The heat crept slowly into her lungs with every breath she took. There was steam all around her and the lights were dark yet gleamed with a stronger intensity then usual. There was smoke all around her but this time, she didn't have noises to wake her up or her father to save her. Her eyes flashed open and she found herself on a mysterious wood floor.
She couldn't breathe any longer.
It was when Alexandra Udinov awoke in a portable sauna that she'd mistaken for another fire that she found herself face to face with a woman who looked strangely familiar.
To Nikita's knowledge, this was their 3rd introduction. The first time was during the fire, the second when she had grabbed Alex from the dealers the other day and the third one was now. It was the only one Alex would likely remember and Nikita preferred it that way.
Sauntering over with a distinct air of nonchalance, Nikita went over to the panicking girl to get a better look.
"Help! HELP!" Alex banged on the sauna's window until she bruised her wrist.
"Just relax Alex, breathe, in and out". She continued walking closer to the junkie—they were all like that at first she noted. Scared, angry and hungry for whatever drug had drawn them into their misery in the first place. She herself had been exactly like that.
"Let me out of here! Let me out!" She had started wiping the window both anxious to leave the sauna and take a good look at her kidnapper's face.
"I will, I promise. For now just breathe".
After a few deep breaths the girl quieted down and looked her over.
"Who are you?" The girl paused waiting for an answer but couldn't resist asking another question. "Where am I?"
"We're at my place. I'm a friend".
"Well if you were a friend then you'd let me out of this closet."
The junkie negotiates her way out of the one thing that'll get her clean so she can go and get more of what landed her here in the first place. Smart. But, I've seen this too many times.
"It's not a closet… it's a portable sauna. I built it myself."
Nikita paused. That was supposed to sound like an accomplishment rather, I sound slightly like a serial killer. Oops.
"It's going to help you get clean."
Yeah, like adding that in will make me sound less creepy.
Alex hit the glass. "Why are you doing this?"
Nikita rolled her eyes and regained her composure.
"Let's call it a gift."
"I know how to get clean okay? I know how to get clean I need to come down easy, okay?" Her voice grew weaker while her body was clearly running on a last resort.
"There is no easy way down" And you don't know how to get clean. Hell, the fact that you just repeated your last sentence with an emphasis on 'okay' tells me you have absolutely no clue what you're doing.
"I don't need a sauna, I need a hit!" She banged on the glass again. Her hits had gotten weaker and she was loosing her strength fast. For good measure, Nikita had put in a weather resistant box, which held about 3 gallons worth of ice water.
Hopefully, she'll notice it soon and I'll look less like I'm trying to kill her.
"It's very rude to question a gift, you know".
"Please… please…" The girl circled herself in the sauna looking for a way out. "I'm going to die in here".
"Look I know it hurts, okay? Your nose won't stop running. Stomach's cramping, you feel like your head's gonna fall off. Believe me, I know." She paused. She had to be truthful; this girl's whole life was a lie. "I only promise you one thing, it's going to get worse, before it gets better."
Alex grimaced in anger with a distinct flash of disappointment in her eyes.
Nikita began walking away and with that the girls feeling of abandonments were running back to her. She wiped the sauna door to see where she would go. She hated that woman's company and yet, it was all she had. She hated being alone. She had been alone her entire life. In a desperate hope that she would come back Alex banged on the glass harder and faster then she had before.
"No! No… no!" Come back… come… back. She felt sluggish. She looked around and saw a silver box and with that discovered the water. After rehydrating herself as much as she could, she closed the lid to the box and collapsed in a heap.
In the kitchen Nikita leaned back on the counter. It was hard seeing Alex so deep in trouble and acting so helpless. To her dismay, it brought back her darkest memories. She hadn't even been able to stay and explain the sauna to the girl. She had walked out of the room as fast as she could so the girl wouldn't see her cry.
"So this is what it's like on the other side of the looking glass," she muttered under her breath. For a brief minute, Nikita contemplated the prospect of running away from the girl and moving to a remote island where no one would find her. She shook her head and took a sip of her veggie shake.
No… it's time I stop running. It's time I deal with my past and just stop ignoring everything that's happened. The more I run the easier it'll be for others to break me.
Ever since Daniel had died, Nikita had plunged herself into her plan to take down division. She hadn't once stopped to reflect on anything and ignored her feelings the whole time. Amanda had once let Nikita in on the way she exploited new recruits and she vividly remembered how it had worked on her as well. "You look at what they avoid and what they're running from and use it against them. The recruits are always empty shells with problems. By talking about these problems and learning their secrets, you make it seem as though you're their confidant and their allegiance turns to you. It's simple, really. You fill the shell up and they become a bullet that you can use."
It wouldn't work on her anymore. She would deal with her past and simultaneously help Alex deal with hers. She didn't need the girl's companionship or affection but she wanted to help her move on. She'd work with Alex and build her up piece by piece while she brought division down one mission at a time.
