Choices

Chapter 1

Soldier found him at the overlook. It was a beautiful place he always sought out to gather his thoughts in peace, to find tranquility. The view of the valley far below, the vast open sky, and the massive stone monolith at his back had always offered him a sense of comfort. But most of all, this wild place had somehow become the family spot for working out problems. Deeks pulled off his old straw cowboy hat and ruffled his hair, waiting for the boy as he urged his pinto up the long slope. He wasn't really that surprised to see him, having noticed that he kept watching him during breakfast. Since arriving at the ranch, he'd sensed the rising tension between the kid and his father, Elan. His Arapaho cousin hadn't wanted to talk about it, but apparently Soldier needed to talk to someone or he wouldn't have followed him up here.

The decision to spend a few days at the ranch in Wyoming before flying off on their honeymoon had been Kensi's idea. They'd had to postpone it a few months due to the increase in their caseload, but he wasn't going to complain. The delay had given them the time to settle into their marriage and get used to being more than just partners or lovers who lived together. Their working relationship hadn't been all that different in the beginning, but Hetty had warned them they were under heavy scrutiny from the higher ups, and warned them to be on their best behavior. Even Director Vance had called, questioning each one separately, and making them aware that any misstep might cause them to be separated or even transferred. Trying to be perfect had left them both drained by the end of most days, so when Kensi suggested they spend some time at the ranch with his adopted family to decompress before their honeymoon, he'd jumped at the idea.

What he'd found at this ranch still amazed him at times, because it had been so unexpected. He never took this special place for granted or the family who had adopted him into their's when he'd become so burdened with guilt he couldn't function. Joe Atwood had tricked him into coming here that first time, both of them wounded in different ways. It had opened a new world for him. He'd found peace and brotherhood and the father he'd never had. George Atwood had recognized the pain he'd carried since childhood, and their long talks had cemented their bond. This family and this ranch were part of his life now, and Kensi's as well. Coming here was just what they both needed…a haven where they didn't have to prove themselves every day. It was the perfect place to unwind.

When they first arrived, George had sensed the tension he'd brought with him almost immediately. He hadn't even attempted to deny what he was feeling, and their long talks had smoothed out some of the stress he was dealing with. Kensi and Diane spent those first few days giggling like schoolgirls, talking about the imminent birth of Joe and Di's baby girl. His new wife's smile was back as she finally began to shed the burden of trying to be perfect and simply relaxed.

Being with Joe again was allowing the two of them to reestablish and strengthen their brotherly bond. They didn't talk about the job or the case that had almost broken that bond, they just joked and bantered like they had when they'd first worked together. On one of their long rides they'd discussed their Arapaho cousin's dark mood, both concerned that he wouldn't talk to them about it. Elan wouldn't even acknowledge Deeks' jokes, not that he'd ever offered much more than a quick grin. It was clear something was bothering him. This morning, as Soldier dismounted, that worried look was back on his face again. The one he hadn't seen for a very long time.

Soldier would turn fourteen this summer. He was long and lithe, and still shy around people he didn't know. He'd never quite lost that wariness he'd developed as a child. He didn't trust easily, and could still be hurt by an insensitive comment or a perceived rejection. It was painful to watch him and his father at odds, and he was curious as to what he came up here to say.

"Grampa Jim says it might snow later," the boy said as he walked over to the edge of the cliff, scanning the thickening clouds. "But Grampa George doesn't think so."

"They do like to bicker over things," Deeks replied, laughing softly. "Even the weather."

The kid remained silent for some time and Deeks was patient, not wanting to rush him and scare him away.

"Uncle Deeks? Can I ask you something?" He finally said with a soft, but determined voice.

"Absolutely."

"How do you know when you're in love?"

The unexpected question surprised him and he held back a smile when the boy turned to stare at him with dark brown eyes full of need. He knew if he made a joke Soldier would be hurt and he didn't want that. The kid was serious and he had to honor that.

"When did you know you loved Kensi?" He asked, sinking cross-legged on the ground in front of him, intense and curious.

"Good question," Deeks said, looking down at the hat in his hands as he tried to formulate an answer.

"Don't you know?"

He looked up quickly at the boy, unsure how honest he should be. The trust in Soldier's eyes reminded him that the boy hated to be lied to, so honesty was the only option.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" He replied with a soft grin, and getting a brilliant one in return. "So…I was attracted to her from the beginning. Her not so much."

