Disclaimer: I don't own Magnificent Seven.
A/N: Probably the first of many epic Chris/Ezra stories I have ideas for. This is only the first half, but I figured I would get it posted now and there is some Chris/Female mentioned, but it is by no means the main pairing of this story.
Enjoy.
He couldn't do it anymore.
Carefully sliding out of the bed Ezra pulled on a pair of worn jeans and a T-shirt. Not his normal attire but it hardly mattered. He was leaving. Opening his closet he started packing, paying no real attention to what was going in the bag. It had been his intention to leave the night before but Chris had shown up on his doorstep, tired and in pain, and he hadn't been able to resist.
He never could, when Chris showed up as his lover and not his boss. He had gotten the man settled into the bed and slipped in with him, hand combing through blond hair until Chris had fallen asleep. There had been no sleep for him. He had stayed up through the night, hoping against hope that Chris would wake and that their relationship would become real, that he could stop being the other person.
Moving to his dresser he froze when he heard Chris shift in the bed. Knowing he wouldn't be able to leave if Chris woke he paused, glad when the man settled back down with a snore. Luckily when Chris was injured, the painkillers and his need for sleep to heal destroyed his tendency to sleep lightly. He picked the folded piece of paper up off the top of the dresser and placed it on the table next to the bed where Chris would see it when he woke.
It was just a courtesy to his team leader. Everything had been cleared with Assistant Director Travis who had cleared his leave of absence in record time and hadn't asked too many questions. The man knew something was going on but respected Team 7 to much to dig into their private problems.
Going into the bathroom Ezra filled a glass with water and got Chris medications sorted out, setting everything down next to the paper. Just because he couldn't stand to be around Chris at the moment it didn't mean he wanted the man to be in pain when he woke.
With a soft touch he brushed Chris hair back, trying to remember when his life had gotten so twisted and out of control. He had always prided himself on having a clear direction on his life but it all had gone out of the window when the irritating, stubborn man in his bed had pulled him out of the hellhole that had become his life in Atlanta.
And things had only gotten more out of control after that, when he and Chris had ended up in his townhouse and bed. He couldn't remember exactly how they had gotten there, his only clear memory of the night being when Chris had penetrated him, surprisingly gentle.
Their relationship had continued from there, far from normal. They didn't date and the only time they were ever in public together was when the entire team was around. On the nights they came together for sex it they ended up at a decent hotel as often as his own bed.
Nearly a year into their strange relationship and things had changed again. Chris had found someone else he wanted, a woman who he could be seen in public with. But he had promised that he had simply missed the softness of a woman in his life and that there would never be anything intimate between them.
Used to not being the most important thing in anyone's life, a legacy from his mother he went along with Chris. His need for the man outweighed his distaste of sharing and so for the last nine months he had shared Chris.
January and February passed and in March things changed again and he was getting tired of it. Chris had come over one night after a date with his other companion, the smell of her delicate perfume heavy on his black clothing and that had been the last straw. He wanted more from Chris, something he wasn't sure the man was capable of giving him.
March 15th had been their last day together and the irony was not lost on Ezra. He had planned on talking to Chris about everything but a case had gotten in the way and he had been undercover for nearly a month when the bust had finally gone down. Chris had been injured, taking a bullet to his leg and a concussion and there had been no chance to talk.
Chris shifted under his touch and he stepped back from the bed. He had to leave.
-----
Chris slowly came to, the dull ache in his leg throbbing in a wonderful counterpoint to the remnants of his headache. Eyes barely open he slid out of the bed and made his way to the bathroom, limping with each step.
After splashing water on his face he slowly made his way back to the bed and sat down, going for the medication and water on the table. It was one of the reasons he almost always ended up at Ezra's after he had been injured. Short of Nathan, Ezra was the only other person on the team who ever remembered to set medications out before the person woke up.
Dry swallowing the pills he glanced around the room, looking for Ezra. While the man wasn't always in bed with him when he woke, he usually settled into his rocking chair in the corner with coffee and a book. The closet was open as was one drawer but he didn't think about it too much. Ezra wasn't as anal retentive as people seemed to think he was, and while he liked everything to be neat, a drawer hanging open wasn't indicative of anything being wrong.
