What Did I Do The Day I Let You Slip Into My Soul Chapter 1





She sat on the floor beside her bed, her legs brought up to her chest and her chin resting against her knees. For the past three hours she couldn't find strength within herself to move that five inches it would take to pick up her phone. For the past three hours she couldn't manage to do anything other than think of what she didn't want to think of. The thoughts that refused to leave her head for months, and she highly doubted they would ever leave the maze of her mind. They enjoyed taunting her feelings too much to just up and leave.

She slipped her cheek down to her knees and closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around her. She had done a pretty good job of hiding how she felt inside to the rest of the world. She played the role of two different people, for two completely different worlds and had managed to pull it off without a flaw, without a flicker of guilt in her eye, and no one suspected a thing. That guilt that she had managed to hide so well from the rest of the world was slowly eating away at everything she treasured, and the feelings she held inside we're beginning to show outside as well. The shaking, the sick feelings, they were all becoming visible to everyone, and she was having to hide away to calm herself down. Her life was no longer being control by her, but by her overwhelming sense of guilt.

And strangely enough, the thing that gave her that overwhelming sense of guilt was the same thing that brought out every passionate feeling she'd ever held. Two powers, both completely opposites in every sense of the word, brought out things inside herself she thought had died, and she was afraid that giving up one would mean giving up those feelings.

She hadn't cried in months, although there was always the small sting of tears in the back of her eyes, and her mouth rarely raised up into a real smile.

Unless she was with him.

Or him.

Forgetting to be strong, she allowed herself the small pleasure of crying. Not gut wrenching sobs, or painful, twisting cries of misery. Just small, salty tears, falling one by one over her cheeks and into the material of her sleeve. Her breathing never changed, and her eyes never opened, but they still fell. The only sounds of the room where the raindrops lashing against the window, and a small sniffle every so often.

When did things get so bad?

*I've been so caught up in the thought of me and you *

Reaching down beside her slowly, she squeezed her eyes shut tighter and grasp the small metal object in her hand, allowing the harsh cuts of it to dig into the soft skin of her palm.

1 year, 4 months and 2 weeks tomorrow. 1 year, 4 months and 2 weeks out of her life that she allowed him to have, that she more than willingly gave him. The perfect couple, perfectly in love, perfectly formed to fit each other when they held each other. Perfectly made to be one another's soul mates from the first moment they'd laid eyes on each other. Or so she had thought. Heaven on earth was holding her in his arms, and she couldn't seem to let go of something else.

Her room held all signs of the perfect boyfriend. Pictures of him wrapping his arms around her small waist, resting his chin on her shoulder as they both smiled. Love letters and anniversary cards rested against her vanity, totally unaware of their tainted words and smudged pictures of love. His sweatshirt laid across her chair, and even from her distance she could faintly make out his smell. The rooms held no signs at all of another life. Another love.

Tristan. God, just to think of his name made small tingles run up and down her spine. The confusion of whether he was love or passion had been erased long ago, when she had almost called out his name instead of her boyfriends as she told him she loved him. The decision of whether or not to continue being with Tristan had ended in a yes, knowing that she could no longer pass him off as a wild touch or a breathtaking kiss. She loved him too, so much it had scared her to think of what she had done.

*Even though I love someone else, I know my heart belongs to you *

What she had done to Dean. Hard working, perfect gentlemen, lovable Dean. The man she pictured standing next to on her on her wedding day, holding her children, growing old with and picking up his teeth with he had lost them. The Dean she thought she could never hurt, with everything that had been through since they'd meet two years ago. That innocent thought was now beyond damaged, and the best she could hope for now was some resolution of her problem before she lost them both. Lost everything that would break her heart if taken away.

Opening her wet eyes slowly, she trailed them over the phone and willed herself to reach out and grab it. She needed to call him. The only problem was she couldn't find it in herself to raise her arm even the slightest, her mind completely numb.

Wishing she could forgive herself, she closed her eyes again and pushed as many ugly thoughts away from her mind as she could.

