Sometimes Inuyasha wondered what life would have been like if his parents had lived. He didn't do it often. It was usually on new moon nights, as he huddled in whatever cave or abandoned hut he could find.
Those dreams were painful, but they were beautiful, too. He knew he shouldn't wish for things that would never happen. He was a hanyou. Life didn't end happily for a hanyou.
But dreams were all he had now.
So the preteen curled up in the corner of a somewhat dry cave, not daring to sleep even though losing his youki made him as weak and exhaustible as any human, and tried to pretend he was somewhere safe, warm, and happy. Somewhere where he wasn't alone.
As he thought of might-have-beens, the rain pattered. He didn't even notice that his eyes had closed. Slowly, softly, his mind drifted away from the cold and wet, leaving behind the fear and loneliness.
—
Inuyasha woke with the surge of youki as the night of the new moon ended. He groaned and rolled over, burying his face in his futon. The night may be over, but it was still too early to be up. He snuggled under the blankets and fell back asleep.
A while later, he heard light footsteps heading towards his room and knew his mother was coming to get him for breakfast. He sighed. Couldn't he just sleep?
Sure enough, the door slid open and his mother came over, knelt beside him, and rubbed his ears. He hummed happily. Ear rubs were the best. "Inu-chan," she said softly. "It's time to get up."
He grunted and sat up. His mother was smiling at him and he couldn't help but smile back.
"Did you sleep alright?" she asked.
He nodded, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah. Woke up once the moon set, though. It's always surprises me."
She smiled and stood, brushing off the front of her dress. "Well, at least you can sleep through the new moon now," she said, her eyes twinkling.
Inuyasha felt his cheeks heat up. "Mother, I'm not a kid anymore."
She laughed. "Of course not, Inu-chan. Now come on, we're waiting for you."
Breakfast was a quiet affair, as usual. Mornings were peaceful in their home, a time to enjoy each other's company before the day. Since their servants were youkai, they knew how to be quiet enough not to disturb sensitive Inu youkai hearing, and it was just a time for the small family to be together.
Once they had finished, his mother and younger sister, Tsukiko, left to do whatever it was they did during the day. He followed his father outside.
"Son, I think it's time you had your own sword," his father said as they walked down the path to the stables.
Inuyasha nearly tripped. "A sword? What for?" Swords were for war, for fighting. The most fighting he'd ever done was play-sparring with his father and pretending to lose a wrestling match to his sister. What could he possibly need a sword for?
His father sighed. "The world is not always a peaceful place, Inuyasha. And while you are safe here, elsewhere is not as safe for hanyou."
Inuyasha frowned. "Well, I just won't leave, then."
His father laughed, throwing his head back. While Inuyasha usually loved hearing his father laugh, he didn't enjoy being laughed at. He scowled and stalked forward.
He reached the stables and walked over to his dragon-steed, Kazu-Ki, petting their scaly noses, trying to calm down. They huffed and butted their heads against his shoulders, and he led them out of the stable so they could eat and roam.
His father had caught up with him by then and laid a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Forgive me, son. I was surprised. I can't imagine you'd want to spend the rest of your days here with a whole world to explore, and I want you to be prepared."
Inuyasha sighed. "I know. I get it. I just…why? Why fighting, why hatred, why…"
His father was silent. They watched Kazu-Ki as they galloped to the tree line, chasing a small animal.
Eventually, his father let out a breath, sounding more tired than Inuyasha had ever heard him. "I don't know. I wish I could tell you I did. Perhaps fear, or selfishness, or malice. Jealousy, maybe. Or just tradition." He snarled a bit as he listed off tradition, and Inuyasha looked up to see that his normally smooth cheek-stripes had gone jagged.
"Father," Inuyasha said, laying a hand on his arm.
Intense gold eyes met his own. After a moment, his father asked, "Have I ever told you what happened after your mother and I married?"
Inuyasha shook his head slowly. "No. Didn't you come to live here?" He suspected that it wasn't the case, since his father had brought it up now, but he wanted to be sure.
His father turned his gaze back towards the forest. "Her family cut her off for marrying me. Threw her out of their home, out of their village. I'm sure they would have tried to kill her if they'd known she was pregnant."
Inuyasha didn't know what to say. His mother was a happy woman, he thought. She had mentioned her family being unhappy about her marrying Touga, since he was a demon, but they had thrown her out?
After a moment, though, he grinned. He knew some things about the world. "She was already pregnant, huh?"
He had the rare opportunity to see his father flustered, his ears turning red and refusing to meet his eyes. They returned to the house after that, no more revelations forthcoming.