Setting the glass down he picked the paper up and unfolded it, unsurprised to see Ezra's neat, looping writing.
Chris,
I am not running out on, you despite what it may seem. AD Travis has granted me leave of absence based on some personal problems I need to deal with. You need not worry about any of this pointing back to you. For all I know AD Travis thinks my mother is mortally ill.
In the privacy of this letter however, you are part of why I am taking some time off. When our affair first started I was content with the way things stood. And even when you started to see Mrs. Travis, I could accept that because you said there would be no physical intimacy and despite wanting her, you had chosen me first and foremost. And even though I was the one relegated to the shadows I was content because I was still wanted.
Now, however things have changed. Any such contentment I have felt was fleeting at best. I find myself wanting more from you, something I am not sure you are capable of. There have been times when we've been together that I think I have seen answering emotion in your eyes, but after you came to me smelling of her, I felt my hope begin to wither.
I need this leave of absence. Despite my best intentions to separate myself from this situation it is nearly impossible. You have made it that way. I have no plans to leave the team, but I am not so certain if I can remain in our relationship.
Ezra P. Standish
Fuck. Scrubbing a hand across his face Chris stared at the letter. He knew he had a tendency to be a driven bastard but he would shoot anyone who claimed he didn't care for his team. They were his family, the people he had let into his life after the last tragedy and he would give his life for any of them. He had noticed Ezra's slow withdrawal, from work and their private life, had assumed it was something intensely private and that Ezra would be able to work it out on his own. And it had been his fault.
It had been a month since they had last been together, and he'd been too caught up in their work to get a chance to talk to Ezra. Like a fool, he had shown up on Ezra's doorstep, seeking the comfort he knew would be there, had been there for nearly two years. And Ezra hadn't disappointed him. There had been a soft bed, warmth and the familiar feel of Ezra's body against his, a better sleeping aid than any of the drugs the hospital ever gave him.
He had seen the signs and had done nothing about it and now Ezra was gone.
Fuck.
Getting to his feet he limped to the chair where Ezra had folded his clothing, cell phone on top. He pressed his first speed dial, knowing it would get him either of the only people he could trust with this.
"Vin, I need you or Buck to come get me." He glanced down at the letter he still held, feeling cold. "I'm at Ezra's."
-----
Accepting the steaming coffee cup Chris sank back into the chair, waiting for his friends to get situated. Buck had his own coffee balanced on one thigh, socked feet up on the cluttered coffee table. Vin sat next to the other man, leaning almost imperceptibly into him.
"Wanna tell us what you were doing at Ezra's pard?" Buck's words were loud in the stillness of the apartment, questioning and comforting at the same time.
He pulled the note from his pocket and flicked it to the two men, knowing it would explain better than he could manage. Any other time he would have laughed at the look of shock on Buck's face, Vin's surprise far more subtle. While their team was the best at criminal investigations, to a man they were retarded when it came to personal or emotional issues. Buck and Vin had wanted each other from almost the beginning but they had spent nearly six months dancing around each other, until JD had decided to help.
That had been three years ago and the two men had settled into orbit around each other, though Buck continued to flirt, needing to, though it didn't mean anything anymore. They still had their own homes, but usually spent nights together at one place or the other. It was obvious to anyone who knew the two men that they were comfortable and probably together until it was time to bury them.
Taking a drink of his coffee Chris closed his eyes, content to wait for his friends to wrap their minds around it all. He and Ezra had been extremely careful in the presence of their friends, never touching, never deviating from what the team expected from them when it came to interacting with each other. There were times he had wanted to be able to freely touch Ezra, wanting more of the easy affection they shared when they were alone.
"How long?"
"Almost two years." He took another drink, knowing the explosion would come, when Buck had heard everything. One of the quickest ways to irritate Buck was to hurt one of his friends. And while he was Buck's oldest friend, he had hurt Ezra and knew what was coming.
