Always Real

Prologue

My earliest memory as a child was Prim's birth. It was dawn, and Mom had been screaming in pain all night. My father had told me to stay in bed, and I kept the covers over my head, pretending that I wasn't listening, but surely even he knew better. We didn't sleep at night with the anxiety of mother going through labor and the excitement of knowing that we would have a new baby soon.

And sure enough, it was just when the sun was peeking out of the sky that we heard her cry. I couldn't pretend any longer; I leapt out of bed to meet the new baby, my little brother or sister.

"Look at her, isn't she precious?" Dad exclaimed, beaming as he held the tiny baby girl—my sister- and bent slightly towards me so that I could see her. She was still naked and crying, her skin so rosy it was almost red, but I could still distinguish her blonde hair, and I knew then that she would take after my mom the way I took after my dad.

I nodded eagerly. "I wanna carry her!" I begged. I then extended my arms above my head as my mom lay exhausted but content on her bed while the nurse hurried to everything clean up.

"Oh no, not yet, Katniss, she still needs a bath," Dad explained.

"Okay, Daddy," I pouted. Then, "What's her name?"

At this, Mom looked at me and said, "Primrose. Just like the tiny yellow flowers that grow in the garden. But we will call her Prim for short," she smiled.

"Prim," I tried out the name on my lips, then my eyes lit up in approval as my sister finally stopped crying and looked at me with deep, blue eyes. Mom's eyes were lighter than that, though, and as my gaze shifted towards her to compare, I saw a strange, worried expression on her face that I could not discern.

Katniss (2 years later)

"Do you want a shortbread cookie?" the boy with blonde hair and blue eyes asked me shyly when he approached me at the playground as I sat on one of the swings.

"Really?" I asked incredulously. No one at school had ever offered me cookies before.

He blushed. "Sure…um…you sing pretty," he mumbled as he looked at the ground while his hand extended out, offering me a beautifully decorated cookie with a yellow flower in the middle.

I took the cookie gently from his hand; I had never had one of these before, but the flower looked familiar. "My Daddy made them," the boy explained as he took out a second cookie from his now empty sack.

"It's a primrose," I suddenly remembered as I held it towards my lips and began nibbling on it.

His eyes widened, "You know what kind of flower it is?" he asked, amazed.

I nodded eagerly. "My baby sister was named after it. Plus, my Daddy's teaching me 'bout plants and he's gonna teach me how to swim too," I went on proudly.

"Whoa, my Daddy's only teaching 'bout bread," he said as he took a bite from his cookie.

"I like bread…" I said. "What's your name? I'm Katniss."

"Peeta," he replied.

"Peeta," I repeated, liking the sound of his name already. Then, remembering that he had given me a cookie, I said, "Thank you, Peeta."

And he blushed even brighter, his grin wide as his eyes directed at the ground. And that was the day I became friends with Peeta Mellark.

Five Years Later

"Peeta, she'll hit you!" I cried worriedly, the desperate tears streaming down my face undistinguishable from the rain.

"Don't worry, I'll be okay," he assured me as he shoved two loaves of bread in a paper sack and then gave them to me quickly, making sure that no one was looking.

"But they'll notice that they're gone, and that no one paid for them!" I insisted.

He shook his head and opened his mouth as if to protest, but just then, his mother walked in behind him as I stood outside the backdoor. "Why, you little bitch!" she screeched as Peeta whipped around in terror and I stood there frozen, still clutching the paper sack around my skinny arms.

"Katniss, what are you doing here, go! Leave! Run!" Peeta yelled as his mother finally reached him and smacked him full in the face, my feet finally reacting as I stumbled away quickly, looking behind me only long enough to see his mother reach out for her rolling pin. I bit my lip and kept running, knowing that it was cowardly of my part to leave him defenseless, but what could I have done? I was starving and weak; I was lucky that I could even run, and besides, I had Prim to think about.

