Chapter One: Just Fuck Me Up


A popping noise woke Kakashi up in the middle of the night. He jumped out of bed ready for an ANBU member to tell him to report to the hokage. Instead, there was a flash of light and suddenly it was… morning?

Exhaustion hit.

He was not in his apartment.

For about two seconds, he observed his surroundings as best he could. There was a television showing some sort of drawn characters, a dark brown couch, a low table, an opening to the kitchen - there was a person in that kitchen. That person was a woman. She was screaming.

Pan: caught; breakfast: saved.

Fuck pain. Ow. Ow.

Kakashi collapsed into darkness.


Saturday mornings always followed a certain routine: wake up, do some sun salutations, stretch, turn on cartoons, and make pancakes. Even after she began living by herself, Keira followed the routine her dad set forth when she was young. Every Saturday held a special place in her heart, tugging at the nostalgic strings of childhood memory.

Keira rolled out of bed and performed her sun salutations, saying hello to the sun that peeked through her translucent, white shades that covered her half-open bedroom window. Books littered her apartment, advertising her favorite hobby to anyone who was around and forcing her to shove some out of the way for her morning stretches. Before stretching, Keira shoved her dark brown hair into a messy bun to keep it up and out of the way.

Meandering through the living room, Keira turned on Tom and Jerry, and continued on into the kitchen. Lucky for her, her apartment had an open concept design, so she could peer into the living room – to watch her cartoons – while making pancakes.

The window in her kitchen let the morning sunlight dapple the tiles peacefully, a welcome change from the hectic school year that just ended. Keira had just finished her first year at medical school, and she was looking forward to a relaxing break. Despite the general agreement that staying at school and doing research during the short summer was the practical thing to do for an aspiring doctor, she had been planning to go down south to help her nana move into a retired living community.

While flipping the pancake in the pan with one hand, Keira covered her yawning mouth with the other.

A loud pop from her living room overtook the other noises in her apartment for a moment.

Snapping to attention halfway through her yawn, Keira whipped her head around to peer into the living room from her place in front of the cooktop in the kitchen.

There was a man. There was a man in her apartment. There was a man in the middle of her third floor apartment.

Like any sensible girl that lived alone, she screamed and threw the pan – with her breakfast still in it – at the offender. He seemed a bit unsteady, but still managed to grab the pan out of the air in a carelessly perfect move. Then, he collapsed.

The man that mysteriously appeared in the middle of her – just moments ago peaceful – third floor apartment just collapsed.

In a moment of pure panic thinking that she had somehow killed this stranger by throwing a pan at him - despite the fact that he caught it, she ran over to him.

Fully taking in his appearance, Keira wanted to scream again. He looked exactly like Kakashi Hatake from Naruto. The mask, the headband, the hair. The only deviations from his standard look from the show were the clothes he was wearing. Instead of the long sleeve shirt and green vest, he had on a tight sleeveless shirt with attached mask.

A cosplayer. It has to be a Kakashi Hatake cosplayer. How the fuck did a cosplayer get into my living room? Okay, Keira: check vitals – the man just fainted and you are going to be a doctor.

He was out cold, but his vitals looked good. She glanced over him trying to find some form of identification or a reason for why he just fainted, but she found neither.

I don't remember hearing that Comic Con 2007 is somehow in Boston in 2017.

Mumbling to herself, "I should call the police… or should I call an ambulance and get him to a hospital. How did he get in here?"

He was just lying there on her floor out cold. Clearly he was insane and on drugs - right?

Hospital it is.

Trying to pick him up, she raised his torso to slide an arm under and heaved his legs awkwardly in order to move him into a fireman's carry.

Keira headed to the elevator grabbing her keys before closing her apartment door behind her.

The elevator doors slid open. Her neighbor, Wyatt, stepped out and smiled at her for a second before his jaw dropped and eyes widened.

