"Katniss" he says softly, "it's no use pretending we don't know what the other one is trying to do." No, I guess there isn't, but it's no fun discussing it either. Well not for us anyway. The Capitol viewers will be glued to their sets so they don't miss one wretched word. "I don't know what kind of deal you think you've made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well." Of course, I know this, too. He told Peeta they could keep me alive so that he wouldn't be suspicious "So I think we can asume he was lying to one of us."
This gets my attention. A double deal. A double promise. With only Haymitch knowing which one is real. I raise my head to meet Peeta's eyes. "Why are you saying this now?"
"Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die, and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life." he says. "I would never be happy again." I start to object but he puts a finger to my lips. "It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard. But there are other people who make your life worth living." Peeta pulls the chain with the gold disk from around his eck. He holds it in the moonlight so you can clearly see the mockingjay. Then his thumb slides over the catch I didn't notice beforeand the disk pops open. It's not solid, as I had thought, but a locket. And within the locket are photos. On the right side my mother and Prim, laughing. And on the left, Gale. Actually smiling. There is nothing in the world that could break me faster than these three faces.
And that's when I realize... I have loved the boy with the bread all along.
The next day I tell Peeta that I will teach him how to swim and take him to the water.
"Listen, I think it's time we leave. Soon it will just be down to us." I tell him while swimming. "Let's stick around until Brutus and Enobaria are dead. I think Beetee is creating some sort of trap now. Then we can go I promise." Beetee calls us over and proposes his plan. Wrap the wire around the lightning tree and trail the wire into the water electrocuting everyone in contact with the damp sand after the wave. We hike up to the tree around 9 giving us three hours before the lightning strikes. Peeta and I will guard the tree while Beetee and Finnick run the wire down to the water. Johanna stays with us. Soon we hear the insects signalling one hour left. Beetee and Finnick left with the wire. What seems like 45 minutes later Johanna tackles Peeta and I to the ground and sticks knives in our arms. "stay down" she hisses and runs off probably to find the others. The alliance is broken and we are going to die. But I'm not dead. I hear the thunder start to rumble and an idea forms in my head. Use the arena as a weapon. I reach behind me with my good arm and load my bow. Remember who the real enemy is. The Capitol is the enemy, they are to blame. I wrap the wire around the arrow. "Peeta I need you to run. I will follow you." He tries to object but he gets up and runs with me. The lightning strikes the tree and I let the arrow fly. The arena explodes and I grab Peeta's hand. We trip over something but we are so weak and tired from blood loss we don't move. At least we die together. I think to myself. And then I find a star.
I wake up in a hovercraft. Finnick lies next to me on the floor. They must think I'm dead. How could I be alive? Snow would have sent specific orders to kill me for stopping the games. I stand up slowly and grab a syringe off of the table next to me and wander down the halls.
"What am I supposed to tell the girl when she wakes up?! She's never going to agree to this." says Haymitch. Says Haymitch! I open the door. "Ah, you and a syringe against the Capitol see sweetheart. This is why no one let's you make the plans." he plucks the syringe from my hand. "What's going on?" I demand. "You are the Mockingjay, we planned to rescue you from the arena in the beginning. That was what the bread was for, we were trying to give you an idea of when it would happen. Plutarch has been part of a group trying to overthrow the Capitol for years. The job as head game maker helped him get on the inside. Get Snow to trust him. He knows his plans. We got you, Peeta, Finnick, and Beetee out of the arena. We are headed to District 13 right now." Haymitch is explaining all of this to me while he spins the syringe he took from me on the table. "What about Johanna? Why aren't we going to District 12? Where's Peeta?" I'm not entirely sure if I actually care what happened to Johanna but I still made a point in asking.
"All the other tributes were taken by the Capitol. I'll let Gale explain the District 12 situation, Peeta is still knocked out on painkillers, he was closer to the arena wall than you were when you decided to blow it up." Closer to the arena. "What happened exactly?"
"The lightning blew up the arena when you shot your arrow at it. The entire game system in the Capitol blew out. The first blackout the Capitol has ever seen, absolute chaos. Nice shooting sweetheart." Haymitch sips his coffee which judging by the smell, has a lot of alcohol mixed in it. "What about Effie?"
"Haven't heard from her. We haven't heard from Cinna either, I'm sorry Katniss." Plutarch says. "Can I see Peeta?" I look to Haymitch. He will let me go. I just need to get out of here. "One more thing." Plutarch pulls a black leather binder from underneath the table and slides it over to me. Cinna would have wanted you to see it for yourself."
I open the binder. Keeping my eye on Plutarch as I do, he has not yet been deemed trustworthy. When I open it I see, Cinna designed my Mockingjay suit. All black, tight fitted with my Mockingjay pin visible on the chest. Below the drawing in his careful handwriting. I'm still betting on you. My eyes start to sting, I need to get out, I need to leave this room. I shut the binder quickly. My vision is blurring with my tears. "Where, is Peeta" I choke out. Haymitch points to the door right behind me and I carefully stand up and walk out.
I never wanted this. I never wanted to be a symbol. I never wanted the Capitol to want anything to do with me. I never wanted my sister to be reaped. That seems to be the only problem I have ever solved. I volunteered for her. I put myself in all of this. I should have just eaten the berries and died like I was supposed to. The hovercraft landed in District 13 two days ago. Peeta woke up the day we arrived. Gale told me what happened to twelve. All those people died and it's my fault. Peeta, Gale, Prim, even my mother have been trying to get me to cooperate for days, but I don't want to do much of anything. I have outright ignored my duties as a citizen of District 13. Until one day I actually decide go to a command meeting.
"I am willing to be Mockingjay, under some terms. I want to go on a visit to 12, I want to be able to hunt, I want my sister to be able to keep her cat, and I want Peeta with me." I can feel Gale's eyes burning into the side of my head at the last request. "Yes I think it's best that we keep up the whole star-crossed lovers act-" I interrupt Coin. "It's not an act." I whisper so nobody can hear me. "What was that Soldier Everdeen?" Coin asks. "I said it's not an act." Gale gets up and leaves the room.
After the command meeting I go find Peeta in his compartment. I don't knock. "Peeta?"
"In here." he calls from the small room they call a living room but it's just big enough to fit a TV and a sofa.
"Hey." I planned on telling him it wasn't just an act for me anymore. But now I don't know how to.
"Hey." He says.
"Can we talk?" he gestures for me to sit down and he sits with me.
"About what?" he asks.
"About what happened on the beach." This is awkward and I look down at my shoes that don't fit right. Is this what love feels like?
"Katniss it's fine I underst-"
"No you don't you still think that was an act for me, when I kissed you I forgot where we were and what was happening the only thing that existed was me and you and that scared me a lot. It made me realize that this isn't an act for me anymore, I love you." I feel all the heat from my body creep into my cheeks.
Peeta says nothing. After a few minutes I am able to take my gaze off of my shoes and I look up at him. He's just standing there. "Peeta?" I don't get a response. He shakes his head and crosses the room. He leans down slightly and presses his lips against mine. I graze my hand up over his chest and around the back of his neck and kiss him deeply. The feeling from the beach is back and I want more, he pulls away first. "Katniss are you sure?" I nod, he picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist and he carries us to his bedroom.