"And Mary? How long with her?" Buck's voice was low and tight with anger and Chris knew the only thing saving him from Buck getting physically violent with him was his injuries.
Chris opened his eyes, meeting Bucks angry gaze. "Nearly a year."
Buck surged to his feet, the only thing keeping his coffee from flying across the room being Vin's quick reflexes as he pulled the cup from his lover's hand.
"If you didn't have a hole in you Larabee, I'd have your ass on the floor so fast you wouldn't you what happened. I can't fucking believe you! It took us a god damned year to get him to open up to us, to trust and you manage to fuck it all up because you want a woman on the side."
Vin set both mugs on the table, his eyes never leaving Chris' face. After three years he was fairly certain he could read his friend and now all he saw was anger and anguish, the likes of which he only saw when one of them was injured or on the anniversary of his family's death. And under all that something else, fear, well hidden but there, the fear that Ezra wasn't going to come back.
Curling a hand around Buck's knee he squeezed, curtailing his lover's next tirade. He had to ask, having seen the emotion in Ezra's eyes when he had looked at Chris, after one drink to many. In light of what was happening now, it all made sense. "Why'd you do that to him?"
Hands tightening around the mug Chris stared into the dark liquid. He hated this, didn't want to say it, but it had to be done, for them to understand. Raising his head he met Buck's eyes, needing his oldest friend to understand. "I couldn't be in a monogamous relationship with a male partner. You know how I was in the Navy."
Buck could only nod as he sank back into the couch. He well remembered how Chris had been when they had gotten together. Their encounters had always followed the same pattern. Chris would be almost shy, something completely at odds with the way he was any other time. During he was frantic and wanton, wanting as much contact as possible and afterward had always been withdrawn and tried to avoid touching anyone, almost like he was ashamed.
Picking his cup up Buck sank into the couch. "Then why keep jerking Ez around? Why not just take up with Mary and let Ezra go?"
Needing to move Chris got to his feet and started pacing, ignoring the pain in his leg. "Fuck, I know I screwed everything up. But I haven't been jerking Ezra around. Its been Mary. I don't need Mary. Not like I ne-"
He couldn't say it, wasn't ready too. It had come to him as he had been waiting for Vin to get to the townhouse. Unable to sit still he had wandered through the rooms, having been there before many times having never really looked. It was comfortable without being crowded, little bits of Ezra evident in every room. The high end alcohol in the little bar, the fine dishes in the cabinets, a few books on the table next to the couch. There were precious few knickknacks, a worn deck of cards and a small well polished stone the colour of Ezra's eyes on the mantle. Things that would have been easy for a child to hide and carry around.
He had picked the stone off the mantle, liking the feel of it between his fingers, so much like Ezra, hard muscle under smooth skin, warm and intoxicating. That had been the moment of realization, that he had driven Ezra away, broken the most amazing thing that had happened to him since Adams birth. And it hurt.
Rubbing the stone between his thumb and fingers everything had crystallized and he had suddenly realized the exact moment everything had gone to hell between he and Ezra. He had been at Mary's and Billy had been spending the night with his grandparents, leaving the two of them alone.
Mary had been more forward than usual, touching and kissing every time she had passed him. Later, after dinner while they been on the couch she had practically crawled into his lap, arms sliding around his neck. He had pulled her closer, hands slipping under her shirt, gliding over warm skin. She had pressed closer, hands tangled in his hair, hips shifting against him.
Hands sliding higher his fingers had brushed over the clasp to her bra and that had been enough to flatten his burgeoning arousal. Pushing Mary aside he had climbed to his feet, rubbing his hands against his thighs in an effort to get rid of the feeling of touching her. He had promised Ezra there would be no intimacy with Mary and while he might be a bastard, he never went back on a promise.
Using the excuse of suddenly remembering an expense report that he needed to go over before the next morning Chris had walked out, still rubbing his fingers against his jeans. He had left, needing to see and touch Ezra.
He had left himself in with the key on his ring, knowing Ezra wasn't expecting him. Thursday was the night he was with Mary and he had never come over to Ezra's, not wanting to remind Ezra that he wasn't the only person in his life.