"Who is -"

Keira rushed past him and ignored his impending question. "Good morning," she said while holding down the close door button and avoiding eye contact.

Without any other awkward encounters, she put the cosplayer in his passenger car seat, and drove into Cambridge.

The drive should have taken about seven minutes from her apartment across the street from Toscanini's Ice Cream to Massachusetts General Hospital: a straight shot down Main Street. Keira should have kept driving when she saw her boyfriend sitting outside Toscanini's. She should have ignored the fear that crawled into her mind when she saw him there because she had an unconscious and possibly dangerous man in her car.

Despite what she should have done, Keira pulled over into an open parking spot along the street and watched as her boyfriend put his arm around her bestfriend and leaned in for a kiss.

Something broke inside her.

A leaded weight dropped her stomach to her feet. She could hear her heart in her head, pounding away like a funeral drumline. Her hands were cold and clammy. Her thoughts both dissipated and became louder in some sick paradox of confusion and stress.

Just last week her best friend - the one who was cuddling up to her boyfriend - told her that Will was going to propose. They had been dating for three years. Before that, they were friends for two more years. She had been best friends with Emily for even longer - since eighth grade.

How could they do this to her? Years of friendship. Years of loyalty and reliability.

What a waste.

The word betrayal rang in her head.

A piece of her knew that it was better to find out now instead of in ten years after marriage and a kid, but it fucking hurt.

Unable to stop watching, she pressed her face against the window as if that would change what she just saw and give it a reasonable explanation. When that didn't work, Keira used her hands as binoculars to keep watching. If she was going to catch her boyfriend cheating on her with her best friend, she was going to catch everything.

Without conscious thought, Keira took hold of her phone and snapped a few photos of them, lip-locked. Proof for later.

Fury came next. She was angry at them for lying to her, and she was angry at herself for being lied to. She was suddenly outraged that she was crying. Why was she crying? They weren't worth her tears.

But she was so sad too.

What was she supposed to do?

Her subconscious was screaming at her to do something: confront them, call him, make a plan - any plan! The only thing it wasn't telling her to do is pay attention to the man in her car who happened to be waking up.

"Why are you crying?"

Fear overwhelmed all the other emotions she was feeling. The crazy man woke up.

He smiled at her, "yo."

Saucers for eyes, she replied, "I see you are awake now."

"Where am I?"

She didn't know if she should lie to him and say something else in case something triggered him, but her brain was not functioning at it's best so the truth slipped from her lips before any other thought crossed her mind. "We are in Boston. I was going to the hospital."

"Please don't take me to the hospital," his voice betraying nothing while his face paled.

"You collapsed in my apartment. I really think -"

Cutting her off, "Wait, did you say Boston? Where is Boston?"

Either this guy really hates hospitals or he has no idea where he is or both.

"Boston is the capital of Massachusetts which is a state in the United States of America which is a country in North America which is one of the seven continents of Earth," Keira said, indulging him.

"Oh."

"Can I take you to the hospital now?"

"No, no. That won't be necessary." He rose his arm slowly as though it was painful, and moved his headband up so that it wasn't covering his left eye anymore and looked at Keira. "Where am I?"

She stared dumbly at his eye.

Holy shit. That does not look like a contact. It's even spinning. Oh my God. Is he trying to hypnotize me? It can't be real. If it was real then it would work, right?

He broke the silence, "Where am I?"

Her eyes traced him up and down. "Who are you?"


Kakashi opened his eyes to sunlight streaming through glass windows of a metal box. He was in the metal carriage, laying on a leather covered seat.

He suspected that he had suffered from chakra exhaustion earlier, but maybe he was wrong because there should have been no way for him to wake up after such a brief amount of time recharging.

Fuck.

Turning his head slightly to the left, he saw the girl from earlier. Her hair was still in a messy bun - perhaps a little more messy now than earlier, and it looked like she was still wearing her pajamas. However, the most prominent feature at the moment were the tears streaming down her face.

