AN: This was based on Moderatto's Gracias. If you don't know who they are, they're a mexican rock band who have been in the industry for YEARS. Gracias is about a guy reflecting on his past relationship while he was younger, and thanking his ex for all the endless memories they shared. I've though about this song for years, and it has always tickeld me to write a story based on it, but I never had a pairing that fit? So, because i'm in a Mileven cloud, it just inspired me. If you've read broken up Mileven stories, you know what I'm talking about when I say it's the most delicious angst. Also, Kali existing in the show was a perfect excuse for this because Eleven now has a sister!
Sorry for any mistakes, I just wanted to post this.
So.. yeah.
Please review :(
The lyrics of the song are in the end notes, but feel free to translate them to your lenguage in case you don't understand spanish.
Bright eyes and endless smiles.
That's what I remember most of you, El Hopper.
After everything that happened with our break up, I threw myself into schoolwork and graduation to ignore the heartbreak. Even though all of that was my fault, I couldn't bear your icy glares and cold shoulder. You changed. And I knew that was on me as well.
It was hard; seeing you on the halls and not being able to hold your hand or even talk to you about random things like we always used to do.
The first few times I tried to, your beautiful brown eyes filled with tears and you would run away from me like I had some kind of disease. It made me angry and moody, always receiving a scolding from Max ("What the hell did you expect? You broke her heart you idiot!") and a few pats on the back from Dustin. "Just give her time, man. She'll come around." He used to say. But you never did.
So we forgot each other.
Then, college came and I was ready to leave Hawkins behind (at least until vacations). Everything fell into place, except us.
The night before I left, I tried calling you. I remember nostalgia creeping up on me while I re-read our past texts, and a knot formed in my throat, and tears stung on my eyes, and I just couldn't leave you behind like that. So, I tried calling you, after all those months. But your number changed.
Right before I left, the guys and Max were saying goodbye to me and I nonchalantly asked Max about you, specifically, about your number. Turns out, everyone had your new number, except me. And that was on me, too.
.
.
.
"Mmmm, I don't know, Keith. We need to try it out before we make a deal. I mean, what if you're trying to scam us?"
We got this crazy idea of buying a minivan.
Always going on trips where laps were always full of people, and cramps were always present, we decided that Keith selling his old car was the perfect God-sent gift and answer to our problem.
"Are you crazy? Do you always eat the cake before you buy it? I don't think so, dude. Either take it or leave it."
"Then let's go guys." Dustin said with the most straight face he could muster, knowing Keith was going to break.
"Ok, all right! You can try it out- BUT! Only for a few hours and the gas is on you."
So we raced to the beach.
We only had a few hours, but we made the best of them.
"How do you put this thing down?" I said struggling with the middle row of seats.
"You pull the little lever." You said untying your bikini top.
"Where?"
"Ugh, move, Michael." You said with an exasperated sigh. You managed to pull the thing down and it was the perfect fit for us two.
"We don't have time and you waste it by being an idiot?" You said while kissing me and laying down on the wide-open-seat.
"You love me anyways." I said as I began to remove my clothes and helped you with yours.
"Yeah, I do." You said with a pretty smile and shiny brown orbs.
The rush and the heat made it mind-blowing, and the quickie was, well, quick. After re-dressing ourselves, we got out of the car and made our way towards our friends, pretending like we went for a little chat inside the car.
"Cleaned up the cum stains? Remember it still isn't ours." Will said with a teasing laugh.
"Shut up." I said as I shoved his shoulder and sat down beside him to watch Lucas wrestle Dustin down in the sand.
We stayed there until the sun went down, and I remember feeling immensely happy while I wrapped you in my arms and rested my face in your shoulder, while you watched the sunset.
We ended up not buying the minivan after it broke down on our way back. But that trip to the beach was one of my favorite memories of us.
.
.
.
One day I saw your sister on Melvald's store. Mom sent me to pick up some butter and milk, and on aisle 3 I saw a familiar figure coming in. Her eyes locked with mine and they became wide with surprise, and then with some panic she turned her face away and began carelessly scanning the yogurts in front of her.
She never liked me.
I remember all the arguments you guys got into because of that. I remember you yelling, eyes burning with anger, and she ignoring most of your words.
She was so popular back then. All the toughness her aura gave enchanted the people in our high school. All the parties she went to, and all the ones we didn't get invited to.
