Disclaimer: I do not own Miraculous Ladybug
Author's note: Hello and welcome to my story. This fic will have a lot of angst. If you don't like that, the back button is always available. Okay. Now that everyone who doesn't want to read this is gone, lets get started.
There will also be a lot of fluff. Lots and lots of fluff.
"I don't want to go." Adrien said. He shuffled over in bed, holding his arms over his eyes to shield himself from the burning glare of the sun. Whose idea was it to create windows? All it did was bring unnecessary and painful light to ultra sensitive eyes, and Adrien found himself wearing sunglasses half the time.
"You always want to go to school." Nathalie said.
Adrien half heartedly threw his extra pillow at her. He didn't see where it hit, but doubted he made the target.
"That just means that when I do want to stay, I have good reason."
Was watching an Akumatized victim kill someone a good enough reason? He felt like it was. Ladybug reassured him it was. She even said she wasn't going in for school or work for another week. Did that mean he was off the hook?
No. Ladybug's actions weren't his own. Just because witnessing a murder got her out of school didn't mean it gave him an excuse to skip.
His dad would never let him, anyways.
But he did feel sick. He came home past midnight and vomited for hours, replaying the exact moment the knife dug into a bystander's gut. No doubt he was dehydrated. Probably starving too. The headache pounding through his ears didn't help matters either.
"You've gone to school sick before. Why is this time different?" Nathalie said. He opened her eyes a crack, seeing her towering body stand above him with arms crossed and a glare behind her glasses. She might as well have been his nanny at this point, except more indifferent and bossy. His dad's lab assistant. It was her job to fix his schedule and make up for mistakes his father made. That meant handling Adrien when his father couldn't.
Like now, after he watched someone die. Adrien couldn't say anything without giving up his masked identity, yet he had to act normal lest they suspect him of hating public school.
His father would be happy to have him homeschooled again. He couldn't lead him to believe Adrien hated public school.
"I was throwing up all night, Nathalie. Just tell dad I'm sick or something. Make it believable too. I don't want to skip. I just can't go today."
She looked to her watch. "I can try. But be ready in case he makes you go anyways."
He followed her instructions, doing the bare necessity as he felt his stomach knot up again. He curled into himself on his bed, closing his eyes as he waited for the nausea to settle.
He hoped Ladybug handled this better than him. Lord only knew one of them needed to stay sane.
Nathalie came back with the shake of her head, a familiar frown adorning her face. He groaned, banging his head against the bed. "Seriously?" He said. Nathalie only ever shook her head at him when his father refused one of Adrien's request. She never used words. It wasn't her style. But he'd known her long enough to understand her gestures. "But I can't go today."
All those people watching him. Chloe suffocating him with hugs and kisses. Marinette stumbling over her words. Alya's feisty obsession with Ladybug. Nino's hatred for his father. Adrien couldn't handle it today. Those things were normal. But yesterday was not. The police recommended they both take a day off, and even as they said it he knew he couldn't. But still he tried with the hope his father would let him. A break from yesterday would be heaven. A day to feel sick and wallow in misery and frown. What more could he ask for?
Too much, apparently. One day of relaxation was too risky for his father.
"I did try, Adrien. You'll have to take this up with your dad yourself if you want a better chance of convincing him."
He ended up not trying at all. Even if Adrien was leaning over the toilet bowl and puking his guts out, his father would still make him go. There was no amount of stress or illness that could force a day of rest. Business and work was all that mattered in the Agreste household. Photoshoots. Clothing lines. Employers. Marketing tactics. Modeling. Money management. All of it took priority over health. Nothing was more important.
Not even Adrien.
His father didn't care at all.
Work was all that mattered.
His chauffeur, who Adrien had named gorilla, stopped at the school. His stomach had calmed to a certain degree, but the sweat on his palms showed more sign of anxiety than the aching of his head. He saw people filing in the doors, each either smiling or frowning or laughing or crying. Everyone had their own problems. Adrien's problems were one of many. He could walk in there and pretend a person wasn't dead because of him. He could tolerate Chloe's clinginess and Marinette's awkwardness. It was easy. It was simple. He'd gone to school sick before. This was nothing. So what if a person died? If wasn't as if they meant anything to him. It was a stranger, someone that didn't matter to him. Ladybug and Chat Noir should have protected him, but they hadn't. They failed. It mattered and it didn't.
Adrien could do this. School wasn't so hard.
He went to school for the purpose of escaping home, right? Now he was going to forget that someone died because of him.
Chat Noir failed.
He and Ladybug were all over the news. A murder like that was made international overnight.
After all, they were the heroes of Paris, not the failures.
Until yesterday, that was.