After my father's death, nothing had ever been the same. But now I would always owe the boy with the bread for saving my life, and I hadn't even thanked him. I could only hope that this wouldn't ruin our friendship. I promised myself that I would repay him no matter what the cost.

Four Years Later

Primrose Everdeen!

"No! I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!" I cried out desperately as the Peacekeepers held Prim away, Gale picking her up as she screamed.

"It looks like we have a volunteer," Effie Trinket said in a rather pleased manner. I climbed up the steps, swallowing the lump in my throat as I told her what my name was.

"Well I'll bet my hat that was your sister!" she said cheerfully.

I nodded, "Y-yes," I croaked.

"How wonderful," Effie commented with a smile. "Let's give her a round of applause, shall we?" she suggested. But of course no one clapped. Instead, they gave me the three-finger salute, using silence as their peaceful way of rebelling. We do not condone this. All of this is wrong, I could almost hear them say as they held their fingers to their lips and then extended them towards me.

"And now for the boys," Effie finally went on after allowing a pregnant pause to pass. She dipped her hand into the boys' bowl and carefully took out a slip, "Peeta Mellark!" she cried out in her strange high-pitched voice, her Capitol accent making it so that she emphasized the "t." But there was no mistaking it. She had said Peeta, and my heart sank as I saw the devastated look on his face, realizing that neither of his brothers would volunteer for him as I had done for Prim, and that he would have to go against me. But I knew even as he climbed the steps that he was holding back his grief, and that he wouldn't even try to save his own life, for he had always made it clear that he was in love with me.

"Well, don't be shy, shake hands," Effie said after a second. And we did, knowing that neither of us would ever really be able to come out of the arena without the other. Even if one of us survived, we would always be trying to find our way out.

Two years later

"I love you, Katniss," he whispered in my ear he held me in his arms. I tear rolled down my cheek and soaked into the pillow beneath my head as we lay in bed.

It was one of those days. After everything we had been through and after the war had ended, here I was, broken and suffering through another loss. It was a loss that I had certainly never expected, but had nonetheless caused me a lot of pain.

"It'll be okay again," he insisted as he gently pulled a strand of hair away from my face. "We'll have another opportunity to become parents."

I stiffened. "No," I said coldly. "I don't want children, and I'm not meant to have children, and this was proof of it," I spat. "It was proof that it was a mistake."

He froze. "Katniss, just because we didn't plan it doesn't mean it was a mistake—an accident, perhaps, but never a mistake. I told all of Panem that you were pregnant because they needed to hear the full extension of the Capitol's monstrosity, and you told the rebel districts that you lost the baby because they had to know the sacrifices that you were making for them. But we're husband and wife now, and there's no mistake in us having children someday," he maintained passionately.

"Peeta, I don't think you understand. I'm not meant to be a mother, and I never wanted to be one any more than I ever wanted to get married. And despite the fact that I love you now, we're only married because they forced us to do it. We would have never done the secret toasting if it wasn't for that," I argued.

"So you regret ever having being with me?" he asked, hurt.

"No, of course not! I just wasn't sure then if I loved you any differently than I loved my friend Gale, but I can see now that I do. I would never regret being with you. The only thing I regret is almost losing you to the Capitol after they kidnapped and hijacked you, and then losing your child during the rebellion, the only thing I thought I had left of you," my voice broke towards the end.

He held me tighter then, holding me against his broad chest as I wrapped my arms around him. "Well I can promise you now that you will never lose me again, no matter what," he murmured as he kissed the top of my head.

And for the first time in weeks, I smiled as I looked up to meet his deep blue gaze.

Later that day, I finally gathered the courage to go downstairs and eat dinner with my family. I popped a cheese bun in my mouth as Peeta sat down beside me, Prim picking thoughtfully at her mashed potatoes on the other side of me. Out mother was sitting stoically in front of us, not making much attempt at conversation any more than Prim or I. "Why's everyone so quiet?" Peeta asked curiously, trying to lighten up the mood.

