Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama bla bla bla
Blown Up Drama
Chapter 1
"So here's the deal!" Chris announced to the less than eager teenagers. "As you may or may not know, our last island recently blew up leaving our contestants…well, unable to keep competing. Lawsuits are expensive, so we need some TV revenue FAST. Since we've all ended up on this nearby island, I've decided were gonna do a quick little Total Drama season starting now, and you're gonna compete!"
The teens looked as if they'd been asked to test out a minefield.
"Whoa, I'm not about to be on a show where the last contestants DIED!" a particularly nervous redheaded girl protested. "
Don't worry, we can't afford any more lawsuits, so we'll make sure to keep you safe…ish." Chris reassured her. "And FYI, half of them survived with only major injuries."
"Half lived? Gee, yay, what an improvement." A boy with emo hair, glasses, and a hood pulled over his head said sarcastically.
"Why are you acting so negative when they didn't all die? Some people sure see the glass as half empty!" Chris complained.
"I totally agree! And I think this game will be great!" said a cheery girl with short black hair.
A tall, thin boy piped up. "I know Leah here can be pretty irrational" He said, pointing to the redhead. "But she has a point, and you're an adult authority figure so fuck you. Just take me home 'cause I'm not play-"
"ZIP IT!" Chris shouted. "Anyone who doesn't play gets to swim home! The rest of you can go home once you've been voted off or won."
"What if-"
"No! Anyone caught trying to lose on purpose will also swim home!" Chris interrupted the tall rebel for the second time.
Chris went on to explain the details of the game, and then the show. "I've talked to the network, and this is a fast season. Episodes will air the day after they're filmed! Thinking of all that, let's introduce you guys to the audience!
Chris signaled the camera crew to start filming and began his introduction.
"Welcome to Total Drama: Not Pahkitew Island! After we lost Pahkitew Island, we found this one, and so did our contestants! Some high schoolers got lost in the wilderness on a science field trip gone horribly wrong, but we found them, brought them here and offered them spots on the show! Welcome our first contestant, Arnold the pessimist!"
The hooded emo-haired teen reluctantly walked into the camera's view.
*Confessional-Arnold*
"Offered? More like forced! What a pitiful attempt to sound heroic. We've been separated from the rest of the school or any civilization for days, and it's obvious everyone wants to just go home! Well on the bright side I'll probably be voted off first. Gee, yay!"
*End confessional*
"Next up, Molly the optimist!" Chris announced. The cheery black-haired girl joined Arnold in front of the camera.
"Thank you Chris! I've never met or been a TV star before so I'm super grateful for the opportunity! I'm nice and confident that I can win this, but if I don't that's okay too."
Chris smiled at her. Arnold rolled his eyes.
"Next, Olivia the Brainiac!"
A short girl with glasses joined Molly and Arnold.
*Confessional-Olivia*
"We were all wearing shorts and tank tops in the wilderness when a suspicious freak blizzard hit! We went to go find shelter and firewood so we wouldn't freeze to death, and ended up separated from the other students and teachers. It would be a highly improbable coincidence if the show, the freak weather and us all just happened to be in the same area. Now I'm not saying the show somehow caused us to get lost, but Chris did manage to blow up a whole island! Forget it. I'm saying maybe the show did cause-"
*End confessional*
Chris introduced the fourth contestant. "Jason the rebel!"
Nobody came on screen.
"Jason! Get in the shot!"
"I don't take commands!" The tall boy shouted back, not moving.
"Okay, I guess everyone else will be TV famous except you!" Chris teased. Jason reluctantly entered the camera's view while giving the video editors some extra work with a certain hand gesture.
"Leah the scardy cat!" Chris introduced the redhead girl.
"I'm not scared, I'm just well aware of the risks of this show!" She protested. "I'm also simply aware of the risks of driving, flying, boating, motorcycling, camping, sitting in your own home, sitting too much in general, standing too much, living in Toronto, living in Vancouver, living in…"
"Enough!" Chris shouted. He went on to introduce Jane the popular queen, Nelly the know-it-all, Nick the unathletic short guy, Arianna the cute dumb girl, John the violence lover, Lucy the tech addict, and finally Ryan the wishy washy.
"Yo Ryan, that upcoming Ridonculous Race show just announced their cast and there's a Ryan on the list. Is that you?" Chris asked.
"Nah, I'm not that Ryan"
"Good, 'cause anyone can do better than that Ridonculame whatever! Your name is officially Not That Ryan!"