"She didn't like you?" He asked, looking surprised.

"She was totally unimpressed by my incredibly charming personality…at first," he laughed. "Do you know what flirting is, Soldier?"

"No."

Soldier had always been straightforward and honest with his feelings, always blunt and to the point, so he wasn't surprised the boy didn't understand.

"It's kind of like teasing," Deeks said, but the kid just stared back at him. "You flirt to show a girl you're interested in them…to see if they might like you back."

"Why can't you just tell them you like 'em?" he replied. "Lily told me that's what she did when she met Papa."

"I know, but that doesn't always work. It can scare some girls away," he replied. "That's what I was afraid of with Kensi."

"But when did you know you loved her?" The boy pressed.

"A long time before I told her," he admitted, not wanting to get into all the complications of their relationship. "We supposedly had a "thing", but we didn't act on it…we just kept flirting…and over time…"

"How long?"

"A few years," he lied.

Soldier looked stunned and slightly disappointed in his answer. "So you weren't sure you loved her all that time?"

The kid's comment made him reflective, and his mind drifted back to several moments in his past.

"I knew the night I told her she smelled like sunshine and gunpowder," he confided quietly.

"What did she do when you said that?"

"Not sure she even heard me," Deeks said, staring up at the clouds as memories flooded his mind.

"So how did you tell her?" Soldier doggedly asked.

"I kissed her…which at the time didn't seem to go over very well," he laughed out softly.

"Is that how you got her to like you?"

"I think I got her attention," Deeks said with a smile, for some reason feeling slightly embarrassed to be discussing his love life with a kid.

"So it worked?"

"Yeah, no…not immediately," he replied, not wanting to go much deeper into all that happened after that.

"But it might sometimes…right?" He asked earnestly, making Deeks realize what was going on.

"Do you think you're in love, Soldier?" Deeks asked gently.

The shy smile on the boy's face told him all he needed to know, and he smiled back at him.

"What's her name?"

"Molly."

"Did you meet her at school?"

"Nah. I was riding along Beaver Creek," he said. "She was just sitting on a rock by the bank. She looked sad, so I rode over to say hi."

"She was by herself?" Deeks asked.

"Yeah. Kinda surprised me too," he replied. "She told me she lived close by though, and she didn't look scared or nothin'. We talked a long time, and she's real pretty, especially when she smiles."

"So you met up with her again, I'm guessing."

"No, not yet," he said, smiling widely.

"And you think you're in love after talking to her one time?" Deeks asked, trying not to be dismissive, but failing miserably.

"You sound like Papa," he said, and quickly got to his feet. "He laughed at me too."

"I'm not laughing at you, Soldier," he hurried to say, standing to stop him from rushing off. "Actually, I think it's pretty amazing."

"Papa says he doesn't want me to see her again," Soldier said sadly as he fiddled with the reins of his horse. "I think he knows her dad…"

"And he doesn't like him," Deeks finished for him when he hesitated. "Did he tell you why?"

"No. Just got mad and told me to stay away from her."

The kid became withdrawn as he spoke, and he really couldn't blame him. It wasn't like Elan to be so harsh with his son, but he knew there had to be good cause for his warning. Whatever the reason, it had hurt the boy, so he decided to change the subject.

"Since we're up here, why don't you show me those pregnant mares Uncle Jim has been going on and on about," Deeks said. "Maybe Sheila can give them some tips about having baby horses."

The kid grinned, erasing some of the worry lines on his face. He nodded his agreement and swung easily into the saddle, quietly waiting until he mounted up to follow him.

"You know they're called foals, right Uncle Deeks?" He asked, still smiling.

"Why is that?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as if pondering a serious question.

"Don't know. Never thought about it," the kid replied.

"Maybe we should call them horse puppies," Deeks quipped as they started down the hill. "That would really get George and Uncle Jim going."

"You're funny, Uncle Deeks."

Before he could reply, Soldier kicked his pinto and raced down toward the line of lodgepole pines that bordered Elan's small valley. He pushed Sheila to catch up, but knew he had no chance. The boy could ride, and the pinto was a lot younger and faster than his mare.

