I'm just a fool
For holding onto something that's
Never ever gonna come back
I can't accept that it's lost

.

Brian Cassidy cleared his throat and straightened out his tie, checking himself out in the reflection of the large framed painting on the wall to make sure he looked presentable enough; he took a deep, shaky breath and knocked gently on the door before popping his head inside.

"Sorry I'm late" He glanced at each of the four people sitting around the large oak wood table who had turned their attention to the newcomer in the room. He was only a couple of minutes late but the way he was being stared out you'd think he'd held the meeting up for hours.

"Not at all Mr Cassidy, please, take a seat" Said the voice of a deep, harsh-spoken gentleman at the head of the table.

Brian nodded to the older man and the sharp-suited man next to him as well as the couple sitting opposite. The brunette sitting opposite him barely acknowledged his existence, throwing him a quick glance and then dropping her look to the table before giving the older man at the end of the table her full attention.

"Sorry Liv" He whispered across the table

"It's fine, you're not that late" She mumbled back

Brian took in the sight of his wife, soon to be ex-wife. Her hair was natural today, the way he loved it most, dressed in her pale blue shirt and black tailored blazer, she looked stunningly smart, she always did. She looked more tired than usual, he was sure he did too but apart from that she was the same old Olivia Benson as always.

He sighed quietly to himself turning his eyes to the judge as he began to speak.

"If we could get started…" His booming voice seemed to echo throughout the room "We are here today to discuss the arrangements made in your separation agreement"

Both lawyers began pulling sheets of paper from thin folders, shuffling words and papers between one and other across the desk.

Brian watched his wife, she looked emotionless – composed – her stare blank as she kept her eyes solely focused on her lawyer, not even bothering to look at him – her way of detaching herself from the meeting. If this was his first time laying his eyes on her he would assume she was nothing more than a ruthless, cold-hearted bitch, but he knew that couldn't be further from the truth. After almost nine years of knowing each other, six as a couple and five years of marriage he had to know her well, he made it his life's work to know everything about her, all the little ins and outs of what made her tick, what made her especially unique, what made her the fearless lioness she was today.

He knew she was putting on a brave front, trying to act like she wasn't bothered about what was going on. He knew that deep down; their divorce was killing her as much as it was him.

"Now, Mr and Mrs Cassidy have both come to the agreement that the children shall be kept in the care of Mrs Cassidy and they shall remain at their current residence" Brian dipped his head as he listened to his wife's lawyer, he didn't want to move out, hell he wasn't even in favour of their separation never mind the impending divorce.

He knew Olivia didn't take the matter of divorce lightly, she had always said if she was to ever get married it better be to the right man because she would only ever marry the one time. Brian regretted that he had pushed her to the point of no return, he wasn't even entirely sure why they were divorcing, all he knew is his wife was no longer happy and he was the main source. She had fought hard enough for their marriage, if only he had fought harder.

"And Mrs Cassidy has agreed to share joint custody of the couple's two children, the arrangements which are to sorted out between the two of you at a later date" This announcement made his head turn, he threw Olivia a questioning look

"If that's okay with you?" She asked sarcastically, her dark eyes narrowing "Provided you can fit them into your hectic schedule" She muttered

"Of course I can" He stated "Thank you Olivia" He added quietly, giving her a grateful glance and for a moment he thought he saw her demeanour melt away.

"I don't want to keep our kids away from their father Brian, I'm not that cruel"

"I never said you were Liv, just thanks for giving me a chance with them"

"Don't mess it up" She remarked

"I won't" He smiled at her, hoping she could read this thankful expression, hoping she understood how much it meant to him that she wasn't filing for sole custody.

Their two children were the light of both of their lives. The couple had been seeing each other casually for less than a year when Olivia had discovered she was pregnant with their first child. They were beyond hesitant and unsure about how they would cope at the time, were they even cut out to be parents, what about their fairly new relationship?

From the moment of the first sonogram, they had never looked back, both of them extremely excited and over the moon with their impending arrival, their first child, a son.

Zachary Benson Cassidy was born on February 9th. Now five years old he was full of life and the most inquisitive child known to man; He was extremely smart and as selfless as could be. He had his father's looks and his mother's fearlessness with his father's passion for all things sport and adventure. He was confident, funny and like his mother, frustratingly stubborn at times.

Seven months after the birth of their son the couple married. Olivia's dream wedding went off without a hitch as they professed their love and devotion to each other surrounded by friends and family on a warm day in the middle of August.