"Hey! I don't wanna be the new Samey! Although I guess being not that Ryan is better than being that Ryan. Or is it?"
"We'll be using the team names we were gonna use on Pahkitew Island until Chef screwed it up." Chris explained.
"Hey!" Chef shouted.
"Jason, John, Arianna, Arnold, Molly, Jane, you guys are the Soaring Eagles! Olivia, Nick, Nelly, Leah, Lucy, Not That Ryan, you guys are the Ferocious Tigers!
*Confessional-Nick*
"Finally! A team I wasn't picked last for!"
"Only because he called the names at random! If the selection was based on athletic talent it would've had the same result as always, which is you being last, therefore it's a fallacy to claim this selection redeems you from gym class." Nelly shouted from outside the confessional.
"I never claimed that, and it's a fallacy for you to claim I claimed it!"
"You implied it! I'm a straight A student don't tell me I'm wrong!"
"'I'm a straight A student don't tell me I'm wrong' is a grammatically incorrect sentence." Olivia joined in on the conversation from outside the confessional. "It should be I'm a straight A student so don't tell me I'm wrong or-"
"Don't correct me fuck you both!" Nelly snapped.
*End confessional*
"Wow, you Tigers are getting along terribly. I like it!" Chris sneered. "It's gonna rain tonight, so your challenge is to build a shelter! This time there's no junk pile, so you'll have to go into the woods and find the materials yourselves! Watch out for dangerous animals! Let me know when you're finished, since the team that finishes first wins immunity! But there's a catch! If you finish first but your shelter is soaking wet by tomorrow, the other team automatically wins immunity, even if theirs is wet too! So keep them dry! Tomorrow I'll announce the final winner, and one loser will be voted off! GO!"
The two teams ran off into the woods.
The Eagles gathered at a clearing.
"Let's build our shelter here. Lots of space!" Jane suggested. Everyone nodded in agreement except for Jason.
"No, we should build it under the trees where it'll stay drier!" Jason rebutted.
"There's more space here." Jane argued.
"Who thinks I should be team captain since I'm the most popular girl in the school?" Everyone except Jason raised their hand.
"And who's in favor of building our shelter in the clearing?" Again, all hands went up except for Jason's.
"Sorry Jason, you're outvoted" Jane declared.
"Well if your idea gets our shelter soaked someone could be literally outvoted!" Jason complained.
Jane responded by asking "Who will vote with me as long as I don't vote for you?" Everyone raised their hand except Jason for the third time.
"Then problem solved! If we lose our first boot will be one easy decision!" Jane stopped talking when she noticed Jason had left. He immediately returned easily carrying way more materials than anyone else could possibly lift.
"Or maybe not so easy…" Jane muttered.
As soon as the Tigers decided on a spot to build their shelter, Nelly and Olivia asked if they could split up from the team to go look for materials. But the second they were alone, shelter building left the conversation.
"Since we're the brains of this team, wanna form an alliance?" They both asked at the same time.
"Sure!" They both answered.
*Confessional-Olivia*
"This is great! I've always wanted to be friends with her in school, but she's never liked me very much. I just hope I can really trust her."
*End confessional*
*Confessional-Nelly*
"Alliances are temporary, including this one. Her brains make her a threat."
*End confessional*
"Let's head back to the team" Nelly suggested and started walking.
"Wait! We need to get some actual materials first! Our teammates could suspicious if we return empty handed." Olivia pointed out.
"I guess you're right" Nelly responded.
*Confessional-Nelly*
"AARGH! I can't stand being corrected by her, or anyone! But I can't get too mad or she'll suspect we're not really allies."
*End confessional*
*Confessional-Olivia*
"I can't believe she didn't get mad. That's not normal of her. Is she hiding something?"
*End Confessional*
The two girls returned with some materials to the Tigers' shelter building site, only to find that no one had even started to plan or build it, and all their teammates were absent. They both gasped in horror.
"Where are they…do you think…" Nelly started.
"Yep. I bet they're off forming a counter-alliance against us." Olivia said.
"I thought so!" Nelly snarled. She dropped her materials. "Forget the shelter! We've gotta find them and stop them!"
The rest of the Tigers followed Lucy as she held her phone out, searching for internet coverage. None of them were thinking about the game or strategy. They crept towards Chris's cabin.
"I FOUND WIFI!" Lucy shouted.
"Shhhh, you'll get us caught!" Leah reminded her.
"Can you connect?! Is there a password?!" Everyone asked excitedly.
"I'm connected!"