"Why are you crying?"

Like an animal freezing to give the illusion of invisibility, she turned her eyes toward him. The tears that had been streaming down her face stopped abruptly.

She looked like she needed someone to smile at her, so he smiled at her, "Yo."

Saucers for eyes, she replied: "I see you are awake now."

She was a civilian. He could immediately tell from her chakra levels. As a civilian, she should respond to direct, yet gentle, questioning. "Where am I?"

"We are in Boston. I was going to the hospital." Kakashi almost shuddered at the mention of going to a hospital.

"Please don't take me to the hospital," his voice even, but he knew his face probably turned three shades lighter.

"You collapsed in my apartment. I really think -"

Cutting her off, "Wait, did you say Boston? Where is Boston?"

Kakashi really hated hospitals, and he had to find out where he was exactly.

Clearly, he wasn't in Fire Country anymore. Over his time in ANBU, he had traveled almost everywhere in and out of Fire Country, and he had never seen buildings like the ones that surrounded him now. He had to get back to Konoha as soon as possible and figure this whole thing out.

"Boston is the capital of Massachusetts which is a state in the United States of America which is a country in North America which is one of the seven continents of Earth," Keira said.

What the fuck?

"Oh."

"Can I take you to the hospital now?"

Why did she was him to go to the hospital so badly?

"No, no. That won't be necessary." Kakashi's whole body hurt, but he rose his arm anyway. Even though he was running low on chakra, he needed to use his sharingan to get information from this crazy woman. "Where am I?"

She stared directly into his red eye, and nothing happened. Nothing.

She didn't say anything else. She did look a little scared, but that tended to be a normal reaction to the sharingan.

Deciding to break the silence, he asked a different question, "Where am I?"

Her eyes traced him up and down. Was he not just passed out in her home? Didn't she have enough time to stare at him?

Why wasn't his Sharingan working? He moved his headband back down to cover his eye.

"Who are you?"

Okay. That was unexpected. Almost everyone knows me, either as the White Fang's son or as Sharingan no Kakashi. Where am I?

He would need to get his information a different way.


"My name is Kakashi."

"Did you hit your head or something? I really think I should take you to the hospital. Kakashi Hatake is a character from an anime show."

She tried to give him plausible reasoning: he hit his head at some anime event where he was cosplaying as Kakashi, and when he came to he believed that he was actually the character. Done. Easy. Internally, she begged that he would say yes and everything would magically work itself out.

"Is that so?" He was neutral and passive with every word, almost inviting her to tell him more.

Oh my God! This guy is crazy! Does he actually think he is Kakashi Hatake? What am I supposed to do?

"Can you prove that you are the real Kakashi?"

"How would you like me to do that?"

"I don't know. Do a magic trick or something."

"You mean a jutsu."

She almost rolled her eyes. Honestly, these cosplayers really stick to script. "Yeah. Just don't damage my car or me."

A calculative glint passed through his eyes, "If I prove that I am Kakashi Hatake will you help me?"

"Um… sure." Oh fuck, why do I feel like I am going to regret this? There's no way he can do an actual jutsu. What does that even mean? "Help."

He seemed to be regaining his strength quickly because this time when he lifted his arms the motion was smooth and seemingly effortless. Putting his hands together in a weird shape, a poof of smoke appeared and sitting in the backseat was another Kakashi.

Any semblance of calm Keira had obtained was obliterated.

She had to get out - get away. She had to run. This had to be proof. This strange man must actually be Kakashi Hatake from Naruto.

Instead of running, she was freezing up. Instead of screaming, she was gaping. He apparently thought this was very funny because he gave her one of his stereotypical smiles with his half-moon eyes.

"So, what's your name?"

"M-my my name is Keira." How she was able to respond was a mystery.

"Keira, I need your help. Do you believe me that I am Kakashi?"

She nodded, unblinking.

