A Winter Confession
Marley was hanging out with Kitty, her best friend one Saturday. It was the middle of winter and both girls were extremely bored. There wasn't anything on, they couldn't go anywhere (Marley's parents had the car and Kitty had spent the night), and all of Marley's video games were 'mysteriously missing' (i.e. her sister took them).
"Damn, I'm bored! Isn't there anything we can do?" Marley whined.
"We could play Scrabble." Kitty suggested. Marley stared at her blankly.
"Seriously? Scrabble?" Kitty shrugged.
"It's something." Marley rolled her eyes at her friend.
"But I suck at that game! Why can't we try something that I know how to play at least a little well?"
"Because your sister has all of them remember?"
"Oh yeah… Damn her." Kitty laughs at her friend's antics, as Marley grumbles about annoying younger siblings. "I mean, I know she loves them as much as I do but really? She has her own! Why take mine?"
"Cuz that's what little siblings do. They take what's yours whenever they feel like it." Marley rolls her eyes once more.
"Blah, blah, blah whatever!" They sit quietly for a few moments before Kitty decides to ask Marley what's been bothering her for a while. Before she can even open her mouth, Marley spoke. "So I gotta tell you something." Thinking Marley was going to out herself; she sits up straight and nods for her to continue. Marley bites her lip, nervous. "Well, yesterday I was hanging out with Jake, you know the hockey player in our Geometry class?" Kitty nods, not sure where she's going with this. "Well, anyways while we were hanging out he gets all quiet and nervous. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he liked me! I was soooo shocked! I couldn't believe it!" Kitty's face dropped.
'What the fu-? Are you serious right now?!' She could feel her face twitching. "Can you believe it? Jake Puckerman asked me out!" Marley squealed. Kitty just looked sad as Marley continued to gush about the tall, handsome jock in their shared class period. What she didn't know, is what Marley was mulling about in her mind.
'I can't believe I wasn't all that excited when he confessed to me and asked me out. All the other girls at school would kill for a chance to be with him. All I could think about was…' Her train of thought was cut off by the voice that had been fighting her for a while now. 'No! Do NOT go there Marley! You're NOT gay! You LIKE Jake! He's hot, so why wouldn't you?' 'Uh... Cuz I like Kitty?' 'No. You. DON'T! Do you not remember what your Mom said if you EVER told her you were gay? Out the door you'll go!' 'But.' 'You're not, ok!'
Marley comes out of her thoughts to see Kitty staring at her. "Um, Kitty? You ok?" Kitty jumps at her name being called.
"Huh, what? I'm sorry I don't think I heard you." Marley just shakes her head with a knowing smile.
"Did you space out again?" Kitty scratches her head sheepishly, her blonde locks bouncing with the movement.
"Ah, y-yeah... Guess I did haha."
"Mhm, so anyways I have a date on Monday." The blonde froze at her words.
"Wait, what?" she whispered. Marley repeated herself thinking she hadn't heard her. 'No, she can't!' She stares at Marley, heartbreak in her eyes but reigns it in hoping the brunette wouldn't see it. "Um why?" Marley looks at her like she's grown three heads.
"Um, maybe because I like him?" she stated.
"No you don't." Kitty rebutted; Marley frowned.
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do!"
"No you don't!" This continued for a while before Marley had enough. She finally changed up the argument.
"What the hell is your problem?" she yelled.
"You! You're my problem!" Marley's anger melts away into hurt and confusion as she falls to the couch, gaping at her blonde friend. Kitty's hands covered her mouth, eyes wide at the words that flew from her lips.
"Wha… What did you mean by that?" she asked her. Kitty squeezed her eyes shut tight, gulped, and took a deep breath before reopening her eyes. She looks into those deep blue eyes, and sighed. She knew what she had to do. 'Guess it's now or never.' She fixes her gaze to a piercing glare which causes Marley to flinch just a little bit. "Wh-what?"
"Marley, you need to stop lying to me, but more importantly yourself."
"I don't what you're talking about." she denied.