We always were so different from the others. We're the outcasts you used to say. When she was getting ready to go out, we were holed up on your bedroom talking about our dreams and hopes. We were dreamers. Too dreamy for the likes of Kali.
I debated on saying hi to her, after years of not seeing her; but before I could make up my mind, she grabbed a pack of peach Yoplaits, set her dark eyes on me, threw a glare, and flipped her dark tresses at me.
I stared shockingly at her back as she walked away. I guess life didn't get sweeter for Kali. She still held grudges from the past, and now you aren't here to defend me.
.
.
.
"Mike!" You said on the phone, choking with panic. "I need you to come over!"
My heart stopped with fear, and I blindly shoved my feet into some slippers and put a jacket over my Pjs. I ran downstairs and yanked the car keys from the table. Ignoring my mom, I flew to your house.
With no sign of Hopper's blazer on the driveway, I knocked on the front door, and then you were all flying hair and tears on me.
Later, when I had calmed you down a little bit, you told me you were late.
"To where?" I said confused.
Annoyance shined through your tears and you irritably sighed. "My period is late."
"Oh... OH!" I remember feeling like vomit was coming up my throat, and my windpipes closed up.
I saw your face crumble down, and you took your hands to your mouth and with a trembling voice you said: "I- I don't know what to do. What if I'm pregnant?" You whispered miserably.
"Shit. Your dad's gonna kill me." Just the thought of Hopper sent my surviving skills on, and I went into full mode on. "Well, I mean, how serious is this? A-are you sure? How do you know?"
"I've been feeling super light headed, and I've been throwing up." You said while gripping my hand tightly and tapping your fingers on your knee.
Thinking back, I can't believe I was that stupid. You loved french fries drenched in ketchup, and previously that week you went and wretched up in the bathroom after smelling my lunch. Also, you weren't in home room that day, and you looked a little green afterwards.
"Damn it! But... how? I mean, we always use-"
"The day we went to the beach. I-we were in a hurry." You said with your eyes dancing all over the place. "And we forgot. I forgot, too. God, I can't believe how stupid I am!" You cried and hid your face on my shoulder.
"No. No, El; this is not your fault. I should've remembered, too." I rubbed circles on your shoulder while you cried softly. "Listen, we are going to be all right". I grabbed your pretty face between my hands and pressed a kiss to your swollen lips.
"I-I already bought a test."
"What?! How- I mean, when?!" Holy shit, if Hopper found out that she was buying a pregnancy test, he would straight up slaughter me!
"Max took me to the drug store, and she went in. I stayed in the car."
"El, you should've told me. I would've gone with you." I said while stroking your wet cheek.
"No." You sniffled "That would've been suspicious and we- we can't let anyone know before we know. Ok?" You sounded so sure.
"Ok. So... where is it?"
Those were the longest 5 minutes of my life. We snuggled up in your bed, sighing with nerves we tried to hide, and I promised myself that I would be there for you no matter what. If that baby existed, I would be the best damn dad I could be. I would be nothing like my-
PING PING
Your alarm rang though the room, signaling time was up.
You shakily stood up and took my hand.
We entered the bathroom and I bravely took the test in my hands, hiding it against my thigh.
"No matter what this shows... we'll figure it out. Ok? We'll figure it out. It's gonna be ok." I said running my thumb on the back of your hand.
You wiped your nose with the sleeve of your (my) hoody and nodded. "I love you. No matter what."
"I love you too. No matter what. We'll be alright, El." I pressed a kiss to your forehead.
"Together?" You stood right next to me, your face reaching my shoulder.
"Together." I nodded.
Both of our eyes turned down and I flipped the test to reveal a single line.
We both let out a huge sighs of relief, and you shakily laughed against my shoulder.
I hugged you and kissed the top of your head while you chuckled wetly and breathily against me.
I remember everything from that night. And in the morning, after we held each together all night and you helped me sneak out of your window, I knew a baby wouldn't change things between us.
.
.
.
When I think back to why we broke up, I try to find the flaws in my excuses.
I knew I was being stupid, and I knew it wouldn't end up good, but I still didn't want to tie you down.
You were going to Bloomington, and I was going to MIT. You were going to meet new people, make new friends, and with your looks it wouldn't take long before you caught someone's eye. And I would not keep you from being with someone better than nerdy Mike Wheeler.
I never knew if you met someone else, or if you were doing fine in college, or if you still missed me like I did.