"See you after school, Gorilla." Adrien said with a wave. He took a deep breath, opened the door, and stepped into the warm air.
He could do this. School was easy.
His stomach twisted once more.
Marinette didn't show up.
That was the first thing he noticed. The second was that Nino was talking to him.
"What'd you say?" Adrien asked. Nino's smile lit his face. He had his palm in his cheek, eyes lidded in exhaustion. Class hadn't even started and he was ready to collapse. Maybe if he slept in class, his father would get word and finally pay attention.
Maybe he'd forget that someone was dead.
"I think Marinette likes you." Nino said, "Maybe you should ask her out."
"I don't think that true." Adrien said. "Besides, I've got my eyes on someone else."
Nino face palmed, looking at him like he was an idiot. "Ladybug doesn't count, Adrien. Her fame surpasses yours. I doubt she'd give you the time of day."
She already does.
"Well, I think I have a chance."
Chat Noir certainly did. At least when he wasn't getting people killed. Ladybug may see his flirtatious attitude as a joke, but one day she'd take him seriously. One day she'd realized his feelings rang true. Until then, he was happy with friendship. Adrien however, truly didn't stand a chance. Compared to Ladybug, he was nothing. A model? Yeah right. Ladybug would do way better. Not to mention she was far nicer. No. Adrien had nothing compared to Ladybug.
But Chat Noir was her partner. Chat Noir could pine after her and hope for requited feelings.
Not that she would ever love him back at this rate.
"Dude. She's ladybug. I doubt she'll date anyone who doesn't have at least similar skills as her."
"Just proves that I've got a chance."
Nino's eye twitched. He threw his hands up in the air. "I give up. You are hopelessly in love with her, aren't you?"
"You don't know the half of it, man."
"What happened today?" Ladybug said. It had been two weeks since a person died. No one else lost their life. He and Ladybug talked things out in case hawkmoth went that far again. Luckily, he hadn't.
There was still a lot of angst over what happened, but for the most part, Adrien blocked it out. Forgot it ever happened. It was easier that way. The nausea subsided and he could function properly. Forgetting was easier than dealing. Everything went back to normal. Though Ladybug had acted rather erratically that first week.
They only commented of their strange behavior when it disrupted their ability to fight. Right now, for example, the Akuma flew away purified, but Adrien had gotten distracted for reasons not related to the corpse.
Ladybug knew something was off. How could she not? As superheroes, they needed to recover quickly and get back to fighting without any personal distractions in the way. Witnessed a murder? Getting over it within days was the solution or someone else would die.
They couldn't afford to cry for too long. It would hinder their ability and Hawkmoth would win.
"What do you mean?" He said.
He tried to pretend the bruise at his side didn't exist. He suspected it was a broken rib. His breathing was labored and the pain was searing. Plagg would heal it as usual. But he might suffer breathing pains for a couple of days.
Not that his father would notice.
"You were off your game." Ladybug crossed her arms. "Is something wrong? You haven't made any cat puns."
He narrowed his eyes. He should be happy that she was worried. On any normal day, he'd be ecstatic. Ladybug worried about him? It was a dream come true.
But today was not a normal day. He found himself irritated at everything. Not because Hawkmoth killed. That he could forget. No. He was irritated because his father was irritated. Today was a day neither father nor son wanted to acknowledge. It figured an Akuma would attack on this particular day.
He scowled, eyes narrowed into a glare. "It's none of your business." He said.
His father had ignored him on a day when Adrien needed him most. Nathalie was the only person around, but she was so indifferent she hardly counted.
He didn't want to go to school again today. He wasn't sick this time, but his emotional capacity was at its limit. Nathalie refused to listen this time. She had to drag him out the door with the threat of calling his dad. She was bluffing, of course. Dad didn't want to be disturbed, and it was Adrien that made the call. He wanted his dad to let him stay home. Surely he'd understand. It was their mother's birthday, after all, and she wasn't here to celebrate it.
She was somewhere in the world.
Gone forever.
Lost.
Dead.
Injured.
He didn't know. All Adrien knew was that she was gone and it was her birthday.
Nathalie had tried to take the phone from him, but he ran to the bathroom, locked the door, found the button labeled 'father' and waited for an answer.
He ignored Nathalie's screams for him to come out as the line rang.
It went to voicemail.
It put him in such a foul mood that even Nino left him alone.
Ladybug scrunched her nose at him, head cocking as she tried to figure out why he was so angry. It was none of her business. She didn't want their identities revealed. Telling her about mom was one step in the direction of revelation. "You've got a temper today. Something cat related, I hope. Doesn't the lord of cat puns have any jokes to tell?"