"Good. Can we go back to your apartment?"

She nodded again and pulled the car out onto the road.

"By the way, what type of carriage are we in?"

She took a big gulp of air, trying to calm down. Four-seven-eight. Four-seven-eight. "We are in my car. It is a motorized carriage of sorts." Focus on driving. Focus on staying alive. Everything will be okay.

He was silent for the rest of the ride, as she turned around the block to make a square and get back to her apartment's parking lot.

Once parked, he spoke again, "Why were you crying?"

Then, everything else came back to her, and she broke down again. William cheated on her with Emily. This was the type of stuff she had only seen in movies. She had never expected to be that girl. Maybe that point of view was naive, but if she didn't have trust then what did she have.

Kakashi reached over and patted her head like she was a dog.

"He cheated on me!" She exclaimed loudly between sniffles, "With my best friend!"

"Who?"

"My boyfriend… with my best friend. What a fucking jackass! I can't believe I was going to marry him… that abscess of a man… blithering shit," she continued to mumble incoherently for a few minutes while her crying subsided.

They sat in silence for a moment. Then, Keira abruptly got out of the car. She opened the door and ducked her head back inside, "you comin'?"

He moved his fingers a bit as if testing his movement and then got out of the car and followed her to the elevator.

The ride back up to her apartment was just as awkward as the ride from her apartment, only this time Kakashi was conscious.

"How did you carry me out of your apartment?"

She glanced at him, "I used a fireman's carry. And, you're not that heavy. What do you weigh? 150? 160?"

His visible eye widened, "150 kilos is light to you?" His face shifted from disappointment to acceptance. "Mah, I'm only 68 kilos…"

"Oh gosh, no. I was talking about pounds. It's how we measure things here in the States."

The elevator dinged at Keira's floor, and the door slid open.

Wyatt was still there.

Sure, she hadn't been gone for very long, but seriously? Didn't he have better things to do than stand in front of the elevator with his mouth hanging open?

In spite of her slight apprehension at having Wyatt see the Real Kakashi, Keira smiled jovially at Wyatt, "Good morning. Again."

Wyatt appeared to have moved on from his initial shock only to see Kakashi again and move back into a position of shock-induced stasis. At seeing this, Keira waved her hand in front of his face and said "goodmorning" again.

The pseudo-paralysis broke, but his face was still awestruck, "are you cosplaying as Kakashi from Naruto?" He asked, addressing Kakashi and ignoring Keira's greeting.

Kakashi glanced at Keira, and she gave him a small nod. "Yes. I am… cosplaying Kakashi."

Wyatt's face broke into a smile. "Holy shit, man! I thought you were really him, but I guess you are missing some parts of the costume like the flak jacket. Your costume is amazing! How did you get your hair to stay up like that? Hairspray? Gel? Is it a wig? Why are you dressing up as him though? I didn't know there were any conventions in town-"

"It was just for fun, Wyatt. We are actually pretty busy right now, so please excuse us," Keira said, cutting him off. He looked like he wanted to keep talking, but he stopped himself and moved to the side so they could get to her apartment.


That guy - Wyatt - knew Kakashi too. Where was he?

As Kakashi followed Keira into her apartment, he pinched the bridge of his nose. He really wasn't in Fire Country anymore.


Author's Note:

Thank you for reading! Reviews are much appreciated!

This story does have a plot! It is not just a random-Naruto-character-shows-up-in-our-universe story. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!

I'm just getting back into creative writing, so hopefully over time my style gets better. This story's writing style is pretty conversational (at least to me). It's relatively casual with lots of italicized or capitalized intonations to illustrate how the characters feel about certain things.

If you have any suggestions to help me improve please review or message me. If you want to beta feel free to message me.

As reference, Harvard Med School has a break from June 22, 2018 - July 9, 2018 (the official recess is June 25th to July 6th), so it's a pretty short break. This break varies from school to school, but in general they are pretty short.