Soldier had obviously been seriously smitten with the girl he'd met. Why Elan didn't approved was a mystery. The man was certainly no prude, but he was very protective of his son, but that might not be so easy to accomplish in this case. Soldier could be stubborn, standing his ground when he believed in the truth of something. He thought he was in love. Elan might be hard pressed to persuade him otherwise. Maybe Kensi could talk to the boy. It sure as hell couldn't hurt. Hopefully Elan would be willing to explain to him why he had warned his son off what appeared to be a harmless crush.

He pulled up as they broke from the tree line. Deeks never tired of coming into the small valley George had deeded over to Elan. A meadow of rapidly greening grasses and scattered wildflowers spread out toward the distant cabin and the old horse barn attached to the corral between them. They had recently fenced off a section of the meadow in front of the barn for a pasture. It backed up along a stand of aspen trees now sprouting a new growth of leaves. Several horses grazing inside raised their heads, sensing a new presence. Soldier looked over at him and whooped, kicking his pinto into a headlong rush out across the open meadow. Deeks laughed at his exuberance, and Sheila snorted and danced, wanting to follow.

"Okay, old girl. Show me you still got it."

They raced after the boy, Deeks smiling widely. He'd forgotten how exhilarating it could be to throw caution to the wind and just enjoy the freedom of tearing hell-bent across an open field for the pure fun of it. Soldier was patiently waiting beside his horse Sarge when he reached the barn.

"Forgot how fast your pinto is," Deeks said as he slid from the saddle.

"Grampa Jim wants me to run him at the State Fair this summer," the boy said proudly. "Thinks we would beat all comers."

"I wouldn't be surprised, Soldier. You're a natural."

"Yeah…that's what Vera always said," he replied quietly.

"Well, at least she was right about something," Deeks said, not wanting to delve too deeply into the pain that woman had caused them both.

Soldier looked over at him with those deep brown eyes, neither one needing words to express what that remembered name brought to mind. Vera Freitas and her sons had abused the kid his whole life before he and Elan found him. Ultimately, that family had caused the death of his mother, Bella. If it hadn't been for Soldier, he would have been tortured and killed, and Kensi would have suffered unimaginable horrors, and her life destroyed. What he owed this young boy could never be repaid.

"Let's go take a look at those mares," Deeks said, breaking the spell that had fallen over them.

They led their horses into the cool darkness of the barn. A buckskin mare poked her head over the gate of her stall and whinnied softly at Sheila. His big mare nickered and nodded her head a couple of times as if greeting the other horse. Soldier slipped inside the stall and ran his hands down her sleek neck to her shoulders and across her back, and down her side.

"She's a couple of months along, so you can't see much yet," Soldier said, sounding proud. "Her name's Peaches."

"She's a pretty little thing," Deeks said.

"Not as pretty as the chestnut in the next stall," Soldier said. "Uncle Jim says she has great bloodlines and the stallion we bred her to is one of the best cutting horses around."

The boy quickly put a halter on Peaches and led her out, releasing her into the corral. He was smiling when he came back into the barn and headed toward the stall a little further in. The head of a magnificent looking chestnut suddenly appeared and nickered softly at the boy. He pulled a long carrot from his jacket pocket and broke it into three pieces, handing one over to him before feeding one to his pinto. Sheila quickly snagged the treat out of his hand and began happily crunching away. The big mare in the stall snorted indignantly, definitely unhappy that she was missing out. Soldier laughed and held out the last piece of carrot for her to take.

"She loves carrots," he said.

"Looks like all of them love carrots," Deeks said. "What's this one's name?"

"Uncle Jim named her Red Lady Bird, to honor his great grandmother," Soldier replied softly. "I call her Lady."

"He used Red Bird's pouch to hold our rings at the wedding," Deeks said as he ran his hand along the mare's cheek.

"Papa's gonna give her foal to Uncle Joe for little Chris to ride when he's old enough," Soldier said. "We'll let Chris pick its name."

"That should be interesting," Deeks laughed. "A three-year-old with a limited vocabulary. What could possible go wrong?"

"Don't matter what you name 'em as long as they come when you call," Soldier said as he led the big red mare out of the stall.

"You think horses really know their names?" Deeks asked with a grin.

"Doesn't Sheila come in from grazing when you call her?" Soldier asked. "She does when I do."