"No reason," Prim replied quickly. My eyes drifted towards my sister as I finally realized that something was up. My mother simply kept eating, concentrating on her plate and avoiding my gaze. "What are you trying to hide from me?" I suddenly snapped at her, deciding that I didn't have the patience for this.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Katniss," Mother said calmly, still refusing to look up.

"MOM, DON'T JUST SIT THERE, LOOK AT ME!" I yelled angrily as I slammed my fist on the table. Prim jumped as her eyes widened in terror.

"Katniss, calm down…" Peeta said gently as he held on to my shoulder.

"NO, PEETA, DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, I'M SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYONE HIDING THINGS FROM ME BECAUSE THEY DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE THEM!" I screamed as I finally stood up and headed out the door, heading out towards the woods to clear my head. Maybe they were right, and I was mentally unstable. Anyone would be after what I had gone through, but what about Peeta? He had been hijacked, and every once in a while he still had episodes, but they never hid things from him. I scowled as I walked to the edge of the woods, hearing Peeta's loud, heavy steps behind me; his prosthetic leg hadn't helped him improve on walking stealthily through the forest. I knew then that any ideas I had of hunting were out of the question.

"Katniss, wait up!" he called out, panting for breath as he grabbed my arm.

I whipped around impatiently, "What, Peeta? Are you going to tell me that you're hiding something from me too?" I challenged harshly.

He winced. "No, of course not, Katniss, that's why I wanted to catch up with you. I wanted to tell you that I found out why your mother and Prim have been acting strangely. And I don't feel like I'm the right person to tell you, but since neither of them are willing to do it, I figured I might as well." He explained.

My gaze softened for a second, but then hardened again when I realized that they had told him and not me. "Well, what is it, then?" I demanded.

He hesitated. "Okay, first of all, let me clarify that I didn't find this out from them, as you're probably suspecting, but rather from my father." He began.

I frowned. "How does he have anything to do with this?" I asked, perplexed.

"Well, come here and sit down with me on the porch and I'll explain," he said as he took my hand gently and led me towards the chairs on the back porch. We sat down as he turned his chair towards me so that he could face me. He licked his lips, "Katniss, ever since my mother died during the bombings, my father has been acting rather strangely… my brothers and I have been trying to console him, but he's not even acting sad…he's just….I don't know…confused, and he feels guilty for not being able to save her."

I nodded understandingly. Peeta's mother hadn't been the nicest woman, but her death had still caused an impact on her family. But I still couldn't understand how this had anything to do with us. "I'm sorry about your father, Peeta…" I began.

"I know, and it's okay," he interrupted me quickly. "But that's not where I'm getting at. After my mother died, my brothers and I felt more relieved than anything, and I think our father did too, but he feels guiltier about it, and for good reasons. I mean, I don't think it's his fault that she died; I know he tried to save her, even though she never treated him any better than she treated us. I think they just married out of convenience actually, but he feels guilty about not missing her, you know? And there's something else, and this is the part that I'm afraid to tell you…" he looked down at our intertwined hands nervously.

"Is this the part that is somehow related to my mother and my Prim?" I asked, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.

He nodded. "Yes, but please keep in mind that I discovered this recently, and so I haven't been trying to hide it from you or anything," he said quickly. He swallowed, and then continued, "Thirteen years ago, my father had an affair with your mother. He never told anybody, but my mother suspected it. I was the only who knew that he had wanted to marry your mother long before she ended up with your father, so I kept quiet about it. But then your sister was born, and I think that's when my mother confirmed her suspicions, because she took her wrath out on all of us. She beat us every day with her rolling pin, and one day, she almost stabbed my dad. It was shortly after I met you…" his voice cracked and he looked down, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks as they began to pool in his sapphire eyes.

"So that's why you always had bruises…" I recalled as I stroked the back of his hand, encouraging him to go on. Revulsion and loathing overcame me at the thought of his mother hurting him. I was glad she was dead.