Looking back, the minute I started thinking if I was good enough for you, if I ever would be good enough for you, I should've told you. If I told you all about my insecurities and issues, maybe I would've avoided this empty feeling and the hole you left in my heart that I've been carrying all these years.
.
.
.
"Why?" You asked broken hearted while tears streamed down your face.
"I- I-" The words wouldn't come out and my heart throbbed pathetically in my chest, but I knew I had to do this if I really loved you. And my God, did I love you. "Please, don't cry, El."
"Please, don't do this to me." You sobbed in your hands, and even though I was breaking up with you and distance played a big part, I brought you close and pressed my face against your soft hair.
"I have to do this. I'll just tie you down. You will meet someone better, and you'll be happy. You're such a strong girl, El. You'll get over me, and you'll focus on school and you will be the best speech therapist out there. You hear me?" tears escaped my eyes, and I tried to bury them in your hair so you wouldn't see I was breaking down, too.
"But I don't want to meet anyone else. I just want you. I just want you." You cried against my chest, your hands gripped my sweater and your body rocked with sobs.
"I'm sorry, El. But this is for the best. You nee-"
You abruptly separated from me, hands rapidly wiping your red face, and sniffing deeply to cut your tears. And I felt you pull yourself together. Out of the two of us, you were always the strongest one.
"Don't."
My eyebrows went up as I registered the ice in your voice.
"Don't stand there and pretend you're doing this for me." You said as you grabbed your bag and started shoving papers and your acceptance letter inside of it.
"El, please, don't be like-"
"Like what!? Like what Mike?! I don't need to pretend to be okay with all of this, because I'm not- I'M NOT OKAY WITH THIS!" I could see your anger vibrating in your body and your hands shaking as I stood up and tried to calm you down while I tried to keep my own anger at bay.
"I'm doing this for you! I'm doing this for you, El! Try to see my point here, please!"
You wiped your nose, grabbed your things and tuned me out, like you always did when you didn't want to hear bullshit.
But I refused to end things like that. So I hugged you and planted my feet on the floor, while you struggled to free yourself from my arms.
After a few minutes, your body went soft and your tears wet my neck, and I cried with you.
"I don't want to end things like this, Ellie, please."
"Then, don't. Let's just pretend like this didn't happen. Please, Mike." You said while bringing my forehead down to yours.
If I looked into your eyes for a longer time, I knew you would get away with it. But I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't let you free.
"I'm sorry. Please, try to understand."
I saw your eyes swim with tears of sadness and you closed them while softly shaking your head. "You're so stupid, Mike." You whispered.
"I love you." I said while I desperately tried to keep you close.
You completely untangled yourself from me, and then took of the promise ring I had given you on Christmas.
That was a low blow for me, and I understood, quite stupidly as I was the one who wanted this, that we were really over.
"You're so stupid, Mike." You repeated, as you took in my tears.
Maybe it was closure, maybe it was desperation, but I couldn't resist or restrain myself, as I pushed you against my door and kissed you one last time.
It was a brief kiss, short but sweet and soft, and when we broke apart I took in how beautiful you looked, even red-faced and with a frown on. Your eyes were squeezed shut and your lips swollen, but you didn't pull away from me.
"I do love you, El."
You sniffled, opened your eyes, and with a shuddering breath you took your hands to my face.
You searched my eyes for something (which to this day I don't know what) and nodded to yourself.
"I know you do; but maybe not enough to fight for me." You whispered brokenly; you pulled the door open and with a final look at my sobbing face, you left.
This is what you wanted. This is for the best. I repeated to myself while I cried myself to sleep that night.
I was so stupid, El.
.
.
.
I could never forget you.
I think I spent so much time with you, trying to memorize your face and body, that if you were ever in the middle of a crowd, you would stand out to me. Because I would never forget, those eyes, or those lips, or that beautiful face, or that soft body, or that long hair. I have you memorized, and it took 2 years of not seeing you to realize that.
The last time I saw you, it was graduation day.
Kali had flown from SAIC to see you, and Hopper was the ever proud dad, and your face shined with joy as you threw the cap in the air.
And once again, you were all bright eyes and endless smiles. And then our eyes met, and your smile began to lose its light.
But your eyes still shined with the love you still had for me, and I thought that at least not everything was lost. Because I knew you, and even though Hopper was one to hold grudges like it was nobody's business, you were always kinder. Because I knew you; anywhere and everywhere, I would know you.
Like now.