"Now I'm jealous," Deeks said, giving his mare an aggrieved look. "Where's the loyalty?"

"Grampa George told me she used to follow you around the corral when you first came here."

"Almost knocked me into the water trough a couple of times," he replied, smiling at the memory.

"She liked you," Soldier said.

"Yeah…we definitely formed a connection," Deeks said. "Just like people. We became friends."

"Like me and Molly," the boy said with a wide smile as he attached a lead rope to the pregnant mare's halter.

As they moved toward the side door, the horse stopped abruptly and raised her head, pricking her ears forward. Sheila turned her head to look out of the open front doors of the barn and Soldier's pinto nickered softly. Deeks walked past his mare and listened, finally making out the sound of an approaching rider.

"Sounds like your dad might be looking for you," he said as Soldier came to stand beside him, still holding the mare's lead.

"No. That's not him," Soldier said. "That horse has a different gait than Papa's horse, Crow."

How he could know that, Deeks had no idea, but he believed him. He moved a little closer to the entrance, feeling slightly uneasy. The silhouette of a horse and rider suddenly blocked out most of the light, dust rising around the horse's legs as it danced nervously in place. Deeks instinctively stepped in front Soldier as he moved forward to greet the man. He looked to be in his mid twenties and ripped, his tight shirt and rolled up sleeves leaving nothing to the imagination. His dark denim jeans looked new, but his grey cowboy hat was well worn and pulled down so it was hard to see his eyes. His square jaw was pale, and rough with stubble.

"Can I help you?" Deeks asked.

"No…cause by the look of you, you ain't that Indian boy's old man," he said in a deep voice, flicking a thick finger toward Soldier.

"I'm his uncle. Now who are you and what do you want?" Deeks growled back, annoyed by the man's tone.

"Name's Purty Kemp, and I come to tell that Indian kid to stay away from Molly," the man said. "Our family don't want him messing around her. He'd be smart to listen."

"We just talked," Soldier said sharply.

Deeks put a hand on the boy's shoulder, needing him to remain calm. "Come on, man. They're just kids. Soldier was just trying to make a friend."

"She don't need that kind of friend," he said. "You stay away from her, kid. You hear me? I find you coming around I'll…"

"You'll what?" Deeks snapped as he moved toward the guy. "You threaten him, you threaten me and our whole family. And you really don't want to do that."

Kemp snorted out a laugh. "I'll say whatever the hell I want to, dude."

The man backed his lathered horse away from the barn, his eyes never leaving Deeks.

"You and your family better remember what I said. Especially you, kid," he spit out, yanking the reins roughly across his horse's neck, turning it toward the meadow.

Deeks watched him go, blowing out his breath to try and calm himself. When he looked over at Soldier, the boy looked grim, his fists held rigidly against his side.

"You okay?" Deeks asked.

"He sorta reminded me of Billy," Soldier said in a whisper.

Billy Freitas was the man his mother had run off with, taking Soldier with them before Elan ever had a chance to know he existed. Growing up, the boy and his mother had endured terrible abuse from Billy, but his reaction to this man was different. He'd been afraid of Billy and his family, but now he simply looked angry and defiant and although that made Deeks proud, it also scared him.

"I like her, Uncle Deeks," Soldier said tightly. "She likes me too. We're friends."

"Soldier…"

"Don't I have the right to be friends with whoever I want?" He asked boldly.

"Of course you do, Soldier, but…"

"If she wants to be my friend, then I'm gonna be hers," he sounded fierce, and turned away to lead the mare out into the corral.

Deeks took a deep breath and slowly stroked Sheila's neck as he thought about what just happened. Kemp's nasty comments had made him angry, but was the man just showing his concern, or was there something more sinister behind it. Purty Kemp obviously cared about Molly, and she was very young, but Deeks was trained to question people's motives. It was hard to fault a man trying to protect a member of his family, yet Deeks had gotten a bad vibe from the guy, especially after the implied threat. Elan knew something or he wouldn't have warned Soldier away from the girl, and that added to the bad feeling he was getting. What had surprised him was Soldier's response. There had been a hint of rebellion in his attitude and tone of voice. He was growing up, and no longer the traumatized eleven-year-old he'd first met in that dark place below the stairs. He also knew he was brave, and that, combined with his stubborn streak, might cause him to make some bad choices.

