Izuko sighed as he ran a hand through his messy green curls. Tonight wasn't a good night. Finals were coming up, and he needed to stronger and smarter. Izuko couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing something. He needed to be sharp, aware, ready for anything. It was hard to constantly be on edge. It wasn't just the League of villains, it was homework, internships, and summer camp. He had to remember and watch out for every little thing.
He wanted to cut. The old feeling drew to him and made him want to get a knife, or bottle cap just something that would make the pain of not measuring up to All Might's expectations go away for just a little bit. He knew that being a hero was a lot harder than just being accepted into UA. No one knew about his problem with cutting and just how much he had done it; in his other school, no one cared. His mom wanted to believe that he wasn't friendless and a weirdo. She was the easiest person to convince that he was fine ironically enough.
Izuko had to do something else just doing math wasn't enough to quell the itch, the need, to feel something besides the burn of impending failure and disappointment. Izuko got up from his desk and paced before deciding that he would go for a walk. A twenty-minute walk would be enough to clear his mind he hoped. He waved to his mom and explained that he would be back soon. Izuko felt drawn to the beach for some reason. As soon as he hit the sand he started running. He didn't stop until his lungs were heaving and heart pounding.
He finally collapsed on the sand. He tried so hard to succeed and be a good hero. It was just so easy to fail. One wrong move, too much using his arms, and if he didn't keep up his studies everything he worked for would be gone. His mom would love him no matter what he did, but all of his life she was the mom that had the kid that was quirkless. She sacrificed and worked so hard so he could have nice things that other kids did. He couldn't let her down. All Might knew that he was quirkless and looked past it to give him an irreplaceable gift. He trained with him for months to get him ready he couldn't stop. He wasn't even a real pro hero and he still had all this pressure to do well. He couldn't let anyone down, his mom, All Might, and especially his four-year-old self that never stopped believing.
Izuko sat up and looked at the sunset over the ocean the hot sand felt great. He didn't feel like he needed to cut as badly anymore. "Real Pro Hero's don't cut," Izuko whispered to himself. He got back up and started to run back to his apartment he wasted enough time. At least at UA, his classmates weren't as bad his other school. Fourteen years old and it was already enough stress to make him go back to the knife. He had to get better. Heroes need to be strong enough to deal with the worst the world has the throw at them and keep smiling. It was so hard to keep smiling when the world was crashing around him.
Stress was something that he could learn how to cope with instead of always going to self-inflicted pain. It was worse when his whole quirk hurt him because in some broken part of his mind that it felt like he earned that pain. All Might was slowly getting weaker and he was getting stronger. He didn't deserve anything that wonderful. One for All was one of the best things to ever happen to him. Broken limbs meant nothing to him, the pain was was a small toll to pay. He had to get better so that one day he could use his quick without hurting himself. It wasn't fair to those that needed real help when he was slowed down because of his broken bones. He needed to get stronger and not get held back by his own limitations.
Izuku knew it wasn't right to feel like he didn't deserve anything. He wanted to ask for help. Izuku stopped himself from telling his mom, telling a teacher, or a school counselor he just couldn't push the thoughts out that they were people out there worse of than him. He suffered and dealt with it himself. It was hard to think that now he could get help at UA. It didn't seem right that now things could be different.
The run back to his apartment was a blur. His mom set a fresh cup of tea beside his books and a note that said, "I know you can do! I love you!"
Izuku started working on his homework again. Finals wouldn't let him rest. He sipped the tea and focused on the equations. He knew that after he was done with math he would need to start on the research paper on hero ethics. The homework kept piling up and it seemed like there just wasn't enough hours in the day to finish it. He no longer wanted to cut, but the run had taken time that he didn't need to waste.
It was late when he finished and could finally go to sleep just to go back to school the next day and get more homework. Stay up late, get the homework done and start it all over again. A few more years and he would be a pro and it would be that much worse. Instead of homework, he would be worrying about how to keep innocents and his teammates safe. Izuku tried to think of better things as he drifted off to sleep.