My heart stops and lurches into my throat, and I have to swallow it down, because holy shit you're standing right in front of me.
I would recognize those honey-brown locks anywhere, and the silhouette of your body that I spent so many nights worshipping is burned into my brain, and holy shit, I would recognize you anywhere.
I didn't know you'd be here for Christmas, but after all these years of not running into each other I just supposed we weren't meant to be, after all.
Holly tugs at my jacket, something about the perfect one (this one Mike!) but my eyes never seem to leave you, watching your fingers skim the big pine trees in front of you.
The air seems to leave the Christmas Tree Farm, and I can only shove Holy away blindly as you turn around and face me.
Your face freezes in shock and your eyes go wide; your body locking into place and your eyebrows go up and up and up.
My brain seems to scream at me to say something, but the shock of seeing your beautiful face after all this time is nerve-wrecking and I can only swallow down the nerves and produce a timid smile with a pathetic little wave.
Your face moves with a bunch of emotions, and my hearts beats again when you settle for an equally timid smile and a sigh leaves your body.
But then I go back to being the scared 13 year old that was afraid of your dad, when the imposing figure of Hopper appears behind you, asking you if you picked a tree yet, and then his eyes turn to stones when he sees me.
"Wheeler." He mutters with resentment.
My throat is trying to swallow my tongue and I can just form an incoherent mumble, when suddenly, like my own super heroine, you come to the rescue.
"I- Dad? Why don't you go check out the spruce section, huh? I'm not done here." You say while patting his arm, trying to keep his attention on you and not on turning me into a puddle. "Please? It's ok, dad." You win him over with a little smile.
He pats your hair and gives you a quick hug, while glaring daggers at me over your head, and then he turns a corner and then he's gone.
You turn back around, hands on the pockets of your coat, and walk towards me with your lip between your teeth. Kryptonite, damn it.
"Hey." You greet me a little breathless.
"I- hi! I didn't know you were in town." I respond as I untangle my tongue from itself.
"I- yeah. I didn't know if I was going to make it this year. I had finals coming up, and I turned into a stress ball." You say laughing a little.
I nod my head a few times, because college, and I search my brain for something to say. "No, yeah, totally. This semester has been kicking my ass," after a few muttered yeahs and trying not to be too obvious in our ogling of each other, I feel secure enough to talk to you. "So… how are you? I haven't seen you in ages, El." I say softly, because we're wandering into feelings territory, and I we always responded better to each other's softness.
Your eyebrows furrow, and your lips twitch with emotion, before you advert your eyes. "Yeah, well. We weren't exactly best friends when we ended things, so…"
"I know." I say softly. "That's on me."
I search your eyes for something, and I feel this oppressing need of being with you, and I know I have to get closer to you while we're here.
"I never told you this, Mike, but I'm sorry. For the way I acted-" you start, anxiously writhing your fingers together, and brows furrowing closer together.
"No, El. I'm sorry-"
"MIKE!"
I suddenly remember that I had a 13 year old with me when I came in.
"Holly!" You exclaim in surprise, after not seeing the little blond for over 2 and a half years.
"El? Oh, wow. Hi!" Holly exclaims with a big smile on her face as she runs to hug you.
Holly always looked up to you. I want to be as pretty as El. I want El to be my best friend. El has a pink jacket and I want one so we can match. And she never understood why you stopped going to our house. "We broke up, Holly. Ok?" I said to her, exasperated after so much buggin. "But, why? Does that mean I'm never going to see her again? This is your fault." The blond exclaimed as she threw a pillow at my face.
"Wow! You're getting so big! What grade are you in?" You say as you play with my little sister's blond strands of hair.
I tune out your conversation as I watch you, and my heart squeezes painfully with the remainders of teenage heartbreak and the love I still feel for you. First love never dies, and I couldn't agree more.
But that little girl is stealing the few precious minutes we still have together and I can't help but want your attention back on me. "Hey, Holly? Did you pick a tree yet?"
"Yeah! That's what I've been trying to tell you for the past half hour, but since you saw El you've been planted here-" I cut her off with my hand, because one thing is me acknowledging my infatuation still being ever present, but another whole different thing is my little sister embarrassing me in front of my first love.
"Ha ha," I try to play it cool while you laugh into your hand. "Why don't you go ahead and ask someone to cut it for us? Me and El still have some catching up to do." I say pushing her away a little.
"Well, El and I do, too. And who's fault is that?" Holly says sassily.