There had only been a brief flash of surprise in Ezra's eyes when he had stepped into the living room. It had disappeared, melting into the little half smile he only ever saw when they were alone together. Toeing his boots off and dropping his coat to the floor he had crossed to the couch, hand stroking over Ezra's cheek, thumb tracing the dimple that appeared as Ezra's smile widened.
Leaning down he kissed Ezra, tasting the whisky the man had been drinking, his other hand resting on the strong chest, thumbing a nipple through the fine linen of Ezra's shirt. When the man jerked under the light touch he repeated the movement as he buried his face against the long throat, feeling the pulse against his lips.
The scent of Ezra's cologne surrounded him and he took a deep breath, eyes falling shut. That smell was imprinted in his mind, an integral part of this man who made him feel alive. Even the faintest hint of that smell in the office was enough to make his sex twitch.
They had ended up in bed, with Ezra over him, head thrown back, thighs straining as he had brought them both to completion, Ezra's release sticky against his chest. Ezra had collapsed on him, face buried against his neck, breathing steady and even and reassuring in the quiet of the room. He had run his hands down the strong plains of Ezra's back, trying to ease the tension in the heavy muscle.
Later he had gently pushed Ezra off his chest and gotten up to get a cloth to clean them both up. Sliding under the blanket he rested his hand on Ezra's side and drifted to sleep, lulled by the rhythmic movement under his hand.
The next morning he had rolled over and curled around Ezra, the feeling of a body pressed against his own intensely gratifying. It was one of the things he missed the most, the feeling of waking with another warm body just inches away.
Pressing a kiss to Ezra's shoulder he had let his hands wander, fingers tracing the lines of muscle he knew well. He traced the line from Ezra's appendectomy scar, hand dragging to Ezra's thigh, touching the thick muscle there. Pressing another kiss to the smooth shoulder Chris cupped his hand over Ezra's knee, content to simply lay there and feel. Part of him had wanted to simply call in and spend the entire day with Ezra but duty had won out.
Slipping from the bed he had showered and changed into some of his clothing that had some how taken up residence in Ezra's dresser. By the time he was ready to leave Ezra had woken and been watching him from the bed with hooded eyes. It had been so easy to cross to the bed and steal another kiss. There had been hesitation on Ezra's part, as if he wasn't quite sure before strong hands had pulled him closer.
Reacting he had pushed closer, taking control of the kiss, one hand planted in the pillows, his other hand traveling lower to pinch a nipple before moving down, teasing the surprisingly sensitive skin surrounding Ezra's navel.
Pulling away had been hard, each inch requiring a kiss, another touch of skin.
Looking back he could see that little bit of hesitation that morning, combined with Ezra's withdrawal had been indicators of a much larger problem. And like a moron he had let it go. Pressing his palms against his eyes he paused in his pacing, trying to think.
Buck rested his hand over Vin's and squeezed, seeing the same thing his lover did. They both had reading Chris down to a fine art and while it wouldn't look like much to an outsider Chris body position showed them many things. Anger, loneliness, fear, and the slight tilt to his shoulders Buck had seen only once, after the explosion, a sure sign his oldest friend was miserable about something.
Raising Vin's hand Buck brushed a kiss across the knuckles before surging to his feet. "Well Chris, there's only one thing we can do in a situation like this."
He waited until Chris met his eyes before continuing. "First thing to do, is break it off with Mary. I'm fine with sharin' the love around, but not after committing like you obviously did with Ez. And jerking her around isn't fair either. Second, you need to find Ezra and tell him you love him."
Ignoring the flinch and hard glare he got from Chris at his words he looked at Vin. His lover was nodding and he knew they were on the same track. They both knew Chris was in love with Ezra, even if Chris wouldn't admit to it. They had been out at the shooting range one evening when Vin had casually brought it as he'd been reloading his clip. Knowing his lover spent a lot of time watching people he had started watching Ezra when the team had been together. The looks had been there. Ezra's letter and Chris almost palpable anguish had been enough to fill the blanks in.