"Dammit Marley! Just stop it ok! I know the truth!" Marley's eyes grew to the size of saucers as her heart beat sped up. 'Oh shit, oh shit! She knows! 'Knows what? That you like Jake? Big freakin' whoop!' 'NO dammit, she knows that I like…' 'If you keep saying that you'll be in BIG trouble! You're NOT gay!' Marley stays quiet while Kitty waits for her to say something. "Well," she challenges, "are you going to say something?" Marley blinks back to the conversation before forcing a smile on her face.
"I don't get what you're trying to say Kit, I like Jake. That's all there is to it." Kitty growled in frustration.
"Goddammit Marley! Why are you doing this to yourself?" she cries.
"Doing what exactly?"
"Lying and saying that you like him when you clearly don't!" Marley shakes her head with a sympathetic smile.
"Oh Kitty. Kitty, Kitty, Kitty… Why must you spout such nonsense? I do like Jake." Kitty scoffs at her haughtily.
"Oh I'm spouting nonsense now am I? Is that what you're saying?" she retorts. Marley merely nods at her, a smug expression on her face. "Ok then, this should be easy." Marley's eyebrows crease in puzzlement.
"What should?" she asked suspiciously. Kitty gazed at her, mentally and emotionally preparing herself for what she was about to start declaring. 'Oh Marley, please forgive me.' She steeled herself for what may be the biggest fight between them yet. Kitty's eyes seemed to flash from timid to determined as a wicked smirk crossed her lips. Marley noticed this and instantly became tense.
'I know that look.' She thought with a tremble. 'That's her 'Imma get you' look! Oh crap.'
"Do you know why I think you really said yes Mar?"
'Maybe I shouldn't ask.' "Why Kit?" 'D'oh! Why'd I say that?!'
"You said yes because you don't want to admit that you're actually gay!" Marley stops breathing. Her eyes bulged out of their sockets, mouth open wide in shock, feeling frozen to the core.
"Wha-… I.. U-uh.. N… I." All she could do was stutter, unable to form a complete sentence. Kitty's smirk deepened.
"I'm right aren't I? You're too much of a scaredy-cat to admit that you like girls, right? Of course!" Marley keeps gaping at her, still unable to speak.
'What the hell is wrong with you? Tell her it's not true!' 'But..' 'No, no buts! Now TELL her!' After a few seconds of Marley impersonating a guppy fish, she finally closes her eyes and mouth, and then takes a deep breath. Her eyes open up and return the icy glare that Kitty's emerald green ones are imposing on her. "No I'm not." She attempts to sound calm, but fails as her voice trembles and it comes out weak and soft.
"Ha, really now? Who're you trying to convince Mar? Me or you?" Marley doesn't respond. "Because honestly, you don't fool me. I know you too damn well, best friends for life remember?" Marley's eyes narrow in annoyance at the smug, knowing look Kitty was giving her as she grits her teeth.
"I'm not gay Kitty, so stop saying that."
"Why are you being so stubborn in your denial of your true self? I'm your best friend Mar, you being gay wouldn't bother me." 'On the contrary, it would make me happy!' Marley rolls her eyes and quirks an eyebrow at her blonde companion, arms crossing in front of her chest.
"Why must you keep on about this Kitty?"
"Because, I can see how much it hurts you to lie to yourself Mar. You feel like you're dying inside and it's killing me! I can't stand to watch you tear yourself apart like this!" Marley tears up at the desperation and concern in her friend's voice as she keeps talking. "So please, just admit that I'm right and end this masquerade of being 'straight'." Marley keeps crying silently, mentally arguing with herself before standing up fully. She faces Kitty and smiles at her softly, getting one in return. It then darkens as a look of utter disgust slides in its place.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You actually believe that I like girls? Please, I'm not a disgusting little carpet-muncher! You must be some kind of crazy if you really think that, hahaha." Kitty's eyes widen and her heart breaks at the horrible name.