I flush and wonder why I agreed to come with Holly when she's turning into a moody teen, but then you laugh at my embarrassment and pat Holly on the head.
"I'm going to be here for a little while longer, Holls. Why don't I come and pick you up and we have a girl's day?" Holly's eyes shine and she enthusiastically nods her head "And then we can catch up on all the time we missed together, because of this dumb big brother of yours." Your eyes catch mine and you throw a little teasing smirk at me. And shit, there's more kryptonite. "Now go and do what Mike said."
"I can't believe my little sister didn't see you for two years and she still listens to you more than she does to me." I said while shaking my head at the blonde girl running away.
"That's because I'm awesome and you're not." You say teasingly.
"I knew that already." I laugh and then my chest flutters with how familiar this is.
We stay in a calm silence, just staring at each other and smiling.
"I missed you." I say softly.
You take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Me too." You whisper.
With sudden braveness, I walk closer to you, our chests almost touching, and I take your hand. "What happened to us, Ellie?"
Your smile falters, but you chuckle nostalgically to the old nickname and hide your face in my shoulder. I press my nose to your hair and breathe in the familiar scent I missed. It feels so good to have you back in my arms, if only for a few seconds.
You look back up to me, and moisture pools in your eyes. You shrug in response to my question.
"Can we meet up for coffee, or something? To talk? Or I can go to your house and we can build the fort again." You say, and the smile on your face puts hope in my heart once again.
"I- Yeah! Of course. I want to talk, too. I thought I wouldn't have the chance to make amends with you, ever again. But-"
"Destiny brought us together again? Shut up, you cheese ball." You laugh.
"Hey! I'm trying to be serious here." I laugh.
You quiet down and play with the fingers of the hand you're still holding, and then your big eyes look up at me again. "This doesn't mean we're suddenly back together, Mike."
"I didn't say we were. But one can only hope right?"
You smile and laugh quietly, while shaking your head.
We stay there for a few more minutes, until Hopper decides we've had enough time alone, and Holly is being annoying again.
We part our joined hands until they can't touch each other anymore, and we say see you laters with laughs.
After all this time, you still are bright eyes and endless smiles.
.
.
.
Thank you for the memories.
Thank you for the endless love.
Thank you for summer days.
Thank you for nights of dreams and hopes.
Thank you.
AN: REVIEW PLEASE! It makes me want to write more!
Después de tanto tiempo nos volvimos a encontrar
Me acuerdo que en tu casa siempre estaba tu mamá
Veíamos la tele, nos gustaba platicar
De puras tonterías que el tiempo no pudo borrar
Y después todo terminó, no supe más de ti
Cambiaste y ya no vales mil
Tu número cambió, mi perro se murió
Y ahora estoy aquí y digo
Ooh, Ooh
Gracias por los días y las noches que me hiciste soñar
Ooh, Ooh
La lista interminable con detalles que no puedo olvidar
Ooh, Ooh
El viaje a la playa en la combi que íbamos a comprar
Ooh, Ooh
El susto que nos dimos al pensar que íbamos a ser papás
Un día vi a tu hermana, no me quiso saludar
Se ve que a ella la vida no la pudo acariciar
Le gustaba la fiesta, era super popular
Tú y yo eramos los raros, nos gustaba más soñar
Y después todo terminó, no supe más de ti
Cambiaste y ya no vales mil
Tu número cambió, mi perro se murió
Y ahora estoy aquí y digo
Ooh, Ooh
Gracias por los días y las noches que me hiciste soñar
Ooh, Ooh
La lista interminable con detalles que no puedo olvidar
Ooh, Ooh
El viaje a la playa en la combi que íbamos a comprar
Ooh, Ooh
El susto que nos dimos al pensar que íbamos a ser papás
Ooh, Ooh
Doy Gracias por los días y las noches que me hiciste soñar
Ooh, Ooh
La lista interminable con detalles que no puedo olvidar
Ooh, Ooh
El viaje a la playa en la combi que íbamos a comprar
Ooh, Ooh
El susto que nos dimos al pensar que íbamos a ser papás
Ooh, Ooh
Gracias por los días y las noches que me hiciste soñar
Ooh, Ooh
La lista interminable con detalles que no puedo olvidar
Ooh, Ooh
El viaje a la playa en la combi que íbamos a comprar
Ooh, Ooh
Gracias por los días y las noches que me hiciste soñar