"Vin, why don't you get Chris home and get the horses taken care of for right now. I'll call JD and tell him to see if he can track down where Ezra went. It shouldn't be hard to find him since he isn't really hiding from us." He waved a hand at the glare Chris had aimed at him. "Not going to tell him anything he doesn't need to know. Just going to tell him that Ezra took a little break and we just want to know in case something blows up."
-----
"How long have you known?"
Vin glanced at Chris, surprised that he had felt the need to break the silence. After Buck had taken charge at the apartment nothing else had been said. Looking back to the road for a moment he returned his gaze to Chris. Chris was resting his head against the window. His eyes were closed and he looked older, the lines around his mouth and eyes more pronounced in his sorrow.
"I didn't actually know until today. But I've suspected for about six months now. Ezra isn't so good at hiding when he's had a little too much to drink and thinks no one is looking."
He turned onto Chris driveway, slowing down slightly to give them some more time. "How long have you known Ezra was in love with you?"
Chris didn't flinch but sighed heavily. "Nine months. I was trying to ignore it."
"Why?" The word slipped out of his mouth without thought. In all the years he'd known Chris he hadn't pried once, but this was different. Ezra's future with the team was at stake and Vin wasn't willing to risk that, even in the face of Chris ire for interfering.
Chris' hand curled into a fist, his knuckles turning white. "Because I'm an idiot."
Silence descended and no further words were exchanged. The moment Vin had the Jeep in park Chris had the door open and was out, limping his way towards the back door. Vin waited until Chris was inside before he made his way into the barn, smiling when he saw the seven equine heads hanging over the stall doors.
It was easy to fall into the rhythm of getting the hay broken into flakes and tossed into mangers. Sweet feed and water came next and it gave him a chance to get a comb and hoof pick from the tack room. The team managed to get out to the ranch at least three or four times a week to see to their respective mounts, but most of the daily care fell to him, Chris and Buck.
Vin didn't mind caring for the others' horses because it was something he enjoyed doing and the time alone in the barn with only the animals for company was relaxing and allowed him time to think.
Ezra's horse was always the first one done eating, something that never ceased to amuse Vin when compared with his owners own picky eating habits. One by one he gave each horse a cursory combing and checked their hoofs before turning them out into the corral which in turn opened into a small pasture.
An hour later he had the stalls cleaned out with new straw down. The sun was halfway through its climb to zenith as Vin crossed the gravel to the house. Once inside he washed his hands at the kitchen sink and drained a glass of water. The water in the upstairs bathroom shut off as he put the glass in the half full dishwasher and he headed upstairs, wanting to check on Chris before he took off.
Vin stood in the doorway to the master bedroom, not ready to break the silence. Chris was sitting on the bed in a pair of grey knit shorts that had seen better days, water beaded on his shoulders and chest, his hair slicked back. With the ease of long practice he got the long graze on his inner thigh covered again before looking up to meet Vin's eyes.
"I got the horses fed and their stalls cleaned out. I refilled their bins with hay. I figured you'd be able to get them back in and deal with the sweet feed yourself."
Chris nodded as he pulled a worn T-shirt on. "Nothing is going on this weekend. I'm going to Mary's on Sunday."
Vin straightened up from his slouch. "Okay. You want we should call SWAT?" Warmth curled in his stomach when a hint of a grin flickered across Chris face. "I'm heading out."
A nod was his only answer and Vin left, knowing he was probably lucky to have even gotten that much acknowledgment. He locked the door on his way out and with a last glance at the house he slid into his Jeep.
His phone rang as he neared the edge of town and he answered it without glancing at the display. "Tanner."
"Hey darlin' how do you feel about a trip to Chicago next weekend?"
Vin pulled into a gas station parking lot and shut the engine off, leaning back in the seat. Buck had a tendency to be distracting while he was in the car. Driving while on the phone with him was a death wish. "I'm impressed JD found him that fast."
