A/N Thank you kimmiesjoy for proofreading it. And also for explaining the wonders of google docs. LOL
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it. This show belongs to AWM & Co. for a reason - they do a terrific job! :)
"I'd like a minute with him."
His voice cuts through the fog of her inner rage. She swallows and has to close her eyes for a second. She knows what's coming next.
She knows.
She doesn't want to think about it but…she knows.
Deep down she knows. For a split second she thinks about refusing but…
It's Alexis.
And by definition that means it's Castle.
So, no. She won't refuse him this. Can't.
Because it's Alexis.
And they don't have many other options left at the moment. And time is of the essence here. So she only blinks, nods and leaves the room, praying it was the right decision.
Outside she's pacing, her eyes darting around the room, taking it in without really seeing it.
She's drowning, feels like she's all alone right in the middle of an ocean, adrift and just waiting for the next big wave to come and pull her under.
Helpless.
The room is closing in on her and she needs to get a grip. She tries to take deep breaths, closes her eyes and focuses on the noises around her. But there's nothing. Only the humming noise of the refrigerator coming from the kitchen and the distant footsteps of Ryan and Esposito leading the sister of their suspect out of the house. Nothing but some muffled voices from the bedroom next door.
Otherwise only eerie silence.
It's oddly disturbing and not at all what she expected. And she doesn't know, if she should be relieved or not because she's seen his eyes when she left the room. He was staring straight ahead.
Staring without seeing.
Dull eyes.
Empty.
Lifeless.
As if he had nothing left to give, nothing left to lose.
And it scares her. This emptiness.
How Castle of all people, her Castle, her lively, exuberant, boyish and slightly goofy man child, can seem so devoid of any emotion. The man whose eyes twinkle with warmth and love when he speaks about his daughter or when he wakes up in the morning turning to her, his hair sleep rumpled, all crinkling eyes and happy smile.
There is nothing left of her Castle now.
Only quiet desolation.
And a hard unforgiving glint behind his eyes.
And it scares her.
She didn't think he had that side to him. In hindsight she should have known. She's seen what Castle had done to Lockwood after he tried to take her out in that warehouse. She's seen his eyes back then. But now it's so much worse.
Because it's Alexis.
She recognizes this empty look in his eyes. She's seen it before.
In parents who just lost their child or another loved one. In her dad's eyes every time she dragged him out of a bar in the middle of the night. Every time she looked in the mirror those early years after her mom died.
And it scares her.
Because she doesn't want that for him. Doesn't want him to go down the same rabbit hole she did. Doesn't want him to lose himself in a nightmare without any chance of waking up.
Doesn't want to lose him.
Because she would. He would never be the same again. Her Castle would be dead. Instead of him there would only be the lifeless shell of the man he once was.
Surviving maybe, but not living.
She knows. Because she's been there. And it was Castle who finally pulled her out of it and made life worth living again. She doesn't know if she's strong enough to do the same for him.
And that scares her.
The seconds tick by and she's still waiting for the wave to crash over her and pull her under. And then it comes.
The screaming next door.
It cuts through the silence like a sharp knife.
She closes her eyes and prays she doesn't lose him over this.
Because she could.
Because it's Alexis.