And on their son's second birthday Olivia surprised her husband with the news that they were expecting, again. Almost three years ago their daughter made her dramatic entrance into the world.

Lennon Sophia Cassidy was the epitome of daddy's little girl. She was a bundle of energy from the day she was born and with looks matching her mother's – which terrified Brian to his very soul, he knew he'd have to keep an eye on her when she was older, to the point of chasing any guy that looked her way with a shotgun if he had to - she was the most adorable little girl on the face of the earth. She had dark hair to just below her shoulders and deep chocolate eyes that matched her mother's perfectly and could convince both Brian and Olivia to give her near enough anything she wanted. She was a little girly girl with a heart of gold and a love of painting, being creative and all things pink and glittery.

"As long as the two of you agree to the terms set out here today, the rest of the divorce proceedings should go along without a fuss"

Brian perked up realising that was the end of the meeting; he shook hands with his lawyer and watched Olivia rush to shrug on her coat before saying a quick goodbye to her own lawyer and proceeding forth out the door without even so much as a look in his direction. He rushed out of the room after her wanting to speak to her without the tension that their lawyers brought between them.

"Hey Liv, wait up" He jogged after her and pushed the heavy glass door open for her as they stepped out into the cool august day.

"What is it Bri?" Olivia sighed as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket and kept walking

"I just wanna say thanks, you know, for not filing for sole custody, for letting me have time with the kids…"

"I'm not evil Brian" She glared at him before turning her attention back to her phone "And I did it for them, not for you. Just because we can't make our marriage work doesn't mean they should miss out on time with their father while they grow up"

Brian nodded

"They can make their own mind up about you as they get older" She told him icily

He ignored her bitter comment and continued to walk beside her, missing the times when he could just wrap his arm around her shoulder or pull her hand into his, feel the soft skin of her fingers link into his.

His mind faded back to when his own parents divorced, the spilt holidays, the every-other-weekend being tossed from house to house, listening to one-sided arguments as they fought down the phone. He said to himself from day one that he would never let his kids grow up with the experience that he had and yet here they were, heading into the dreaded land of divorce. He just prayed to god that they could keep it civil and still talk to each other without nasty comments and hostile fights.

"Well, thanks anyway, I really do appreciate it"

"You're welcome" She replied quietly, stuffing her hands into her pockets.

"Do you have to go back to work right away or do you have some time?" He asked hesitantly

"What for?"

"Wanna go grab something to eat? For old time's sake" He backed away a little for fear of getting punched in the mouth, he knew he probably shouldn't have added the last part, neither of them were really in any mood to reminisce.

"Bri, we're getting divorced, is that really the best idea?"

"Come Liv, we were friends before…in that meeting you acted as if you didn't even know me, did our marriage really mean that little that you'd go from being my wife to hating me so much?"

If Brian ever regretted a sentence in his whole life, that would be the one and he was prepared for the backlash that his soon to be ex-wife was about to bestow upon him.

"Did you just ask me that?" She turned to him sharply before sighing in defeat "Do you think I came to this decision lightly? Do you think I just woke up one morning and thought fuck it, let's get divorced?"

"Liv…"

"I don't want this Bri, I don't want this for our family, for our kids…for us" He saw the tears gather in her dark eyes "We were supposed to be forever" She whispered in the cold wind

"We could be Liv…"

"No we can't, not anymore, we just fell apart Bri, we got stuck in a routine and we got bored and…it's just not the same and I'm not happy, we're not happy"

"Come to lunch with me?" Brian decided to get off the subject of divorce "Besides, we have stuff to discuss"

"We do?"

"Yeah, we have a child with a birthday coming up and with all of this going on we should do something amazing for her to take her mind off of it"

Olivia smiled at his suggestion, Lennon had taken it hard when Brian had moved out, both of their children had but Lennon had been the more vocal one, constantly asking when he was coming home and if he could read her a bedtime story that night, eventually she had just given up and stopped speaking for a while.

"Good idea" Olivia gave her husband a small smile "Make it quick though, I have to pick Lennon up from my mom before two, she's got an appointment"

"I can make it quick" Brian grinned as he watched her face turn red at his innuendo.

They walked side by side to a quiet little diner down the street, sure they were about to go through the most heart-breaking situation of their lives but maybe, just for an hour they could act as if everything was normal.


reviews please?

lyrics: just a fool - christina aguilera ft blake shelton
title lyrics: till we ain't strangers anymore - bon jovi ft leann rimes

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