He pulled his phone to call Elan when Sheila nickered softly and raised her head. Shoving the phone back in his pocket, he moved quickly out into the corral. Soldier was perched on the back fence talking to a slight girl sitting atop a bald faced sorrel. This must be Molly, and Deeks quickly scanned the valley to make sure Purty Kemp wasn't around. Grateful the man was gone, he decided it was time to meet the girl that Soldier thought he was in love with. As he slowly approached the two, he assessed the girl. The contrast between them was stark. Soldier wore his hair the traditional Arapaho way like his father. It was long and shiny black. Her's was cropped really short and pale blond, almost white. The knees of her jeans were ripped, and the dark grey tee shirt she wore under her denim jacket was imprinted with a white line drawing of hills and the sea with the words Próxima Parada curving over it. In Spanish that meant, "next stop", and he wondered if she knew that. If she did, did those words hold special meaning for her? Was being with Soldier some sort of rebellion or rejection of the life she'd been born into?

When he reached them he pointed at her tee shirt. "Like your shirt. What's it mean?"

She stared placidly at him and then looked back at Soldier and rolled her eyes. "It's a band I found on Spotify. Their music's lit."

"What's that mean?" Soldier asked shyly.

"Means they're awesome," Deeks said, before turning his attention back to the girl. "Hi, Molly. I'm Marty Deeks. Soldier's uncle."

"You're the one who surfs," she replied, letting a soft smile bloom briefly. "Soldier told me you love the ocean. Never seen it, but I will someday."

"You won't be disappointed," he replied kindly.

"Soldier said my brother Purty was here," Molly said, looking off toward the cabin as if afraid to see his reaction.

"He was."

"He's really my half brother, but he still likes to tell me what to do…mostly what not to do," she said, sounding weary and a little sad. "All of 'em do."

"Told me to stay away from you," Soldier said.

"Yeah…I got that lecture too," she replied. "It's shit to be the youngest."

Deeks was surprised by the bitterness in her voice and by the language. There definitely was an edge to this girl, a wildness that belied her sweet appearance.

"Do you have a big family?" Deeks asked.

"You're a cop? Right?" She asked, looking steadily at him.

"Federal agent, actually."

She shrugged her shoulders as if there was no difference. "My dad's a lawyer. He doesn't like me telling people stuff about our family."

"I'm just curious, since your brother threatened Soldier," Deeks said easily. "I don't especially like that either."

"Uncle Deeks!" Soldier said. "It ain't her fault."

"I better go, before I get arrested," Molly said, laughing softly as she pulled her horse's head up. "See you around, Soldier."

"Want me to ride along with you?" Soldier asked.

"Soldier…" Deeks couldn't help the warning in his voice as he put a restraining hand on the boy's arm.

"Don't think your uncle likes that idea," Molly said, kicking her horse into action. "Bye, Uncle Deeks."

Her final goodbye was said in a mocking tone that irritated him, but it was Soldier's response that worried him. The boy watched her go then pulled his arm free from Deeks' hand and jumped down from the fence, his face stormy as he walked away. The whole encounter had made Deeks feel like an outsider and damn old. It had been a long time since he'd been a young teenager, so maybe the whole exchange was understandable. Still, there was something underneath it all that made him uncomfortable. He hadn't misunderstood the threat her brother Purty had made. It had been plain and disturbing. He wasn't about to let Elan stonewall him after this. He needed to talk to him and the rest of the family. But first, he had to make peace with Soldier, so he followed him.

"You didn't tell me she was that pretty," he said when he caught up to him in the barn.

He was disappointed when Soldier didn't reply. The kid wouldn't look at him, just quickly mounted his pinto and urged him out of the barn. He was scanning the hills behind the house as Deeks followed him out. Molly was waiting on a rise behind the cabin, and Deeks knew he wouldn't be able to keep Soldier from joining her.

"Be careful," was all Deeks could say, and the boy nodded, looking solemn and resolute.

Soldier kicked his pinto into a trot and then loped around the edge of the corral and up the slope behind the cabin. Deeks watched until he saw him meet up with Molly. The boy never looked back, but she did, waving before following Soldier into the hills beyond.

If you are interested in Soldier's backstory and the earlier events mentioned here, please read the story "Crossroads" from my series, The Atwood Chronicles.