'D-did she really just say that? Carpet-muncher? And with such distaste.' Tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks. Marley stood there, a proud look about her.
"So what do you have to say about that?" Kitty bows her head to the point where her eyes are covered by her bangs.
"….Nothing Marley." Her voice is soft, broken, and filled with defeat. "Nothing at all." She then gets up and walks to the front door. Marley's smug grin only falters then as her arms fall back to her sides. 'Wh-what is she doing?' She feels worry creep through her as the other girl continues her pace to the door in front of her.
"Kitty, what are you d-doing?" she asked anxious of the answer.
"What does it look like I'm doing Marley? I'm leaving." Is what she hears from the disheartened girl before her. Marley chuckles nervously, not sure if her friend is being serious or not.
"N-no you're not." She tries to say without trembling, failing miserably. Kitty doesn't respond, she just opens the door and is struck by the icy breeze blowing in her direction. "Kit… Kitty, stop." She is ignored as the blonde steps out into the wintery wonderland outside. "Kitty please don't go! Please!" Kitty turns and looks into Marley's dark sapphire eyes, her own a forest green. The brunette gasps at the wet trails of tears on the blonde's damp cheeks.
"I just can't do this anymore Mar. You don't want my help or to admit who you really are. You don't seem to care about how I feel on the matter or why I might be trying to help you out… So I'm just gonna go home and leave you be." With that being said, Kitty grabs the outside knob and begins to shut the door. Just before it closes she spares one last glance at the sad-looking girl still inside. "I'll see you some other time Mar. I wish you the best. Have fun on Monday." She finally closes the door, walks down the steps, and out into the blistering cold.
Marley is left alone, staring at the spot her best friend had earlier occupied, still in shock that she had actually left. She couldn't believe that had just happened. "What have I done?" she questioned herself. 'Well dear, you did the right thing.' was her mind's response. 'What?' 'That girl had to go! She was accusing you of being a liar and denying your true self, pfft! How dare she! She had no right to say that, none!' As her mind spouted out against all her best friend said, her heart whispered to her what she truly felt. She could feel the aching brought on by all that was said and done. There was something akin to guilt and disappointment there also. 'What if..' she stopped that thought for just a moment before continuing it. 'What if I am gay? I mean, I really, really like Kitty… Hell, I actually think I..' 'What are you saying now Marley?' 'The truth.' She spoke back. 'What truth?' 'That I'm a lesbian.' 'WHAT?' 'Do I have to repeat myself? Fine, I am a l-e-s-b-i-a-n. You know, a female that likes other females?' She retorts smartly. She could hear the growl in her head.
'Don't you get cute with me missy, and what the hell do you mean you're a 'lesbian', when clearly you're…' 'In love with Kitty.' she finishes. A wicked grin snaked across her face as the other voice seemed to get even angrier with her insistence. 'Now you listen here girl, I am the one who knows what you are and what you aren't so..' 'No, you don't know what I am and what I'm not. I do. And I'm tired of listening to you!' Marley is now fed up with listening to her doubts and lies and starts to fight back. The other voice laughs at her. 'So what are you gonna do huh? Go tell your precious Kitty how sorry you are for saying that about her? Or that you're sorry you lied to her? Do you really think she's gonna forgive you that easily Marley? I don't.' Marley stops for a moment to think about what the voice said.
Instead of focusing on her clouded thoughts, she listened to her heart. 'Go to her,' it said. 'Tell her the truth and that you're sorry. Go!' She nodded her head in acknowledgment. 'I know she will, because she's my best friend and that's the kind of girl she is!' She takes off, grabbing a coat and throwing it on as she heads to the door. She grabs the keys off the small table and races out the door. 'What are you doing? Stop!' The voice yelled at her as she ran past the surrounding houses, trying to think of where Kitty could have went. 'Kitty, where are you? You couldn't have gotten far.' She stopped at the crosswalk two blocks from her house and looked in the three possible directions her friend could've chosen. 'You need to stop this madness at once Marley! You'll get in trouble if..' Marley finally reaches her breaking point and snaps in her head.
