just moved in next door, and I don't have a phone yet, and, well if I.."
"Oh. Yeah. Sure. Come on in." I smiled for a moment before turning back around, trying to block out all the horror movies I'd seen, and focusing on the fact that he might be impressed with how clean my apartment was.
Not that I was trying to impress him.
"Thanks." He sighed, slipping off his tennis shoes before entering the foyer. "Nice place." He offered weakly as his eyes travel along the arches of the ceilings and doorways.
"Oh. Thanks." I smiled, only vaguely wondering what the inside of his apartment looks like. I handed him the phone and walked back into the living room, not wanting to invade his privacy.
I could vaguely make out several words of his strained whispers, and it didn't take long to realize that he was talking to his mother. I know because I spoke in the same tone when it came to my own. Several minutes later, he appeared in the living room, obviously feeling uncomfortable.
I glanced up at him from the couch, trying my hardest to make a comment on his stiff manner, before outreaching my hand to his. Glancing down at it a moment, he gave me an odd glance. "The phone." I grinned as a knowing look crosses his face, quickly followed by flushed cheeks.
"Sorry." He mumbled as he placed the phone in my hand, and took a step back quickly.
"I don't bite... strangers." I smirked, giving him a slightly naughty eye as I glanced away from his eyes down the rest of his body, focusing on the important points. I watched in amusement as his jaw dropped slightly in shock as he tried to think of something to say. I couldn't tell if he wasn't used to getting hit on, which I found hard to believe, or he was just uncomfortable by me, which was obviously worse for me.
"Derek. My name is Derek." He finally smiled as he took a step back towards me, not quite brave enough to get in reaching distance, something that I found easy to fix as I stood to meet him.
"Nice to meet you, Derek." I smile, continuing to get closer and closer to him until my hands had found themselves on his shoulders, and down to his biceps. I'm not sure why I wanted to watch him squirm so badly, but I did. Or at least relax. But as my hands slowly formed grips around his muscles, my intentions morphed into something I didn't expect. A knowing smile crossed my features as I felt him tighten under my grasp. I almost started to lose interest with his little to no response until I felt his calloused hands on my hips, trespassing slowly beneath my shirt, running soft circles teasingly against my overly moisturized skin. My hands
traveled back up his arms until they encircle his neck pulling him even closer to me. I was only vaguely aware by then of the fact that I only knew his name, but it didn't seem that important. All he knew about me was that I had a phone. So really, I wasn't so bad off of the two. At least that's what I told myself as I ran my tongue quickly over my glossed lips.
"Do you.. Um.. Want to go get something to eat?" He managed to get out, albeit very huskily and made it very clear that he didn't want to leave either.
"No." I whispered as I leaned into his ear, letting my lips flutter against it as I allowed a hand to run through his hair. My hand continued to roam until he forcefully pulled me closer to him, our bodies suddenly having no room for air between us. Before I had time to enjoy the feel of his hands roaming my back, they'd lifted themselves to my hair, pulling it away from my face until he had a view of me he was content with. There was something so incredibly intoxicating about the feel of him that I allowed myself to let my eyes slowly close, only strengthening the power of his hands until I felt his lips on mine. The kiss was soft at first, but as my lips parted in a low moan, it quickly became more passionate. As soon as we pulled away for air, he released me from his grasp.
"I should go." He muttered taking several steps back until he hit the wall, leaving us both thankful that I hadn't hung up any frames yet.
"Huh?" I asked in a daze, not quite in the state to comprehend rational thinking, unless it led to my bedroom. Or the couch. Or the wall. I wasn't picky. Luckily for him, my phone started ringing, bringing me back to my senses. Holding up my finger towards him as I grab the phone off the table, even though I don't actually remember putting it there.
"Hello?" I answered, turning away from him so that I could at least try to focus on the conversation.
"Hey bestie!" Anne beamed through the phone as I finally realized how much hell she would give me about him.
"Anne. Hey babe." I smile as I run my fingers through my hair to calm it down in case she's here. "What's up?"
"Fix your hair, we are going out." She grinned, and I turned around worriedly to find that not only was she not there, but neither was he. It wasn't until then that I heard the door close with a thud, involuntarily releasing a sigh from my lips. That could have been great.
"Alright. I'm going to need an hour though at least." I softly demand, hoping that I could atleast apologize for my behavior.
"You got it babe, see you then." She hung up before I could even ask where we were going. Rolling my eyes, I hung up the phone, and made my way to the door, thankful that there was only one apartment he could live in.
By the time I reached his doorway, he was already opening it again, this time with a jacket and a set of car keys in hand. "Going somewhere?" I ask, silently berating myself at the fact that it was truly none of my business. A fact he didn't even seem to think of as he glanced between my eyes and his keys before resting back on my eyes.
"I want to take you somewhere." Needless to say after his quick departure, I was nothing short of surprised. But with the taste of his lips still lingering on mine, craving more almost if it was a war of will, I simply nodded my head and allowed him to grab my hand and drag me down the stairwell straight to his car.