He nodded. "Yes, but back then, I didn't know why she was beating us. I thought it was because she was angry at my dad for cheating on her, but it was more than that. She hated us, Katniss. She always complained about wanting a daughter, but she was never able to have one with my dad, and she always referred to us as "stupid, useless creatures." She said she never wanted any sons. She blamed my dad for not giving her the daughter she always wanted….and for giving a daughter to another woman instead," He trailed off and looked up at me, allowing me to guess the rest.

"Prim is your sister too," I whispered in realization. And then it hit me. "My mom cheated on my dad." I clenched my fists. "SHE SAID THAT SHE LOVED HIM." I shouted in rage. I couldn't believe that my mother had betrayed the only man whom she had been mourning for all of these years, her husband, my father, the reason she had neglected her own daughters.

"I know, Katniss, and that's why I don't think it lasted very long. It might have just been a one-night stand," he mumbled the last part under his breath.

My eyes widened in disbelief. "Wait a minute. Does Prim know about this?" I asked.

"Yes. She just found out about it actually. I talked to my dad earlier this morning, and he was acting odd, so I insisted that he talk to me, and that's when he confessed to me that Prim was his daughter. It made sense to me then why he always gave her cookies when she passed by the bakery, why she treated you and your sister so kindly, and why my mother beat me the day I gave you bread. But that's not all. Prim…well, Prim found out about it by accident," he blushed, and I frowned, perplexed by his reaction.

"What do you mean?" I pressed on.

Peeta hesitated. "Well…I don't know if you've noticed, but your mom has been frequenting the bakery lately, and this morning, before my dad opened the bakery, was no exception. They were alone, as my brothers were still sleeping at home and I was with you…but your sister went looking for your mother, and that's when she saw them. She saw them together…and well, I guess she was pretty horrified, because then my father stupidly announced that he was her real father, which only made things worse," Peeta winced.

I gaped. "My mom and your dad were fucking in the bakery and my baby sister saw it?" I exclaimed. But before Peeta could respond, I went on, "And what's more, you knew that they were together, and you didn't tell me!" I accused.

Peeta darted his gaze around nervously. "I didn't know, per se, but yes, I did suspect it. However, it had never occurred to me before that Prim was my sister, and so I decided it was best if your mom told you when she was ready to announce it. I wanted my dad to be happy, Katniss, and your mom even seemed happier too. But I guess things just became potentially problematic, what with Prim finding out the way that she did."

I laughed caustically. "Potentially problematic? Are you kidding me? She was probably scarred for life!" I hollered at him.

"Katniss, Prim isn't a child anymore. She knows about sex. Although, I did hear that they were even doing it from behind…" he began teasingly.

I slapped his arm hard. "Peeta, shut up! I don't want to hear the details!" I screeched, embarrassed.

Peeta chuckled as he rubbed his muscular arm. "Fine, I guess I deserved that."

We were quiet for a few moments. I thought about heading back inside the house to console my sister, but I wouldn't know what to say. It was then that I realized that Prim had not only discovered that her father was alive, but that it wasn't the same father as mine, and that she had older three brothers, one of them being my husband. I didn't know what to make of that. What if my mother and their father decided to get married? What would that make Peeta and me? Would it even matter, or make any difference? And, my more importantly, why had my mother cheated on my father all of those years ago? This, I decided, was what I needed to find out first. I needed to confront my mother about it. I sighed, exasperated, "I guess I better go talk to my mother, then," I told Peeta once I felt calmer.

Peeta nodded in agreement. "Good luck, Katniss, and remember, if my mother and your father tie the knot, we'll be stepsiblings and husband and wife. Won't that be hot?" he joked, winking.

I scowled at him. "You're crazy if you think I'm going to share Prim with you, you perv," I said as I opened the back door and went inside, Peeta laughing behind me.

I ran straight into my mother. "Katniss…" her voice was soft and raspy.