'Shut UP! I don't fucking care anymore about what you have to say! I LOVE Marley ok? I do! She is the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm NOT going to lose her over some pathetic woman who's more worried about her appearance than her child!' She was met with silence at her words but she didn't stop there. 'If she wasn't so stuck on what society viewed her as, we might've actually had a good relationship with each other.' She continued looking between her three choices trying to decide which way to go.
She closed her eyes and blocked out all sounds so she could listen to her heart. She knew it would point out where Kitty had gone. Eventually she saw an image of exactly what she wanted and smiled at the sight. She opened her eyes, still smiling. "There you are Kitty, of course you'd go there." she chuckled to herself. With a renewed sense of determination, she turned in the direction she knew to be true and followed her heart's steps. "I'm coming Kitty. Please don't go anywhere."
Kitty lay sprawled out on a bench in Wiltman's Park. It was really windy outside an snowflakes were falling. She watched as the cutely made frozen water seemed to float down to the ground rather than them falling. She reached out her hand to catch one in particular. She watched as it landed on her skin and quickly melted into its more popular form. She sighed as her now wet hand before wiping it on her jeans. "I wish it was as simple as that. It would be easier," she mumbled.
"But then life wouldn't be any fun now would it?" Kitty's head whipped to the side to find that Marley was standing there, a small smile in her face. She changed to a sitting position, surprise evident on her face.
"Marley," she began, "what are you doing here? I thought that..." she trailed off not knowing what to say. She looked away, suddenly unsure of herself. "Never mind." she mumbled. 'She probably came back just to yell at me some more.' Marley licked her lips to moisten them and moved closer to the saddened girl, hoping that what she was about to do wouldn't piss her off. When she was close enough, she kneeled down to Kitty's level and placed her hands on her knees.
"Kit, look at me please." she said as softly as possible. Kitty merely shook her head 'no'. Marley pouted. "Pweeeaaase Kit?" A twitch of the lips let Marley know that she was getting to her but Kitty still wouldn't turn her head. Marley sighed then smirked playfully. "Then I guess I'll just have to make you look at me." She placed both her hands on Kitty's head and gently turned the girl in her direction. She could still see the dried trails of earlier tears on the blonde's face. A small spark of guilt flew through her but she ignored it for the moment; there was something more important to do.
"Kitty, I'm really, really sorry that I said all of that to you. I'm also sorry that I laughed in your face when all you were trying to do was tell me your feelings on my actions as of late." Marley watched as Kitty's eyes started to slightly mist up at her words. She took this as a sign to continue. "I should have been more considerate to you because you deserve as much and you do the same for me when I'm telling you my opinion on something. I was a total bitch to you and that was unfair of me. I'm so sorry Kitty." A smile made its way onto the girl's face and she giggled when Marley said 'bitch' but she let her continue.
"You are the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for and I'm happy that you're mine." Kitty's smile grew and she was about to say something when Marley added on to her statement. "But there's just one problem." Kitty shuts her mouth and frowns at her. She was now even more confused. 'Problem? What could she mean by that?' Marley looks down at her best friend's lips, wet hers once more, and then looks back into her dark green eyes. "I think I wanna be more than friends." she whispered. Kitty frowned slightly not sure she heard what Marley said.
"You want to what?" Marley doesn't answer her, she just leans forwards and presses her lips onto Kitty's, hoping she won't get slapped. On her part, Kitty sits there, dazed at the fact that Marley, her best friend Marley Rose, was kissing her. 'I must be dreaming,' she thought to herself. After a few seconds she realized she wasn't dreaming and kissed the girl back, her eyes closing as she reveled in the warm feeling that overpowered the cold surrounding them. Marley pulled back, biting her lip and taking a small breath. Kitty has a goofy grin on her face and her eyes are twinkling with delight.
"I said I want to be more than friends… If you'll have me." Kitty just pulls the girl into a hug and laughs.
"I'll be anything with you as long as I can be yours and you mine."