Her voice was light, but the undertone of worry left him feeling guilty. She punched his arm with a smile, trying her best to lighten his mood. Ladybug deserved none of his anger. She was sweet and kind and smart and nothing like the failure he was.
Her parents must be glad to have her.
His mom used to dote on him. She made his favorite french toast every morning until she died. His father used to laugh and play and talk. He hadn't known how lucky he was until she was gone.
He still remembered coming downstairs to see empty plates and no breakfast the day after she disappeared.
His father ignored him that day too.
Ladybug frowned when he gave no response. The beep of her earrings and his ring signified two minutes left. They spent enough time here as it was. Any longer and their identities might be revealed.
He wouldn't mind her knowing him. But she minded him knowing her.
"We should get going." Adrien said.
"Meet me tonight? On the Eiffel Tower?"
Tonight wasn't one of the nights where they patrolled the city. It was Tuesday, a day when relaxation and sleep were valued for sanity's sake.
"Sure. See you then." He said.
It wasn't a typical night on the tower.
The stars shone brightly down, glimmering and shimmering like jewels reflecting the sun. The moon was high in the sky, a silhouette of silver that made Ladybug's hair glisten. The air was chilly. Not cold. Ladybug seemed comfortable enough. He didn't think he needed to run home to get a jacket for her.
Everything seemed normal. But the moment Adrien stepped foot beside her, Ladybug had gone into lecture mode.
"The point is…" she said, "we can't have you messing up like that again. That bruise on your side." She jabbed a finger into his ribs. He recoiled and pressed his hands to his side, breathing deeply as his stomach stabbed needles into him. "Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." Her brows furrowed. "But you got that because you weren't paying attention. At all. During the entire fight. I get that someone died. I'm still upset over it. But we can't afford to get distracted. We save people, remember? More people get hurt when we mess up."
Adrien stood there with hunched shoulders and cat ears pulled back. Her voice got softer the more she talked, and it was so different from his dad's lectures that he didn't know what to do.
"Yeah. I know. But that's not why I was distracted today." He ran his hand through his hair. "I just wish there was someone to talk to, you know? It's not even a hero problem. But I don't think anyone will listen."
In truth, there were a million people. Chloe would happily listen to his every word, but she'd dismiss his problems as petty. He didn't feel comfortable confiding in Marinette just yet. They weren't that close, and she always ran away from him. Nino would go into judgment mode because he hated Adrien's dad enough as it was. Nathalie was indifferent. Dad ignored him. His chauffeur stood silently and drove him to any destination.
There was no one that would listen. No one to talk to. No one that wouldn't judge him.
"No one?" Ladybug said, "at all? Family? friends? Acquaintances?"
Adrien shook his head. He leaned against the rail. "No one that won't judge me."
Ladybug would never judge him.
"Except you." He said, "but it's a personal problem. And it probably won't happen for another year." Unless dad keeps ignoring me. "I won't get distracted in battle again. We can't afford that."
Ladybug cocked her head. There was nothing to say she was relieved to hear it was a temporary problem. Her posture was tense, lips curved into a frown. Blue eyes squinted at him, as if trying to see further than his skin. Shouldn't she be happy? There wouldn't be any more problems. Today was a one time thing. She should be ecstatic to learn that. So why wasn't she?
"That's… kind of sad. I'd suffocate if I had no one to talk to." She said.
Adrien shrugged. "I've gotten used to it. Beautiful night, isn't it? The stars are gorgeous."
His cat ears twitched, listening for the chirp of bugs mingling to make song. Ladybug scooted closer to him. There was no adrenaline rush or excitement. It was just them. Ladybug and Cat Noir. Two superheroes. Both alike in prowess yet different in personality.
Her looked at her, memorizing every detail of her face as she looked to the sky. She was every bit as graceful and perfect as she was everyday.
"I don't mind if you talk to me." She said, "just don't give me your name or anything. I'm always here for you, you know? No matter what."
He was perfectly fine being friends, because without that, there would be nothing between them.
And friendship was better than nothing.
"Yeah. Okay. Maybe not tonight, though. It's been a long day. I kind of just want to relax now."
"I know that feeling. Too bad I've got so much homework. There's hardly any time for anything."
"Homework's the worst. But at least I know milady suffers the same fate as me."
She pushed him to the side, eyes lighting with playfulness. "Shut up, kitty. That just means neither of us gets a lot of free time. It's not a good thing."
"I think it is. Who knows? Maybe we even go to the same school."
"Not likely."
Adrien smiled. It was nights like these that he loved. Both of them could just relax and talk, forgetting about the problems of day to day life.
It was her that he loved. More than anything else in the world.
So, how was it? Good, I hope. The romance will be coming in later in the fic, but we'll get some slow burn before then.