"Yes! Send a help message! Tell everyone we're trapped on this deadly TV show!" Leah suggested.
"I don't think that's much of a secret considering how we're on TV." Nick pointed out. "No one's coming for us because no one knows where we are, and neither do we. All we know is we're near Pahkitew Former-Island, and we can't even narrow it down to the general field-trip area. Chris took us away from there to get us here, remember?"
"What was Chris doing in the field trip area anyway? Why would he leave this island if he wasn't going to civilization?" Nick wondered. Lucy changed the subject before he could raise any more questions.
"Ooh, I'm looking up our show! OMFG check out this promo pic! Finally there's a picture of me on the internet with more than two likes!" She paused for a moment. "Hey, why does the internet say fifteen episodes? There's only twelve of us."
"Whoa, could there be a twist?" Not That Ryan speculated. "Actually, there's probably just some non-elimination episodes. I wouldn't think too hard about it."
Olivia and Nelly peered through the bushes at the gathering of nervously whispering contestants. They had no way of knowing they were gathered around Lucy's phone and didn't want to get caught using Chris's wifi.
"CAUGHT YOU! Break up the counter-alliance!" Nelly screamed.
Everyone just stood there confused.
"Um, actually we just found wifi…" Nick stammered.
Olivia was not impressed with his excuse. "THAT'S BULLS…oh." She said as she noticed Lucy's phone. "Why don't we look up the probability of a naturally occurring blizzard in this time of year and region, which I predict is highly unlikely, if not impossible."
"Tomorrow" Nick responded. "First let's do the challenge. I bet the other team's way ahead." The Tigers agreed and made their way back to their shelter site.
*Confessional-Nick*
"She called us a counter-alliance. You can't have a counter-alliance without an original alliance. Nelly and Olivia are up to something!"
*End confessional*
Chris and Chef surveyed the island from Chris's helicopter. Jason added some large logs to the Eagles' shelter, while other teammates added some roofing materials. Everyone was helping except for John, who was just standing around and blabbing about how "cool" it was that Pahkitew Island blew up. "Did they air that shit? If they did I wanna see it! Ooh how graphic do you guys think the footage is?" Everyone just gave him disgusted looks.
A minute later Jane shouted "CHRIS! WE'RE FINSIHED!" Chris looked down at the team.
"And it looks like you did a decent job, too! THE SOARING EAGLES WIN IMMUNITY! PROBABLY!" He shouted into his megaphone so the entire island could hear. The Eagles cheered.
The Tigers groaned except for Leah.
"We should finish building our shelter anyway. We still need somewhere to sleep." Nelly stated. The team got back to work.
Leah smiled. Her team would probably be voting someone off, and she'd just have to ask her teammates to vote for her while Chris and the cameras weren't listening. She would go home and be the first person freed from this horrific death trap of a TV show.
The eagles were happily celebrating their probable victory.
*Confessional-Jane*
"Jason's strong! He's useful in challenges! I'm so glad we don't have to vote off someone-I mean Jason! Jason's a major threat to me. He HATES everything popular. All the guys in school only like me because everyone else does. Getting Jason to like me would be a lot more meaningful…No! I only wanna keep him because he's good at challenges! Please don't air this!"
*End confessional*
Molly noticed Arnold wasn't celebrating. "Come on! Smile! We won probably!"
"It's too good to be true." Arnold responded. "There's probably gonna be a catch. What was that thing Chris said about dangerous animals?"
"Been waiting for someone to ask that!" Chris sneered. He pushed a button on a remote and several cages popped out of the ground and opened. The Soaring Eagles were promptly attacked by actual eagles while the Ferocious Tigers were attacked by actual tigers.
"These animals have been stuck in cages for a while, so they're pretty pissed! That's why I'm in the safety of my helicopter!" Chris shouted and quickly shut the helicopter door.
"Wow, I've never seen wildlife so close up-AAAAHHH!" Ariana screamed as an eagle started clawing her face.
"Ha! This is so cool!" John laughed at her misfortune. Another eagle started clawing John's face. "I take it back! This is not cool! AAAAAHHH!"
"I know what to do!" Leah shouted to her team. "Stop, drop, and roll! Wait that's for fire, not tigers! Get under the tables? Wait that's for Earthquakes! I can't remember what to do AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
In her panic, Leah managed to do the worst possible thing one could do around tigers. She ran. The tigers immediately chased after her.
"Thanks for getting the tigers away from the rest of us and our shelter!" Nelly shouted to her.