Buck's laugh was a welcome sound after the mornings showdown. "I wont tell the kid you said that. He'd be offended that you thought so little of his abilities. And he said Ez wasn't that hard to find. Only one Ezra Standish in Denver and only one that flew out late last night, bound for Chicago." Buck's voice dropped, low and husky, the way it did only when he was trying for seduction. "Besides, it'll give us a chance for a little time away from the others."
Switching his phone to the other side Vin tugged at the bottom of his coat. "Should've known you'd try to find the silver linin' in Chris chasin' Ezra off. Chris is gonna talk to Mary tomorrow."
Then well be there. Hes going to need the moral support whether he thinks it or not
-----
Mary pulled her wrap tighter as she made her way to the front door, brows drawn together in confusion. Billy was with his grandparents and would be until later that afternoon. No one else had any reason to be knocking on her door at nine o'clock on a Sunday morning.
She opened the door, smiling when she saw Chris. "Chris! I wasn't expecting to see you until Thursday, especially after I heard you'd been hurt." Her eyes darted to where Buck's truck was parked, Buck and Vin leaning against it. "Why are they here?"
"The team seems to think I'm not trusted to be alone in public when I'm in pain. We need to talk."
Stepping back Mary opened the door wider to allow Chris in. From the beginning for their relationship she had pushed for more time with him and had only given up after four months and several snapped replies from Chris. It hadn't stopped her from wanting more, and now, on a Sunday morning with Chris in her home, having more seemed possible.
"I won't be coming by on Thursday."
"Oh. Well, I suppose you still have some clean up to do with that last case." She glanced at him, a slight smile curling her lips as she twisted the hem of her wrap. "I suppose we could just spend two evenings together in a couple of weeks."
Fighting the urge to jingle his keys Chris met her eyes. "I wont be coming by then either. There won't be another time Mary. We're done and there's someone else in the picture."
Mary stared at Chris, not quite sure what to make of his words. "What do you mean there is someone else? Have you been cheating on me? How long?"
"If I've been cheating on anyone its my lover and as long as we've been spending time together."
"I- Who-." Mary drew her wrap closer in an attempt to ward off the coldness she could feel seeping into her bones. "Is it anyone I know?"
Eyes narrowed Chris took in her fidgeting, the subdued curve of her shoulders. He wasn't surprised that Mary was prying for more information. It was part of who she was but Chris wasn't going to give her any. What was between he and Ezra was their business and it would stay that way.
They had managed to keep their personal life from crossing the boundary into their working conditions. He hated sending Ezra undercover, but he had felt that way even before they had started sleeping together. It was a necessary evil, but that didn't mean he had to like it. There were too many things that could go wrong when someone was undercover and anyone who worked undercover or knew someone who worked undercover had all heard the horror stories of those who had been found out. People who had been brutally tortured and murdered their bodies left to be found in dirty alleys or ditches. The people who had been brutally tortured and disfigured but left alive to serve as a warning against trying to infiltrate again.
"It doesn't matter who it is Mary." Knowing it was as clean of a break as he could make given the circumstances he inclined his head and brushed past her.
Chris paused on the doorstep, the cool fall air icy against his cheeks. Mary's level head had been one of the things that had drawn him to her and he was glad of it. The last thing he had wanted was a big blow up and while he hadn't given Mary a chance to get angry, she hadn't shown any signs of becoming irrational.
"No shotgun?"
Clearing the stoop he glanced at Buck, who had moved to lean against the Ram. "No shotgun."
Buck grinned. "Good. I'd hate to have to explain to Travis why you had a hole in you from his daughter-in-law." His grin dropped away. "How'd she take it?"
"How would you feel if you found out Vin was cheating on your after nearly a year together?" Chris jingled his keys, wanting to get back to the ranch and take care of the horses, to bury everything in hard work and sweat.
Clapping his hand on Chris shoulder Buck squeezed. "JD tracked Ezra up to Chicago. Vin and I were planning on heading there next weekend. I figure if he hears about you breaking up with Mary from us first maybe it'll make him more willing to listen to you later. And I'm thinking he might be mad enough to shoot you right now."
Chris nodded his weariness overwhelming.