The first thing I did was strike her across her left cheekbone. Maybe I had more in common with the previous Mrs. Mellark than I thought. Maybe the name was a curse of wrath. I shuddered at thought and continued, "How could you? Why would you cheat on my father, after all of the love that he gave you? He never once suspected that Prim wasn't his child! And now you're screwing Peeta's dad as soon as you find out that his wife is dead? Forget that, you did it in front of Prim!" I seethed.

"Katniss, I can explain…" she began, tears already spilling down her fragile cheeks as she held her palm up to the reddened cheek that I had slapped.

"No, don't fight!" Prim suddenly exclaimed as she approached behind our mother. We both turned to look at her as she went on, "Please get along for once," she pleaded. "What happened this morning was accident, and I'm not mad," she gazed towards my mother forgivingly, "I'm happy that you found love again, Mom, and that I have a father and three older brothers. But Katniss and I will always share the same father in my mind. I may not remember him as much, but I loved him too," she sobbed.

"Oh, Little Duck," I said as I ran up and hugged Prim, and then glared at our mother, "But that doesn't explain why you betrayed our father," I scolded her.

Our mother exhaled shakily and then motioned for us to sit. "Alright, girls, sit down and allow me to explain." She suggested. Prim and I exchanged looks and did as we were told. "First, let me begin by saying that it only happened once," she clarified, and before I could protest, she held up a finger and said, "Yes, I know that doesn't justify it, and that that isn't the case anymore, but let me elaborate. Your father was working at the coal mines; Katniss, you were in preschool, and I was alone when I got a call from the baker, who was injured. I went to check up on him and noticed that he had accidently burnt part of his upper thigh when the oven door had fallen on him. His wife had gone to the market and his sons were all at school. He closed the bakery temporarily and as I began to treat his injuries, he began to talk to me about how he had always been in love with me, and the effect that I had always caused him, and before I knew it, I had been seduced by his enchanting words and things had gone too far before I thought to stop them." She wringed her hands nervously and continued, "One month later, I found out that I was pregnant, and something in me was sure that it was his, but I tried to deny it and told my husband that we were having a new baby instead. He believed it, of course, and he never found out about my infidelity," her voice shook as she went on, "And then when he died, I realized how much I had loved him and how guilty I felt for lying to him all of those years," she sobbed as she hid her face in her hands, and Prim stood up and went around the table to hold her, but I remained rooted to my spot.

"And now? Are you going to deny that you ever had any true feelings for Mr. Mellark when we all know that that's a lie?" I challenged.

Mom pursed her lips tightly before replying, "No, Katniss, I'm not going to deny it. Bran Mellark has always been very kind and supportive to me, and we've grown a lot closer lately. He never really loved his wife, and we all know that she wasn't the most pleasant person to be around with. But he consoled me when my husband died, and I was there for him when his wife died. He grew on me," she explained.

I raised my eyebrow skeptically. "So now you're telling me that you're in love with him?" I inquired.

"Oh come on, Katniss, it's not like you didn't go through this with Gale and Peeta," Prim reminded me.

"No, it's not the same, because I never dated Gale; I didn't love him that way," I pointed out.

"Well, whatever the case, you had strong feelings for them both, just like I had strong feelings for your father and for Bran," mom said defensively.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine mom, marry my husband's father for all I care, but next time, try not to get caught by Prim and leave me and Peeta out of it," I said as I stood up and walked off briskly.

"So you still don't want to share your little sister with us?" Peeta asked lightly later that night as we lay in bed.

"It's not that, it's just that I haven't gotten used to the idea yet, and I'm sure it must be hard for Prim too," I asserted.

Peeta nodded sympathetically as he ran his thumb gently across my cheek. "Well, I guess I can understand that. And as long as it distracts you from what happened with the baby, I'm okay with you concentrating on that instead," he confided softly.