-Flashback-

She could feel his eyes gazing at her from behind her, and she couldn't stop herself from shivering. It had been like this for weeks, the thought of knowing he was watching her made her heart beat faster, made her skin turn cold, and she couldn't deny loving every second of it.

She waited the last 12 minutes of class, her mind completely numb to the lesson going on in front of her, but thinking only of the boy behind her. Her left foot danced beside her, nervously bouncing, her knees jittery from the wait. The second hand on the clock seemed to be going slower than ever, and she was sure it was completely aware of the torture it was putting her through. His gaze had only gotten stronger, his blue eyes trailing over her ever feature, wanting to look deeper inside. Her hand could no longer hold her pen steady as she blindly wrote notes.

As the bell rang, it seemed to echo in her ears as she picked up her things quickly and shoved them into her bag. The rest of the class was filling out of the small room, the teacher giving them a few last minutes notes over their giggles and small talk. Pushing the remaining items into her already overfilled bag, she stood, and was surprised to find herself completely alone in the room, the students and teacher gone now out to lunch.

"Rory," A calm voice called from behind her and she froze completely, her blood seeming to turn ice cold. She swallowed heavily and did her best to calm her nerves before she turned around.

"Yes?" She asked, her voice shaky. She watched as his tall frame made it's way over to her, making it's way through the maze of desks.

"You've left one," He said simply, reaching around her body, causing her to lean back slightly. She could feel his heat radiating off his body, the thin material of his shirt only inches away from her face. She shook her dazed head slightly as he pulled back, his hand offering her one of her books. Her shaky hand reached out slowly, grasping the book as her fingers touched his slightly. She raised her blue eyes to his, almost shocked to find a smirk playing upon his lips. She knew she shouldn't be surprised, for it was very common to find a smirk on his face, but the way he held it today seemed different. A pleased fashion, other than his tormenting one.

"Thanks," She whispered, fumbling to push the book into her bag.

"That thing is going to burst," He commented, reaching down and grabbing one of the straps. "Jesus Rory, this thing weighs a ton."

She giggled slightly, mentally beating herself up for being so undeniably girlie. "I'm tough, I can handle it," Taking the bag back from his grasp and slinging it over her shoulder, doing her best not to tumble under the weight.

He grinned and nodded his head as he watched her, stifling a chuckle.

"You look beautiful today," He said softly, and she barely caught it. She was sure he didn't want her to hear it, and that's why it had been spoken so soft, his voice the gentlest she'd ever heard from him.

"Why do you tease me?" She asked, her back to him. She held her breath, wondering how he was going to take the question and whether or not he would answer at all. She waited what felt like a few minutes, her shoulders stiff.

She listened as he sucked in a breath, and released it slowly, unsure of what to say. He raised his hand out, trailing his well formed fingers over her brown hair, barely making any contact at all but Rory had felt it all the way to her bones.

"It's the 3rd grade rule, Rory. You tease the one you like, afraid that she just might like you back. I guess I've yet to grow out of that," He said, his voice barely making it's way to her ears it was so soft, and before her mind could contemplate his words, he made his way out of the room, passing her quickly, a faint trail of his smell lingering on her senses.

It took her a few moments before her mind began working again, her heart beat still racing and the confusing of why he had such an effect of her still working it's way over her thoughts.

Dean had never made her tremble like that.



She ran her thumb over the cuts and indents of the metal object in her hand, doing her best to feel him through it. She need him right now, to wrap his arms around her and do nothing more than lay his face inches from hers and hold her.

She trailed every inch of his body in her mind, recalling the smoothness of his skin, the warmth that it carried. His hard muscles, twitching slightly everytime she ran a finger tip over them, and the way he smiled when she did so. The way they could lay together, in any position and be completely confortable in their silence, needing nothing more than to know they were their with each other.

Sighing deeply, Rory raised her head up for her knees and let her eyes fall on the window in her room, the hard raining still lashing against it, trickling down it quickly. She'd give anything to be in his arms, right now.

*Tell me how did we ever let the situation get this far? *