"Chef, keep an eye on her. She might need to go to the infirmary." Chris commanded.
Once the eagles were done mauling the Soaring Eagles they went after the team's shelter. Several birds ripped up the roof and carried pieces of the shelter away in their talons. Jason grabbed a long stick and whacked it at the birds until most of them dropped their stuff and flew off. He gathered the dropped parts and started to repair the damaged shelter.
"Not allowed!" Chris shouted from the sky. "Not after you've declared you shelter finished! Either leave it as it, or fix it and risk the other team finishing first! Heck, the other team might already be finished. Who knows?"
Jane surveyed the damage. "Doesn't look too bad. We'll leave it as is." She announced. Jason disagreed for the millionth time, but he was already far enough on the outs, so he reluctantly said "I agree."
The next morning, Chris arrived at the Eagles' camp.
"TIME TO ANNOUNCE THE FINAL WINNER!" He yelled into his powerful island-wide megaphone, obnoxiously waking the Eagles up. The teammates got out of their shelter completely soaked.
"We might've slightly underestimated the damage." Molly admitted.
"You guys look awfully wet." Chris stated.
If that wasn't bad enough, a tiny bird landed on the shelter. The whole thing immediately collapsed.
"THE EAGLES ARE TOTALLY WET, AND THEIR SHELTER TOTALLY SUCKS! WELL, SUCKED, SINCE IT'S NO LONGER MUCH OF A SHELTER. TIGERS WIN IMMUNITY!" Chris shouted into the megaphone. "EAGLES! BE AT THE ELIMINATION AREA IN TEN MINUTES!"
The Eagles groaned. The Tigers cheered except for a very scratched up Leah.
Jane whispered to Jason "You're good at challenges. Useful to the team. So I might tell my blind followers to vote for someone else today, except for the blind follower who's getting voted off, of course. But you'd better win the challenges and quit rebelling against me or you're next! Understand?"
"Are the black curtains around the elimination area really necessary? Arnold grumbled.
"Yes! It has to look like it's night to be dramatic!" Chris insisted.
"And you can't just wait until it's actually night to do this?"
"This episode's supposed to air tonight! This one's on a weird schedule since it took two days. Now let's hurry! There's somewhere I need to be!"
Chris explained the usual rules and proceeded to hand out the marshmallows.
"Jane, Ariana, Molly, you're all safe. For now." Jason, John and Arnold remained.
"Jason, you're about as far on the outs as one can get. Maybe even further. John, you didn't help your team, and kinda creeped everyone out with your obsession over Pahkitew Island blowing up. Arnold, you just had to make that comment about the animals. Although let's be honest, I probably would've released the animals anyway. Too bad the votes have already been cast."
…
"Jason, you're safe!"
Chris tossed Jason a marshmallow. John started to get nervous, while Arnold just looked like his usual negative self.
"And the final marshmallow goes to…"
…
…
…
"Arnold."
"WHAT?! John screamed! "I'll blow you fuckers up just like the Pahkitew Island losers!"
Since the network had banned Chris from using another dangerous elimination device, Chef dragged John to the loser boat. Chris signed off the episode and boarded the loser boat with John. He had to go somewhere important.
The hospital room was bright and ugly. A pitiful "get well soon" balloon floated in the corner. Since the new Total Drama season wouldn't air for several hours, Jasmine was watching her second favorite show, Survivor. She watched a lot of TV to take her mind off the other contestants. When the island blew, Jasmine, Shawn and Scarlett had managed to stay alive-ish. All were severely injured including Scarlett, since she'd had a hard time reaching the escape pod after Sugar tied her up in her own hair. As for Sugar, Sky and max…Jasmine stared at the Survivor episode on the screen. Let's just say the show's title didn't describe them.
Chris entered the room with all the Pahkitew Island contestants who weren't blown up, with the exception of Dave, who was absent. Dave hated the three surviving contestants simply for not being named Sky. Jasmine seriously wished he could just focus his anger on Scarlett. She missed Sky too, and Dave's hatred just made it worse. She didn't hate him back, though.
Jasmine was glad to see the contestants who showed up, but wasn't particularly impressed with Chris's presence.
"Since when have you cared about your contestants? Nice phony attempt to avoid getting sued quite as bad." Was the first thing she said to Chris.
Chris was expecting it.
"I'm not here because I care. I'm gonna be honest, I don't. I'm here because, well, you were never voted off. And right now I'm filming a season with some newbies. So when you're recovered enough, would you be willing to get back in the game?"