I closed my eyes and exhaled tiredly. "Can we not talk about all this anymore? I just want to lay here in your arms," I requested as I blinked my eyes open and then shifted them to his pleadingly.

"Of course, lovely wife of mine," he smiled as he pressed me closer against his chest and then kissed my forehead. "Although I will admit that I'm kind of jealous that your mom and my dad did it in the bakery; I always thought that was our thing," he chuckled.

"Peeta!" I squealed, ashamed.

But he only laughed even harder, his muscular chest reverberating against my breasts. I bit my lip as my fingertips brushed his bare pectorals, and I suddenly had the strange urge to lick his nipples, sinking a little bit lower on the bed to do just that. I'd had so much pent up anger and frustration today, but now all I could think of was Peeta and how much I needed him right now, energy soaring through my veins like flames. He moaned when he felt my tongue flick on his sensitive skin, his nipples hardening just like mine, and I could also feel him rising against my thigh. Before I could register what was happening, he had tossed my nightgown aside and I had pulled down his undershorts, his hands instantly covering my mounds while his lips ravaged my mouth. I reached one of my hands down to stroke him, causing him to buck his hips and land even closer towards my center as I swallowed his gasp.

"Katniss," he whimpered as his wantonly hands began kneading my breasts and pinching my nipples gently before descending down towards the rest of my body, running up and down my legs before settling them where I most needed them.

I arched my hips up to meet his probing fingers as he slipped them expertly between my folds, his thumb rubbing frantic circles on my clit as pulled his fingers in and out tauntingly. I knew then that he must be as excited as me if he was already making me come. His fingers then bent forwards to find my bundle of nerves, and soon I came all over his fingers as he pulled them out and slipped them in his mouth, sucking on them before grinning impishly at me and strategically placing his head between my legs so that his tongue replaced the work of his fingers. He held my legs open by pushing my knees sideways towards the mattress while I curled my fingers in his hair. He shoved his tongue inside me then, his lips locking with my bottom lips just like he had done with my mouth earlier. I cried out his name as he his tongue continued to swirl and thrust, flick and brush. But instead of allowing me to find my release this time, he raised his head back up again and reached for his length as he brought it towards me, tentatively pushing it inside me shallowly before pulling out again until I could no longer take his teasing and wrapped my legs around him so that he would go in deeper. He balanced his hands on my hips as finally dived in, my eyes rolling back in ecstasy as he found our rhythm and thrust his hips accordingly. Tiny beads of sweat had already started rolling down the edge of his face.

The pit in my belly burned hotter and hotter as he continued to move his hips, and he leaned down to kiss me so that I could taste myself in his tongue. I pressed my hands tightly against the back of his shoulder blades as we were starting to reach our climax, the dark orbs of his eyes almost mixing in with the darkness of our bedroom. I suckled on the tender part of his neck as he came, capturing the sound that elicited from his throat and engraving it in my memory; it was one of my favorite things about him. His reaction affected me such that I followed soon afterwards, and he landed exhausted on top of me as he I held him tighter so that he wouldn't roll off onto his back. I liked to keep him inside me until he grew hard again, always amazed by how our bodies fit so perfectly together, like two puzzle pieces that were incomplete and senseless without the other. He began breathing sweet nothings into my ear, and as he did this, I flipped him on his back so that I was on top. He grinned and I could feel him growing hard again as I leaned forward and pushed his head up so that his head was on my chest. His mouth and hands instantly found my breasts, gifting me with his insurmountable magic as I rode him, my hands clutching him as I threw my head back freely. We spent most of the night making love until it was almost time to wake up. He insisted on going to work, but I ended up convincing him to stay with me. "Is this real?" he had mused.

"Is what real? You staying with me?" I had asked. "It better be."

He laughed softly, "Of course it is." He then leaned me close to me and said, "Some things are always real."

That morning, my mother announced that when she married Bran Mellark, she would move into his house along with Prim so that Peeta and I could have our house to ourselves. Apparently even Haymitch had heard us from his house last night.