Inuyasha followed the scents of his mother and sister to the room they kept books and instruments. The shoji was pulled back before he could touch it and Tsukiko launched herself at him in a very un-ladylike way.
He laughed and let himself fall over, even though her impact hadn't actually done much of anything. She was still a small thing, half his age and size.
He heard his mother sigh and he grinned. She kept trying to teach Tsukiko how to act like a princess, or at least a civilized individual. The little girl would listen with her black puppy ears turned forward, the picture of studiousness, but as soon as the opportunity presented itself, she was right back to acting however she wanted, all lessons disregarded.
Just like him. Hah.
Tsukiko was growling at him (it was hilariously adorable) and he growled back, making sure to keep the smile on his face so she would know he was playing and not upset. She giggled and scrambled off of him, running down the hall, obviously hoping he would chase her.
But the sight of his mother, still kneeling, eyes downcast, stopped him. "Mother?" he asked quietly, stepping into the room.
She looked up with a smile, but he could smell the salt of her tears. He hurried to kneel in front of her. "Mother, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
She sniffed and let the smile drop. "Darn noses of yours. I can't hide anything around here." She tapped his sensitive nose with a finger, then reached up to scratch one of his ears. "Yes, I'm alright. Just being a mother, that's all. We're allowed to worry sometimes."
They sat in silence and Inuyasha bit his lip. Would his mother tell him more about what happened after she married his father? Might as well try.
"Mother, I was wondering…"
"Hmm?"
"What happened after you married father?"
She stopped scratching, stared at him for a moment, then shot an scowl in the general direction of the study. She mumbled under her breath something about "that man" and "busybody." She turned back to him. "What would you like to know?" She didn't sound incredibly enthused.
He shrugged, kind of regretting asking but already committed. "Just…father said your family…" With a sigh, her shoulders slumped. Inuyasha immediately felt like the worst son in the world. "It's alright, you don't have to tell me," he said, ready to run as far as he could.
Her big grey eyes caught his, though, and he stayed. "I wish it was different," she said softly. "I wish we didn't have to hide here."
Hide? What?
"My family was…angry. Very angry. I was just about to have you when it came to light that you weren't the child of the man my father had picked out for me." She smiled and cupped his cheek in her hand, then smirked. "Thank the gods, too, because he was awful." Her hands fell back to her lap and she seemed to focus on something without seeing it, lost in the past. "Touga came just in time," she continued, even quieter than before. "That…man, that bastard—"
Inuyasha's eyebrows went up. He'd never heard her swear before.
"—he set a trap for Touga, with me as the bait." She blinked hard and Inuyasha could smell the salt of tears again. "I couldn't run. My family, they all left, left for some cousins house like it was a vacation. My nurse stayed, at least, to make sure I would be okay if I gave birth, and he…"
Inuyasha had the feeling his mother had forgotten who she was talking to, but he didn't dare interrupt. In the hall, he heard the near-silent steps of his father. He stopped within hearing range, and Inuyasha returned his focus to his trembling mother.
"…he killed her, right in the walkway, without an ounce of compassion or humanity. He would have killed me, too, if Touga had been any later."
Inuyasha's hands automatically reached out to comfort his mother, but he didn't know what to do. She'd nearly died because of him. He couldn't bear it.
She took a deep breath and steadied herself. "And then we came here, a place your father had been preparing for us. Here we've been ever since. I have no doubt that…that man would be angry with us and pursue us, even now, if he were to find us, so we stay here, where it's safe."
Inuyasha's father came into the room. He looked…angry?
"I thought we agreed on this, Izayoi," he said, shoulders stiff. "It's time for Inuyasha to see the world, to get a sword, to train."
His mother turned her head away, hands clutching the silk of her kimono. "For what? To fight against a world that won't accept him? He's too young."
Inuyasha flinched a little, then started retreating from the room. He'd never seen his parents argue. He didn't like it. He made it into the hallway without them noticing, then turned and fled.
He nearly bowled over Tsukiko as he rounded a corner. She was sitting and playing with a doll. She looked up with big gold eyes. "Brother?"
He hurried past her and out of the house, through the expansive fields and into the forest, running as fast as he could.
Thunder rumbled and he heard rain falling on the trees above him. He ran as far as he'd ever run, right up to the edge of his father's territory. He hesitated only a moment.
Thunder crashed as he leaped over and into the unknown.
—
Inuyasha woke with the surge of youki as the night of the new moon ended. The rain hadn't stopped and it was still thundering.
He frowned. Why had he slept in a cave? His mother must be so worried.
And then he remembered his parents were dead, he had no siblings (none that wanted him, anyways), and he was about as alone as he could be.
Cursing the loss of his youkai strength, Inuyasha curled up and cried.
